I have no friends.

[ivankiss]

Zero. Nada. Niente.

Closest to a friend is my girlfriend. But that's not the same. We've been living in a third world country for the past year or so. Making new friends here is nearly impossible. 

The gap is too big.

Before we moved from Europe, we spent a year in hardcore isolation, barely socializing at all. And even when we did, it was with her friends. All we were about was personal development/spiritual expansion. We were mainly focused on establishing a steady source of income online. As well as healing the wounds of past. Purifying. All with the power of our unconditional love. Was not a walk in a park. But we're both warriors. Strong and dedicated.

Can't say the work did not pay off. But there is a hole. A missing link.

I was always a lone wulf. Was used to being alone all the time since I was a child. Music being my only true friend that never turned it's back on me. I gave my everything. Sacrificed a lot. No regret. No second guessing. I'd choose the same path all over again. But I can't help myself but feel a longing for deep, honest, pure and strong friendships. 

As a teenager, I was in several bands. Playing shows and hanging with some really cool, older peeps. It was awesome. But all of it was temporary. A passage. All "friends" slowly but surely disappeared from my experience. I was always called to move forward, while others remained in their comfort zones. 

Nothing changed.

To this day I am a wanderer. A passenger of life. And I don't see that changing anytime soon. I love it. I cannot imagine being tied down to one location only. 

One guy remained out of a thousand passing by. A childhood buddy. He's living in the country I was born in. I always looked at him as a brother. A soul mate of some sort. Our connection was strong. We would hang 24/7 whenever I visited my hometown, which was not very often. Online communication was always brief. We knew it would be much jucier live. And it always was. 

It was just on a obviously deeper level. Resonance was high. Synchronicity. Telepathy. Laughter. Tears. Love. Support. Spirituality. Intellect. All of it. I had no thoughts about us not being best friends till the end of our journeys. 

But turns out; I was over-romanticizing the whole thing. Big times. It's a bad habit. All out of neediness and desperation. I blew the whole story up. Got attached to the idea of my soul buddy too much. It had to pop sooner or later. 

The incompatibility is now obvious. We chose two totally different paths. No more resonance. More like dissonance and triggering. And he seems to be not willing to communicate about the topic. I have no reason to force anything. I consciously decided to fully let go of him today, as gay as it may sound. No more best buddy waiting just for me, somewhere, on the other side of the globe. No more delusion. No more friends.

It hurts though. 

I really praised him in my mind all the time. Spoke of him highly. Thought of him divinely.

All because I never really had a friend by my side, at all.

I know this is a phase. I'll do my business in this country and move on. That was the plan all along. I'll meet new people. I'll bond. I am open, outgoing and easy to interact with. It just seems so far away at this moment. 

This forum is my only friend now. It always listens patiently. 

 

 

 

[now is forever]

? it does, doesn’t it? even if it doesn’t. 

what country are you living in? sounds pretty interesting and wild. i realized it takes around half a year to get to know someone - friendship starts after one year or so. real friendship goes on for a lifetime, even though you might have overestimated a person, real friendship can forgive differences can forgive the touch of time. he remains in your heart doesn’t he.

Edited April 30, 2019 by now is forever

[ivankiss]

@now is forever Sri Lanka 

It's wild, indeed. Can get exhausting. And that sense of not belonging anywhere comes knocking on the door, every once in a while. 

I feel your words though. I know deep friendships are not established over night. Hence my sadness. I lost more than just a buddy. It was really a soul thing.

But still, I do not aim to slam the door forever. It may blossom into something new and better, eventually. It's just obviously right for this very moment. Can't keep dragging the story with me around the world. Gotta overcome my habit of over-romanticizing everything. I suppose it's an artist thing, lol.

[Shin]

Adopt a doggo

[ivankiss]

@Shin That would require me to settle down. But when I do; I'll name him Shin.  

[Shin]

I'm the doggo of nobody !

[ivankiss]

@Shin ?

 

[outlandish]

4 hours ago, ivankiss said:

@now is forever Sri Lanka 

Do you surf? It's a good lone wolf sport. I hear good things about the surf in Sri Lanka.

