WTF am I supposed to do ?!

[Sidra]

Hey guys !
sorry if this postis too long , I tried to write this as summarized as I could and I'd love to hear what u guys think I should do !!

A lil background abt me :
I'm a 17 year old girl , I was born in Syria and as u prolly know there has been a war goin on in here for like 8 years !
Long story short ! I had my enough share of trauma from this war !!
Me n my siblings left to a ( relatively ) safe city to get education since it wasn't safe where we used to live.. so we managed to stay alive till now haha

I come from an extremely religious family.. very strict parents !
For some reason , ever since I was a child I was determined to find the ( ABSOLUTE TRUTH ) n figure out how the universe works n why we exist !
I spent years researching religions thinking id find answers in there (esp Islam due to my upbringing ) !
Till abt a year ago I got out of the ideology bubble n started to see the bullshit in mainstream religion ! It has been a very long journey

Anyhow ! That being said !
I want to get the fuck out of this country !
One of my highest values is freedom n I don't even have the slightest bit of it having to live with my parents and here in this "blue" society !

Idk if any of u can relate but I'm actually restricted in here..being a girl in a patriarchal society..Having to follow all the rigid Islamic teachings that I don't believe in anymore ( wearing the headscarf , traditional prayer..etc ) which makes me feel like a hypocrite.. which is aslo not aligned with another one of my highest values (authenticity )
Being controled to the point where I'm not even allowed to go out unless I have classes or school !!
It feels like suffocating !!

Also living in an extremely underdeveloped society is no help for growth (which is also one of my highest values ) anyhow I'm trying my best not to let where I currently live put me in a box but at the end of the day all I have is this device I can see the world through from my lil room n I'm tryina make the best use of it ! This virtual world.. it has taken me so far but it's not enough !

So abt my parents
I don't wanna make them feel bad but it's really hard cuz we now have TOTALLY different value systems.. they see life in a totally different way than I do !! ( my parents r like the epitome of stage blue "Islamic style haha" )

I either will have to bite the bullet and stay here living my life the way they want me to ( restricted and under control , study medicine and become a doctor like them, get married and have kids and indoctrinate them with the Islamic ideology and keep dressing and acting and living the way they want me to live )
Which will hinder my seeking of TRUTH !!
Plus I wouldn't be living true to my highest values which would end up making me miserable !

Or I see another option which is that I'd have to leave without their approval ! ( which I'm afraid I might not be able to do because of financial stuff / and because it'd be so incredibly hard to say goodbye to my parents forever.. I wish they could just understand but I'm afraid that's technically impossible giving how strict and ideological they r.. I can see how hard it would be to "disappoint" them and never be able to have their support )

So if I find a way to leave it would be heartbreaking but at the same time liberating and what I really want !

so Am I overlooking sth in here ?!
Are there any other options I could go abt getting my freedom ?

Also if they knew I don't believe in Islam anymore they would have to disown me ( according to the religion ! ) and it would make them feel really really terrible.. it would make them hate me ( which I understand ) but the thing that's been eating me up is that it'd cause them pain !

P.s. I'm currently preparing for baccalaureate ( which is the last year high school )
So I don't wanna rush through this ! I can say I still have 1 year and a half to sort this through !
So once I wrap my mind abt what I should do ( prolly apply for a scholarship or ..( I'd like to hear more suggestions ) )

So basically.. the obstacles are :
1_ My parents ( for the mentioned reasons )

2_Financial stuff I'm still not sure how to handle cuz I also wanna continue my education! ( but guess that's not big cuz I'm willing to work hard to become financially independent )

3_ not being sure how to do this on my own yet ! ( like where should I travel to ? How am I gonna afford living on my own ? )

4_ general fears and limiting beliefs about myself.. fears of failure and not being able to make it on my own..and fear of ending up alone in a country where I can barely make a living and have no support

P.s. I'm now working on 2/3/4

But what's really eating me up is number 1

Are my freedom and dreams ( and living life the way I want n living to my fullest potential in order to find fulfillment and be able to add value to the world n help others and live with the ppl I want to live with n share our gifts n growth together !...etc )

worth having to say goodbye to my parents for good ?!

Or should I give up on all of this n live the way they want me to.. the way they think would make them and esp " Allah " lol,  n me happy ( but in fact is not ) ?!!

I'd love to hear what u guys think n I'd also love it if u could possibly point out the shit in what I'm thinking or overlooking !
N overall advice on what I should be doin in this regard !

?

[Maha Nassoum]

❤❤❤

[Truth Addict]

@Sidra

I can relate, A LOT.

I've been and am still there, but I have changed, and then everything has changed too, not by will, but rather by force.

I'll pm you with more details..

❤️

Edited May 4, 2019 by Truth Addict

[Shin]

???

