WTF am I supposed to do ?!

[sarapr]

making money online as Nahm said could be possibly a good idea but would only work for businesses you can have within the country cause international banking transactions are sanctioned

I did make some money online here and it was a translation job I did, you could do the same since your English is also good. but if you go to a university in your own country and then get a career after that and like you said have a fine normal life like your parents everything would be just so much easier, you could still change certain things after that and that would be probably the best time to do it as well cause anything you'd want to do sooner than that wouldn't work anyway 

[sarapr]

@Sidra having shed my tears i feel a bit better to see things in a better light so i just wanted to add you could still make it if you think really really outside the box, immense amount of creativity and problem solving you could actually manipulate your way around and make things work, it's still doable i guess maybe the future would hold better opportunities for you, you never know 

you know coming here writing all this to you, it almost feels like i'm giving advice to myself considering i have exactly the same situation and doing that made me realize one thing: stop caring so much about shit in general

cause when I'm directing my advice to someone else i'm no longer preoccupied with my own ego and my own survival so i just care about the whole thing way less than i'd normally do. that has sth valuable to learn from it, if you stop caring so much about your ego and your survival at least life wouldn't be so painful and tortures all the time cause when you're just thinking about your ego every tiny little thing will hurt as if your life would end this second, keep that in mind and i'll do the same as well 

Edited May 11, 2019 by sarapr

[Truth Addict]

@sarapr 

You sound very depressed, and stuck in a loop of negative thoughts.

Well, the good news is that thoughts are not reality, so why not having positive ones instead?

For example: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belt_and_Road_Initiative

Most of what you said is fine, but still, there's more work for you to do, you deserve better, start thinking positively and change will happen naturally.

Don't give up on life, that's the point of the future being unknown, is that it always surprises us.

Who knows? You might get married to a knight with a shining armor who is capable of changing everything for you, and I don't mean only financially, I mean literally everything.

Until then, learn how to look at the full half of the glass, do your best, keep doing what gives you light and hole, forgive yourself and others, let go of imagination, keep following Leo and spirituality, give yourself the time and space to feel good and explore new things.

It's just a phase, and you are doing great.

Stay strong.

[Sidra]

Wow.. Looking back at this now is amazing.

Y'all I found a way out!! lol

I put in so much work into applying to universities abroad and now I am going to Princeton to start my studies with a full scholarship in 20 days!! I almost can't believe it's true. No more being restricted. No more feeling physically stuck.

[mohdanas]

On 04/05/2019 at 10:20 PM, Sidra said:

Hey guys !
sorry if this postis too long , I tried to write this as summarized as I could and I'd love to hear what u guys think I should do !!

A lil background abt me :
I'm a 17 year old girl , I was born in Syria and as u prolly know there has been a war goin on in here for like 8 years !
Long story short ! I had my enough share of trauma from this war !!
Me n my siblings left to a ( relatively ) safe city to get education since it wasn't safe where we used to live.. so we managed to stay alive till now haha

I come from an extremely religious family.. very strict parents !
For some reason , ever since I was a child I was determined to find the ( ABSOLUTE TRUTH ) n figure out how the universe works n why we exist !
I spent years researching religions thinking id find answers in there (esp Islam due to my upbringing ) !
Till abt a year ago I got out of the ideology bubble n started to see the bullshit in mainstream religion ! It has been a very long journey

Anyhow ! That being said !
I want to get the fuck out of this country !
One of my highest values is freedom n I don't even have the slightest bit of it having to live with my parents and here in this "blue" society !

Idk if any of u can relate but I'm actually restricted in here..being a girl in a patriarchal society..Having to follow all the rigid Islamic teachings that I don't believe in anymore ( wearing the headscarf , traditional prayer..etc ) which makes me feel like a hypocrite.. which is aslo not aligned with another one of my highest values (authenticity )
Being controled to the point where I'm not even allowed to go out unless I have classes or school !!
It feels like suffocating !!

Also living in an extremely underdeveloped society is no help for growth (which is also one of my highest values ) anyhow I'm trying my best not to let where I currently live put me in a box but at the end of the day all I have is this device I can see the world through from my lil room n I'm tryina make the best use of it ! This virtual world.. it has taken me so far but it's not enough !

