Would you confront family about their unconsciousness?

[Fountainbleu]

I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. This is something I’ve been dealing with for a long time now that has me distraught. I’m originally from the U.S and am living in Latin America at the moment. I have some some pretty unconscious family members here, an uncle, his wife, and their children/my cousins. Just to give you an idea, we had other family come visit from the states for several weeks and they didn’t even go see them once, just because they were trump supporters. Sorry, but I don’t know how you can put someone’s political affiliation in front of the love of your family. Not only that, but they pretty much also avoid almost  everyone else in the family. For example, my uncles wife, doesn’t talk to her dad, sister, or brother anymore, my cousins don’t talk to their cousins (on both sides of the family) and 1 of their aunts and uncles anymore, my uncle pretty much doesn’t have any relationship with his other brother (a grudge he holds against him since childhood) or sister, and they barely don’t talk or go see my grandma anymore (my uncles mom). Just to be fair, my aunt for example, was traumatized badly as a child and now in her old age is a nervous wreck, so it’s hard to be around her because she’s always snapping at people. Also my grandma can be quite negative. My family in subject, are kinda spiritual people, so maybe they make it a point to be careful with who they mix their energy with?  Dunno, just one of my rationalizations for trying to figure out why they are like this, if so, I think at the level they do it is just plain inhumane. Then one of my cousins from family in subject is an extreme feminist and spreading hate for men (like we don’t already have enough separation in this world already), and she has contaminated her other siblings and parents. Mind you, I live in a pretty unconscious country, so many of these things are symptoms of the collective here, that has endured constant political and economical changes, since forever, causing mass hysteria. As I’ve mentioned before, I had a brain injury in the past, and experience a lot of anxiety now, although much better than before. So I suppose I make some people uncomfortable sometimes (shallow people?). I grew up with family in subject and used to be really close to them, but they basically avoid me now too, and it really hurts. My cousins, who are near my age, have never contacted me to do something since I’ve been here, and they take a long time to answer my texts or just never answer them. My uncle also never contacts me. I just think how I would be, if I had a family member in pain I would do anything I could to help them, or at least be a good host since I'm new to living in their country. Also, to tell the whole truth, I upset one day told another cousin of mine that family in subject are like a bunch of cold, emotionless fish, which they might have found out about. If so, they might be holding a grudge against me? If that’s the case, grudges and resentment are unconscious, things need to be brought to light and talked about, not something to hold a grudge about and stay pissed at for the rest of your life.

Should I confront my family in subject about this? I’m really conflicted about what to do. They are good people but obviously very identified with the ego. My uncles wife told me once quite a while ago that she’s working on becoming more humane, obviously implying that she’s inhumane, but I haven’t seen any significant changes yet. I feel she’s the cause of all this. She’s like the yoko ono of my family, breaking us all apart. I remember since growing up she randomly judging and criticizing members of my family, and my uncle is not such a strong person, so he just listens to everything she says and goes along with it. My options are, write an email to my dad explaining to him all this (my uncle looks up to him), but then again my dad isn’t so communicative either and might just get pissed at me, speak directly with my uncle telling him all this, but he’s also not that communicative, which might make matters worse, or bite my tongue and wait until I go back home to the states, which could be like another (long) year. Sorry to drop you guys with all this drama, but this is something that hurts my inner most being, my soul and heart, affecting my day in day out for a long time now; their unconsciousness makes me cringe, and I don't know what to do. I would really appreciate any feedback.

 

 

Edited April 29, 2019 by Fountainbleu
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[Pouya]

@Fountainbleu One of the things I've learned is that never try to "spread the Truth" or "wake uncounscious people up" before you yourself are actually awakened. 

Otherwise the results are:

Misunderstanding, judgement, name calling and being mocked, and even not understanding at all.

[molosku]

As you might guess, direct confrontation is not always the best approach. If the ego is too dense, everything that does not please it will be seen as an attack or an threat. What ever you say will be turned upside down, love will be hate, compassion will be despise etc. They will turn the confeontation back upon you ("who are YOU to say this and that...") and when that happens, you are forced to play defence and that conversation is pretty much dead as far as fruitfullness goes. 

I would try a more subtle and indirect approach. In conflicting situations,  rather than trying to teach them or make them question themselves forcefully, ask them questions. Try to genuenily undestand where they are coming from, even if you know that they are basically just reacting out of vulnerability, confusion or sloppy thinking.

As they are explaining themselves to you (egos love to talk about their opinions and stances), you can deconstruct their opinions for them, as they obviously are not interested in doing that for themselves. Try to find their blindspots and gently point them out for them. There will be defensiveness, be carefull around it when it starts to come up.

People have a need to be understood and heard. If you can create a space where people feel they can express freely and dont just need to explain and defend themselves, you can open up a little too and they propably will be more open to listen your point of view too. 

