Need help - These things are limiting me from moving forward in life

[jsonte]

I would love some help or support in understanding and working through these two things:

1 - 

Just now, I was working on something(it usually takes me 2 to 3 days of consistent work). But as I was researching on the internet, I've found a way to complete this particular work in at least 40% less time than it would take otherwise. Now, that I have this option, I kinda want to postpone this work to sometime later(like after few hours or even tomorrow morning). Is it procrastination? I am happy that I've found this method on the internet and I feel like it's almost completed already. I feel like I want to take some time off of work. If I didn't have this option, I'd simply sit here and work my ass off. This has happened to me several times. Why there is this difference? What is it? How do I work thought this?

 

2 - 

Very recently(a week ago, I think), realized that I put away the things I should do(Not related to above point - this one involves human interactions). For example, on Sunday evening I sit and plan everything I wanna do on Monday(sometimes I plan whole week) in details. I walk through everything in my mind. And how flawlessly it would go. Then when time comes. unknowingly, I find excuses. Sometimes, I do this because I feel exhausted or tired and I don't want to do what's needed. but sometimes, without any reasons. I just feel like not doing it, I just feel like avoiding it. That's sometimes because I don't want human interaction. And sometime, I even fear of the outcome or whether someone would ruin my plan that I worked over the Sunday(for example). These are subtle things I've been observing. These tasks could be something like, calling up someone to ask a favor, or for some work I need them to do for me. And it sometimes it could be also like, when someone calls me, I avoid it because I fear they would give me more work(if I am busy already or tired or I JUST don't want to do anything at that moment(if I am already doing something - is it natural?)).

What is it and how do I work through this?

 

These things are limiting me from moving forward in life and I think it is time I address them. Please help me understand them more clearly and also way to work through them.

Thank you very much for your time!

[Swagala]

52 minutes ago, jsonte said:

2 - 

Very recently(a week ago, I think), realized that I put away the things I should do(Not related to above point - this one involves human interactions). For example, on Sunday evening I sit and plan everything I wanna do on Monday(sometimes I plan whole week) in details. I walk through everything in my mind. And how flawlessly it would go. Then when time comes. unknowingly, I find excuses. Sometimes, I do this because I feel exhausted or tired and I don't want to do what's needed. but sometimes, without any reasons.

You've planned out everything. You might, like a lot of people, a have a habit of controlling things so that nothing can go wrong. Before you planned out everything, understand that you had worries. You were ignoring the worries. It's like sleeping on a pile of shit but using perfume to lessen the actual problem. What you need to do is go with the worries. Acknowledge the worries, ask yourself or maybe the worries itself why it's worried. Give it time for an answer to pop-up, an answer will arise and sometimes, you need to ask more questions. Get to the actual root of the problem. It might help you to understand that the only thing we can be certain of in life is uncertainty. "We are not afraid of uncertainty, we are afraid of what we think is in uncertainty." "We are not afraid of the unknown, for if we didn't know of it, we wouldn't fear it." Be okay with the uncertainty instead of completely planning everything out. Become aware of your past experiences with upcoming situations. What you should come to realize is that your worries about them weren't as bad as when they were happening. "Bliss or peace is always, always on the other side of worries, fears, anxiety, and bad thoughts."

I just feel like not doing it, I just feel like avoiding it.

Again, ask yourself why you are truly wanting to avoid. There is nothing wrong with trying to avoid. In fact, validate it, the fact the we want to avoid something means it has a reason. Let yourself and those worries know that you are right to want to avoid these things. Give these worries enough attention for them to calm down. These worries, bad thoughts, anxieties should be taken care of as if a baby. Give it attention. The fact that the worries pop-up means there's a reason. Understand the reason and then you'll be able to heal the worries.

That's sometimes because I don't want human interaction.

You don't want human interaction because you may not have much self-esteem. When one doesn't have much self-esteem, they tend to have bad thoughts about themselves around others. You might be thinking of these series of bad thoughts coming up that you have to deal through when you think about interacting with other people. It's almost like trauma. When you think about interacting with people, the stressful thought of these bad thoughts start to pop-up and you have to deal with them. To resolve this, again, go with in and ask yourself why you have these bad thoughts or worries. What part of yourself are you not confident enough about? Can you accept the fact that you have no wrongs? You are perfect ?. Your genuine you is always perfect.

