Can you live your entire life without a partner?

[Alex bAlex]

Hey, 

I am curious if you can live a full fulfiled life without having to have a partner or get married.

Is "you need to find the other half" only a social construct, like marriage for example?

To be clear, I am excluding sexual need. Let's say you are ok with sex and you can pick it up whenever you want. In this case, do you still need a partner? 

Thanks.

 

[SFRL]

Sure you can. 

But peoples needs vary trough different phases of their life. Now you might think that way maybe later you will think different. 

Take a look at Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. Leo got a video on that. And you can find the pyramid online. According to that model at some point in your development it becomes a strong need to build close personal relationships. It's debatable if that got to be a family, wife and kids etc. IMO. 

[Bill W]

This is a really good question. I've been wondering the same thing. I'm a guy in my early 40s and been single for 5yrs. Not even a date. No sex. Nothing. Introvert issues and unable to take a risk has played a huge part in that though. I have been in several relationships and have a grown up son. Normally after about a year of being single I would start to force myself onto internet dating but now I have lost all of that drive and feel like I've shut up shop and am destined to be single forever! It doesn't bother me. But the fact it doesn't bother me feels strange. It's like I have lost that inner need to have a companion. 

I kind of hope people will reply "yeh it's fine to be single and you can still be fulfilled". It must be possible, but will you only ever get to a certain level? Like 90% fulfilled at the maximum as a single person? 

The last few relationships I've been in I have ended up wishing I was single and then eventually I was single. I am a little scared. The wrong person can f*** you up. The right person could possibly f*** you up as well! You can see why I am single....

I don't think my perspective on this issue is normal though. I'm shit scared of approaching girls and putting myself out there. I'm probably biased here because i know i don't currently have the mentality to change my situation.

Sorry to hijack your thread....

[Alex bAlex]

@SFRL @Bill W  Thank you for replies. 

I had a bit of thought while I was running and I think that the love that we look to find in the other is just a kind of selfish gratification. I don't remember if I got this from Leo or someone else, but basically, we're looking for another hit of this drug named love, and as long as we can get another hit we'll do everything for our partner. When we deplete the source, we start looking somewhere else. I guess it works both ways. 

What we should look instead is unconditional love, absolute love and then we may not fall into this societal trap. 

I don't watch or advocate any Red pill or mgtwmo or what the fuck their name is. Is just me trying to make sense? Maybe I am just another frustrated chimp. 

Sincerely I start this thread because I am approaching 29 (the last relation was 8 years ago) and I heard some rumours that if you are not stable by 29 then it will be harder. But I know a piece of wisdom which goes like this; "Men age like wine and women age like cheese". I get courage  from this  :)) 

@Bill W

12 hours ago, Bill W said:

I am a little scared.

In the end, I guess the greatest fear is to die alone, but as Leo said, it makes no difference to be alone or with 100 friends and family members around you when you pass away. Yo have to fight your fight, 

Edited May 6, 2019 by Alex bAlex

[Bill W]

48 minutes ago, Alex bAlex said:

@SFRL @Bill W  Thank you for replies. 

I had a bit of thought while I was running and I think that the love that we look to find in the other is just a kind of selfish gratification. I don't remember if I got this from Leo or someone else, but basically, we're looking for another hit of this drug named love, and as long as we can get another hit we'll do everything for our partner. When we deplete the source, we start looking somewhere else. I guess it works both ways. 

@Bill W

I can't remember where I read this but it goes something along the lines of..... we don't love other people, we love how they make us feel, and we love what they do for us. 

[SFRL]

2 hours ago, Alex bAlex said:

@SFRL @Bill W Thank you for replies. 

I had a bit of thought while I was running and I think that the love that we look to find in the other is just a kind of selfish gratification. I don't remember if I got this from Leo or someone else, but basically, we're looking for another hit of this drug named love, and as long as we can get another hit we'll do everything for our partner. When we deplete the source, we start looking somewhere else. I guess it works both ways. 