The trick is to be wise enough to ask the right questions at the right times, and not to get triggered yourself. Swallowing your own ego is hard enough. 

All above is just ideas, I dont have much experience with your cind of situation. Good luck. 

 

[Fountainbleu]

@Pouya Thanks, I'm not awakened but more than them !

 

@molosku Thanks!

 

@Pouya @molosku In regards to them not contacting me, do you think also not bring that up? If not, I don't see how our relationship can improve.

[David Hammond]

@Fountainbleu Focus on yourself. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but the way you talk about others means that you are the one identified with ego. The point of this is to get you out of your trap so that you can see that notobdy need in fact be changed. It's all about you. 

[Jkris]

@David Hammond ???

[playdoh]

@David Hammond

Edited April 29, 2019 by playdoh
.

[Nahm]

@David Hammond ???♥️

[playdoh]

@David Hammond @David Hammond he mentioned that but I suppose he means less identified with his ego than the people mentioned in his post. 

[Fountainbleu]

@David Hammond what @playdoh  said.  I'm not saying I'm enlightened or anything, but I I'm less identified with my ego than said family members. 

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, Fountainbleu said:

I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. Thinking is something I’ve been dealing with for a long time now that has me distraught. I’m originally from the U.S and am living in Latin America at the moment. I have some some pretty unconscious family members here, an uncle, his wife, and their children/my cousins.

They are not unconscious, they are consciousness.

Just to give you an idea, we had other family come visit from the states for several weeks and they didn’t even go see them once, just because they were trump supporters. Sorry, but I don’t know how you can put someone’s political affiliation in front of the love of your family.

The sensation tells you that you are “lost” in overthinking & identifying. When you see the depth they are lost, it is your own depth which does not feel good. Listen to that message. It is a message for you, disregard the content of the mind, feel the message.

Not only that, but they pretty much also avoid almost  everyone else in the family. For example, my uncles wife, doesn’t talk to her dad, sister, or brother anymore, my cousins don’t talk to their cousins (on both sides of the family) and 1 of their aunts and uncles anymore, my uncle pretty much doesn’t have any relationship with his other brother (a grudge he holds against him since childhood) or sister, and they barely don’t talk or go see my grandma anymore (my uncles mom). Just to be fair, my aunt for example, was traumatized badly as a child and now in her old age is a nervous wreck, so it’s hard to be around her because she’s always snapping at people. Also my grandma can be quite negative.

It is avoidance itself which troubles you. When you see people avoiding, your avoidance surfaces. This is the message. Don’t go to the the head to receive it, go to the heart. The heart does not project, nor think. 

My family in subject, are kinda spiritual people, so maybe they make it a point to be careful with who they mix their energy with?

Only the head (thinking) is afraid of such a thing as “mixing energy”. Love is actual. “Energy” is conceptual. “Individual energies” is subtle “othering”, it is a denial of the infinitude of the actuality of Love. 

 Dunno, just one of my rationalizations for trying to figure out why they are like this, if so, I think at the level they do it is just plain inhumane.

Trade rationalizations for real-i-zations. The heart thrives in understanding, as Love is inseparable from Truth. 

Then one of my cousins from family in subject is an extreme feminist and spreading hate for men (like we don’t already have enough separation in this world already), and she has contaminated her other siblings and parents.

Discover your ‘feminine side’. In loving and accepting this of yourself, understanding pervades all experience. 

Mind you, I live in a pretty unconscious country, so many of these things are symptoms of the collective here, that has endured constant political and economical changes, since forever, causing mass hysteria. As I’ve mentioned before, I had a brain injury in the past, and experience a lot of anxiety now, although much better than before.

The anxiety is perpetually incorporating thinking based on past experiences onto What Is - fresh, new, dynamic, spontaneous, unlimited possibilities, infinite potentiality - this - Actuality. 

So I suppose I make some people uncomfortable sometimes (shallow people?).

The ‘shallow people’ you speak of, that’s God. A thought, one overlay, one thought, is enough to veil the Truth. 

I grew up with family in subject and used to be really close to them, but they basically avoid me now too, and it really hurts. My cousins, who are near my age, have never contacted me to do something since I’ve been here, and they take a long time to answer my texts or just never answer them. My uncle also never contacts me. I just think how I would be, if I had a family member in pain I would do anything I could to help them, or at least be a good host since I'm new to living in their country. Also, to tell the whole truth, I upset one day told another cousin of mine that family in subject are like a bunch of cold, emotionless fish, which they might have found out about.

Purging is a solo act. Ignor-ance of the need to purge and allow purification, results in transference onto others. 

If so, they might be holding a grudge against me? If that’s the case, grudges and resentment are unconscious, things need to be brought to light and talked about, not something to hold a grudge about and stay pissed at for the rest of your life.

