Why does Rejection from women bothers me so much?

[SQAAD]

When i go outside for a walk & a girl doesn't even notice me/look at me many times i get annoyed & pissed off. It happens only with women i find attractive.

Why do i get annoyed so much? & What can i do to stop caring?

-Thanks.

[Shadowraix]

Perhaps it is damage to your self-esteem? It feels good to be looked at and wanted. Makes you feel important and desireable. We have a lot of biology in us that makes us want to be desired and well received in society. It increases our chances of about everything. Sex, care, socializing etc.

This can be especially problematic in men because we tend to have a more dominance complex thanks to more masculinity. Getting girls to look at you that you want is seen as a win and shows dominance that you got her despite everybody else.

The first step is always awareness when the anger arises. Take a deep breathe and remember you don't need to be on top of the chain or dominant and it is ok if a girl does not want you. It doesn't devalue you. The only thing that is causing you anger is your own thoughts about it. Essentially reaffirming acceptance for what is.

[flowboy]

How is that rejection? Without you even talking to her?

Pretty narcissistic to expect everyone to stop and look at you. Remember, girls are people. They have busy schedules and to-do lists in their mind just like you.

 

It is not rejection unless someone knows who you are as a person and then tells you they want nothing to do with you. So unless you spent time talking and getting to know each other, it means nothing.

1 hour ago, SQAAD said:

Why do i get annoyed so much?

My guess is that you incorrectly assume that looking/not looking means something (it doesn't). So you think that it means that they don't want you (while in reality they don't fucking know you), and you get annoyed so much because you're scared that they're right. That you're not good enough for her.

Edited May 10, 2019 by flowboy

[SQAAD]

@flowboy

31 minutes ago, flowboy said:

How is that rejection? Without you even talking to her?

 

I can understand when a girl is interested or not.

Some girls don't even bother to look at me & have an arrogant look at their face. This annoys me a LOT.

It's not that i don't get attention from girls But for some reason i obsess over those who don't acknowledge my existence.

I remember walking to a coffee shop & asked a girl who worked there where is the WC. She replied without even bothering turning her head to look at me. I wanted to kill her.

I just don't wanna care anymore... It damages me & nobody else.

Edited May 10, 2019 by SQAAD

[Shadowraix]

@SQAAD When those occurrences happen, how does it make you feel? Other than anger. You know your feelings best. But you gotta observe and be aware to figure it out. 

[SQAAD]

@Shadowraix This happens when i am outside, walking the streets & come across different women. I don't get annoyed every time. Sometimes i shake it off but other times i get a feeling of deep hurt inside & a lil bit of anger. Then my mind ruminates & obsesses about the incident that caused me the feeling of hurt.

Edited May 10, 2019 by SQAAD

[flowboy]

21 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

I can understand when a girl is interested or not.

You missed my point there, hah. Why should she be, if she doesn't even fucking know you?

Until she understands that you are cool, you're just as interesting as a telemarketer or a hobo on the street to her.

[SQAAD]

@flowboy

35 minutes ago, flowboy said:

You missed my point there, hah. Why should she be, if she doesn't even fucking know you?

Until she understands that you are cool, you're just as interesting as a telemarketer or a hobo on the street to her.

I disagree.  Women decide if they would even sleep with a guy in just  a few seconds before they even get to know the other person. If they find you attractive first then they will bother getting to know you afterwards. With just a glimpse they make that decision and that's why i call it rejection. If she doesn't bother to look at me i take it as a rejection even though it's more complicated than that.

Maybe i'm wrong but that's my understanding so far..

Edited May 10, 2019 by SQAAD

[Shadowraix]

38 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

@Shadowraix This happens when i am outside, walking the streets & come across different women. I don't get annoyed every time. Sometimes i shake it off but other times i get a feeling of deep hurt inside & a lil bit of anger. Then my mind ruminates & obsesses about the incident that caused me the feeling of hurt.

How was your childhood. Is there anything during then that you think could be tied to how you feel now? Maybe not relating to women specifically but perhaps to attention or being wanted in general? 

A lot of our behaviors stem from our environment growing up. 

[Forestluv]

42 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

This happens when i am outside, walking the streets & come across different women. I don't get annoyed every time. Sometimes i shake it off but other times i get a feeling of deep hurt inside & a lil bit of anger. Then my mind ruminates & obsesses about the incident that caused me the feeling of hurt.

