Could anybody heal their trauma, mental illness with spiritual path?

[Buba]

Could anybody heal their trauma, mental illness, depression, obsessions and etc with meditation, being in the now?

I dont see the light in the end. My mental obsessions are so deeply rooted, I dont think it is possible to uproot them. They are just there forever. People have told me here many times to visit psychotherapists and I assure you I have visited 5 of them during last 6 years and no little change occurred. Medications, talks... 0 effect.

Meditation was my last hope. It also did not uproot them. 2 years (with a break) meditation 20 minutes per day, being in the now whenever I remember, surrendering to pain and etc. Obsessions are still there.

Who has got rid of them?

[Inliytened1]

@Buba Enlightenment will liberate you from the obsessions but it will only be during the mystical experience.  Mystical experience isn't even the right word.  The right words are direct consciousnes of God.  Being God.

Apon return to duality you will linger between states for some time and still enjoy the bliss and the lack of obsessions.

But ultimately as you return to the Ego the obsessive thoughts will return..but they will be lessened.  You have tapped into Infinite Intelligence.  

Your consciousness will be raised a thousand fold.  But you must continue the work.  Make it your life's work and become more and more in tune with Being.

The more aligned with God the less the obsessions and the happier you are.  Additonal mystical states may be required to completely remove them but it is possible.

Afterall, we are talking about Absolute Infinity.

Edited May 12, 2019 by Inliytened1

[AnaCristina]

May I ask, what are you obsessed about?

[Inliytened1]

@AnaCristina doesn't matter really.  With OCD the obsessive thoughts aren't real.  They're self deception.  They pop up out of nowhere, often from certain triggers within the subconscious that are really hard to figure out.

 

Edited May 12, 2019 by Inliytened1

[Flatworld Crusades]

I hope I can help you. While I healed my mental illnesses by spirituality I didn't specifically use meditation. I suffered from a life crushing combination of bipolar 1, psychosis, and anxiety over about a 10 year period.  I have in the past few months been diagnosed as being in total remission of all mental illnesses. Clearly I'm very happy about this. 

Id love to help you if think I have something to say you're interested in hearing. 

[zeroISinfinity]

3 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

@Buba Enlightenment will liberate you from the obsessions but it will only be during the mystical experience.  Mystical experience isn't even the right word.  The right words are direct consciousnes of God.  Being God.

Apon return to duality you will linger between states for some time and still enjoy the bliss and the lack of obsessions.

But ultimately as you return to the Ego the obsessive thoughts will return..but they will be lessened.  You have tapped into Infinite Intelligence.  

Your consciousness will be raised a thousand fold.  But you must continue the work.  Make it your life's work and become more and more in tune with Being.

The more aligned with God the less the obsessions and the happier you are.  Additonal mystical states may be required to completely remove them but it is possible.

Afterall, we are talking about Absolute Infinity.

This. But one tip do not make difference btw God state and regular life. Remember there are no dualities and separations. I know you become THE Truth and it is the most wonderful thing there is but even if life after becoming it loses value for you. Accept it embraced love it fully that is the real test. Play your given role perfectly. 

But please do not create "enlightened master" role for yourself we really had enough of those. ?

We need more Magical unicorns ?

Edited May 12, 2019 by zeroISinfinity

[Buba]

48 minutes ago, AnaCristina said:

May I ask, what are you obsessed about?

It is so long and embarrassing (extremely childish), but I will try to convey the actual situation.

When I was a child I had "just not right" obsession. If I was doing something, like touching, it had to feel right. If it did not feel right, I would repeat it over and over until it felt right or until I got so exhausted that I gave up and surrendered to that nasty feeling. After some time that nasty feeling always disappeared.

I was the best pupil not just of the class, but of the whole school. However when I became a teenager I started to compare my life to other guys' life. They were brave, good in fighting and had girlfriends, I was a loser. I decided to change myself. I lost interest in subjects, forced myself to fight back and tried to date. Got very trivial successes. But moved up from zero a little bit.

