My Family Want Me To Do "bad" Stuff

[Rodrigo]

@Maximillien Who told you doing certain things is against self actualization (whatever that is)? I guess children who are forced to work hard since a very young age can never be self actualized (whatever that is). Or people who are too poor to have a computer will never grow to be as "actualized" as you? think about it. Think about how many uneducated people are so wise.

[Maximillien]

@Rodrigo I can't be in front of a TV and do nothing, you can't close your eyes and your ears. So maybe you're some kind of super evolved man who can deconnect from his senses, but I'm not I have to deal with it, and even by not paying attention to TV you hear and see it...

Edited April 23, 2016 by Maximillien

[Rodrigo]

@Maximillien If you cant ignore TV images and sounds it is because you are interested in them. Close to none of the stuff on Tv is interesting to me. Not the news, films, sports, commercials, none of it so it takes no effort to just be there as if anywhere else.Sit on a bench in a street and notice how much you can ignore. Why cant you ignore the TV? Start by meditating on that while you sit in front of it. That is a suggestion and a thought only. Good luck

[charlie2dogs]

I havent watched tv in 15 years at least, its filled with subliminal programing, and the programs and advertisements themselves are nothing more than a distraction, and a hindrance in trying to have and live a good life, but i guess when you function as the identity, one needs distractions and entertainment.  I suspect it would be very difficult to find a self realized being that watches tv, but then the majority are not seeking that and for those who just want to enjoy the play as identity, tv is ok. 

[charlie2dogs]

2 minutes ago, charlie2dogs said:

I havent watched tv in 15 years at least, its filled with subliminal programing, and the programs and advertisements themselves are nothing more than a distraction, and a hindrance in trying to have and live a good life, but i guess when you function as the identity, one needs distractions and entertainment.  I suspect it would be very difficult to find a self realized being that watches tv, but then the majority are not seeking that and for those who just want to enjoy the play as identity, tv is ok. 

And before someone makes the comment about, well you are on the internet, what is the difference?  I have for years tried to help a number of people grow by being on the internet, but doing that in public forums has a lot of drawbacks,  I have spoken to several groups over time and its always the same, you have two or three who are looking for change and most are clinging to programing, religious and newage false belief systems, which most of the time only create more confusion for the few who are earnestly seeking real help in their growth.  If you have experienced this for over 25 years like myself then you understand what I am talking about.  The internet is just another distraction and hindrance from real growth for the most part,  but in saying that it does and will help the few who have a real desire to find the reality of who and what they are. I already know that im going to leave the internet for good in the near future.  My consciousness wants to be free of the internet, because it is a distraction even though i use it to help others to seek out the real part of themselves,   I do what i do because i choose to,  not because i have some responsibility to the world, and after all this time and work for others in my life, my consciousness wants to enjoy the peace, joy, and liberation in a more complete way without the distractions of the internet.  The change is coming i see it.

[Philip]

15 hours ago, Maximillien said:

My family can't stop inviting my to see movies or tv, and if I say no (which I do most of the time) they don't understand and take that as an insult, as if i refused to be with them, as if I said I don't like them...

@Maximillien I have had similar problems with people in my life. Sometimes because of TV, sometimes not.

First, I tried to be extra self-honest and openminded, and ask myself: Do I really love them? Could there be a glimpse of truth in their worries?

After much reflexion, I concluded that even though my love wasn't the healthiest, it still looked pretty strong and genuine. But this answer wasn't the important thing here. The introspection was.

Then I asked myself: Do I communicate my love in a clear way? After all, I've heard a lot about the 5 languages of love. Spending quality time with you is probably their favorite way of saying they love you.

So what is YOUR favorite way of sharing your love towards them? Gifts? Hugs? Compliments? Doing favors? Maybe find that out.

Also, I don't think @Rodrigo is giving you good advice here. TV is poison for the mind. And watching it together isn't a very rich human interaction. You can definitely find a healthier and clearer way to express love.

Edited April 24, 2016 by Philip

[Rodrigo]

@PhilipAgain, i never said he should watch TV, that watchin TV was good or that it was good to be with his family watching it. All i said was that sitting for 1 hour or so 2 or 3 times a week while his family is watching TV will not interfere neither positively or negatively with anything except maybe shutting them up. I dont feel poisoned by TV and my wife watch it all the time. She thinks i am watching it with her but im not. Im not entertained or influenced by TV because i find it as apealing as bird poop about 95% of the time. I couldnt care less about christmas yet my family reunite and i talk to them and they are happy doing their thing. I wrote what i wrote because i sensed he was giving too much imprtance to the TV, his family and most of all himself. Just like he couldnt care less about TV (which he doesnt otherwise he would be able to shut it down in thought), he must accept some people dont and never will care about what they are or where they are going as long as they feel entertained. "My family pressures me to watch TV with them" is nothing. Useless to go in any other direction before understanding this.Pretend to watch a little TV now and then, meditate while you do it and avoid an ego battle with family was all i said. He can pretend to fall asleep, pretend he is reding a book next to them, look at the furniture or the ceiling for a while then kiss them goodbye and they will leave him alone.No big deal.

