My life is a mess. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Psyche_92]

I just ended my temporary job, which was utterly horrifying. I was very happy to get the chance to work here, because i've been trying for 7+ months to find a new job, but it just didn't work out yet again. This place was full of angry employers, constantly arguing with eachother. I had a fuckton of work to do by myself without knowing 100% what to do. I had to work overtime which wasn't payed. The person that was supposed to teach me the ropes was on drugs during work, and she was going to be fired, so i was supposed to take her place, so she wasn't motivated at all and basically teached me everything wrong or half assed ( i think she wanted to sabotage me or take revenge on me). This resulted in me making a lot of mistakes but also being very slow in my job, which made the manager question me. 

Right now i'm 26 and i'm still living with my overbearing mom. This job gave me a lot of hope and was supposed to lift me out of this shitty position, so i could finally move out and live on my own to have my freedom i desperately need. I can't live at this place anymore, i want my own place. I'm 26 and my mom doesn't seem to understand that i'm not a little child anymore. She keeps pampering me with stuff, and still treats me like her little son. She texts/calls too often, and everytime i tell her about this, she takes it way too serious and get's very mad or uses the excuse that this is how "moms" are. After that she subtile starts pampering me again or starts doing the old stuff again. This repeats itself over and over, and i know this will only stop when i leave this place but i just can't without money.

Right now I probably have to go on unemployment benefits again (  which i feel very ashamed about), which barely get's me through the month since i pay my own food etc.

Besides this i have a crippling porn/masturbation addiction, which i've been fighting for years now. Right now is trying to lure me in again after such a horrible day. I'm trying not to give in, since this would totally ruin the last 5% of motivation that's left to change my situation for the better.

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm out of luck.

 

[Nahm]

@Psyche_92 How’s your daily meditation going? 

[Psyche_92]

9 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Psyche_92 How’s your daily meditation going? 

I'm meditating here and there, but i don't have a consitent practice going anymore because lack of time. Well.. not anymore.

[Nahm]

@Psyche_92 That’d be step 1. 

[Inliytened1]

@Psyche_92 Have you sat down and really thought about what you want to do career wise? Are you in school or learning something new? You can do online IT certs for example where you can get the training at a really low cost if you can't afford college.

Right now it seems you are in the phase of your life where you still need to get the basics down.

As for the addictions one like that shouldn't stop you from accomplishing your basic survival and independence needs unless it is crippling you to the point where it is happening all day every day.

If its mild just dont worry about the addiction so much and focus on your basic needs.  It will eventually need to be addressed but you have to prioritize and may wanna come back to that later...and that may be months or years. If its really crippling you then you need to stop and address that first.

 

Edited May 6, 2019 by Inliytened1

[Psyche_92]

2 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

Have you sat down and really thought about what you want to do career wise?

I did Leo's Life Purpose Course over a year ago and ended up wanting to become a psychologist/psychotherapist. I never really took any action on fulfilling that. Right now i don't really know if that's what i really want to do with my life anymore.

5 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

As for the addictions one like that shouldn't stop you from accomplishing your basic survival and independence needs unless it is crippling you to the point where it is happening all day every day.

It depends. If i relapse i can literally feel like a mindless zombie for over a week and don't feel any motivation to do anything but feel lazy and sluggish.

 

[Inliytened1]

@Psyche_92 i can relate to that.  It took me a decade of that. My twenties were a waste in terms of personal development.  It wasn't until my mid 30s that i started to gain traction.  

You have to try to find something you are passionate about.  Eventually you will get sick and tired of the do nothing phase and you will start making moves. 

For some people it takes decades so you are definitely not anywhere near pressing the panic button.

If you were 42 and living in mom's basement i might have a different attitude but you have plenty of time.  I'm not saying go back to jerking off and getting drunk all day either..although to the ego that's pretty fun.  But you are not at the panic stage yet.

Just relax and do some contemplation.  

[Evilwave Heddy]

Same position two years ago.  Now I have a full time job and found living at home is better for saving money than moving out.  I don't mind this job I have.

 

I currently have plans to move out when I turn 30 and have enough money to move out for a year and live without living paycheck to paycheck.

In that year i hope to find what I really want and really to plan for the future.  Hopefully I can really grow and become waaay more independent than I already am.  It get's me excited thinking about moving out and it gives me the motivation to grind my ass off for the remaining few years (until I turn 30).

I'm also in a verh similar situation with my mother and father.  My mother tries to constantly recommend shit to eat when i get home from work and I'm just like "yeah i dont need your help".  They only care about you at the end of the day and I'm pretty sure they don't want to get news from the police that they found you hanging in some place.

 

Anyway, I think the first step for you is that job.  You need to honestly sit down for hours and get yourself a good job.  From the sounds of it that job is a shit show.  Leave it immediately and find another.  Take a lot of time finding a job you like and you will eventually find one.  (My current job isn't the greatest either, but it's something I think i can bear for another few year)

[studentofthegame]

i can relate to everything you've said.

I too am feeling the pressure of living at my mums house, and we have had a co-dependent relationship over the years. I am 10 years older than you by the way. I am so stunted by not having had significant space of my own over the years, but im biding my time. It'll come. I'm looking forwards to improving my relationships when I have the space for quality solitude.

I am also dealing with addiction to porn and masturbation. I don't have the answer yet, it's an addiction that I've not managed to kill. although I suspect it's at least partly (certainly not entirely) a space issue - I have too many triggers in one room. I don't want a computer in my bedroom and I certainly won't have one when I have a flat or a house of my own.

I recommend the psychology route you are talking about, if you decide to do it. I am about to finish my postgraduate study, and studying psychology is one of the best decisions I've ever made. it's the right environment for me and gives me the freedom I need in a career.