Maybe in the same way that you you over-bromanticized your bud you're now over-detaching, as a polar response? Does it have to be all or nothing?

[ivankiss]

@outlandish Haven't got the chance to learn just yet. But I strongly resonate with the idea. Would love to learn and sure will at some point. Could also bond that way, possibly. Thanks for suggesting 

Also had a thought about "over-reacting" regarding the friend. And I probably did, yes. But as I mentioned; it seems relevant this way now. After all, me letting go of him doesn't really change anything. We were barely in touch. Did not see each other in more than two years.

It's really just a story I am detaching from.

Edited April 30, 2019 by ivankiss

[DrewNows]

@ivankissAre you okay with this? (No friends) 

Maybe this has created a limiting belief.

i do actually believe a deep friendship can easily be formed in 1 night, perhaps much sooner. This looks like a huge opportunity to grow on the spiritual path through human interaction 

redefining friendship, leaving judgement, expectations and your identity behind; viewing every single being you interact with as a friend/as yourself. Imagine a strong bond in a matter of seconds, a friendship within 5 minutes (this is a real deep connection). The truth is friends are suppose to come and go; they help us grow, support us and, without attachments, the more friends the merrier

I can see this is more challenging where you live but opportunities will arise out of your desire. 

I’m in a newish city since my spiritual journey and this is basically my next step as I’ve spent a long time in complete aloneness here. I can see relationships (specifically intimate) will expand my love exponentially as I embrace the opportunities I have to create bonds around my daily activities 

 

[ivankiss]

@DrewNows Cool response. Thanks!

There definitely is a misaligned belief. And I'm obviously not happy about not having friends. But I accept it. I role with it. Always have been. I guess I always looked at it as a necessary sacrifice that my mission/purpose required. Although it sounds really stupid now that I wrote it down. Even though it might have been true at some point. 

I always had this stupid sense, as if I was just "way out there" and nobody could really "follow my steps". Or be on the "same level" as I am. May come off as cocky and arrogant, but I didn't have that attitude at all, really. I was mainly sad about it and after a while I just stopped hoping. It's a weird inner contradiction. Goes quite deep; must dive in.

Also had experiences of strong connections forming over night, mainly while I was living in Portugal. Met some really awesome peeps there. But all faded as soon as I moved on. I guess I was not ready to sustain and nurture those connections. Was focused on personal stuff. Dark night kicked in hard.

Dunno. Might be talking nonsense. Am I being a complete noob about this? 

Me isolating myself with my gf is also a huge factor. I realize this was preventing me from forming new friendships/nurturing old ones. But again, cannot deny the relevance at that particular time period. It could not go down any other way.

I sense that change is needed. Gotta rewire regarding the topic. Feeling quite excited now, to be honest. New is always good.

Thanks ya'all!

 

Edited April 30, 2019 by ivankiss

[DrewNows]

@ivankisscool man. Yeah acceptance is a must but you can take it further by acknowledging your own power behind all your relationships. You made becoming a lone wolf necessary for your path, therefore it was your intention/desire.

Back in school I had a fear of Intimate relationships so I used my passion as an excuse not to really even talk to or form personal friendships/relationships with girls. This bit me in the ass later on but at the time it had become completely necessary

Not saying this is your situation but my brother also isolated himself with his last gf and they moved away together against his true desire. She was very controlling, he couldn’t see it at the time but I knew it wouldn’t last. Wow come to think of it he’s been this way with all his girl friends, they would pull him away from his friends and he would lose his own social life (he’d only become a part of hers). I think this was his unconsciously desired dynamic. 

Anyways you can be aware of the boundaries created within friendships/connections. We often create expectations for ourselves about how it should be and impose those onto the other individuals. But what if you stopped having expectations for yourself. I feel like as we get older, connections without these becomes a must. 