Although I had these problems, in the background I had trust in existence and I cannot say I was suffering. The momentary mental pains were fading quickly and subtle contentment was always in the background (becoming atheist when I was 12 shattered that contentment significantly, but still there was subtle contentment in the background).

When I was 12, I contemplated a lot (I guess hours per day for several days) about Allah, Islam, life, me and etc. I used logic intensively to do this research, I dont know why. I just thought a lot, what was all of this phenomena. And reached to the bottom and bammmmm.... I was shocked by the realization that there was no Allah and I dont know who I am, what is life. My mind gave error. It could not give answers. I experienced intense fear and depersonalization/derealization. I looked at my parents, but did not feel any emotional bond. I begged Allah to save me from this uncertainty although deep down I stopped believing him. I mimicked. I forced myself to believe. Denial, denial, denial of truth. "No, there is Allah, just may be Satan led me astray." I started to read religious books, but was deeply frustrated as the bullshit in them was very obvious. 

So my new obsession started. I was constantly asking reassurance if there was Allah and what was the prove. And their answers might calm me down for some moment, until the next episode when I needed reassurance. 

In my adolescence I was doing push ups, pull ups and etc and I was lucky to have a body quickly responding to sport, so I had a good body. Also I went back to studying to get admitted to a university. So sport and studying kept me busy and to some degree away from this obsession, although occasionally I was having existential crisis. 

I got very high score in entrance exam (to university) - 96%. Also several months before entrance exam doctors found extra bones in my left leg and said I needed a surgery to remove them otherwise I should stop doing sport. My father said surgery is a bad idea, better to stop doing sport. So after entrance exam I was in a deep emptiness. No sport and no study, because I lost interest in studying. I also gave up forcing myself to believe Allah and became full atheist. And inside this emptiness, I imagined a "me", who is too brave, even not afraid of eternal torture. This was my sense of self. It was very important for me. Everything had no value, except courage. So whenever this self was threatened I would imagine myself to experience certain torture or something similar to details and would repeat it until I got sure that yeah I would handle that torture and would not get scared. I already started to live a zombie life, whole time in my mind, neglecting my health, education, social life, never dated a girl and did not consider it important at all. But the worse was ahead. 

So at this time I still had subtle contentment in the background. I was happy. I had no expectation from the life, only to be brave, even the bravest on the Earth. I even found it ridiculous to fear Allah even if he was real, because why to fear eternal hell?

In 2006 in April I had an argument with a random guy, in which I was completely right (he put his foot on the chair, where me and my classmates sit). And he was very aggressive towards me and I felt fear, but denied to myself, I only said bad words back to him which he said to me, like a boy who wants to act tough, but actually is shitting his pants. He slapped me, I wanted to jump on him in a pure reflex, his classmates broke us up. Then I wanted to take revenge. I was in complete denial that I was afraid of him and for several days I was in complete stress, anxiety and etc, because I was going to see him again to slap him like he did to me. These several days were hell. I could not sleep, eat, and all day long was thinking about it.  The day came, I approached him and felt fear again. He destroyed me mentally with words. I was humiliated very badly. Then after that I decided to see him again, because some mistake happened, I am brave and I will take revenge. But after several days in this state (again anxiety, depression, stress and etc), fear overcame and I did not approach him again. I decided to take it easy and whaaat whaaat is it....???? I CANT. I cant forget it, I cant relax, I feel like I have a mission and it is to slap him. This was crazy. I had had obsessions before it, but they all faded. This did not. I felt like even if I died I would take this incompleteness, not-rightness with me. I felt like I would not be happy even in heaven. It was like a hole inside me. If everybody died, I would still think about slapping him. It was a real torture. I was inside of a cruel conflict. I was afraid of slapping him and I was afraid of staying in this incomplete state. Several months passed like this. Anxiety, depression, insomnia, nasty feelings. 

Finally it passed, but only the theme passed. The "I should slap him" theme. The void, incompleteness, depression and feeling like "I have to do something to get value" stayed.