And sometime, I even fear of the outcome or whether someone would ruin my plan that I worked over the Sunday(for example). These are subtle things I've been observing. These tasks could be something like, calling up someone to ask a favor, or for some work I need them to do for me. And it sometimes it could be also like, when someone calls me, I avoid it because I fear they would give me more work(if I am busy already or tired or I JUST don't want to do anything at that moment(if I am already doing something - is it natural?)).

You already acknowledged that you have fear. You will not find the answer externally, at least not one that's much more permanent. What you need to do is stop looking for it outside. Deep down you know you can solve this and already have the solution within yourself but you may just be too afraid of the fact that the solution is within you. You have to go within and that can be painful but it can be healing.

 

I would also like to say that the more you don't want something to happen, the more likely it will. Law of attraction. What you resist, persists. That's why it's best to acknowledge your worries within instead of avoiding them or ignoring them.

 

Edited May 8, 2019 by Swagala

[jsonte]

Thank you very much for taking time.

 

5 hours ago, Swagala said:

Before you planned out everything, understand that you had worries.

Could you elaborate more? I would like to understand this further. Without planning, I'd probably worry that I'd miss something I'd wanna do. I am not sure whether I should even call this worry(?). So, would like to understand this more.  it could be true and I am not seeing it yet.

 

5 hours ago, Swagala said:

"We are not afraid of uncertainty, we are afraid of what we think is in uncertainty." "We are not afraid of the unknown, for if we didn't know of it, we wouldn't fear it."

True. I know that more than uncertainty, the potentiality of the things that COULD happen is more accessible to human mind. Good or bad, either way. We often tend to imagine the worst. But I only know that intellectually. How to address this though?

 

5 hours ago, Swagala said:

Again, ask yourself why you are truly wanting to avoid. There is nothing wrong with trying to avoid. In fact, validate it, the fact the we want to avoid something means it has a reason. Let yourself and those worries know that you are right to want to avoid these things. Give these worries enough attention for them to calm down. These worries, bad thoughts, anxieties should be taken care of as if a baby. Give it attention. The fact that the worries pop-up means there's a reason. Understand the reason and then you'll be able to heal the worries.

Yes, I can think of one valid reason now. These tasks aren't aligned with what I want to do. I am not really passionate on working on these and hence i feel like I am wasting time. Maybe so. I ll still keep an open mind here, though.

 

5 hours ago, Swagala said:

You don't want human interaction because you may not have much self-esteem.

That, yes. I have felt that too. How should I address this??? I will look into this.

 

5 hours ago, Swagala said:

You already acknowledged that you have fear. You will not find the answer externally, at least not one that's much more permanent. What you need to do is stop looking for it outside. Deep down you know you can solve this and already have the solution within yourself but you may just be too afraid of the fact that the solution is within you. You have to go within and that can be painful but it can be healing.

How should I be searching this? Through self-inquiry? Or is there any specific method or ways?

 

5 hours ago, Swagala said:

That's why it's best to acknowledge your worries within instead of avoiding them or ignoring them.

That's gold. I ll think about this more and see what I can come up with.

 

Again, thank you very much for your time.

[Swagala]

@jsonte

Before you planned out everything, understand that you had worries.

I wanted you to be understand that the reason why you wanted to plan out everything was because you had worries. Instead of planning everything out so that you didn't have to worry anymore, you should get to the core of the reason why you're worried. I wanted you to understand that your worries are valid and that there's nothing wrong with having them. The worries are there as a sign that there's something you need to heal, not ignore.

True. I know that more than uncertainty, the potentiality of the things that COULD happen is more accessible to human mind. Good or bad, either way. We often tend to imagine the worst. But I only know that intellectually. How to address this though?

