Lucid Dreaming Experience (dying and waking up)

[ivankiss]

Yesterday I had two spontaneous lucid dreaming experiences.

The first one happened early in the morning, after I woke up and decided to go back to sleep - as I did not feel like getting up just yet. Even though it was very deep and profound, I decided to write about the second experience I had that same day, because it left me completely dumbstruck.

All together, so far, I had three of these lucid dreaming experiences. All of them felt as real as this very moment. And none of them were really pleasant. Not at all.

I feel like I should warn you;

you may find this experience disturbing and violent. 

My intention is not to spread fear regarding the topic, but to reach a deeper understanding of my own journey. No matter how terrifying it may seem.

I feel a strong pull towards documenting the experience while it's still somewhat fresh.

 

The Dream

 

It took place in the house of my best childhood buddy. Did not see the guy ever since I moved out of the country. Must have been a decade or so. 

His family was out, so it was just the two of us hanging in his room.

At this point, I was still unaware of being in a dream. Yet I was extremely immersed in it. It was so vivid. So experiential. Just like everyday life.

I had thoughts, emotions, sensations, everything. The full package.

Not sure why, but I remember consciously deciding to start picking on him. Poking him verbally. As if I wanted to frustrate him. It was something we did often as kids back then. We would argue for no specific reason and end up fighting over nothing. It was like a brother thing, lol.

It started out innocently, but quickly turned to a nightmare straight out of hell. 

One thing to another, my buddy started punching me in the face hard and nasty. It was not a game anymore. He was known as a short-tempered kid, even back then. His family had a long history in professional wrestling. They were all strong athletes. I remember often feeling insecure around them because of that. I was always artistically oriented. Was not into sports, at all.

I felt every puch. The pain was so damn real. And I could not fight back. As if I was too shocked because of him taking it so seriously and attacking me with full force. He was not about to stop anytime soon. So I just kinda surrendered to the beating.

He then left to another room, leaving me alone. I was bleeding like crazy. My face was swollen, nose was broken. It was very difficult for me to breathe. 

I spent some time like this, by myself, trying to understand what the hell just happened, before deciding to go and try smooth things out with him. I also wanted to tell him that I needed help because I was starting to suffocate, big times. I was choking on my own blood, and for whatever reason, was unable to fully open my mouth to catch my breath. Absolute horror. 

Panic struck me hard. Survival mode was kicking in.

I ran to the other room to let my buddy know I was literally dying.

But as I confronted him again, he showed no signs of compassion. No empathy. No mercy. 

He yelled at me; "was it not enough, Ivan?! Have I not teach you your lesson?!"

I saw pure evil in his eyes. Aggression without any control. Rage. Violence. Hell.

At this point I realized there was no going back. No escape. I was about to suffocate to death. 

As he was to lash back onto me, his family arrived home. And I thought; thank God. I will be saved. I will survive. 

But they ignored the fuck out of us. As if nothing was going on. Kids play.

They went to another room and minded their own business.

And this is where it struck me; "wait a minute!" Something's not right here. This cannot be for real.

I AM DREAMING!

Holy shit. I cannot even describe the feeling. It was just otherworldly. Straight bonkers.

I was desperately trying to communicate this notion to my buddy but words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I was nearly breathless, running out of life. 

I surrendered to death, while bleeding on his bed. Dying of suffocation is horrible. And I was aware of it all, feeling it all, like I feel my fingers typing these words right now. 

I-N-S-A-N-E.

But here's the weird part; 

As I was dying in the dream and loosing awareness of it, I simultaneously started gaining awareness of the room I was actually in, sleeping next to my beloved. I was half in - half out, so to speak. It's the craziest thing I ever experienced. I was at two places at once. 

In fact, that is the main reason I decided to document and share this experience. It was like my one eye was still wide open in the dream, while the other one was slowly starting to open in waking life. Even though I now know I do not view the world through my eyes - that is the most accurate description I can give. I struggled as fuck to fully wake up out of the dream. And I was also suffocating in waking life. Absolutely insane. 

When I finally woke up out of this nightmare I couldn't do anything but breathe for the next 15min or so. The experience was just so consuming. Exhausting. Breath-taking.

I could make no sense out of it.

I slowly calmed down, meditated some and went back to bed.

 

The aftermath;

 

Today, as I woke up, something was obviously different. I sensed a massive shift in my baselines consciousness. As if conscious experience of death was necessary for my progress at this point of my journey.

