LSD Trip (300ug): Working through the duality of the Masculine and the Feminine

[legendary]

The trip was quite profound and challenging for me.

Pre-Trip:

I meditated for 30 minutes and then contemplated about the differences between the Masculine and Feminine characteristics and traits.

Trip:

• After taking LSD, I continued to contemplate and think.
• However, as soon as the effects started to take over, I was taken over by a sudden urge to strip naked and masturbate. Martin Ball has written about this, and he advocates that that one should let these things play out.
• So I proceeded to do that. However, in the midst of doing so, I became acutely aware of how my entire life, I've been running away (through tasks, hobbies, addictions, distractions) from being present and facing the emptiness of existence. No wonder, I keep looking for happiness elsewhere. I lost all desire to masturbate and every moment became painful, to such an extent that I didn't want to live any longer. The ego's defences were down, and I quickly went inside my bathroom, switched all the lights off and sat in complete darkness and silence, and started contemplating: Who am I? Why have I been trying to escape the present moment my whole life?
• I was afraid, and the silence and darkness added to it. It was clear that the fear was a product of my projections and that I was still not letting go. And once I did, it became blindingly obvious that it is all Absolutely Nothing! I have been looking for this realisation, and at the same time have been running away from it, which has caused me a lot of pain.
• With this insight still fresh and crystal clear, I came out to my bedroom and started meditating while resting on my bed. Because the ego was weak and fully surrendered, I had died, without even realising it. I started to laugh and cry (I'm still not sure how that happened, but it was literally laughter mixed with sobbing).
• This Nothingness was Absolute, groundless, ungraspable and completely imperturbable.
• All the things I have read and heard about sexuality came back into my mind. How the epitome of masculinity is Shiva- consciousness itself. From there, a number of things that I have read and seen about sexuality came back to me.

Insights:

• Everything that we see and perceive is couched within Nothingness/Consciousness. And we all have Masculine and Feminine in us. Thus, every moment of existence is a play of the Divine Masculine (Shiva) and the Divine Feminine (Shakti). Life is a product of this Divine Love making. The black and white Duality of Man and Woman is merely simplistic thinking.
• David Deida once said that Life and existence itself is a Woman (with a capital W). And just like a feminine partner, life will shit test you. So long as one is identified with Absolute Nothingness, no challenge (including death itself) can scare you away. She (Life) will make love to you until the end of time, but She will also chop your head off as soon as you lose consciousness. Every time I become sad/hurt/angry, that's equivalent to failing one of life's tests.

• Being inauthentic  hurts more than anything else. Authenticity = Death = Immortality = Imperturbability. When you are aware of the fact that death is an illusion, and so is any concept of separation, you will naturally let things unfold without becoming unconscious and neurotic. From this authenticity, one can live their true Life Purpose: In their career as well as their social life. This life purpose isn't just limited to 40-50 hours of work every week. The way we spend our money, the way we treat others, the energy we put out into the world, are all our creation. A truly authentic life means you can live every single day, knowing that you are Nothingness, and that no failure/loss can cause you to abandon your purpose.
• Radical openness =  Selflessness. Only by being completely selfless, can one truly contribute to Absolute Goodness. And of course, this id paradoxical, since it is clear that nothing is in your control. Yet, there can be complete surrender and consciousness at the same time (like an erection, firm but relaxed). With an experiential understanding of Nonduality, one knows that claiming ownership of your achievements/possessions is futile, which then allows you to live life as a spontaneous unfolding of love and play. This is how one makes love to life.
• As David Deida wrote, 'Stop hoping for a completion of anything in life'. Which is a great pointer. Peter Ralston also wrote about this in 'The Book of Not Knowing'.

• I have a long way to go in this journey. A big chapter in my life is coming to an end soon, and it became clear to me what the next chapter ought to be. The key is to balance being s strategic motherfucker and surrendering to the Divine Will.
• Psychedelics are the best Teachers. No human teacher could have allowed me to have a direct consciousness of all this in one day.

[Consilience]

Thank you for sharing your report and insights ??

[Leo Gura]

@legendary Great stuff!

Keep tripping and you will discover MUCH more. This is only the start for you. A solid start.

[How to be wise]

@Leo Gura What’s the difference between an enlightenment experience from meditation and from psychedelics? Are psychedelic ones less transformative?

[TheAvatarState]

2 minutes ago, How to be wise said:

@Leo Gura What’s the difference between an enlightenment experience from meditation and from psychedelics? Are psychedelic ones less transformative?