Address it by maybe looking back at times when you worried a lot about something. Realize that the thoughts that caused your worries were never equivalent or true when the events actually take place. We tend to think the worst case scenario when we worry. Just keep finding examples of times when you worried so much but then the actual event wasn't even as bad. Then, maybe in the near future be aware the next time you start to worry. Start telling yourself that it's never really that bad when the event happens. When the actual event is over, reflect upon how you were able to just cruise by it. By reflecting upon and applying this understanding, you become more sure that things aren't ever as bad as we think they are. You'll start to understand that the worries you get are pretty irrelevant whenever the event actually happens. It's fine to have expectations and some plans but the problems begin when we start to think of "what ifs". Or when we start thinking of things that we don't want to happen. We never really have full control over everything that happens, it's easier to surrender. When you don't want something to happen, you're resisting. What you resist, persists. What you worry about might even have a higher chance of happening because you're resisting it. Understand that when the thing you didn't want to happens happens, it's not the end of the world.

How to address low self-esteem.

I want you to go within yourself and find that part of yourself that you enjoy being, acting. That part of yourself that makes you feel free, no boundaries. I found that part of myself. The part of myself that strolled the park just because I wanted to. I had no strings, I was confident. I want you to keep thinking about other aspects of yourself that you enjoy. Focus on those aspects and LOVE them, amplify them. Love those aspects of yourself and know that it's okay to love them. Love is never wrong, never invalid. I also want you to love the insecurities that may pop-up in your head. Think of them as a baby who just wants love and attention. Be understanding and validate the insecurities. I also want you to think of what you desire. Preferably how you want to feel. For example, you want money because you want to feel secure and free. Let the the good feelings of those desires swell up. It's also good to laugh or even cry at how much love you are feeling. Keep thinking of things that make you feel good. Some negative thoughts might come up as you're building up your feelings but just know that the happier and happier you feel, it's harder for the negatives to pop up or even affect you. Do not focus on your current circumstances, focus on what you want, on the way you want things to be like. The better and better you feel, it's almost as if your desires are already there. Don't focus on what you don't want but focus on the things you DO want. Imagine as if you had no limitations, you can experience anything that you want to experieexperience.

When one begins to understand themselves and love themselves enough, it feels like there's nothing needed to be changed about them. They are perfect. Even their insecurities are still so perfect.

 

Going deep within yourself.

Focus on that feeling of worry. Almost as if the rest of your mind is quiet and there's just you and the worries. I want you to ask it why it's there or why am I worried. Be patient, you will always get an answer or maybe even multiple answers. Treat the worries as if they were your own child or that worry is you as an innocent child. You're trying to understand, not find any solutions. If the answers you get still require further questioning, go ahead. But when there's a point when you feel like you've hit the main reason, sit with it for a bit. Let the worry know that it's okay, and that they're right to be worried or afraid. This process may need to be done a few more times. Think of this process as going back to your past and giving the love and the attention your kid self needed but may not have gotten enough of.

We tend to run away or cover up our insecurities and worries. Obviously, this isn't really fixing anything. Sit with the feelings of worry, insecurity, unworthiness and loneliness. Give them love and accept them.

If my explanations weren't enough, which they probably weren't lol, here's some videos that helped me. 

Don't let the speaker throw you off. I always avoided any videos that the speaker made until I understood how real and true her teachings are. You don't have to like the speaker, just understand that her content are miracles. She speaks about how your authentic, pure honest self will set you free and always be on your side.

 

This one is more for weight loss but I remember it helping me to love myself more and I'm sure you can apply the same process.

These ones, I was interested in what she had to say. I ended up feeling sorry for people with these "disorders". Made me understand how we never really grow up from being a baby or child.

 

Edited May 8, 2019 by Swagala

[jsonte]

I am very grateful for your post. It truly makes me feel.. I should cut some slack for myself. I feel like i should allow myself to grow though I am objectively imperfect. I am perfect for who I am. And caring insecurities as a baby is just.. amazing. I would always simply ignore them or hesitate to talk with/about them with myself. but I can find acceptance for who I am now. I should and I ll read your post repeatedly.. I try to understand it even more.. And I ll take your suggestion and watch those too. I want you to know that, you've helped me. So, THANK YOU.