Feeling depressed after Awakening

[Surfingthewave]

Thanks all, seemingly this is very cyclical and normal but I guess the magic happens when this is integrated into "normal" life. I look forward to the healing stage and going deeper down the rabit hole. It kind of shocked me cos I'm a positive kinda gal. 

[kieranperez]

10 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

But now, two days later, back to normal life I feel quite low.

Sounds like an ego backlash that feels like a hard uppercut to the jaw.

Par for the course and is normal.

Couple points:

• This is why developing self-love is important and also doing shadow work. Part of the reason there is that resistance that coming in the form of a mild depression is that your ego is your filter to the Love and Bliss that you are. I know what it feels like to have say a psychedelic trip to be one with universal Love and then a couple hours later I'm so depressed because as I come down slowly I'm noticing I tarnish and taint everything. It's pretty hard. More purification and love.
• Ego/the self ain't going down without a fight. Sustaining a conscious realization is totally different than having an awakening. A lot of awakenings aren't one's that abide but rather just create a new "set point" from which the self orients itself. That's not bad. Hell, it's WAY better than not having had any awakening or enlightenment at all. You're traversing a switchback trail looking out from a higher and higher vantage point. However, the self is still there. Breaking that down is much much MUCH harder. I suggest the above point, maybe doing some psychedelics, work on adopting honesty and authenticity as daily practices you carry on every day (that is so fucking hard it's honestly not even funny), and reading Ralston's book "Pursuing Consciousness" which specifically addresses this matter. 

[Leo Gura]

11 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

 

@Leo Gura It was during a meditation practice, I was doing many hour long sits over several days.  Specifically it was during a guided self enquiry (Rupert Spira) meditation, I became fully aware of the "I" as consciousness and experienced what can only be felt as pure, pure bliss. It was such a intensity that I sat like that for a very long time afterwards contemplating, and shed a few tears in the process. But now, two days later, back to normal life I feel quite low. 

Very good. That is a first small step.

There will be many more steps in your journey. Hang in there and keep going deeper.

Feeling low will pass. Keep your eye on the big picture.

And don't forget to be kind to yourself and love yourself. Acknowledge the enormous progress you've made. Try to enjoy this whole process. Don't turn it into a grind or an obligation. Pursue Truth/Love/Consciousness joyfully!

[MTR]

You are not awake

[Surfingthewave]

@kieranperez Good suggestions, and yes authenticity and honesty is something I need to work on

@Leo Gura Thank you, yes developing self love is as important as the process itself, it has almost become "work" at the moment, could be because it feels very very isolating and there's very people I can discuss it with, in fact nobody really! 

[Devansh Saharan]

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Edited May 9, 2019 by Devansh Saharan

[kieranperez]

@Surfingthewave try also if possible doing your deep consciousness work outside. Change up the setting. For me I live close to downtown San Francisco and meditating in the small claustrophobic room I have to meditate in currently right now just really makes it hard for me personally. If I change it up to say Golden Gate Park or somewhere quiet where I can truly be in silence outside its so much better. 

Sounds like a weird detail but it helps rejuvenate your desire to meditate if you’re far enough along past the early torturous newb phases (which I myself as a meditator am nowhere near past due to my cognitive struggles with ADHD but certainly helps) which it sounds like you are. 

Dont get too anal on that though. 

[Shin]

What was the awakening about ?

[Surfingthewave]

@kieranperez Yes there's something about needing to mix it up a bit, and good idea about getting outside. I used to always struggle with walking meditations but now I'm going deeper it's bit like tripping as there's so much to take in from your environment.

@Shin I get a bit stuck in concepts so although I'd done a lot of the theory when it came to enlightenment I'd never actually felt it. The awakening last week was me feeling it in every cell of my being, and moving from the "witness" of the "I" or "I am" (or awareness) to actually becoming it. Was pretty mind blowing and hours went by of me in this state, and I suddenly got it. 

[Stef_BG]

Hi all, I just wanted to thank you all for all the comments as well, I was looking for a topic like this and here it is

I experienced a couple of glimpses with series of LSD trips and for the past month or so I've been trying to integrate what I've learned and it's a nightmare.

Everything i thought I know about myself is destroyed and even my life purpose is struggling. Now that I see the perfection that is all around me, every kind of "doing" is pointless, because it's all perfect. How do you get out of that? How can you live with only being, without a purpose? Even meditating is a struggle recently. 

I think I'm entering turquoise in Spiral Dynamics and my ego is fighting.

[Surfingthewave]

@Stef_BG I hear you. As the only constant in this process is change, your feelings will eventually pass. What I've learnt is it just takes a while to integrate, but your baseline consciousness is permanently different. Following that awakening experience my ego seriously kicked back so all my bad habits returned a vengeance, hence the low mood /passivity. It's almost a test to see of you're in it for the long haul.