What we should look instead is unconditional love, absolute love and then we may not fall into this societal trap. 

I don't watch or advocate any Red pill or mgtwmo or what the fuck their name is. Is just me trying to make sense? Maybe I am just another frustrated chimp. 

Sincerely I start this thread because I am approaching 29 (the last relation was 8 years ago) and I heard some rumours that if you are not stable by 29 then it will be harder. But I know a piece of wisdom which goes like this; "Men age like wine and women age like cheese". I get courage  from this  :)) 

@Bill W

In the end, I guess the greatest fear is to die alone, but as Leo said, it makes no difference to be alone or with 100 friends and family members around you when you pass away. Yo have to fight your fight, 

Then where do you find this unconditional love? I don't think it is something that can just be found. I think it is something acquired if it exists at all. At least to an extend. But that makes it not entirely unconditional at then. 

On another note. Dying with all your family by your deathbed sounds nice. But that's the movies. People die while taking a shit on the toilet. Or in a frontal car crash while listening to Cardio B while they were sipping and a Pumpkin Latte. 

Edited May 6, 2019 by SFRL

[XYZ]

Yes and Yes. Single vs. coupled is a false duality, even in the ego world.

Men are fed that narrative that they need to find a partner, and have this unrealistic fantasy of a woman loving (with a lowercase l) them in way only a mother could love her children.

As you get older though, you tend to become happier alone, and genuinely appreciate the peace and calm of solitude.

 

 

[Alex bAlex]

Thank you for your thoughts. Indeed (as I see it so far) we seek completion out of neediness but in the end the inside of us we'll remain lonley (till transcendence? ). 

[Hellspeed]

No if one has not awakened. It will cut lifespan greatly.

[pluto]

lol

[Liger]

Both of my aunts from my dad's side are in their 70's and single, neither of which have ever been married. They live in the same duplex as my other uncle and aunt so they kinda have a family that they see very often (they eat dinner together most of the week and what not), and they consider my cousins their actual children so I guess they have that in their lives. My point is that yes it is possible, but nevertheless, love can allow you to experience some of the highest highs in your existence, and it very well may allow you to experience the lowest lows. But that's how growth occurs =]

[ajasatya]

@Alex bAlex yes, but fully embracing the human experience seems more interesting to me. i mean having children, grandchildren etc.

of course you'd need the right partner for that. i was sure that i was going to become a zen monk and live in celibacy for the rest of my life until i met my wife: an amazing human being committed to the process of learning and practicing human virtues. it was a radical change in perspective for me and also one of the best choices of my life.

[Devi Shanti]

@ajasatya love you 

[Joseph Maynor]

An intimate relationship will make you happier if you're already happy all by yourself.  But an intimate relationship will not make a person happy who is not happy all by themselves.

Edited May 14, 2019 by Joseph Maynor

[Rilles]

In general yes. Being young in a Western society, no, youve been too brainwashed by your desires to pull that off without extreme training. You will suffer alot if you try. Unless youre asexual.

[Aeris]

9 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

An intimate relationship will make you happier if you're already happy all by yourself.  But an intimate relationship will not make a person happy who is not happy all by themselves.

this.

when you stop sleeping, you attract the same gold that is inside you, real light reflect real light and then your own gold shine even more on the path

You discover something on the road, but you never was truly looking for, nothing, and she need nothing aswell,

but still you would be glad to enjoy the road with someone

some ways are better alone, others are better with companionship

 ( the natural and flowing ones )

[LastThursday]

It's an odd question.

Nearly everyone at my age (46) has a partner, family etc.  I don't. So it has pros and cons which I can answer in my naive way:

So, being with a partner:

Pros:

They get financial/emotional/sexual/love support or needs met on tap

Any deficiencies in one partner (say cooking) can be met by the other partner

There is a pride and joy attached to having children

They have bigger houses and more luxurious lives

They have a closer knit community of friends and family

Cons:

They are constantly tired

They need to work consistently and forever to support themselves, it's very hard to deviate from this

No spontaneity, everything must be planned and debated and corroborated with the opposite partner

They are on an endless merry-go-round of visiting family, friends, dinner parties, kids birthdays and kids activities etc.