Some of my old friendships were actually ones with a lot of expectations involved and I’ve noticed this and have been changing my behavior. Some friends have moved on but I’m adamant in changing the dynamic. It’s one thing to give someone 100% of your focus but to treat them/think of them as different or above others is something to reconsider 

 

 

[DrewNows]

I suppose all the relationships we have can be seen as the reflections of the relationship we hold with ourselves  (not sure if this is accurate but it seems this way ha) 

[now is forever]

@ivankiss oh i love geoffrey bawa - and his scholars, love string hoppers and coconut sambol and especially love sri lankan ayurveda. have been two times already. i know it’s not easy for sure. sri lankan dogs are the cutest, my favorite. if i‘d ever want to have a dog i‘d take a sri lankan pariha mix street dog ?.  how can you not have friends there? sorry... but i only met really nice people there. maybe because i met them in my leisure time. also sri lankan buddhism bears an obvious key element other schools use to forget.

 

Edited May 1, 2019 by now is forever

[ivankiss]

@now is forever Never said they're not nice. But I guess I was just too business oriented this year. Did not have an intention of making friends, at all.

Sure you can meet cool peeps everywhere and establish good, surface level friendships. And that I did. But that's not what I am longing for. I am talking about deep, soul connections. Then again; intention. Willingness.

Gotta open up for possibilities now. 

Sri Lanka is great tho. Minus the terrorist attacks that have been recently going down haha. 

We used to go around and feed stray dogs/cats often. Bonded strongly with a doggie while we were living in North Kaluthara. I named him Rocky. He used to follow me around everywhere. A great companion. It was love at first sight heh. Will always have a special place in my heart.

Anyhow; our visit here is slowly coming to an end. Will see what the future holds. 

[ivankiss]

9 hours ago, DrewNows said:

I suppose all the relationships we have can be seen as the reflections of the relationship we hold with ourselves  (not sure if this is accurate but it seems this way ha) 

Yup. Cannot deny.

It is obvious to me that introspection is needed. I must inquire. Reorient. 

I am happy that I shed light on this aspect. Was neglecting it too much. Feeling great about the transformation now.

Thanks for your assistance. I really appreciate it. 

?

Edited May 1, 2019 by ivankiss

[now is forever]

@ivankiss yes, i see, there is a difference between acquaintances and friendship. friendship developes better with soul connection 

i‘m sure if you put some effort in it to network you can find new friends at the next home. for myself i know, i could have made so many friends who where just random acquaintances if i‘d have put some time and effort into it. next time you meet someone you feel a soul connection to. try to spend time with them - it’s pretty much like dating, with friends, too. until then there is the spongebubble. full of soulmates. even stray dogs and cats are roaming around. 

Edited May 1, 2019 by now is forever

[mandyjw]

Your love for that friend is beautiful, and it's courage. Having the ability to love like that will serve you well in life. 

I did the same thing with my same sex best friend, I got way too clingy and attached. We stopped talking for an entire year when she got involved with some people who I didn't like. They were the opposite of everything I was trying to do in my life at the time. I tried to make new friends but it was like I cursed from the start because I felt like something was wrong with me because I didn't have friends and I saw it a problem to be fixed. 

We both had to go our separate paths then. We healed the friendship and it's stronger than ever and she is a huge part of my spiritual journey right now. One thing that helped when i was friendless was just opening myself up to connecting with anyone and everyone around me. I stopped judging them for being less intelligent, a different age or a different place in life. I tried to connect with them in a way in which I was expecting and wanting nothing from them whatsoever. You can do this no matter what country you are in. Master the art of love without expectation and friends will come to you. 

 

[ivankiss]

@mandyjw That's beautiful.

Thank you for sharing your story. Can resonate. I sense the possibility of something similar happening between me and my buddy. I'm sure the wheel will turn when least expected.

Great set of advices, thanks again. I became aware of pretty much the same last night. Today; I was already walking the roads of Sri Lanka as a new guy. Open for all possibilities. I sense a great shift regarding the topic. Strangers smiling back at me more than usually was an instant confirmation. So grateful for being part of this collective. A true gem, this forum is. 

Much luv!

@now is forever ???

[outlandish]

@ivankiss Surfing is absurdly difficult but there's nothing like it. When you begin to get a taste, there's no turning back. You're in an amazing place to learn right now! I get the impression that Sri Lankan waves tend to be a goldilocks zone of being quality, yet not too advanced, and un-crowded.

I'm really jealous of the food you must be eating. Sri Lankan and S. Indian food I've had in restaurants is so amazing..!

I hope to make it there one day.