Matt's Mania Madness

[WickedIrish]

Who is Matt?

Great question, after watching Leo's Videos I assume the correct answer is beyond our current understanding.

-Which makes me surface a quick point, don't believe everything you hear, its all subjective. I only got introduced to Leo's Content because I am the biggest of BS callers. There have been a few enlightenment seekers to come through my house lately and I didn't like what they had to say. Looking to empirically dismantle their argument I sat down with one and went through each of his ideas. Particularly awareness, that was the hook for me. I was sat down and semi-guided to a certain mental state. It was very difficult to keep steady, with thoughts sacrificing precious time ( it seemed). This state wasn't new to me either, that is what really got me thinking. I've experienced this before and this deserves more thought.

Why a journal?

 

-Practicality

-Experience

 

 

Where do I start?

For my journal, I plan to reference IDEAS not days

      Idea # 1

When I focus on the continuous moment, that exact moment before the bullet leaves the barrel, the awareness of the void as you fall 30 feet, that mental disengage from the future- I feel pretty funny. Not the ha-ha kind of funny, the other side of funny. That confusion of purpose that doesn't get answered. I am going to think on this for a total of 10 hours and try and establish a better idea of my emotions during this state then post my findings. This will probably take several weeks, anyway that is my goal and its officially recorded!

Thx for the forum LEO

[Guest]

Just a few thoughts that might make your game interesting:

What is this void and who sees the void?

What do you mean by continuous moment?  A moment seems to be a point.  Unless you mean a series of repeating moments: Then in that case how do you know, or how will you find out if they are all the same moment, which is implied by "continuous moment"?  Really confusing though. But maybe that is what you will discover and clear up during your meditation.  

You say you are going to "think on this"...  Do you actually mean thinking thoughts? - like playing around with ideas like an author would for writing a fiction story or movie?  Is that what you mean?  Or, do you mean meditate - i.e. watch what is going on with the thoughts involved in what you wrote down as Idea #1 above?  These two approaches are completely different.   One results in more fiction, the other leads to clarity.

Anyhow, since no one else had commented on your journal entry yet, maybe my "throwing a wrench" into the works would make it interesting.

Joy

 

[WickedIrish]

Hi Walt,

I've been keenly interested with this continuous moment feeling I have been introduced too. I've made very little progress and the idea of using that feeling is maddening. I'll clear this idea up before i continue,

The awareness stillness provides has been Eye- opening, I want to be *aware* for greater periods of time. The Idea is maddening because it is very difficult to put into practice.

Quote

Just a few thoughts that might make your game interesting:

What is this void and who sees the void?

What do you mean by continuous moment?  A moment seems to be a point.  Unless you mean a series of repeating moments: Then in that case how do you know, or how will you find out if they are all the same moment, which is implied by "continuous moment"?  

I avoid going META on these ideas, I have a practical approach to mediation and its hopeful benefits. I've been pleasantly surprised so far. However Walt, I have *gone META* with this one and I'll explain my *META* reasoning.

Quote

What is this void and who sees the void?

What do you mean by continuous moment?

I had to draw a chart to figure this out, I will include if I can. I tried to draw my existence according to a deterministic point of view. The first Box points to the second and so on...First Box is ME, or I. I am tapping into the second box Awareness, which through I can see my stream of thoughts 3rd Box. The third Box can be reality, its a mixture of thoughts and feeling, ideas, vision, with INPUT and OUTPUT arrows on the margin (signifying a deterministic universe). After I reasoned with my chart, I realized that the FIRST BOX and the THIRD BOX are the SAME. Which would leave awareness all by itself viewing the third box. 

That is going META on the awareness idea, which drowns out any *ideas* I have about anything of it.

Being more realistic, I view the  *void* as a absent of thought. I feel a feeling when I *feel* the void. It is above sight itself. I compare it too hunting, having to stalk an animal and quietly line up the cross hairs. During this moment I am *thoughtless* and I feel aware, There is nothing to label, just peace.

The more I think about it Walt, the harder it gets to explain. That is the only progress I have made.

[WickedIrish]

This Chart doesn't do the original justice, But I found it helpful. I wanted to keep track of my states of awareness. When I tried to do this I found there was almost no point due to difficulty. IF I was to chart the intervals it would look like this...

I found that you would need to be VERY mentally developed to achieve even 1 straight hour. You would really need to be at complete peace with thoughts , no matter what they were, in order to let go of them quick enough * or pass right on through* as I hear it put.

 

I have a question that needs an (informative/descriptive) answer

this seems like the BASE for mental development, being able to keep a awareness state through out the day without thoughts affecting your path. Is this true?  I feel awareness is like an empty cup, and I struggle to keep thoughts out of it.

If it is perhaps the base, a reasonably minded person would not waste any time doing anything else. 

 

Thoughts anyone? I feel I am onto something here. 

Edited February 14, 2016 by WickedIrish

[WickedIrish]

I have realized lately I express a need for agreement, even if it is agreeing that all the strange moments my mind ties to awareness moments as pure mania.

I have found my self obsessed with the thought, despite my increasing ability to push thoughts away. I wonder if I think I am having mania moments instead of clarity. I am afraid of progress, I tend to lean that they are lies part of a mania like dream I am creating as a distraction from my goals.

This leaves me feeling afraid and alone, that procrastination has finally caught up with me. I even wonder if my gains with summo ( which generally leave me sweating and warm) are in fact part of the mania and what I experience is a amplified version of fear that induces the sweating and perception of warmth.

I am aware the best course of action is a cold shower or a calming sensation to focus on. However I cant shake the feeling I am tricking myself or if I am just so fascinated with idea that it is a lie that I stall everything. I told myself the days of circling thoughts are over, but this is heavy on my mind. I feel the need to test my gains with summo with heat sensors, which i use for work, to confirm i am not crazy.

This need is overwhelming me, only focusing on body sensation helps me but it is difficult right now. I know this is just another thought keeping me grounded in my own personal hell. I want out, but I know I must let that need go. Even if I am full of mania, I know a calm mind makes better decisions.

I will test this summo mediation, but why do I need data to be happy? I feel the need to confirm or deny my sanity. Which when I think about it, has been present for a long time. I need to let the idea go or it will destroy my resolve on mediation. I am worried all my gains have been personal lies, where did all this confidence disappear too?