[Maximillien]

@Philip @Rodrigo Just tou clarify things, watching TV was an example... I have to spare time with my family to content them but this time is spared doing things tha go against my self actualisation

Edited April 23, 2016 by Maximillien

[Philip]

4 hours ago, Rodrigo said:

I dont feel poisoned by TV

But I think you are. You're not special, dude. Poison is poison. If you hear it or look at it, you will get poisoned. 

4 hours ago, Rodrigo said:

he would be able to shut it down in thought

No he wouldn't be able. And you're not able either. You're just telling yourself that. I think you're still swallowing the poison like most people do. But you found easier to think you're immune than to stop watching it.

Sorry for being rude, but I saw people doing it. I can't help but suspect you're doing it too.

4 hours ago, Rodrigo said:

He can pretend to fall asleep, pretend he is reding a book next to them

Ok if the TV's volume is not too high, and he focuses on reading a book, then I think it's the closest we can come to "Not being poisoned by TV". He could also have earphones and watch some youtube videos on his cell phone.

@Maximillien You might succeed in...

4 hours ago, Rodrigo said:

maybe shutting them up

...if you listen to Rodrigo. But please don't get stuck in the mindset of trying to find a quick superficial solution to a precise and narrow problem. I'm actually encouraging you to think deeply about your feelings of love and how you express it. You have a lot to learn about yourself just in dealing with that one problem in depth.

At least I did. I discovered I had problems with expressing my love to the people that mattered to me. And it was partly because I didn't know about the 5 love languages.

[Rodrigo]

@Philip When you are on a train or at a restaurant i supose you are aunable to ignore people talking around you.TV does not afect me and it is not a big deal and not because im special. My wife asks me things about what is on TV and i either agree blindly or pretend i fell asleep for a moment because i really am not paying attention. i dont understand how you find so hard to ignore a TV show. Bet you saw some film in yor life that was so bad you couldnt pay attention to it.....that is the way i feel all the time. Really doesnt stay in my thoughts ever and i only think about TV when my wife calls me to sit next to her and watch some TV. I sit next to her like a father with the son while the kid is watching cartoons. Dont know if you have a kid, but do you believe a father is really watching My little pony with the kid, paying attention to it and thinking about it? some may do it but most, me included, jus sit there day dreaming, sleeping, looking out the window, waiting for the thing to end. Also i dont know if TV is poison or not, that is your thought and you are being petulant about it. You are not better than my wife or more special than anybody for not watching TV (ok i understand in your thoughts you are).   i think you are much more poisoned by TV than me because it affects your thoughts much more than mine even if unlike me you dont sit next to it. Another detail about my TV viewing is that i cant see, its all blurred if i dont have glasses and i dont use them when "watching"TV. People dont care they just want me to sit with them, same as when they are reading a book and call me to sit next to them. But even with glasses i would ignore it the same.Its been years since i last went to the cinema, i dont listen to music either but music i cant ignore and if someone is listening im forced to listen but only when it brings memories. If its a new music not related to any thought i had in the past i ignore it too.

I dont think im better than TV viewers. I just dont watch it even if its in front of me, the same way my attention doesnt get stuck in surveillance camera monitors, women clothes shop windows, people surfing when im at the beach or playing with a ball or whatever i ignore everybody there, when i was a student i listened to the teacher and ignored other kids talking and playing behind me, etc etc etc. No effort is needed to ignore what you dont find interesting. I bet you are able to ignore a white wall in front of you, to me the TV is like a white wall, not interesting, i dont have to tell myself dont look at the wall, dont think about the wall, ignore the wall, because i dont care.

I remember times when i did find TV interesting and i would watch it and nothing would distract me. There could be 4 people arguing in the living room and i would still be focused on TV without a clue about what they were talking about....same principle only opposite.

I do accept the possibility that some cant ignore it (and i know some) but thinking everybody is unable or able to do something because you are is thinking inside the box too much.

TV is bad i agree but there are many things worst than TV and Facebook affects my thoughts much more than TV. People around me taking photos to post on facebook, asking me to take photos to post on facebook all the time takes effort to ignore because i need to move, take photos, pose, wait for them while they look at their phones.Then they have this endless river of useless information they gather on facebook and feel eager to shove down my ears. Ignoring TV shows is peanuts compared to ignoring the show people themselves, around me, put daily i an effort to impose their thoughts on me.

[Philip]

@Rodrigo Ok maybe you have a superior capacity to focus that I've never heard of before, except for advanced yogis.

Or maybe you're overestimating your mental capacities like everyone around me does, including myself.

Anyway, it doesn't make your advice any better.

