Why does Rejection from women bothers me so much?

[Emerald]

 

[SQAAD]

@Emerald Very interesting!

[Farnaby]

9 hours ago, SQAAD said:

@universe

How can i grow out of that?

The only way to learn how to let go of the need to control things and to feel validated is actually to surrender and stop doing the things you do that make you feel like you have some kind of control (ruminating is one of those things).

It requires trusting the process and kind if being more passive and receptive, instead of trying to force a particular outcome.

Of course this can be very difficult, especially if you tend to do the opposite. That’s why you have to treat yourself with love and acceptance, even the part of you that doesn’t want to let go of the illusion of control. If you switch to the opposite pole and fight to repress that part of yourself it’s just going to sabotage your attempts to let go. 

Another important thing is to do things that help you feel empowered and also accept your feelings of insecurity abd vulnerability. 

This video may be useful:

 

Edited May 11, 2019 by Farnaby

[universe]

11 hours ago, SQAAD said:

@universe

How can i grow out of that?

Read the replies here in this thread. There are many ways, meditation, experience, reading a book etc. Its your job to see what works best for you. Everyone is different.

[SQAAD]

@Farnaby

4 hours ago, Farnaby said:

The only way to learn how to let go of the need to control things and to feel validated is actually to surrender and stop doing the things you do that make you feel like you have some kind of control (ruminating is one of those things).

 

I do the above you said a LOT & definetely i have to stop it. I try to stop it but it's very very powerful to resist. Sometimes i am succesful at it, other times i give in the ruminations/compulsions...

Thanks.

Edited May 11, 2019 by SQAAD

[SFRL]

On 5/10/2019 at 5:48 AM, SQAAD said:

When i go outside for a walk & a girl doesn't even notice me/look at me many times i get annoyed & pissed off. It happens only with women i find attractive.

Why do i get annoyed so much? & What can i do to stop caring?

-Thanks.

Sometimes they do it on purpose. It's a basic level shit test. 

[Farnaby]

2 hours ago, SQAAD said:

@Farnaby

I do the above you said a LOT & definetely i have to stop it. I try to stop it but it's very very powerful to resist. Sometimes i am succesful at it, other times i give in the ruminations/compulsions...

Thanks.

Maybe in those situations it's best to find a safe space (and if you can a non-judgemental person) in which you can completely explore those ruminations and compulsions. If they are there and so hard to control, they're probably there for a good reason. They may have protected you in many ways, even if now they seem to be interfering with your well-being. 

Have you tried following the thought story to it's end? For example:

1) "Why didn't that girl pay attention to me?"
2) "She probably doesn't find me attractive"

3) How does it make me feel to think that she doesn't find me attractive. Is this something that I've repeatedly felt in my life?

4) What if she actually doesn't find me attractive. 
5) What's the worst you can imagine happening if she isn't interested in you? Do you jump to the conclusion that this means no one will find you attractive? Is this true in your experience? Where could you have gotten that idea from? 

6) Is there a part of you that may be clinging to this thought story as a protection? Could it be holding you back from actually getting to know girls?

7) How do you picture your life and the way you relate to women if you didn't think these thoughts?

This can go a lot deeper of course and you will probably discover a lot about yourself, how you see yourself, others and the world in general. 

 

Edited May 11, 2019 by Farnaby