In 2007 in October I decided to give up depression and try to be happy, but my mind said, ok first you should torture yourself a little bit, in order to have something, may be some meaning, then start your mundane happy life. And the endless "journey" started. I could not torture myself seriously, but for example burnt my hand slightly touching a glass filled with boiling water or cutting my skin to bring blood out. My mind also said stab yourself deeply just once and torture will be over. You will prove you are very brave and did something very extraordinary which other people cannot do.  Or punch the wall with your full power to break your fingers, this would be real deal, and the torture would be over. It would be a very meaningful end. Of course I could not these extreme things. Then my mind would come with a less extreme things, it was like bargaining with me. For example, fight with two people, not younger than you and etc. I really assaulted innocent people, of course always picked weaker than me people. Finally in December of 2008 I thought my mind stopped commanding these things, I did meaningful finish (I remember as a finish I clapped several times of amount my mind said). Of course I did not know it was mind, I thought it was my desire, purpose of my life. But I was sometimes suspecting it could be a mental disorder.

So in 2009 I did some minor torture rituals my mind asked me again, because it said yeah the story ended, you did a good job, but just after story there should be something, so the story should not be the last thing. Just something is needed to completely seal this story.

But I still felt incomplete and suddenly I thought heyyy I am 22 and I have never kissed a girl. I will kiss a girl in this week and seal this story. But it turned out getting a girl was not easy, at least for me. I kissed a girl only after 2 years and had sex with her. But my mind said hey you have wasted so much time, you have to sleep with a lot of girls to compensate previous years. And I thought a number. 35. I have to sleep with 35 hot girls in one year (I was going to study in England and thought in a more liberal country it should be easier) and the torture will be over. Of course I did not sleep with 35 girls in one year (only 3). And I was remembering times when certain girls were into me, but I failed to finish it with a score and regretting so much. I was so close the torture to be over, because my mind would bargain with me, not 35, ok, 4 hot girls, or 2 hot girls. So this obsession with girls still lasts and last year obsession of bravery also came back. Now my mind assures me that "I swear just fight with 2 very strong boys and have sex with 2 very hot girls, the torture will be over and you will be able to go back to your mundane life, love, marry, have kids, be happy".

[pluto]

Of Course!

[zeroISinfinity]

Hell yeah. You get healed completely because that is what you really are pure perfection ?

All bullshit (mods? cetus you at least)  washed away and you live life in absolute Joy and peace not attached to anything, just pure Love. 

Edited May 12, 2019 by zeroISinfinity

[Inliytened1]

@Flatworld Crusades nice that's great to hear 

[Buba]

Thank you, people. When I opened this topic I hoped people would comment based on their own story.

[Shadowraix]

Yes. My issues were never too bad. Very bad depression phase in high school but I think that was due to me growing. I became more stable around when I graduated. Since then I have used inquiry and substances to help me identify dysfunction. From awareness I was able to recognize when my dysfunction influenced a behavior and then I could be mindful and not react to it. 

I have quite a bit of more subtle trauma due to a broken childhood. Mdma was what helped me shed light that my issues receiving love as if I was reflecting their love back was due to not having parents most of my life. I become very emotionally repressed. Very pessimistic about myself. 

These days I am more willing to show vulnerability and am confident. The path has also helped me reconcile dilemmas in how I interact with the world like good vs bad and so on. Instead of getting caught up in the basics there I can now focus on crafting a life I want. When I have bad thoughts I can't see past them as stories of the mind and sit with them and let them pass. 

[David Hammond]

@Buba In short no, enlightenment will not fix a thing. Enlightenment is a different order of reality to the person. Both are exclusive. There are some behavioural changes by being permanently realized, but deep healing of the person requires absolute self love, which is shadow work.

Love every single thing about you absolutely and unconditionally as it arises, even if it's the hypocrite, or any anti spiritual trait, like greed, envy, lust, rage, any emotional expression you can name just love it to death until you understand that it is the divine. Any time you try to "fix" yourelf you are invalidating a part of yourself. And an invalidated child only ever plays up because it was told that it was bad. Then you will heal. It takes years..can even take a lifetime.