1. You're proposing a quick fix instead of a long-term solution.
2. You're proposing him to get exposed to low consciousness information.
3. You're expecting him to spontaneously develop extremely advanced concentration skills.

But don't get me wrong, I like some parts of your advice too. I think it's an advanced lesson about the benefits of becoming mentally imperturbable. I also like that you're challenging the very issue @Maximillien brought up. If he's actually able to see it as a non-issue like you do, then his problem will be in fact solved. And he might dissolve lots of other issues in his life too, using that same advice.

[Nathalie]

First of all, thanks a lot for your comments.. they use to be so insightful and inspiring

 

On 23.4.2016 at 8:03 PM, Philip said:

I've heard a lot about the 5 languages of love.

could you tell more about those languages?

Edited April 25, 2016 by MartineF

[Rodrigo]

4 hours ago, Philip said:

Ok maybe you have a superior capacity to focus that I've never heard of before, except for advanced yogis

Is listening to someone talk about things that dont matter to me and not registering (hearing nothing but "blahblahblah" really) so strange to you? I doubt you never talked to someone and felt unable to pay attention because it was so uninteresting...that is the sensation i get from TV, films,commercials, politics, sports, opinions about stuff i dont care about, personal dramas etc....i make no effort to ignore it, its more like im unable to focus on it really. Try listening to someone talk about something that bores you and tell me if you found it hard to think about other stuff during that time

-Im not proposing a fix to anything. That was your interpretation. I said if he was unable to ignore the TV it is because he is actually interested in it somehow (because its easy to disconect from "boring" stuff). So instead of forcing himself to get away he should inquire why he cant ignore it. Once he is above it he will not care about any TV being on or off because it will be just sound. I suggested thinking about this as better exercise than running away from anything, being so vulnerable to his surroundings and letting them dictate how to feel and what to think. I never said he should watch TV or sit everyday in front of it, only not to bother so much about it and other people watching it.

-Im not exposed to "low consciosness information" because it goes through, it doesnt stay, doesnt polute me. Low "consciousness information" is abundant in school, Internet, friendships, work, music, one must be above it not resist it, not give it importance. To discard "low consciosness" information one must think about it first, otherwise better go live in a cave because without knowing what you are discarding and why, you will be doing nothing but running away from unsolved thoughts.

-i dont have amazing concentration skills and i dont think being able to write this while my dog is barking an amazing concentration skill.No amazing concentration skill is required to ignore something boring. But, if someone is interested in something but at the same time feels bad about it, the answer is not to run from it but to extinguish it in thought.

4 hours ago, Philip said:

If he's actually able to see it as a non-issue like you do, then his problem will be in fact solved. And he might dissolve lots of other issues in his life too, using that same advice.

Right.I like this paragraph.

Im not mentally imperturbable. Some things do bother me. Try watching something you dont care and see for yourself that it will not stay with you. You will not even remember it afterwards because you were not paying attention. About subliminal messages, yes they exist but not only in TV. With time as our thought gets more flexible we start thinking the subliminal before the message itself, therefore we are also able to ignore it, it will not stay with us.

Anyway, these are my thoughts only and i never believe im right or wrong. Tomorrow i may think things differently because i wasnt born this way too.

Edited April 25, 2016 by Rodrigo
correction

[Maximillien]

On 23/4/2016 at 1:47 AM, Philip said:

But please don't get stuck in the mindset of trying to find a quick superficial solution to a precise and narrow problem.

@Philip  I don't want a quick solution, I want to fix this in the long term. That's why I asked here.

I explained to my belongings that I was making changes in my life for the good, I asked them not to misunderstand my reaction to their propostions. They seemed sad about it... 

Edited April 26, 2016 by Maximillien

[Philip]

On 4/25/2016 at 7:33 AM, Rodrigo said:

I said if he was unable to ignore the TV it is because he is actually interested in it somehow

@Rodrigo Ok, your advice is better and more nuanced than I thought it was. We still disagree on our capacity to be unaffected by television, but I think at this point we can agree to disagree.

It could certainly be insightful for him to ask himself if he's interested in television in the first place.

On 4/25/2016 at 6:55 AM, MartineF said:

could you tell more about those languages?

@MartineF Of course  Some people prefer hugs and loving touch. Some prefer gifts. Some prefer doing favours and helping. Some prefer complimenting and saying nice things. And some prefer spending quality time together.

Normally, the way you like to receive love is also the way you tend to give it. You communicate mainly with one of the five love languages.

But emotional intelligence allows you to appropriately switch languages from time to time, so that your love is communicated more openly and largely.

1 hour ago, Maximillien said:

I explained to my belongings that I was making changes in my life for the good, I asked them not to misunderstand my reaction to their propostions. They seemed sad about it... 

@Maximillien I almost always feel resistance from people around me when I try to change something significant about my personality or my life.