Awareness and observation can be like medicine. Notice the awareness you have that this dynamic is playing out in your mind body, awareness that your mind-body finds it unpleasant and awareness that there is a desire it dissolves away, awareness there is a desire to be free of it.

Here, awareness is like an observer. There is no need to identify with a story that “I’m too much this” or “not enough that”. Sit within the awareness itself. 

At times it seems like you can “step outside” this mind-body dynamic. Other times you seem to get immersed and engaged within the dynamic. You enter a “room” in which the body feels hurt and angry and the mind ruminates in thought stories. 

At times, you say you can shake it off, other times you become immersed and engaged. I don’t think trying to shake it off is a long term solution. It’s possible to deconstruct and release the underlying source of the dynamic. I wouldn’t focus on how the women look at you. I would bring attention to what is arising in your mind and body. Get curious and observe that. Once you understand how/why the dynamic is occurring within you, it can be dissolved or released. 

[SQAAD]

8 minutes ago, Shadowraix said:

How was your childhood. Is there anything during then that you think could be tied to how you feel now? Maybe not relating to women specifically but perhaps to attention or being wanted in general? 

A lot of our behaviors stem from our environment growing up. 

@Shadowraix Well i have been rejected  a lot from women  in the past whenever i tried to make something  happen. Few times i have been succesful but it never worked out in the long run.  

My childhood was kinda good. But i was never particularly good with women even though some girls wanted me. In highschool i was very shy with women. 

Edited May 10, 2019 by SQAAD

[Jack River]

I love being rejected..

I immediately start my day off with rejection. I like it a lot. It’s my favorite?

Edited May 10, 2019 by Jack River

[flowboy]

28 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

Women decide if they would even sleep with a guy in just  a few seconds before they even get to know the other person. If they find you attractive first then they will bother getting to know you afterwards. With just a glimpse they make that decision and that's why i call it rejection.

Okay, if this is your reasoning then your reaction makes sense, kind of.

I'm here to tell you, it's wrong. That "few second decision" bullshit is a myth that mainstream society indoctrinates you with. It's wrong.

So you would really help yourself by letting go of that belief.

The real reason that women don't respond well (may even roll their eyes) the first minutes of an interaction, is because hot girls are harassed by guys ALL DAY LONG. From the moment they wake up to when they go to sleep, guys will be trying to get their attention with lame pickup lines and excuses like asking what time it is.

Wouldn't you get tired of that shit? It's like being called by telemarketers all day, every day.

The problem is that 99% of those guys that approach them don't have the balls to show their real personality. They utter a lame pickup line and then they have nothing to say.

So what you're experiencing is a defense mechanism against the constant stream of lame guys trying to steal her time.

It's a filter.

You can get past it by not taking it personally and just keep talking and show some personality. Then she will see that maybe you're not as lame as the 99%.

[Farnaby]

2 hours ago, SQAAD said:

@flowboy

I disagree.  Women decide if they would even sleep with a guy in just  a few seconds before they even get to know the other person. If they find you attractive first then they will bother getting to know you afterwards. With just a glimpse they make that decision and that's why i call it rejection. If she doesn't bother to look at me i take it as a rejection even though it's more complicated than that.

Maybe i'm wrong but that's my understanding so far..

Hi! I've felt similar to you when I didn't get the attention I wanted from a girl I liked. I usually rationalized it and went on with my day, which kind of works but doesn't solve the underlying issue. 

From what you're saying, my guess is that there is some deep insecurity within you that is getting triggered when a girl you like doesn't look at you.

If I were you, I would work on your self-esteem. What if it's true that part of the decision to sleep with a guy is made unconsciously and without even knowing the guy? What if there actually are girls who are not attracted to you? Isn't the same true for you? Or are you attracted to every girl you have met in your life? 

I think the issue is taking this personal, as if not being attracted to you (which we don't even know since we're not having the direct experience of those girls) directly means you're not attractive in general. I 100% agree that it's not pleasant to not get the attention you want from a girl, but that's just how life is for everyone of us.  

The fact you're taking it as something personal is what makes me think of this deeper insecurity I was talking about. Of course I could be wrong, so I suggest working on yourself and discovering what is true for you. 