Edited May 12, 2019 by David Hammond

[isabel]

I had a traumatic childhood and the memories of it kept going through my mind over and over again throughout every day, causing me to live in constant pain and fear, I was in both physical and mental pain

I finally spoke out as an adult and my abuser, my own mother blamed me and was able to convince most everyone that I am actually the bad one and not them, so I was just constantly trying to explain myself and defend myself in my mind, planning how to explain and what to say to try and convince people including myself that I am not the wrong one, I was a child, just going over and over everything that she had done so that I was sure that it really was abuse, was horrific, I am not wrong about it and so on...

so I started this path to try to find some relief and I found it! 

and I'm not enlightened so you don't even have to go all the way to start finding relief

maybe a combination of therapy and/or medication and this path would be good?

abraham hicks is really good with thoughts, if you ever listen to her, she showed me how to watch my thoughts and feelings and how to shift my thoughts and sort of rearrange the way my mind is going to go throughout the day

(I'm still having some unwanted thoughts pop up pretty regularly but I am not just blindly going into them anymore or allowing them to rule my life, eventually you will be able to see that even the most painful thoughts are actually made from love)

 

Edited May 12, 2019 by isabel

[Nahm]

15 hours ago, Buba said:

Could anybody heal their trauma, mental illness, depression, obsessions and etc with meditation, being in the now?

Yes.

15 hours ago, Buba said:

2 years (with a break) meditation 20 minutes per day

Start meditating 30 minutes twice a day. Start utilizing every resource available to you. Choose to. 

Start writing about how you feel, express and understand your emotions. 

Stop repeating the same thought stories. 

Meditation will slow your thinking down, letting the emotions out will also. Listen to Abe Hicks like @isabel suggested. Overall, your psychology will change, and so will your life. 

I don’t believe you have noticed yet that you’re blaming other people. This is causing you to compensate by thinking you should inflict pain on yourself. Love yourself. Understand yourself, understand other people. Understand why people do shitty things. 

This is not a Commiseration Forum. It’s a Self Help Forum. Choose to. 

Forgive yourself. Forgive them. 

 

[Buba]

13 hours ago, Shadowraix said:

Yes. My issues were never too bad. Very bad depression phase in high school but I think that was due to me growing. I became more stable around when I graduated. Since then I have used inquiry and substances to help me identify dysfunction. From awareness I was able to recognize when my dysfunction influenced a behavior and then I could be mindful and not react to it. 

I have quite a bit of more subtle trauma due to a broken childhood. Mdma was what helped me shed light that my issues receiving love as if I was reflecting their love back was due to not having parents most of my life. I become very emotionally repressed. Very pessimistic about myself. 

These days I am more willing to show vulnerability and am confident. The path has also helped me reconcile dilemmas in how I interact with the world like good vs bad and so on. Instead of getting caught up in the basics there I can now focus on crafting a life I want. When I have bad thoughts I can't see past them as stories of the mind and sit with them and let them pass. 

I have the same feelings almost every second, and until that day (April 2006) I did not have these feelings. It is binary, it is there now, it was not there until April 2006. I started spiritual path to get rid of them, they never lessen they can be there or not.

 

11 hours ago, David Hammond said:

@Buba In short no, enlightenment will not fix a thing. Enlightenment is a different order of reality to the person. Both are exclusive. There are some behavioural changes by being permanently realized, but deep healing of the person requires absolute self love, which is shadow work.

Love every single thing about you absolutely and unconditionally as it arises, even if it's the hypocrite, or any anti spiritual trait, like greed, envy, lust, rage, any emotional expression you can name just love it to death until you understand that it is the divine. Any time you try to "fix" yourelf you are invalidating a part of yourself. And an invalidated child only ever plays up because it was told that it was bad. Then you will heal. It takes years..can even take a lifetime.

