Took 2 tabs of LSD & i started Screaming that i want to have sex with my Sister

[SQAAD]

FIRST OF ALL THIS IS A SERIOUS POST REGARDING A PERSONAL ISSUE OF MINE & I WOULD LIKE ONLY A SERIOUS EXPLANATION/REPLY.

One year ago i took 2 tabs of LSD late at night. I had the most epic crazy trip of my life. I literally became infinite & began screaming like a maniac. I woke up my  entire family & all the neighbors until later on they called the police/ambulance. I don't remember much of the trip.

That trip traumatized me though because for some reason i began screaming  to my sister that i want to have sex with her (she is 2 years younger than me). I felt terrible shame aftewards & that shame still hasn't gone completely & my sister to this day hasn't forgotten me.

It was so traumatizing that the next day after i woke up i denied that this even happened. I was saying to myself "no no this didn't happen, it was a dream"

Until i had a second trip (this time with shrooms) & the repressed memory alongisde with terrible shame came to the surface and i had to deal with it while crying.

All i want is to Understand/Comprehend Why did i do this. Consciously i don't have any sexual desire for my sister nor do i fantasize about having sex with her. Is it possible that i have sexual feeling for her in a Subsconscious level that i am not aware of it yet?

-Thanks.

Edited May 11, 2019 by SQAAD

[John Iverson]

You are represing the devil , you said that you are denying something, don't deny just accept.. let go.. don't cling just let it go.. face it.. even it is so uncomfortable.. just face it like you are meditating.. thoughts are coming up uncontrollably but you can face it be a hero on your own :D.. just keep on growing.. i don't know how others her ein the forum will react but for me you must face it... like you are meditating don't cling.. the more you attach the ore you do something stupid..

[Rilles]

You probably DO want that. Are you gonna act on it? Probably not, but accept that shadow. You have no choice anyway. 

[now is forever]

well people with tourette don’t want to do all the stuff they say.  also, just because you hallucinate something doesn’t mean it’s true - freud said that every girl wants to sleep with their father and every boy with their mother... i always thought that’s not really true for everyone except for the thought or the awareness that will rise at one or another point that they are potentially of the other gender.

so maybe you where in a phase then where you where innerly coaping with the fact that she is very close to you and you love her and that she is also a woman and your mind didn’t get the whole picture then.maybe at one point in your life you can tell her that you didn’t mean it that way and you both can laugh about that.

maybe it’s a sign that you need to figure out your relationship to women in general.

Edited May 11, 2019 by now is forever

[SFRL]

@SQAAD

Are you ever getting laid to begin with? 

[Aeris]

send a pic of you sister here, I'll tell you what is it about

[SFRL]

@SQAAD

Also do you live with your parents and sister? 

You should be careful about what you do around your parents. 

Also handle your basics as a young guy. Living on yourself etc. Basically as a 18/19 Yeats old guy you should not be living with your parents imo. 

Edited May 11, 2019 by SFRL

[SQAAD]

@John Iverson

1 hour ago, John Iverson said:

You are represing the devil , you said that you are denying something, don't deny just accept.. let go.. don't cling just let it go.. face it.. even it is so uncomfortable.. just face it like you are meditating.. thoughts are coming up uncontrollably but you can face it be a hero on your own :D.. just keep on growing.. i don't know how others her ein the forum will react but for me you must face it... like you are meditating don't cling.. the more you attach the ore you do something stupid..

I have dealt with it. Maybe not enough though.

I just want to understand why did i do it. I have accepted it now. But i am curious.

Edited May 11, 2019 by SQAAD

[SQAAD]

@SFRL

57 minutes ago, SFRL said:

@SQAAD

Are you ever getting laid to begin with? 

No but i had plenty of sex before this incident.

[SQAAD]

@SFRL

50 minutes ago, SFRL said:

@SQAAD

Also do you live with your parents and sister? 

You should be careful about what you do around your parents. 

Also handle your basics as a young guy. Living on yourself etc. Basically as a 18/19 Yeats old guy you should not be living with your parents imo. 

Why not?

I spend less money this way. I don't have to worry about cooking or washing my clothes.

Plus i enjoy hanging out with my mother.

Edited May 11, 2019 by SQAAD

[SFRL]

10 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

@SFRL

Why not?

I spend less money this way.

Yeah well ok then, but don't be doing LSD around your parents. It's not rocket science to understand that's just not a smart thing to do. 

Also you are not getting laid, getting laid goes a whole lot easier when you got your own place. So it's a vicious circle. 