In my experience, working on my own self-esteem has been the best "tool" to stop ruminating when things don't work out the way I would like them to. 

Edited May 10, 2019 by Farnaby

[SQAAD]

10 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

f this deeper insecurity I was talking about. Of course I could be wrong, so I suggest working on yourself and discovering what is true for you. 

In my experience, working on my own self-esteem has been the best "tool" to stop ruminating when things don't work out the way I would like them to. 

@Farnaby How can i work on my self-esteem? 

Edited May 10, 2019 by SQAAD

[Farnaby]

 

13 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

@Farnaby How can i work on my self-esteem? 

There are different ways. Therapy can be one of them. Psychedelics can be a great help too when taken in a safe environment. 

In my opinion, a good way to approach it is: 

1) Being conscious of what you think, feel and do when you experience some kind of rejection (which you're already doing). Journaling about these experiences is usually very useful. 

2) Listening to the feelings and body sensations that arise in those kind of circumstances and finding a safe way to express your anger, fear, sadness, etc.

3) Asking yourself if you have felt this way before

4) Asking yourself what you would've needed when you felt that way in the past 

5) Treating yourself in a nurturing way, with acceptance and love

6) Meditating

This is what comes to my mind right now. Of course you don't have to do those things in the same order I mentioned, try it out and see what works for you at this point of your life. 

Reading about attachment styles could be useful too. 

I hope this can be somehow useful to you. Maybe others have other suggestions on how to work on your self-esteem  

Edited May 10, 2019 by Farnaby

[flowboy]

It may not have occurred to you, but if you FULLY believed that you are AWESOME, getting ignored or rejected would not hurt ONE bit. It would just be funny.

So, you have to investigate. What is it that needs to happen for you to believe that you are awesome? If you don't know this, start working on it.

Action is needed.

A man on his path, on track with his purpose doesn't have self esteem issues.

• Have you figured out your purpose yet, and are you actively working on it?
• Are you happy with your friends and relationships?
• Are you happy with the way you spend your time, or do you secretly hate yourself for being lazy?
• Are you happy with the actions you take/don't take?

These are just examples of things you can investigate. And then, solve the root of the problem! Take action until you feel good about yourself. It's not just about meditation and introspection. You need to actually go get your shit together. By your OWN standards.

Edited May 10, 2019 by flowboy

[universe]

Its your ego and needyness for validation and control.

There are many ways you can go to grow out of that.

When you realize that you dont need either validation or control you have grown.

[SQAAD]

@universe

21 minutes ago, universe said:

Its your ego and needyness for validation and control.

There are many ways you can go to grow out of that.

When you realize that you dont need either validation or control you have grown.

How can i grow out of that?

[Emerald]

14 hours ago, SQAAD said:

When i go outside for a walk & a girl doesn't even notice me/look at me many times i get annoyed & pissed off. It happens only with women i find attractive.

Why do i get annoyed so much? & What can i do to stop caring?

-Thanks.

You're dealing with Anima Possession. 

Because there is a disintegration of the Anima (the female aspect in a man a.k.a the feminine side), there is a deep longing to reconnect and integrate the repressed Anima.

This translates as a deep need for connection to the feminine which is often translated as a desperate need for female validation and sexual communion with women. But this healing doesn't really work this way. They way to heal is to integrate the Anima by releasing resistance to the feminine.

Also, because the Anima is rejected, it gets angry at you and projects the shadow feminine onto women as a whole group. So, you will see women as heartless succubi that are up on a pedestal and holding your personal value in their hands. And you'll get angry and try to drag them down off that perceived pedestal. 

But the thing to understand that none of this is actually happening in external reality. It is a dynamic that's playing out INTERNALLY and being projected and superimposed onto reality.

So, you are feeling rejected by women, because the Anima has been rejected and is enacting revenge upon you for casting it away. 

And so it becomes this mix of desperation for sex and female validation along with hatred of women and a desire to dominate them in the way that you project that they dominate and control you.

As a woman, it's very uncomfortable to have men come and try to depedestal you, when the pedestal is just a figment of their imagination. And it's very uncomfortable to have men try to diminish your power as a woman, when you don't possess the power they perceive you to have. 

So, as someone who has been on the receiving end of Anima projection, I can tell you that this perceived dynamic is entirely a figment of the unconscious mind.