My Family Want Me To Do "bad" Stuff

[Maximillien]

Hello everyone !

Like almost everybody here (I think) I try to self actualize. It was easy for a moment. I began by doing smart changes that everyone see as healthy. For instant, I stopped eating added sugar. My family and friends were happy for me "oh you're doing great, you are loosing some pounds, great job, keep it going". But then I continued on my path of self actualisation, and people don't understand anymore what I'm doing, they think the new changes are not worthy / stupid, they don't respect them. For instance, I chose to stop watching TV or useless movies etc. My family can't stop inviting my to see movies or tv, and if I say no (which I do most of the time) they don't understand and take that as an insult, as if i refused to be with them, as if I said I don't like them...

How to deal with that ?

PS: sorry for my English, I'm French

[Extreme Z7]

@Augustin Practice more self emotional mastery. Learn to perceive these sort of situations as non-issues. It's going to take a lot of work, I myself still struggle a lot with worrying with how other people might think of me.

Leo has some excellent videos on Emotional Mastery and Not Caring What Other People Think. You can watch them if you haven't already.

[Maximillien]

@Extreme Z7 That's where the trick is. I watch those videos... And I don't want to cut my family out of my life, even if it's what I'm suppose to do. 

[Extreme Z7]

@Augustin You don't have to leave them physically. You can still talk to them when you need to but detach them from your identity mentally or psychologically.

How to do that? I don't know. I'm not an expert but I still believe it is possible to do with enough time, patience, and emotional labor. Also studying, there's a lot of that.

[Gmork]

You can ether go 'selfish' mode and stop conditioning yourself to think about those things in 'why they dont understand(self-centred)' way, change it to 'ok, he don get it its normal'. Its obviously hard for most, you need a lot of willpower and probably 'realization' moment to rewire your brain (mediation is good for that).

You can do it other  'empathy' mode. Try to understand them, why they say it, what they think/fell, how they perceive that moment. You should give short explanation why you dont do it, best is good and short one without excusing yourself. Step back and look what you doing! You changing so much and that is what they see, its big deal for them, thing about it, how you would see someone who do such change?

Edited April 23, 2016 by Gmork

[Rodrigo]

@Augustin Go and "watch" TV with them. What is your problem with sittiing next to them quietly as they watch TV? My wife wants me to watch tv with her and i always do.I just sit there and look at it. To me it is the same as being anywhere else. The fact you are there doesnt mean you have to pay attention to it,

[Saarah]

@Augustin ask them if they'd like to meditate for an hour with you 

they will probably say no 

and then you can show them how it is silly to make someone feel bad for not partaking in the same activities as you 

[charlie2dogs]

1 hour ago, Extreme Z7 said:

@Augustin You don't have to leave them physically. You can still talk to them when you need to but detach them from your identity mentally or psychologically.

How to do that? I don't know. I'm not an expert but I still believe it is possible to do with enough time, patience, and emotional labor. Also studying, there's a lot of that.

z7, there is nothing wrong with the way you feel.  Those around you will drag you into their little world of problems, pain and misery, if you allow it.  Those around you can and will have a very negative affect on your awakening.  You cannot please other people and become self realized.  This is not about becoming someone the world or your own family approves of.  When you are on the path of self realization you are going in a direction that is opposite from what those around you are finding important.  If your family wants you to do things that you feel are not good for you, simply tell them you have no interest in those things, that you are trying to become a better person in life, and seeking the highest version of yourself that you can,  and you need to do what you feel is good for yourself, if they cant and wont understand that, it is their problem, not yours.

Continue on your path of growth, let no one stop or interfere with it.  You can be nice and say things in a nice way, but in the end they understand or they dont if they choose not to its their problem not yours.

Religious fanaticism and newageism doctrines and philosophies will hinder your growth also,  take a close look at them, they have no idea what self realization is, and they hinder many from personal growth with ideas of what they think is a good person and what a good person should be like, this isnt about becoming a good person, its about becoming self realized, reaching your highest potential, being the highest version of yourself as a liberated being not just a human being with an identity.   Be nice, just say no if you need to and continue on with your own personal growth, you cannot please others and liberate yourself.  You are not running for an election, you are not seeking approval, you are seeking to become a realized being of consciousness.  and from that space you will know the right thing to do and how to do it. 

After i began to awaken i felt like i was suspended between heaven and earth, feeling alone, and even though we are never alone, it feels like you are alone, in this journey, because of the things you encounter that is not constructive to what you are seeking.  There is nothing wrong with this feeling, it helped me to keep moving forward, knowing i was doing the right thing.  I know your feelings and understand, if i can be of any help just give a shout.  Keep moving toward liberation, those who are not into it, be nice, smile, and go on without them, hopefully in time they will begin to awaken or see your efforts to become better as a good thing, but you cannot let the opinions of others prevent you from growing.  If i can help feel free to ask here or privately, but i wont give you theories, opinions, philosophies, what i think, what others wrote or said, it will be what enabled me to overcome this world and the identity and that is what you seek.

[Maximillien]

@Rodrigo I don't want to waste my time watching tv when I could much more.

@Gmork You're right, I have to prepare some sort of short explaination, what's hard is explaining without hurting their ego...

@Saarah ^^ "okay let's what's TV, but I choose, let's watch some of actualized.org video" that technique could work thanks

@charlie2dogs What you say is clear and hard to admit, but true...

47 minutes ago, charlie2dogs said:

Continue on your path of growth, let no one stop or interfere with it.  You can be nice and say things in a nice way, but in the end they understand or they dont if they choose not to its their problem not yours.