Could you please provide me with a link of a good shadow work? I try to love myself, to accept myself fully, but I cannot.

11 hours ago, isabel said:

I had a traumatic childhood and the memories of it kept going through my mind over and over again throughout every day, causing me to live in constant pain and fear, I was in both physical and mental pain

I finally spoke out as an adult and my abuser, my own mother blamed me and was able to convince most everyone that I am actually the bad one and not them, so I was just constantly trying to explain myself and defend myself in my mind, planning how to explain and what to say to try and convince people including myself that I am not the wrong one, I was a child, just going over and over everything that she had done so that I was sure that it really was abuse, was horrific, I am not wrong about it and so on...

so I started this path to try to find some relief and I found it! 

and I'm not enlightened so you don't even have to go all the way to start finding relief

maybe a combination of therapy and/or medication and this path would be good?

abraham hicks is really good with thoughts, if you ever listen to her, she showed me how to watch my thoughts and feelings and how to shift my thoughts and sort of rearrange the way my mind is going to go throughout the day

(I'm still having some unwanted thoughts pop up pretty regularly but I am not just blindly going into them anymore or allowing them to rule my life, eventually you will be able to see that even the most painful thoughts are actually made from love)

 

Thank you, isabel. I will follow her. Is she mainly speaking about law of attraction?

Did you read my story above? It is such a weird case 

10 hours ago, Nahm said:

Yes.

Start meditating 30 minutes twice a day. Start utilizing every resource available to you. Choose to. 

Start writing about how you feel, express and understand your emotions. 

Stop repeating the same thought stories. 

Meditation will slow your thinking down, letting the emotions out will also. Listen to Abe Hicks like @isabel suggested. Overall, your psychology will change, and so will your life. 

I don’t believe you have noticed yet that you’re blaming other people. This is causing you to compensate by thinking you should inflict pain on yourself. Love yourself. Understand yourself, understand other people. Understand why people do shitty things. 

This is not a Commiseration Forum. It’s a Self Help Forum. Choose to. 

Forgive yourself. Forgive them. 

 

Should I read afterwards what I wrote?

I am blaming other people, myself, life, everything.

So am I inflicting pain on myself on purpose? Or did you mean the torture part of my story?

Edited May 13, 2019 by Buba

[David Hammond]

@Buba Shadow work is just noticing what is going on with you inside, and instead of compartmentalizing it to try to fit into an agenda shaped box, a persona shaped box, an expectation shaped box, it's just saying to that part of you "i love you" as many times as it takes for the subconscious to take that belief on. 

When you lie for any reason you try to stuff parts of yourself away out of sight in order to maintain that lie. If you find yourself creating mental gymnastics in order to maintain that lie, you are not loving yourself. However also love the part of you that does this to you. It's all you.

[Buba]

45 minutes ago, David Hammond said:

@Buba Shadow work is just noticing what is going on with you inside, and instead of compartmentalizing it to try to fit into an agenda shaped box, a persona shaped box, an expectation shaped box, it's just saying to that part of you "i love you" as many times as it takes for the subconscious to take that belief on. 

When you lie for any reason you try to stuff parts of yourself away out of sight in order to maintain that lie. If you find yourself creating mental gymnastics in order to maintain that lie, you are not loving yourself. However also love the part of you that does this to you. It's all you.

Something does not let me rest, forces me to become a person of my (not conscious) imagination.

[Flatworld Crusades]

21 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

@Flatworld Crusades nice that's great to hear 

Thank you. I feel very fortunate and blessed by the Universe. ?

[Buba]

On 5/12/2019 at 11:24 AM, Flatworld Crusades said:

I hope I can help you. While I healed my mental illnesses by spirituality I didn't specifically use meditation. I suffered from a life crushing combination of bipolar 1, psychosis, and anxiety over about a 10 year period.  I have in the past few months been diagnosed as being in total remission of all mental illnesses. Clearly I'm very happy about this. 

Id love to help you if think I have something to say you're interested in hearing. 

I wrote my weird story above