Is this a value?

[Superfluo]

Hi everybody. I think this is something which everyone could benefit from, something for people looking for inner clarity.

I recently tried to jot down my personal values. But as soon as I began, I faced some obstacles.

When I first wrote my first values, I stopped to evaluate if they were true. In my life I always helped people, I strived to not make people suffer (not people pleaser, just kind heart). I don't know if this value is authentic, because it comes from my experiences of pain: I experienced pain, and I don't want people to do it too. I practiced shadow work a lot to heal past experiences, and it was overwhelmingly helpful, but I still have this behaviour.

In addition, social (and egoic) pressure of being good, of being seen as good influences this value.

Also, when I'm kind and unconditional* loving with someone, I'm not "super happy"; it feels nice, but it's not intense. Even if someone told me I was extremely kind and loving toward him/her, and he/she really appreciated it, I bet this wouldn't make me deeply happy and grateful as I think it should. 

However, I couldn't live without loving and being kind towards everyone and everything. I feel I'm at a reasonable level of peace with myself (or at least I think so), even if there's still some little inner work to do.

Could it be only a matter of being able to feel loved? Or could it be not a value of mine? I have a hard time figuring out if this value is something wired in my brain that I don't really value or it is normal to feel this way.

Thank you.

 

PS: I'm INFJ ahah

 

*true unconditional love is only possible when you eliminate all judgements, all filters, all ego (enlightment). However, I lean towards unconditional acceptance of everyone and everything. I just behave like this. Not bragging, I'm just explaining.

[universe]

What exactly is that value?

What behaviour do you mean?

In general, if it is something that is important to you then its your value! The importance you assign to some values will change during your life.

Edited May 12, 2019 by universe

[Superfluo]

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What exactly is that value?

Love/Acceptance: embracing every aspect of people and loving them, without losing myself.

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What behaviour do you mean?

I try to help people with practical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual obstacles, even little ones. I show a lot of kindness and acceptance during interactions with people. Everytime I talk with someone, I make people feel good about themselves without diminishing me. I consider many different points of view to see things from other people's perspective and understand them.

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if it is something that is important to you then its your value!

Thank you , I guess I made this confusion too complicated