So abt my parents
I don't wanna make them feel bad but it's really hard cuz we now have TOTALLY different value systems.. they see life in a totally different way than I do !! ( my parents r like the epitome of stage blue "Islamic style haha" )

I either will have to bite the bullet and stay here living my life the way they want me to ( restricted and under control , study medicine and become a doctor like them, get married and have kids and indoctrinate them with the Islamic ideology and keep dressing and acting and living the way they want me to live )
Which will hinder my seeking of TRUTH !!
Plus I wouldn't be living true to my highest values which would end up making me miserable !

Or I see another option which is that I'd have to leave without their approval ! ( which I'm afraid I might not be able to do because of financial stuff / and because it'd be so incredibly hard to say goodbye to my parents forever.. I wish they could just understand but I'm afraid that's technically impossible giving how strict and ideological they r.. I can see how hard it would be to "disappoint" them and never be able to have their support )

So if I find a way to leave it would be heartbreaking but at the same time liberating and what I really want !

so Am I overlooking sth in here ?!
Are there any other options I could go abt getting my freedom ?

Also if they knew I don't believe in Islam anymore they would have to disown me ( according to the religion ! ) and it would make them feel really really terrible.. it would make them hate me ( which I understand ) but the thing that's been eating me up is that it'd cause them pain !

P.s. I'm currently preparing for baccalaureate ( which is the last year high school )
So I don't wanna rush through this ! I can say I still have 1 year and a half to sort this through !
So once I wrap my mind abt what I should do ( prolly apply for a scholarship or ..( I'd like to hear more suggestions ) )

So basically.. the obstacles are :
1_ My parents ( for the mentioned reasons )

2_Financial stuff I'm still not sure how to handle cuz I also wanna continue my education! ( but guess that's not big cuz I'm willing to work hard to become financially independent )

3_ not being sure how to do this on my own yet ! ( like where should I travel to ? How am I gonna afford living on my own ? )

4_ general fears and limiting beliefs about myself.. fears of failure and not being able to make it on my own..and fear of ending up alone in a country where I can barely make a living and have no support

P.s. I'm now working on 2/3/4

But what's really eating me up is number 1

Are my freedom and dreams ( and living life the way I want n living to my fullest potential in order to find fulfillment and be able to add value to the world n help others and live with the ppl I want to live with n share our gifts n growth together !...etc )

worth having to say goodbye to my parents for good ?!

Or should I give up on all of this n live the way they want me to.. the way they think would make them and esp " Allah " lol,  n me happy ( but in fact is not ) ?!!

I'd love to hear what u guys think n I'd also love it if u could possibly point out the shit in what I'm thinking or overlooking !
N overall advice on what I should be doin in this regard !

?

I am a muslim with such parents.

And as you know, men have to carry duty/responsibility as one of the highest value above their own freedom/independent choices. 

I recently married for my mom, I wouldn't take the emotional pressure. And since then I have become so numb, I hardly feel any excitement or fun, I sacrificed huge parts of myself. My wife knows about my pain, and it is a very bittersweet relationship as we both are kind and loving souls but I didn't wanted this and I cannot force love...

My advice for you would be to develop strength, take care of your health everyday, and work on your finances. If you feel like you want to have the option to choose yourself then choose strength first of all. 

Then, to be honest. As someone who is feeling the pain of pleasing  their parents, I would like you to be free. And your parents seem to be even more traditionalist than my parents. My advice for you would be to not feel guilty choosing yourself, you have to be happy yourself before you can make other people happy, people even our parents should be responsible for their own happiness, if you choose them sacrificing your own self then there would be resent-fullness and anger in your heart, you will loose the excitement and joy of life if you would be stuck forever. 

 

[MarkKol]

She from Syria but she writes like she from the HOOD

 

Move countries through school if you're good at studying and have good grades, every child eventually leaves home? So I don't understand what's with all this "I don't want to leave them" bullshit? So whats the alternative? You're just going to stay with your parents forever? What you probably don't understand is that not leaving home is a disservice to your parents, why? Because you will get so bitter you'll eventually start acting up, and you'll hurt them because of that. 

 

People who leave their parents early are the ones who respect their parents the most, if you stay you'll start to hate them, and you won't be able to suppress that hatred. 

 

You're still young so do it now. Girl you live in the middle east. if Jesus Christ comes again, he won't be handing out free visas. 

 

Where do you want to live? I don't even have to check, I already know that Syria has one of the worst passports in the world. And don't try to immigrate illegally! At least not to Europe. They have cops with thermal binoculars and night cameras everywhere with prisons build (specifically for immigrants) at every EU-NonEU border. maybe it's a little racist for me to assume that, but I'm just trying to be helpful and idk what you're thinking. Again, where do you want to live? And what languages do you know?