Ego Tendencies: Where are you stuck?

[ivory]

A while back I went to a zen center and they gave me a worksheet highlighting the most common ego tendencies. Thought I would share. If you are stuck, this might help you get clear on what you need to work on. Let me know what you guys think.

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- controlling (or determined not to be controlled)
- achieving, being on top of it, being the best, need to be "seen"
- avoiding achievement, passivity, learned helplessness
- attachment to sorrow, loss, suffering - "i suffer more than most"  
- complaining, fault-finding, passive-aggressive, punitive, blaming
- victim stance: self-pity, underdog, little guy mentality, "stick it to authorities" 
- confusion, doubt self/ others, overwhelm, anxious   
- regularly upset, driven by moods, relating through feelings
- martyr, helper: over-sympathizing, i do all the giving
- cynicism: expecting the worst, untrusting
- conforming, people pleasing
- i'm the boss, in charge, sometimes bullying, I do it my way
- obsessing, catastrophizing, dissatisfaction factory
- constantly seeking stimulus, on the move
- double standard: holding others to a higher standard than myself
- avoidance, unwillingness to see something as "a path of awakening"
- needy-greedy, dependent, letting others take responsibility 
- jealousy/resentment: "others have the good stuff"
- hypersensitive, touchy, easily hurt, radar for being discounted/disrespected
- know-it-all, absolute certainty, have to be right
- special, high maintenance, self-obsessed
- commitment phobic; avoiding deep involvement (practice, work, relationships)
- withheld, holding back, withdrawn
- avoiding necessary concerns, using spiritual bypass (ie meditating for evasion of 
   Necessary work) 
- core beliefs (unwanted, flawed, stupid, unloveable, fraud, no good, loser, incapable (learned helplessness), hopeless, a burden, unworth a failure, nothing to offer)
- other: over-intellectualizing, bored, entitled
- EXISTENTIAL/SPIRITUAL PAIN: meaninglessness, disconnection, alienation, hopelessness, forgiveness issues, dark night, guilt 
- UNIVERSAL: self-absorption, comfort-seeking, entitlements, assumptions, security seeking

 

Edited May 6, 2019 by ivory

[Tetcher]

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-avoiding achievement, passivity, learned helplessness

-commitment phobic; avoiding deep involvement (practice, work, relationships)

Why even fucking zen masters, want to put me to work ? I already tried your work with as much integrity as I know how alright. Just let me live peacefully of state welfare, I will go through life with sleep, entertainment  and yoga if I feel like it. I have no beef with anyone still most feel entitled to reach out to try to put me to work, how crazy is that.

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-entitlements

Those people are not even consistent or full of shit apparently. On one hand they tell you that entitlement is the mark of the ego, on the other hand they feel entitled to reach out to pressure peaceful people to work or get involved.

Edited May 6, 2019 by Tetcher

[Forestluv]

Interesting how this is a list of "negative" symptoms that most people would like to eliminate, while holding onto the "positive" egoic stuff. To me, the list reads more like a personal development list to me - albeit a very healthy list for personal development. I'd like to see a list with all the "positive" egoic traits. It is so tempting to create a "good ego", "bad ego" dichotomy.  

[ivory]

@Serotoninluv I totally agree with you. If you point out all the negative qualities the question still remains, what does a healthy ego actually look like? I still found the list very interesting, this particular zen center puts a ton of emphasis on self-development.

 

If you haven't seen this site yet, it lists the healthy and unhealthy manifestations of each meme: http://spiraldynamicsintegral.nl/en/orange/. The manifestations are listed under "Qualities and Shadows". You can check out the other colors by replacing the "orange" part of the url.