I feel so different. Not alive. Not dead. A new level of emptiness. Very calm, fulfilled and peaceful.

Did not integrate the experience just yet. In fact, documenting it is the first step in doing so. 

I aim to explore lucid dreaming more now. Intentionally and consciously. With a purpose of reaching an understanding of "the switch" between dreams and reality. Even though it's now more obvious then ever; they're one and the same. 

I also aim to investigate more the reason behind me experiencing such horrible violence and aggression in my dream.

It really struck me out of nowhere.

 

 

Edited April 29, 2019 by ivankiss

[tedens]

Did you were conscious that you are dreaming? If not it wasnt a lucid dream.

[ivankiss]

@tedens Towards the end of the dream I became aware, yes. 

[Shaun]

Why is it we say that dreams and reality are the same? Yes, both are dreams but sleeping dreams don't normally follow the laws of reality we are normally used to so a distinction has to be made. I have also had a vivid lucid dream where I was meditating on a beach but it was clear to me it was a dream as space ship buildings normally don't float above the sea.

Edited April 29, 2019 by Shaun

[tedens]

@ivankiss You shouldnt worry to much even at all dreaming like this cause its all emotions /ego/ is playing with You. Why ? Cause its kinda trauma /bad emotions/. 

Edited April 29, 2019 by tedens

[ivankiss]

@tedens Not worried, at all. Just surprised by the sudden, violent nature of the dream and it's intensity.

I realize it was based on emotions and the victimized self. I regret not becoming aware sooner, so I could navigate the dream into more peaceful waters. Nevertheless, I value the experience and what it showed me. Feeling eager to experiment.

@Shaun There is a difference between waking life and dreams, for sure. The shifts are far more rapid and make no linear sense in dreams. In reality, linearity seems to be a constant. Almost like a law of some sort. Time is much more experiental.

But the structure of both is the same. The substance is the same. Awareness is the fabric of both dreams and "reality". 

In that sense; there is no difference.

What changes is the nature of the experience and the experiencer.

 

[seeking_brilliance]

@ivankiss was this your first lucid dream? If so, congrats! 

Often times, violent dreams are used by subconscious (or you know, whatever) to bring awareness to certain things that still must be worked on, perhaps to point out any remaining resistance. If you become lucid, you can ask your friend or just ask the dream itself, what the scenario represents. You will receive a verbal or nonverbal answer, if you remain open to the answer.  Often times in lucid dream it is easy to have no attention span because everything is so overwhelming and amazing. 

[ivankiss]

@seeking_brilliance The third one. But none of them was pleasant, lol. 

Hence the panic and resistance towards the dream. In all of them I just wanted to escape the dream as soon as I became aware haha. 

I really do want to have a pleasant experience and explore more; go deeper. But the setting was just not right for that in this case. 

I realize fear is preventing me.

Nevertheless, I am thankful for the massive purge and cleansing.

Will dedicate myself towards exploring lucidity; hopefully creating nicer dreams 

[seeking_brilliance]

@ivankiss sorry to hear that, but glad you haven't become discouraged. I typically don't have lucid nightmares, and when I do, I break away and fly to a new location. 

Dreams are so great for purging. Good luck! 

[ivankiss]

@seeking_brilliance Haha, will keep that in mind, thanks 

Be sure to be bugged by amateur questions via p.m. as soon as I get deeper into it  

Cheers!

[seeking_brilliance]

21 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

@seeking_brilliance Haha, will keep that in mind, thanks 

Be sure to be bugged by amateur questions via p.m. as soon as I get deeper into it  

Cheers!

Yeah I'll share what I know...  (speaking in character) 

Edited April 29, 2019 by seeking_brilliance

[ivankiss]

@seeking_brilliance Would appreciate it much. I obviously don't know what the hell I'm doing haha. 

Those peeps in that FB group you added me to seem totally pro. Advanced lucid dreamers.

Having lucid parties and all 

I want to fly too!

[seeking_brilliance]

@ivankiss it's the full spectrum, just like this forum, from beginner to advanced, so it's great for learning and teaching

One of the admins , Nick Roach, is Realized, but very nice and humble. Your technically not supposed to ask the newbie question about how to lucid dream, but people do all the time. But all that info is in the about section of the group. Other than that, everyone is really helpful at helping you prefect those methods.  Just find one that works best for you.  

Edited April 29, 2019 by seeking_brilliance