Mirror, Mirror

[mandyjw]

@DrewNows That's because being shamed hurts so bad that we quickly learn to shame ourselves so we won't have to be shamed by other people. Because somehow we think that it hurts less that way. 

[DrewNows]

@mandyjw how come people never relies when they are shaming? Is the self shamed always the shamer? 

[Zigzag Idiot]

14 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

I think shadow work or working with other people needs to be carefully balanced with working on your alone. There's really no difference between the two. 

What he says really doesn't contradict this.

Most of his quotes I pasted are after 47:00.

I once had a theory God often  used kids and old people in their 'second childhood' as instruments to 'mess' with us when it was needed in realtime. 

[mandyjw]

Just now, DrewNows said:

@mandyjw how come people never relies when they are shaming? Is the self shamed always the shamer? 

I think so. I think back to my most embarrassing moment and no one said a single word to me or reacted much at all about it except one friend and what she said was mild compared with how blunt she usually was.

[DrewNows]

It becomes a cycle of shame judgement resentment insecurity and isolation 

something like this..

 

edit: guilt as well

Edited May 17, 2019 by DrewNows

[mandyjw]

4 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

What he says really doesn't contradict this.

Most of his quotes I pasted are after 47:00.

I once had a theory God often  used kids and old people in their 'second childhood' as instruments to 'mess' with us when it was needed in realtime. 

Yeah, he's really speaking to me. "All is one, now go fuck yourself." I went into shadow work not believing in shadow work and not knowing what I was doing or what I was getting into. It was my inner child that came out in full force. 

"All inner children love the F-word. It's the language of passion. And if we don't express passion and excitement it gets repressed and it becomes fury and anger."

 

[mandyjw]

When I was a little kid I got in really big trouble for climbing up the steps to the head of the church where the Pastor was when he was preaching. 

[tsuki]

 

[DrewNows]

I’ve been cultivating a lot of anger recalling old memories. I was spoiled by my mother and my parents separated. I had a childhood living in my own world of distractions from their fighting. I grew up to have 0 respect for my mother. I still remember the one time my mom slapped me I was probably around 14-15 and she may have saw my father in me. I became reliant on her in life. Eventually hate turned onto my dad when I was finally able to see him for who he is. Controlling narcissistic ignorant alcoholic stubborn military man unable to form deep friendships 

sadness is overwhelming me now. I’ve realised I Don’t respect myself 

 

[DrewNows]

For most of my adult life I’ve used distractions/escapes to cope with my pain. My relationships have been the biggest source of pain. One memory I recall after my mother left my dad, we my bro and I were visiting him as young teenagers on one of his weekends. My mom came to get us and she’d already been living with another guy for years and my dad and her just went into his bedroom and shut the door assuming we were distracted. I couldn’t even call them out on her cheating and I didn’t even know how to see it. 

[DrewNows]

@tsukiwhat do you think? Is it possible to bypass shadow work and looking at past memories by understanding thought-self? 

And understanding psychological time? 

Edited May 17, 2019 by DrewNows

[mandyjw]

@DrewNows Why exactly caused you to not respect your Mom? 

[DrewNows]

Had to think about this..I don’t know. I judged her as being too nice to the point of being taken advantage of 

[DrewNows]

She put others needs before her own always 

[mandyjw]

That's what being a mom does to you. Out of love and responsibility for a helpless life, you put your own needs and desires last. How is that not deserving of respect?

[jbram2002]

@DrewNows It takes a special kind of courage and strength to be able to put others' needs before your own. It becomes dangerous if you get taken advantage of and are too blind to see, or if you don't wish to see. There's a difference between being taken advantage of and putting yourself at a disadvantage for another's sake. Which of these fits your mother? And if she did show that strength, is that not worthy of respect on its own?

[DrewNows]

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

That's what being a mom does to you. Out of love and responsibility for a helpless life, you put your own needs and desires last. How is that not deserving of respect?

When it becomes detrimental to oneself and loved ones then it is the issue. Suppressed emotions and not delegating responsibilities is the issue 

[DrewNows]

@jbram2002 I believe she was taken advantage of to an extent especially by her own kids and then she’d erupt on her man whenever he wasn’t doing something to help 

[hariseldon74]

@DrewNows hey buddy I don't have alot to add other than say I feel your pain you went through when younger

I hope you can find healing and growth and forgiveness through it ---of yourself and those you love 

[DrewNows]

@hariseldon74  ?❤️

 

Let me mention this feels like a big ego backlash and I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar long ago so it’s strange having the sort of onrush of emotions 

it’s been a while since I have fed and identified with so many thought stories, it became so consuming 

Edited May 18, 2019 by DrewNows