When people put you down

[noip]

I've had people in my life tell me that I was, "for sure," going to end up in toxic relationships. Or that I'd never reach my goals and would be "like a dog chasing its tail" and to "just settle with what you can get."

Where is that feedback coming from? When I think about it, maybe they are broken people. Maybe they failed, shattered in the fall, and are projecting their failures onto me? In a way, I feel like they are mocking me and it makes me feel bad. It also puts fear into my heart, like, "What if they are right?"

What do you do in situations like the above?

[Aeris]

I'll do haki king

I'll try harder and bend reality

[SFRL]

@noip

 

[GromHellScream]

Why does it matter what other people think of you? 7 billion brains in the world each has a million thoughts every day. if you stop believing in your own thoughts so much you will naturally stop believing in other peoples thoughts even more than you do your own. 

For me i used to be super self conscious and i would hang on to what people said about me for years, maybe even longer. Once the work began it is still there but it seems just to float by without attachment.

Edited May 8, 2019 by GromHellScream

[universe]

Many people swim, breath and live in this "venom". Thats why they spray it around.

Most you can ignore. In some situations they may try to manipulate you in some way by saying this. Ask yourself what their underlying motive is.

If its someone you really look up to or value their opinion. Ask what made them say it. Let them explain it to you. Different perspectives can be of value and maybe you can improve with their feedback.

When you go and do your thing, expect people to try to pull you down. Is normal. Nothing personal.

[SFRL]

@noip

This one is perfect for what you describe ?

[flowboy]

On 5/8/2019 at 3:59 PM, noip said:

Where is that feedback coming from?

 

On 5/8/2019 at 3:59 PM, noip said:

Maybe they failed, shattered in the fall, and are projecting their failures onto me? 

You're right on point. How they talk to you is how they talk to themselves. Their own negative self-talk is what you are hearing.

And indeed, it's contagious. They probably absorbed that negativity from someone else, too.

It helps to realise that. How that works. You come to the conclusion that it has nothing to do with you.

On 5/8/2019 at 3:59 PM, noip said:

What do you do in situations like the above?

I have tried to argue in the past, but I find that that accomplishes nothing. You can't solve someone's negativity problem for them, they will just get defensive and double down.

I find it best to avoid these people. You can't fix them, and they expose you to their toxicity.

• However, don't make the mistake of lumping constructive criticism in with negativity. You want a circle of people that catch your mistakes and provide advice. That's more useful than friends who just affirm everything.

Nowadays, this is an automatic reaction in me: I just feel disgust when I detect an attitude like that, and it makes me turn away.

Edited May 9, 2019 by flowboy

[Flatworld Crusades]

People who say things like this are consciously doing it. They know you, so they find something that they feel will be tough for you to hear and will upset you.  It's pure malicious actions. They are wrong and they are absolutely mocking you.

When this has happened to me, I just walk away from them.

[rabbitat]

What if they're right? ... In my life they were. Accepting that was the best evolution that ever came to be.

[flowboy]

@rabbitat  What did they say?

[rabbitat]

@flowboy Oh you know, they said all kinds of fun monkey chatter things with their fun monkey minds!  Their chatter became mine and as I became more of what they were and less in alignment with myself that chatter grew within me. "They" were right about many dark aspects of me. I mean after all, how many lucky fools are born unlike dogs chasing their tales in toxic relationships? hehehee ... Perhaps a few. Regardless, in all those beautiful dark parts of me is where "they" and I have found futility and consequently seeds of real freedom. I say, please mock me, and show me what insecurities I have so I can address them again and again until that day arrives that you look in the mirror and giggle in disbelief ***

Edited May 10, 2019 by rabbitat

[flowboy]

@rabbitat  That seems very wise to me. I agree they are lessons.

I've been taught that when I receive feedback I don't want to hear, I can:

• Assume that it's true. How does that make me feel? If it triggers me, I have work to do.
• If it is not true, then it won't even hurt and the feedback will just naturally fall away

That said, I think it's important to discern constructive (harsh) feedback from attempts to drag you down to their level. The first I try to love, the latter I see as energy wasted.

Edited May 10, 2019 by flowboy