You are holding and expressing the very grudge you mention. Truly Let Go. 

Should I confront my family in subject about this?

No. 

I’m really conflicted about what to do. They are good people but obviously very identified with the ego.

It is you who is identified with an idea, this enables the limitation of seeing them as “others”. 

My uncles wife told me once quite a while ago that she’s working on becoming more humane, obviously implying that she’s inhumane, but I haven’t seen any significant changes yet.

Be the change you wish to see, and it is seen. Only in taking off the binoculars will you see what is right in front of you.  

I feel she’s the cause of all this.

That is your suffering. As long as you believe someone else is the cause of your suffering, you suffer. If your suffering can be caused by another, you are imprisoned & helpless. When you let go, and see your own thinking about this is the suffering, you are free. You have always been free. 

She’s like the yoko ono of my family, breaking us all apart. I remember since growing up she randomly judging and criticizing members of my family, and my uncle is not such a strong person, so he just listens to everything she says and goes along with it.

You are making this your suffering. You can let it go, and then you can see that they have always been free as Well. You can not let go for them. They can not let go for you. 

My options are, write an email to my dad explaining to him all this (my uncle looks up to him), but then again my dad isn’t so communicative either and might just get pissed at me, speak directly with my uncle telling him all this, but he’s also not that communicative, which might make matters worse, or bite my tongue and wait until I go back home to the states, which could be like another (long) year. Sorry to drop you guys with all this drama, but this is something that hurts my inner most being, my soul and heart, affecting my day in day out for a long time now; their unconsciousness makes me cringe, and I don't know what to do. I would really appreciate any feedback.

Another option is to write down how you’re feeling. Explore it on paper, express it. As your mind sees what it written, an understanding begins to occur. A connection to your heart occurs. An Understanding, Love & Truth, occurs. You’ve carried this long enough? Your suffering is evolving to Willingness? 

Know your deepest, Truest Self so deeply, that you have no words anymore for them. See them as they are. The infinity in your eyes alone has the power to bring about an apocalypse.  






 

 

[Inliytened1]

@Pouya even if you are awakened you really cant force it on people.

Many people are too close minded and grounded in their own dogma to be open to it and you really can't change that.

You just have to focus on your own work and be raise your consciousness so high that it doesn't matter if others around you are not as conscious.

My wife is that way.  One day hopefully she will just come to me on her own and want to explore spirituality.  

[Truth Addict]

34 minutes ago, David Hammond said:

@Fountainbleu It's all about you. 

That's ironic! Why are you even responding then?

...

@Fountainbleu

I don't prefer being upfront about it.

I wait for the right moment and spread some wisdom.

When is the right moment?

At every extreme.

I try to keep a certain balance, that's the best way to interact with others, especially family.

Always be pragmatic with your use of insights, or else they won't make sense to others, or they will call you crazy.

[David Hammond]

2 minutes ago, Truth Addict said:

That's ironic! Why are you even responding then?

My advice isn't about me, because I'm enlightened. I am qualified to give advice to someone who isn't enlightened.

[SoonHei]

@Pouya @Nahm @David Hammond bless

 

[Truth Addict]

9 minutes ago, David Hammond said:

My advice isn't about me, because I'm enlightened. I am qualified to give advice to someone who isn't enlightened.

No, you're just arrogant, and ignorant of the fact that you are acting from ego.

[outlandish]

Directly confronting people with a conversation with an undertone like "You're unconscious, I am more conscious than you, you should be more conscious too" could never possibly go well. It smacks of judgmentalism, and you literally have no idea. A person could be very consciously conducting the negative behaviour you mentioned. Even if you are correct in this judgement, you won't win any converts like that.

Going around with an attitude that you are more conscious than other people is ironically a very low consciousness activity. It means you are judging and comparing yourself to others, and connecting your ego with the identity of being a Highly Conscious Person.

However, if you disagree with someone in your family's specific outward behaviour, and you think you see a better way, I think it's more than fair to call them out on it, and try to have that discussion (let's face it, it will probably be emotional and become an argument, but try to keep it on the discussion side). 

It was hard to read your post @Fountainbleu in the future could you use more paragraph breaks?

[Pouya]

@Inliytened1 I can't imagine what non dual teachers go through for properly teaching these.

It's really hard.

And yeah, the path of liberation is walked alone. Everyone gets to liberate themsleves (but with help of others )

[David Hammond]

@Truth Addict

Here's more from that cute dog Maya.. 

Are you in the grip of Maya? I am ?✌

[Truth Addict]

1 minute ago, David Hammond said:

@Truth Addict

Here's more from that cute dog Maya.. 

Are you in the grip of Maya? I am ?✌

Good.

I am too.

Unless we are dead, we shall stay in her grip.

❤️