It's hard to let your family behind you. I would have liked them to go on the path with me.

[charlie2dogs]

4 minutes ago, Augustin said:

@Rodrigo I don't want to waste my time watching tv when I could much more.

@Gmork You're right, I have to prepare some sort of short explaination, what's hard is explaining without hurting their ego...

@Saarah ^^ "okay let's what's TV, but I choose, let's watch some of actualized.org video" that technique could work thanks

@charlie2dogs What you say is clear and hard to admit, but true...

It's hard to let your family behind you. I would have liked them to go on the path with me.

that will not happen, your real test of readiness is whether you are ready and willing to move forward without anyone if need be.  If you live as a self realized being, you may draw others to what you are doing, but you will never be able to give another self realization, or take them there, and if you wait on others, you have failed already.  when i say failed i mean you are preventing yourself from moving forward in your own growth just for clarification

Edited April 23, 2016 by charlie2dogs
clarification

[Rodrigo]

Just sit with them.How can you feel you are wasting time by sitting with them? forget the TV and videos. Things are as important as you think. Stop making a big deal out of your interests and thoughts  because they are worth as much as the thoughts of people contemplating a TV screen. The day somene asks you for your thoughts you are entitled to share.

[charlie2dogs]

38 minutes ago, Rodrigo said:

Just sit with them.How can you feel you are wasting time by sitting with them? forget the TV and videos. Things are as important as you think. Stop making a big deal out of your interests and thoughts  because they are worth as much as the thoughts of people contemplating a TV screen. The day somene asks you for your thoughts you are entitled to share.

how can you just sit with those who appear to be insulted by your actions to improve your life.  how is he making a big deal out of his interest and thoughts if there is a resistance of his own consciousness that is showing him an issue that is being created because he is trying to achieve another level of personal growth.  It may not be just thoughts, it very well could be consciousness showing him the issue his family has with him, not his issue with the family.  He cannot resolve his family's issues, the only thing he can do is continue on with his personal growth and respect his family where they are and be kind to them, but that does not mean participate in what they do to please them.  Self realization isnt about pleasing everyone else, it is about you, your growth, your self realization, others will be drawn to it or they will resist, that is not you work or worry.  Before you can constructively guide others you have to have the experience of self realization, otherwise it just becomes, opinions, theory, speculation, assumptions, rationalizations, intellectualizations that only lead to more entrapment.  Save yourself, others will have to do the same, no once can do it for them.

[Rodrigo]

25 minutes ago, charlie2dogs said:

how can you just sit with those who appear to be insulted by your actions to improve your life.  how is he making a big deal out of his interest and thoughts if there is a resistance of his own consciousness that is showing him an issue that is being created because he is trying to achieve another level of personal growth.  It may not be just thoughts, it very well could be consciousness showing him the issue his family has with him, not his issue with the family.  He cannot resolve his family's issues, the only thing he can do is continue on with his personal growth and respect his family where they are and be kind to them, but that does not mean participate in what they do to please them.  Self realization isnt about pleasing everyone else, it is about you, your growth, your self realization, others will be drawn to it or they will resist, that is not you work or worry.  Before you can constructively guide others you have to have the experience of self realization, otherwise it just becomes, opinions, theory, speculation, assumptions, rationalizations, intellectualizations that only lead to more entrapment.  Save yourself, others will have to do the same, no once can do it for them.

"Before you can constructively guide others you have to have the experience of self realization, otherwise it just becomes, opinions, theory, speculation, assumptions, rationalizations, intellectualizations that only lead to more entrapment.  Save yourself, others will have to do the same, no once can do it for them." This was exactly my answer to the question. Sitting with his family while his family watch TV is no big deal. Before trying to influence other people thoughts he should be aware of the fact that he is unable to keep his family company while they watch TV yet he complains his family doesnt follow him in his personal quest (implying that his thoughts motivations etc are superior). Unless he and you understand you are not above anything you can watch all the videos, read all the books and do all kinds of meditations and hallucinations you want without ever tasting freedom.

[Rodrigo]

@Maximillien One day you will look back and realize how unimportant of an event is your family complaining you dont watch TV with them anymore. You will look back and think "why did it take me so long to see this". Believe me. It has nothing to do with being with or pleasing your family being good or bad. It is just that watching videos in your room or spending time with them in front of the TV will have the same results in the long run if you think one is better than the other. This said, you can either be with them or not, but never because you think you are better than it.If you want to grow into the kind of body who is not affected by his surroundings too much, you better practice than watch videos.

[Maximillien]

@Rodrigo I think you don't understand that the problem is not that I don't want to be with my family, I do want, but it's that being with them mean doing things that go against my self-actualisation

[Falk]

5 hours ago, Maximillien said:

PS: sorry for my English, I'm French

So you´re french eh? Better choose : be french or be enlightened ...you can´t have it both ways buddy!  *kidding obvi, living on the boarder to france myself  *

How old are you? if you still live with your parents i guess pretty young? It is normal that they critizize, be glad that you found the self-actualization thing in young years already. Soon you moove out and you can do what you want ..cheers

[Maximillien]

1 minute ago, Falk said:

How old are you?

I'm 20 years old

[Falk]

@Maximillien time to moove out then

[Maximillien]

@Falk I'm kind of out already

[Rodrigo]

@MaximillienAnd im telling you that as long as you think that spending 2 or 3 hour a week sitting with your family (forget they are watching TV) stops you from anything, you will not grow up. I understood everything you said. Tell you a secret....i never watch TV yet everybody thinks i do.