An enlightenment experience is... An enlightenment experience: a complete unveleiling into Nondual consciousness. They are all different with varying consciousness of facets of God and levels of impact (which come down to how well you integrate afterwards). My one enlightenment experience on sober meditation wasn't as impactful, just because of my many breakthroughs on psychedelics beforehand. It was more like connecting everything I had previously learned to the sober state, so it was just like "wow, this is it." Now, psychedelics are much easier and faster, so insisting on meditation or yoga-only enlightenment is basically like being attached to a fax machine. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

@How to be wise From what I currently perceive psychedelics are very powerful, ( I want to do more 4h meditation session on psychedelics) . Yet, for instance, the last retreat I got banned here for name calling and went crazy because I could not deal with this level of perception(?) I had everything moved in patterns. Looking back it felt so egoic but cathartic, not the banning part. It was insane. I cleared a lot of cultural baggage solely through meditation retreat and ONLY with a weekend meditation retreat. 

I saw my solar plexus pumping right in front of me like a metal ball, while I cried during this process. I felt I was transcending time. Yet, in retrospect, I still can't tell if I was stuck in la la land or my monkey mind just cleared itself.  Everything moved in patterns, sitting still for 20h over a weekend at the same place you live, shows you how the place actually lives and it feels like a "holographic" pattern. It's quite surreal sometimes. 

On LSD nothing similar happened, yet I could feel this pressure inside my solar plexus, and my body feeling like a stinky motor. + crazy levels of consciousness during meditation. It's like I ventured into consciousness itself, not being able to open the gates. 

Still, the level of clear awareness or "consciousness" on LSD was very different and higher. At the same time after retreats I feel the same, but more in a streamlined worldly process, with similar "clear" awareness quality, but without the "trippiness" and drier. It actually feels normal...

I hope this makes sense. 

Edited May 12, 2019 by ValiantSalvatore

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, How to be wise said:

@Leo Gura What’s the difference between an enlightenment experience from meditation and from psychedelics? Are psychedelic ones less transformative?

It's hard to say because there are not just two experiences (psychedelic vs meditative) there are literally hundreds of different mystical experiences, states, insights, and realizations, and with various degrees of depth and breadth.

The mystical terrain is sprawling. No one man has seen it all.

The 5 blind men and the elephant is an important metaphor here.

Psychedelic experiences can be weak or deep. Meditative satori can be weak or deep. It all depends on how you're doing it.

[Anton Rogachevski]

@legendary

Thank you very much for sharing,
Keep at it! This is very good.

Wish I did more of this.

Cheers!

[Neorez]

I'm wondering why you chose the masculine, feminine duality? Any perticular reason?

[Sauvik]

@legendary loved it!

Btw David dieda has shaped most of my thinking  about masculinity and femininity. Its as if His words stay with me. Every thing he said except the consciousness you have is feminine in relationship to "you". I haven't had a direct experience Realization yet of it, wonder how it would be, I get goosebumps on just playing his words in my head.

[SQAAD]

Thanks for sharing. I needed to read this.

[Adam M]

Thanks for sharing! 

David Deida is the real deal and I also get many profound insights about masculine and feminine and the divine sexual act that is Existence when I trip on mushrooms.

Existence is like God fucking itself. The masculine (empty awareness) allows for and penetrates all form (feminine).  And of course, they cannot be separated. For one without the other is nonsense.

 

Feminine is the forest and Masculine is the person walking through the forest (the empty awareness that allows the forest to be). Feminine can't exist without Masculine and Masculine doesn't exist (only as Nothing).

 

 

Other insights that I have gotten about masculine and feminine that you may find interesting (most of this comes from talking w one of my girl-friends on mushrooms)

 

Feminine:

- life affirming

- compassionate

- expresses love through acceptance and "yes" and "its okay" (motherly love)

- likes to create problems because the feminine is movement and flow...the flow of problems never stops

- often chooses to be ignorant, does not value "knowing"

 

Masculine:

- life destroying (KILL, KILL, KILL!)

- stern, strict

- expresses love through ridicule and pointing out failures, "no" , "you are doing this wrong."

- needs to solve problems, always craves emptiness and release from tension

- highly values knowing, exploration, and logic because these are tools for solving problems

 

 

This list goes on and on...

 

Would reccomend David Deida's 

Way of the Surperior Man Teachings sessions only available on Audible.com

The teachings are not just a re-hashing of the way of the Surperior man...he goes into more detail.

 

Planning on having my first LSD trip soon. Wish me luck!

Edited May 14, 2019 by Adam M

[legendary]

On 5/13/2019 at 8:51 AM, Neorez said:

I'm wondering why you chose the masculine, feminine duality? Any perticular reason?

I personally find it very interesting to contemplate about masculinity and femininity.

And outside of serious spiritual work, no other area of life comes close to intimate relationships in terms of personal development.

[legendary]

@Sauvik awesome. Direct experience definitely recontextualizes everything. But it takes persistence and skill to stabilize this realization. I'm nowhere close to it, so it's good to keep chipping away at it.

[legendary]

@Adam M Thanks for the brilliant insights.

All the best for your trip!