Took 2 tabs of LSD & i started Screaming that i want to have sex with my Sister

[SQAAD]

@Elisabeth

3 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

 

. Maybe the veil was just lifted for a moment and you saw your sister as the beautiful young woman she is. 

Also, was she even your sister during your trip? Or did the real her take shape of someone else in your imagination back then? Or is there no real boundary?

 

From what i can remember, my sister took a different shape than the ordinary & i don't think i even realised she was my sister at that moment.(maybe i did though).

 I couldn't distinguish anything. "Reality" didn't make sense to me anymore. Crazy. Mind-blowing it was.

[Elisabeth]

1 hour ago, SQAAD said:

@Elisabeth

From what i can remember, my sister took a different shape than the ordinary & i don't think i even realised she was my sister at that moment.(maybe i did though).

 I couldn't distinguish anything. "Reality" didn't make sense to me anymore. Crazy. Mind-blowing it was.

Then, why would you assume that what you screamed was based on any real attraction toward your sister? She was someone else in your hallucination.

Tell her.

[John Iverson]

2 hours ago, SQAAD said:

@John Iverson

I have done quite a lot of contemplation & i can't find the part of me that would want to have sex with my sister. I guess i have to dig deeper. Also i have accepted/dealt with what happened.

So if you have accepted/dealt with what happened now you are not disturb? And you can look to your sister as your sister? No sexual thingy towards her? If yes you can look to your sister like nothing then okay! You now accepted it.. but if not.. then you are not able to settle it.. and yes! That's what you need to do dig deeper! And deeper and deeper 

[SQAAD]

@John Iverson

On 11/5/2019 at 5:13 PM, SQAAD said:

 

All i want is to Understand/Comprehend Why did i do this. Consciously i don't have any sexual desire for my sister nor do i fantasize about having sex with her. 

 

 

Edited May 12, 2019 by SQAAD

[RobertZ]

If self-forgiveness is necessary, give it! On the other hand, maybe you did not mean the content of what you said. 

 

For example, I recorded myself ranting on DMT, and I made notes of what I meant. From my altered perspective, I considered the substantive content of my speech relatively unimportant. For example I said, “I will torture my enemies for all eternity,” but I was actually having a vision of being tortured; perhaps I was trying to comprehend the overwhelming power of ignorance. The speech was a poetic echo of incommunicable truth. The act of talking connected me in reality, but I did not want to distract myself from flow of understanding by forcing myself to 'accurately' say what I thought. I did not mean what came out of my mouth--but the recording impacted me. This was most evident in my repeated chorus, “God is real, but it is not what you think [i.e., this does not mean what you think it means].” 

 

Shame has external aspects, also. It will work out, as Zigzag Idiot said. Other people think about you with attitudes and hold you in regard. Their attitudes impact your reputation and social position. Conventional wisdom says that lost esteem is irreparable. However, I suggest that loving respect can conquer negative thoughts. For example, Elisabeth said, “Pretty much everything is within the norm when it comes to sexuality.” Family members might be interested in accepting and welcoming you anyway. So you said something…what of it? They might get over it like, ‘whatever.’ Or maybe they will logically distinguish you from your actions. 

 

I hope this helps.

Edited May 13, 2019 by RobertZ
clarity

[SQAAD]

@RobertZ

5 hours ago, RobertZ said:

. Conventional wisdom says that lost esteem is irreparable.

Why is lost esteem irreparable? I don't understand...

 

Edited May 13, 2019 by SQAAD

[TheAvatarState]

On 5/11/2019 at 8:13 AM, SQAAD said:

i began screaming  to my sister that i want to have sex with her (she is 2 years younger than me). I felt terrible shame aftewards & that shame still hasn't gone completely & my sister to this day hasn't forgotten me.

This is a big shadow issue, you are repressing and denying yourself. You probably did want to have sex with your sister, everyone who has a sister thinks or fantasizes about it at least sometime. I mean, look (don't actually look lol, I'm just telling you) at all the brother/sister porn on the internet, it's one of the biggest categories! It's nasty imo, but there's hard evidence this is a natural tendency. So this is a natural, biological thing, and if you are shameful about it, it means you can't accept yourself. That can have big consequences.

Wanting to have sex with your sister IS NOT shameful. Even acting on that isn't "shameful" from a higher perspective, nothing is, but that would obviously be a bad decision in today's society. Think back to ancient tribes, they had to have sex with family to survive, because that's all there was.

In fact, it would be wise to delete the word "shameful" from your vocabulary moving forward. It's a harmful word for the ego (by strengthening it) because it enforces absolute morality, division, hate, etc. No one who's high-consciousness uses that word, towards themselves or others. 

I also have a feeling you may have not talked to your sister and apologized. You're not apologizing because you did something shameful (although taking too much acid in your parents house and losing your mind was pretty stupid ), you're apologizing for the pain you may have caused her, try to see her perspective on it. Please do that because it will really help to clear your muddy mental waters. Tension will release between you two.  

[SQAAD]

@TheAvatarState

40 minutes ago, TheAvatarState said:

This is a big shadow issue, you are repressing and denying yourself. You probably did want to have sex with your sister, everyone who has a sister thinks or fantasizes about it at least sometime. I mean, look (don't actually look lol, I'm just telling you) at all the brother/sister porn on the internet, it's one of the biggest categories! It's nasty imo, but there's hard evidence this is a natural tendency. So this is a natural, biological thing, and if you are shameful about it, it means you can't accept yourself. That can have big consequences.