[Sidra]

1 minute ago, Truth Addict said:

@Sidra

I can relate, A LOT.

I've been and am still there, but I have changed, and then everything has changed too, not by will, but rather by force.

I'll pm you with more details..

❤️

Interesting !!

I'd love to ! ?

[Sidra]

@Maha Nassoum

@Shinthx u guys ! ??

I was kinda hoping for advice tho ya know ??

[Shin]

I don't know how you could do it, but I still wanted to cheer you up ?

[bejapuskas]

3 minutes ago, Sidra said:

I was kinda hoping for advice tho ya know ??

Leo should make a video about this! ?❤  Stay strong! (sorry for no advice)

I will try to think about this though, when I will have nothing better to do. (most of the time)

Edited May 4, 2019 by bejapuskas

[Rigel]

1 hour ago, Sidra said:

Or should I give up on all of this n live the way they want me to..

I don't think it's a wise way to go.

Live up to what you want and if that means leaving your parents so be it...

Follow your intuition, you seem interested in reality and truth and my advice would be to follow that.

I know there's no easy way to go about this but I wish you all the best!?

[Truth Addict]

5 minutes ago, Rigel said:

I don't think it's a wise way to go.

Live up to what you want and if that means leaving your parents so be it...

Follow your intuition, you seem interested in reality and truth and my advice would be to follow that.

I know there's no easy way to go about this but I wish you all the best!?

It's not like that in Syria.

Your advice might work in America, Europe, and other free countries.

But here, it's become very difficult for a guy to become financially independent, and for girls, it's nearly impossible both before and during the war.

The best thing for Sidra to do is to become in alignment with her parents, so that she gains their support, until she graduates from university, and after that she gets to decide what's next.

Here in Syria, a full time job can barely pay your rent, food is very expensive, transportation is expensive, currency is at its worst.

Or, a miracle can happen right now and change everything for Sidra. I hope so.

[Angelite]

@Sidra  

First, there's no such thing as forced

Second, aren't you're excited about Ramadan?

[Sidra]

@Shin @bejapuskas thx ! ?

Haha okay waitin !

[Sidra]

@Rigel I know !

I think so ! 

[Shin]

Don't do anything rash.

Get your degree and job as a doctor.

 

There may be solutions that could work that I don't know of, but If I'm not mistaken, the Syria passport doesn't allow to live in another country ?

 

Maybe working at the Red Cross or other international organization like this could get around the visa issue.

 

Definitely don't get into ideological fight, about the religion or your lifestyle, I may be seeing this in a worse light than the reality of it, but that could be very dangerous for you.

 

I'm sure there is a solution, just don't do anything rash that could put you in danger, and study the problem deeply.

Don't hesitate to come here ask again once in a while, it's not that we don't care, we just don't know how to help you, but I'm sure there is a solution.

[Sidra]

@Truth Addict

reality checks truth addict !! Reality checks !

 

I did let them ruin sth so beautiful, sth I didn't necessarily have to lose in my life before !

 

I'm afraid if I listen to them this time again I will regret that when I end up even more stuck in here !

U see what I mean ?

[Sidra]

@Angelite haha don't get me started on Ramadan ! I am exited abt it tho ! Except not in the same way I used to before! How about u ?

[Shin]

Also you need to understand Sidra,

Freedom is totally internal and not external, you can be free even in your situation.

Of course you would prefer to be free physically too, and that will most likely happen if you're patient,

But in the meantime you could use this difficult situation of yours to free yourself for real, by seeing what you are existentially speaking.

In a sense, you have an environment and a desire that could make that possible for you extremely fast.

It's the tough situations in life that forces us to awaken, this or an intense desire to know the Truth.

Everything else is a luxury and paradoxically can work against it.

 

[Sidra]

@Shin u r right I'm not gonna rush through anything now !

But hey I don't even want to study medicine  !

Let alone it takes at least 7 years to finish studying in here ! Without even having specialized in some field !

I don't want to become a doctor !!

Also I don't wanna spend my youth years hating my life ! U see ?

9 minutes ago, Shin said:

Definitely don't get into ideological fight, about the religion or your lifestyle, I may be seeing this in a worse light than the reality of it, but that could be very dangerous for you.

 

U r right.. in no way is arguing my parents abt their ideology gonna make it any better

[Shin]

Ok then maybe changing your degree might be a good idea.

It's not about religion or a more conscious lifestyle per say (at least not directly).

You could make your parents understand what other degree you really want to do.

[now is forever]

@Sidra wow, well there are some options, but it will certainly be tough to do it. one option is to study abroad in a country without study fees. if you’d do that you would need to work pretty hard and consequent in one or maybe two part time jobs and live in a student dorm or a shared housing. i guess it’s still possible to study abroad in european countries. be sure to have a plan b though.