Everything is so FUCKING BORING

[Ampresus]

God I can't believe I am at this point in life, but seriously everything is boring.

When I started my journey here I was a gaming addict, porn addict, fantasize-fanatict and overall lazy. Although I went to the gym 3 times a week, I didn't feel much energy boosts or whatever the pro's are according to scientists.

Gaming is boring as hell. I think I should just quit all of it, but I still have 2 friends who game and don't want to lose them. My only friends one would say. Without them my life is even more empty. However, now I come to think about it, they are internet friends. Meaning I will forever cry behind my monitor, because lets be real here. I won't meet them IRL. And if I did, we would never move to a place together or something where we can IRL friends. Gaming stays the same, always. Never fucking changes. Gamemodes, in-game loot, everything is the same. So boring.

I admit that I still am addicted to porn. I can make up all kinds of excuses, but the fact remains that I won't get any sexual satisfaction any time soon. I stopped caring how the ''beautiful'' girls think about me. Since I started to be more me, and less someone else, I haven't gotten much succes with the ladies. Although, I might be able to quit porn if I can do this thing called ''Tantra masturbation''. I read something about it on this forum, but couldn't find the post later.

With ''fantasize-fanatic'' I mean literally spending hours fantasizing about how it would be to have a chill life. Spending minutes fantasizing getting a blowjob or having a threesome. Yes, I even practiced lucid dreaming so that I could have sex in my dreams on command. Fantasizing has always been something I did and Leo made me realize that I was actually waisting time. When I started with meditation I was hopeful, now I quit because it brought me stress. How am I supposed to look at my thoughts when my legs are asking for attention because they hurt?  The hurt isn't the problem, the fact that I can't focus frustrates me. I get mad and then stressed. Stress has been in my life since a few months ago, when I started with all of this. Wow, I wonder why....

Laziness is just my best friend if I am honest. However, now that everything is boring, even sitting on my couch doing nothing is not fun. Gaming for hours just doesn't do the trick. Watching movies is very boring, especially when in the middle of the movie you realize that you don't have friends. Especially when the people in the movies clearly do have friends.

Why am I posting this? Because this might be my last post. Spirituality, all fun and stuff, not my thing. All I do right now is reading books, somehow I can be entertained by them for 20 minutes maximum. Of course non-fiction books, I am not stupid. Currently reading Sophie's World and damn a lot of philosophers waisted so much time. Who cares if the world is rational? Jesus christ...

Any suggestions in what I could do? I suppose sitting on a bench in the park isn't something adviced to do, althought I did enjoy that. At least trees are quiet. Nature is peace. #

[winterknight]

How about getting psychoanalysis? Chronic boredom is often indicative of unresolved psychological issues.

[pluto]

Its boring because how we feel on the inside, heal within then the external heals too

Follow your highest/greatest desire and never look back!

If you are not doing that then of course it will be boring.

You are the master of your universe.

You Decide what happens next for you

Bless

[universe]

Feels to me more like you feel lonely rather than bored.

 

Thing is, even with 1000 friends you will still feel lonely. We are alone here. You dont need someone else.

When you can accept that. Go ahead watch some of this videos https://www.youtube.com/user/charismaoncommand

Then apply yourself in the real world. You will make friends pretty fast.

[TheAvatarState]

I relate with this a lot, I was in the same boat for years, up until fairly recently. Played League 8 hours a day. Gained weight. Absolutely no female attention (and I'm physically handsome). Only a couple IRL friends. I could hardly speak to anyone. Some of the social aspects are still true, but it's getting better every day!

"I am alone, but not lonely." See, we are all alone in this world, that's the bitter (at first) Truth. We are all one, and because of that, God is technically all alone all the time, it just created illusionary partitions of itself to experience friends, belonging, and love. There is only union. There is only Love. 

I'm going to say something that will sound absolutely crazy, but the only way you'll know is if you think about it and practice it. It would be unwise to dismiss it outright. The reason why you feel despair and loneliness is not because you "don't have friends physically" (which is bullshit, you do, you're just not appreciating them), it's because you feel like you are unlovable. You are in resistance to yourself. You only love part of yourself, but hate the rest. It's quite neurotic and self-defeating.

The GOOD NEWS is that you can change how you feel about yourself by doing inner work. And here's where it might get confusing. You may believe that doing extra things "out there" like quit video games, work out, socialize, etc will fix you. And that's sort of half-true (and necessary eventually), but I want you to understand the real mechanism at play. The quitting addictions and working out should Not be the focus right now, because your inner compass isn't calibrated yet. Work on that, then everything else will follow. 

You have your paradigm backwards. You think your environment affects your inner state, but in fact it is the opposite. Because you feel unlovable, you receive little love. The things you don't like about your environment are just mirroring things you are not loving about yourself. There is no separation between inner and outer worlds, this duality collapses to just Inner.

So my advice to you is this (speaking from personal experience that radically transformed my life over several months. This shit takes time and discomfort): don't change anything about your life just yet. Just observe, accept, then love, in that order, every part of you physically or mentally. This is a lifestyle change mentally (observing, accepting, then loving is always on), without changing a single other thing about your life. Despite how despicable, lonely, flawed, or unloved you may feel, if you cannot love yourself entirely as you are now, then you have no chance of being happy, content, or deeply satisfied for the rest of your life. You must realize that nothing can complete you; you are whole just as you are.

I pasted the video on accident, but I'm going to leave it there because it was meant to be. Complete coincidence that one of my quotes above came from this.

Take care, friend. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here. We can talk about anything you need to get off your chest, doesn't have to be serious

Edited May 12, 2019 by TheAvatarState

[Truth Addict]

If everything is really boring, then just stop, sit in silence.

Don't meditate, don't do anything at all. Just sit in silence.

