What stage I am in? And Perspective into what Next steps should I take

[Javfly33]

So here´s the deal. Writing this lines I am being consciouss on how radical this is but this is what I am discovering:

-My identity, my person, it seems it just it´s a form, a representation of the "whole", call it consciousness, call it "oneness", call it "reality".

From this point of view, I can see now why everything in my life has happened. Or in other words, I don´t care why anything in my life has happened by x or y reason. Since i started self-development I was obssesed in discovering why I have been "like this" and since started spirituality, apart from achieving that what they call "true liberation" i was hoping also it would answer some "questions" about "myself". 

But results are not going as I expected. I am seeing the "importance" of consciousness that my "identity" has, no different that the importance of consciousness that my coffee table or matress has. From this viewing, is not that I don´t want to ask for "answers", its that I see that asking for answers is meaningless the same that if I ask for answers for the universe why the coffee table has 2 trillion atoms instead of 2.1trillion atoms.

I know below some teachings this could be view as "low self-esteem", because Humans are supposed to have "tremendous value" inside them, but I don´t see this in a negative way. I just have meditating very fucking deep lately and I open my eyes, I get consciouss of me, and I just see something moving. Nothing else. Like a car is moving. Is it bad to don´t see much difference between yourself and a car?

Now...what is the next step? It seems I should just let go of everything. Just live. Hoping each day I will be more tuned with the truth during more time during the day.  But at the same time it´s seems it consciouness its still identied with the person its because the person need to develop itself more. But I don´t undertand why yet.

Or Should I just shut Up and maybe just keep practising more?  Anyway, sorry if this is not a very "enlightning" post, I don´t know any persons who do this kind of practice and sometimes I just need to share this stuff to not feel that alone in this "path".

Edited May 12, 2019 by Javfly33

[purerogue]

What do you mean by just live? 

[Javfly33]

1 hour ago, purerogue said:

What do you mean by just live? 

abandon all desires

[David Hammond]

@Javfly33 Ok, the mattress and the coffee table and you are the same. But you're not noticing that there is a hierarchy. Humans are the highest manifestation of the physical universe because they are the most complex. That's why your own self is of vital importance because it's the most in depth structure of consciousness. Flattening everything out is ok until you realize that your own personality is also consciousness. Then it's a matter of integrating the divorced parts.