No time for introspection or inner work or growth

All excitement is bound up in the future. Having a holiday once a year is seen as 'excitement'.

 

So being without a partner:

Pros:

Life style minimalism - everything can be slimmed down an optimised to reduce 'clutter' and not having to be commited to 'mindless' activities

Lots of time for deep introspection and inner work and growth

Spontaneity - living life in the moment and going with the flow

Plenty of sleep and being alert

Being a more 'rounded' and self sufficient person. Everything in your life has to be done by you, with no excuses or using other people as a crutch.

Easy to say 'yes' and 'no' to things that come your way.

Not having to cater to someone else's deficiencies or neediness

Cons:

Increased financial stress - everything is out of your own pocket.

Not having certain sexual or intimate needs satisfied when you need them.

Greater prevalence of boredom or filling time with 'mindless' activites (yes the irony)

A constant stream of friends feeling sorry for you for not having a partner and trying to set you up with one (I pity them)

No one to fallback on or discuss ideas and aspirations with or chew the cud.

No one to motivate you when you need a good kick up the backside

 

PHEW! That feels better. But somehow worse...hmmm

[SFRL]

55 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

It's an odd question.

Nearly everyone at my age (46) has a partner, family etc.  I don't. So it has pros and cons which I can answer in my naive way:

So, being with a partner:

Pros:

They get financial/emotional/sexual/love support or needs met on tap

Any deficiencies in one partner (say cooking) can be met by the other partner

There is a pride and joy attached to having children

They have bigger houses and more luxurious lives

They have a closer knit community of friends and family

Cons:

They are constantly tired

They need to work consistently and forever to support themselves, it's very hard to deviate from this

No spontaneity, everything must be planned and debated and corroborated with the opposite partner

They are on an endless merry-go-round of visiting family, friends, dinner parties, kids birthdays and kids activities etc.

No time for introspection or inner work or growth

All excitement is bound up in the future. Having a holiday once a year is seen as 'excitement'.

 

So being without a partner:

Pros:

Life style minimalism - everything can be slimmed down an optimised to reduce 'clutter' and not having to be commited to 'mindless' activities

Lots of time for deep introspection and inner work and growth

Spontaneity - living life in the moment and going with the flow

Plenty of sleep and being alert

Being a more 'rounded' and self sufficient person. Everything in your life has to be done by you, with no excuses or using other people as a crutch.

Easy to say 'yes' and 'no' to things that come your way.

Not having to cater to someone else's deficiencies or neediness

Cons:

Increased financial stress - everything is out of your own pocket.

Not having certain sexual or intimate needs satisfied when you need them.

Greater prevalence of boredom or filling time with 'mindless' activites (yes the irony)

A constant stream of friends feeling sorry for you for not having a partner and trying to set you up with one (I pity them)

No one to fallback on or discuss ideas and aspirations with or chew the cud.

No one to motivate you when you need a good kick up the backside

 

PHEW! That feels better. But somehow worse...hmmm

I completely recognize what you are describing. 

[memocappa]

@LastThursday hahaha. I really liked your breakdown.

[kindayellow]

@Alex bAlex i would say for sure yes. In fact, from the way you phrased the questions, it sounds like you believe that to be a full/completed person, you need a partner, and that's exactly what a co-dependent relationship is, and thats a very unhealthy type of relationship. Long lasting relationships are when two people come together that are good being on their own, they don't need someone to feel like a complete person. My parents have been married for over 20 years, and most of my friends back in high school had divorced parents, most relationships are co dependant and it's the reason there's like a 50% divorce rate lol, and from what I see, both my parents are independent but just simply enjoy eachothers company's and that's why they've been together for so long.