You think you are doing the easy thing by saving a little money, but you are actually making life much harder on your self. By staying with your parents you are not self-developing. 

Edited May 11, 2019 by SFRL

[SQAAD]

@SFRL

11 minutes ago, SFRL said:

Yeah well ok then, but don't be doing LSD around your parents. It's not rocket science to understand that's just not a smart thing to do. 

Also you are not getting laid, getting laid goes a whole lot easier when you got your own place. So it's a vicious circle. 

You think you are doing the easy thing by saving a little money, but you are actually making life much harder on your self. By staying with your parents you are not self-developing. 

I don't care about getting laid at least for this year.

If i was to be living alone at this moment of my life i wouldn't have much time for self-developing because i would be constantly worried /working on my survival. Either way one day i will be forced to live alone but for now i take advantage of the situtation.

I believe i am self-developing at my own pace. 

I understand your point of view though. Being able to survive & take care of yourself is very very important & definetely one day i want to be on my own but i don't see the reason to hurry. Nor do i want to find girls.  If i was to live alone i would probably rent a small hole that i would be embarassed to invite someone or a chick inside.

I don't know where you live. Here in Greece most people my age & older live with their parents. It's not an excuse though.You can survive on your own but it is extremely hard for most people when they barely get their needs met.

Edited May 11, 2019 by SQAAD

[SFRL]

4 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

@SFRL

I don't care about getting laid at least for this year.

If i was to be living alone at this moment of my life i wouldn't have much time for self-developing because i would be constantly worried /working on my survival. Either way one day i will be forced to live alone but for now i take advantage of the situtation.

I believe i am self-developing at my own pace. 

I understand your point of view though. Being able to survive & take care of yourself is very very important & definetely one day i want to be on my own but i don't see the reason to hurry. Nor do i want to find girls.  If i was to live alone i would probably rent a small hole that i would be embarassed to invite someone or a chick inside.

You are setting the bar very low. What do you want to do with your life? 

[SQAAD]

@SFRL Find my Life Purpose & be financially independent.

[Joker_Theory]

1 hour ago, SFRL said:

@SQAAD

Also do you live with your parents and sister? 

You should be careful about what you do around your parents. 

Also handle your basics as a young guy. Living on yourself etc. Basically as a 18/19 Yeats old guy you should not be living with your parents imo. 

What you are saying is basic living in the matrix shit, society telling "the sheep" what to do and judging them for this. Why everyone thinks they are no good if they are not doing what these "sheep" cause they are the biggest "sheep" tell them to do.

 

Edited May 11, 2019 by Joker_Theory

[SFRL]

1 minute ago, Joker_Theory said:

What you are saying is basic living in the matrix shit, society telling "the sheep" what to do and judging them for this. Why everyone thinks they are no good if they are not doing what these "sheep" cause they are the biggest "sheep" tell them to do.

 

So you want to live in your Mom and Dad's Matrix? 

[Joker_Theory]

14 minutes ago, SFRL said:

You are setting the bar very low. What do you want to do with your life? 

also getting laid is what diluted morons worry about. Life is more than being cool. Braking free from the matrix you see that bragging about or thinking your cool for getting laid is very SHALLOW AND UNCOOL!!!

Edited May 11, 2019 by Joker_Theory

[Joker_Theory]

2 minutes ago, SFRL said:

So you want to live in your Mom and Dad's Matrix? 

no I am living inside myself/God/spirit as a diluted being trying to brake free and stop listening to others that judge others for stupid issues

[SFRL]

6 minutes ago, Joker_Theory said:

also getting laid is what diluted morons worry about. Life is more than being cool. Braking free from the matrix you see that braking about or thinking your cool for getting laid is very SHALLOW AND UNCOOL!!!

The Matrix is the most overrated movie if all time. 

"What if all this us just not real?" Yeah what about it? I realized all that when I was 10 years old playing Sonic The Hedgehog on my 16 bit Sega. I was like: "Mmm what if all this is not real. What if all this is just a video game and I am just living a storyline". 

Like seriously people needed that movie to realize that? Like you can't come up with that yourself? 

It's not that profound. 

Edited May 11, 2019 by SFRL

[SQAAD]

@SFRL

10 minutes ago, SFRL said:

So you want to live in your Mom and Dad's Matrix? 

Personally my father is never at home.

& my mom works most of the day. She takes care of myself & doesn't want to be alone at home & girlfriends is something i despise. 

Leaving my family to live with another family (gf,kids)? No.

There is no reason to torture myself just yet. You have your own standards & i respect that but not everyone can be like you.

Edited May 11, 2019 by SQAAD