Stay still as long as possible, and see the magic.

Edited May 12, 2019 by Truth Addict

[abrakamowse]

Truth is boring for the ego... meditate

[Ampresus]

On 11-5-2019 at 3:52 PM, winterknight said:

How about getting psychoanalysis? Chronic boredom is often indicative of unresolved psychological issues.

@winterknight I happened to have read about Freud in Sophie's World yesterday, but I just don't know what I should do. How to psychoanalysis?

[Ampresus]

On 12-5-2019 at 0:40 PM, universe said:

Feels to me more like you feel lonely rather than bored.

 

Thing is, even with 1000 friends you will still feel lonely. We are alone here. You dont need someone else.

When you can accept that. Go ahead watch some of this videos https://www.youtube.com/user/charismaoncommand

Then apply yourself in the real world. You will make friends pretty fast.

@pluto I appreciate the response, but I already know how to make friends. I just don't want to be someone I am not, which that channel basically forces you to. I have one friend and he is more introverted than me. We have had long talks even when I least expected it. The legend doesn't know, but he got me through a rough day during a schooltrip in Austria (I am not that good with skiing).

I already have joined several friend groups, but now I am on my own. I don't want to be part of something if it means not being myself. 

[Ampresus]

On 12-5-2019 at 7:06 PM, TheAvatarState said:

Played League 8 hours a day

@TheAvatarState Raged after 1 game, uninstalled it. Terrible game.

 

On 12-5-2019 at 7:06 PM, TheAvatarState said:

"don't have friends physically" (which is bullshit, you do, you're just not appreciating them)

@TheAvatarState I know this is bullshit. Teal Swan has mentioned that many times in her book about loneliness.

 

On 12-5-2019 at 7:06 PM, TheAvatarState said:

Just observe, accept, then love, in that order, every part of you physically or mentally. This is a lifestyle change mentally (observing, accepting, then loving is always on), without changing a single other thing about your life. Despite how despicable, lonely, flawed, or unloved you may feel, if you cannot love yourself entirely as you are now, then you have no chance of being happy, content, or deeply satisfied for the rest of your life. You must realize that nothing can complete you; you are whole just as you are.

@TheAvatarState Thank you. Holy damn.

 

On 12-5-2019 at 7:06 PM, TheAvatarState said:

Take care, friend. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here. We can talk about anything you need to get off your chest, doesn't have to be serious

@TheAvatarState This was most of it. I don't suppose you want to hear me whine about how I hate school and find it a waiste of time, how hungry and thirsty I am because of Ramadan and that I still haven't started with meditation after my last time about a week ago. Thanks for the long post, I am gonna reread it a lot of times. 

[Ampresus]

On 12-5-2019 at 7:47 PM, Truth Addict said:

If everything is really boring, then just stop, sit in silence.

Don't meditate, don't do anything at all. Just sit in silence.

Stay still as long as possible, and see the magic.

@Truth Addict I was planning on doing this either in the park, in my garden or in my room. Haven't found the time for it. Might try it tomorrow. I am getting sick of looking at my phone. However, I will change in posture from time to time. No more neurotic ''needing to stay still as long as possible'' shenanigans.

[Ampresus]

22 hours ago, abrakamowse said:

Truth is boring for the ego... meditate

@abrakamowse I will take this under consideration.

[abrakamowse]

@Ampresus  I recommend you this meditation. We all have negative thoughts. The mind likes to make the negative thoughts to seem more important and discard the positive ones. Mindful meditation will help you to not attach so much to thoughts, to be more neutral about them. You will be able to choose what thoughts are better for you and which ones make you feel bad about you.

At least it was very helpful for me. This is the mindful meditation technique. From Teal Swan (I saw you mentioned her).

 

[winterknight]

1 hour ago, Ampresus said:

@winterknight I happened to have read about Freud in Sophie's World yesterday, but I just don't know what I should do. How to psychoanalysis?

I see you're in The Netherlands. Go to https://www.npav.nl/ and contact them for a referral.

[universe]

10 hours ago, Ampresus said:

@pluto I appreciate the response, but I already know how to make friends. I just don't want to be someone I am not, which that channel basically forces you to. 

Allright cool. Its just advice tho. Actualized doesnt force you to become this spiritual guru. You are learning a new skill.

Lazyness is one thing. Sitting on your computer is one thing. Getting validation in an online forum, having deep cravings for an intimate relationship, a deep need for having control over your surroundings.

Go inward and see what is really there.

 

There lies great potential in you for unlimited change, growth and contribution.

Build a strong relationship with yourself. Be someone you can trust. You know people who have great coaches in their life and learn so fast? You can be that coach for yourself.

When you found out what you want to accomplish, get the skills, get the practice and at the same time learn that there is nothing to accomplish. You are already complete.

There is nothing wrong with being lazy as well. But it will make you deeply miserable if its a way to run from your problems. Being miserable is ok, too.

[anaj]

Instead of looking for happiness by consuming stuff, try to create something. It sounds as if you're in this mindset where you're just looking for the next thing to consume, but that will never do. Create, create, create. That's the thing. Poems, music, painting, whatever. Try to capture the  infinite way in which  you see the world in some bounded form.

[Shin]

[Truth Addict]

46 minutes ago, Shin said:

I absolutely love this ❤️

[Ampresus]

13 hours ago, abrakamowse said:

From Teal Swan (I saw you mentioned her).

@abrakamowse Thing is with her that I always get so distracted by her beauty that I need to re-watch her videos. Thanks for the recommendation though, I will listen to it.

[abrakamowse]

@Ampresus

I got u. She's pretty indeed. Hehehe

Leo has also a video about mindful meditation. Search for it. If you can't find it I can post the link later.

Lemme check.

?