Wanting to have sex with your sister IS NOT shameful. Even acting on that isn't "shameful" from a higher perspective, nothing is, but that would obviously be a bad decision in today's society. Think back to ancient tribes, they had to have sex with family to survive, because that's all there was.

In fact, it would be wise to delete the word "shameful" from your vocabulary moving forward. It's a harmful word for the ego (by strengthening it) because it enforces absolute morality, division, hate, etc. No one who's high-consciousness uses that word, towards themselves or others. 

I also have a feeling you may have not talked to your sister and apologized. You're not apologizing because you did something shameful (although taking too much acid in your parents house and losing your mind was pretty stupid ), 

Thank you for the advice!

I mostly feel shame because of others (my sis for example).  I can see it in her face that she hasn't forgotten me for this incident. We are ok, i asked her sorry but we never discussed it any further. I caused her embarassment. I can't do the work for her.  I have forgotten myself. She hasn't.

Yes it was stupid to take too much acid at home. It was my first time and only time. 

I didn't expect to get so fked up. My reality changed completely. It was so crazy...

I took large doses of mushrooms many times before and never lost all sense of reality like it happened with LSD lol.

Edited May 14, 2019 by SQAAD

[Hellspeed]

Too much attachment to illusion apparently and self manipulation.

[decaprelap]

Well hey if you watch porn you probably come across incest porn. Maybe you were kind of screaming at the porn itself and responding to the incest porn trend in the strange form of yelling at your sister. I always found that on LSD porn seemed to creep its way into my daily thoughts in strange fashions. Maybe it's as simple as that.

Really though I don't think you need to identify with an LSD reaction that you cannot comprehend right through. If you figure it out, you will know and the relief will wash over you but otherwise you're just making guesses at this point and I wouldn't jump to conclusions about yourself

Edited May 14, 2019 by decaprelap

[Javfly33]

Dude, you getting this waaaay out of proportion. And also a lot people commenting here too!

 I understand the shame must be horrible to deal with but as long as you say your relationship with your sister is normal, there is no way you should blow this out of proportion.

Stuff like that arises easily on drugs that inhibit rational thinking lmao, I said pretty mindfucking stuff on psychedelics, so what you think my friends gave a shit about what I said about them? I think one time on mdma, which I can´t think of drug more emotionally inhibitory than that one, I mentioned the newborn of a friend and I said pretty nasty stuff about it. Like really nasty. Although I was saying it I was with a fucking smile on my face lmao. Not because I had anything against my friend or because im a sadist for newborns but rather because the more taboo and inimaginable stuff, the more juicy for the mind is to shout it when the mind is carefree with no boundaries.

They never have judged me because they understand some drugs can completely anhilate mental boundaries . 

I don´t want to judge your sister, but if she loves you/is smart enough she will eventually understand drugs make you do this kind of things.

Edited May 14, 2019 by Javfly33

[Javfly33]

On 5/12/2019 at 4:33 PM, John Iverson said:

So if you have accepted/dealt with what happened now you are not disturb? And you can look to your sister as your sister? No sexual thingy towards her? If yes you can look to your sister like nothing then okay! You now accepted it.. but if not.. then you are not able to settle it.. and yes! That's what you need to do dig deeper! And deeper and deeper 

I think you are going too far with the psychoanalysis dude

I said all kind of shit on drugs in the same or worse intensity that the OP experience... I could either go mad and delusional in that every one of those things that I said meant something or... I just could accept that those things are part of the deal when you are doing mind-altering stuff like LSD.

OP should go "deeper", but only if he has an history with his sister of any kind of trauma or has fantasized with her in the past or etc (which I think OP would know...) if not, he´s torturing himself doing "contemplation".

[Eric Tarpall]

Nothing wrong with wanting or doing that. As long as she's into it. If she loves you she will forgive you.

[kieranperez]

@SQAAD totally normal stuff, man. Psychedelics have a way of bringing up unconscious aspects of yourself with crystal clear clarity so effectively that it's truly remarkable. 

Like I said though, totally normal and par for the course. It's actually good progress. Unconscious shadow integration goes deeper than is often talked about. Shadow material is supposed to make those who do face their repressed unconscious self insanely uncomfortable to this degree, if not more. 

In the early stages of my last LSD trip it started out with this insane desire to fuck. I couldn't explain how horny I was. However, I surrendered to what was truly authentic and kept processing my energy by remaining in bi-lateral symmetry (do some homework on Martin Ball for more details as to the practice itself). As it progressed I started feeling totally scared and alone and felt like I was helpless. I started to "taste" the call for help for my mom. I eventually got to the point in my energetic process early into this trip that one of my biggest unconscious drivers is my helplessness and a need for security. Further, I realized that not only did I want security but I wanted it from my mom. I don't have a healthy relationship with my mom (not going to go into the details) and I have a lot of repressed aggression I have towards her. I realized that my intense lust for girls is really a need for security and that I really actually wanted to fuck my mom - to be point blank. This of course was a tough realization to say the least. However, I was honest and authentic with what was arising and that what needed to be done was embrace this shadow. Once I embraced this root shadow element I was literally yelling both "thank you Freud!" and "mommy!" in a lustful voice because I was finally free from my own denial. Once embraced, it was integrated, processed, and transcended. 

Sounds fucking nuts of course. But hey... par for the course. You can't really embrace yourself until you embrace, accept, and open up to ALL OF YOU. All of the devilry. All of the sick and twisted things we hide from ourselves, individually, collectively, and cosmically. 

Hope this serves as a good consolation