Calming the mind and Self-inquiry

[Anirban657]

In this self-actualization journal, I will write about how I calm the mind and how I use self-inquiry to know myself. 

I am Anirban, 19, from India, and I am a lover of singing, meditation and writing. 

My current condition on 1st May 2019-

I feel a sensation of heaviness around my head which started when I was more neurotic than now and went through extreme physical stress. I will be working on that too and keep posting my progress. Of course I will calm the mind through meditation and know myself through self-inquiry. 

Right now  I just finished doing self-inquiry and I don't think it went well. My mind was full of doubts if I was doing self-inquiry right. Also since I have a headache, I reduced the duration of meditation to 10 minutes. I will talk to my reiki master and also the doctors if they can help with the headache. 

I also think that maybe this headache is not really a physical issue but a psychosomatic issue. Maybe my mind is creating this pain to prevent me from doing meditation. But then if that's true why would it happen for over 1 year. Yes, its been 1 year. 

Hope I can continue this journal and not procrastinate or give up.

Thanks for reading.

[Anirban657]

I have been reading Bagavan Sri Ramana Maharishi's Be As You Are. And I feel a bit depressed. I mean how can I stop seeking? Sri Ramana says that there is nothing to realise and I am already what I am seeking. I just need to drop the thought that I am the body. 

Honestly I find it hard to believe because I have not experienced it in my direct experience. 

I realised that I need to calm the mind and become aware of my ignorance. Meditation is what I am doing and also self-inquiry. And emotions are coming up. 

This week I will go to Ramakrishna Mission and ask some of my doubts. 

I will continue my practice and keep an open mind.

[Zigzag Idiot]

25 minutes ago, Anirban657 said:

I just need to drop the thought that I am the body.

I will express my truth and if it is of no use to you, by all means, please disregard it.

I am not the body. Nor am I the thoughts and feelings which comprise the personality/ego. 

I am the silent witness who has no opinions.

 

Quote from Maurice Nicoll - 

THE FEELING OF NOTHINGNESS 

“When the Work says that a man must come to realize his own nothingness before he can be re-born, it does not mean that he must humble himself and so on, but that he must by long self-observation actually begin to realize that he is nothing and that there is no such person as himself. The object of this is to get into a position, psycho- logically speaking, between the opposites...Why is it so important
to get somewhere into the centre of the pendulum and not swing to and fro? Because here, between the opposites, lie all the possibilities of growth. Here influences from higher levels can reach us. Here, in this place where one can feel one’s own nothingness (and where one is therefore free from contradictions), influences and meanings coming from higher centres, which have no contradictions, can be felt. Not regarding yourself as good or bad, not priding yourself on being just or otherwise, not thinking you are well-treated or badly-treated, not being caught by either movement through identifying, you come into this mid-position. This is not easy! With personality active, it is impossible.

[Anirban657]

@Zigzag Idiot I agree maybe you are right. I need to verify with my experience first. 

When I say that I am not the body then that's a really radical statement, it means that I am the Self, I am consciousness. I don't know what that means though except theoretically. 

Thanks for commenting.

[Anirban657]

Today I did self-enquiry and I felt that I was able to go deeper. As Sri Ramana Maharishi says be aware of the I-thought. I tried doing that. I failed many times but once or twice I felt like I was making progress. 

Leo says be aware of the emptiness. I guess it's the same thing as being aware of the I-thought or I-ness or I-am-ness or awareness. 

I will continue this self-enquiry and practice meditation daily. 

I am seeking what I am seeking because I want freedom from my thoughts which create suffering for me.

 

[Anirban657]

I did self-inquiry today. As long as I was aware of I, there were minimum thoughts or no thoughts. I mean whenever thoughts came,I asked to whom is this thought occuring? 

I think I have yet to perfect my self-inquiry. I don't know if I am making error.

I am not thinking, I am aware of the I-ness. Language is such a barrier.

I am not sure if I am able to convey my doubts properly. What if what I am doing correctly is thought of being as wrong a d the thing that I am doing wrong is being thought of as correct.

I will go to the Ramakrishna Math this week or the next week and see if I can get my doubts cleared.

Thanks for reading.

[Anirban657]

Today finally I am going to Belur Math.

I will ask the guru what am I?Who am I?

I want a hint at least to the absolute.

[Anirban657]

I talked to Maharajji at Belur Math. He said before birth and after death we are with God. He also said that my dharma is to study, help people, do good work and help my parents, and follow my passion. 

That is the meaning of life. In this dualistic human life that is dharma. 

I was at peace when he said this. His presence felt true. Maybe he is enlightened.

[Anirban657]

So I now know my dharma and that we are with God after death. He also said that according to our karma we are born again accordingly. 

But honestly I am satisfied with that answer.

 

[Anirban657]

I will make my mind calm for self-inquiry. I am unable to quiet my mind right now. But I will hopefully be able to do it in the future. 

I am doing OM meditation and guided meditations. 

I am also doing reiki to heal my chakras.

[Anirban657]

Although this journal is named Calming the mind and Self-inquiry, I am want to change the name to Calming the mind and Finding myself. I am getting lost in thoughts whenever I sit to self-inquire. This is tough for me. But I can meditate and recently I am interested in Karma Yoga. The science of doing work. 

I find it interesting and I am going to do it. 

I also an getting more active in life. Like trying to get a girlfriend and doing my studies more seriously. 

Swami Vivekananda says it very nicely in his book Karma Yoga that one can do work in a way that it will remove the ignorance from the mind and knowledge is revealed.

I think that's a very worthy goal.

[Anirban657]

I am not going to write in this journal anymore and I am changing to another journal called "Karma Yoga Journey".

Thank you for reading!