Why am I so afraid of people?

[Viking]

I cant handle the notion of initiating a conversation with a stranger, but if for example someone starts speaking with me, ill be able to go along.

If the person who approached me is slightly non normal, i would be immediately wary of him and think he wants to hurt me in some way.

I also dont believe in people's goodness. anytime I see people, any kind of person, do anything "good" I would start doubting him as to why did he do it and what are his true intentions. Like all people are hiding something.

Basically the uncertainty is fucking me up, i cant handle it, so im staying as far as I can from strangers.

[Aeris]

if people don't look good to you mainly, that's because inside you focus on your own "non goodness" + you probably feel insecure all the time for whatever reason you started subconsciously believe. ( Like I m not "cool/interesting" whatever the belief )

Yes people want the most pleasure out of life mostly, this makes them act in weird ways. Everyone protect his love or look for more.

People that are really "bad" are mainly just more insecure/surviving and so you don't need to be bothered by those, skip them

 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Aeris

[OctagonOctopus]

Do some martial arts, you won't worry as much about people possibly "wanting to hurt you" 

Also a good school will teach you what someones body language could be like if they are actually thinking of hurting you. 

Edited April 27, 2019 by OctagonOctopus

[Salvijus]

44 minutes ago, Viking said:

I also dont believe in people's goodness. anytime I see people, any kind of person, do anything "good" I would start doubting him as to why did he do it and what are his true intentions. Like all people are hiding something.

I think if a person is dishonest, devious person then he tend to think that everyone is like that. When you're kind and honest and loving person you tend to assume that everyone is like that. Idk but i think there's some truth in this. Maybe it applies to you in same way.

You're not someone to be trusted not someone who would do an act of selfless offering of goodness so why would you trust others of the same thing? maybe like this..

44 minutes ago, Viking said:

I cant handle the notion of initiating a conversation with a stranger, but if for example someone starts speaking with me, ill be able to go along.

You mean common anxiety that people have? It's just that you're too mindful. Meaning you're too cautious, too alert, too wary, always mindful of every little thing. You don't know how to be in total abandonment. Empty, free from concern. In that condition making a conversation with anybody is not even a thing. You're free from worring and anxiety about what people may think about because you yourself no longer think about yourself. So naturally you stop worring and if you need to talk with somebody you talk. It's not even a thing anymore.

15 minutes ago, OctagonOctopus said:

Do some martial arts, you won't worry as much about people possibly "wanting to hurt you" 

This is also one reason why you may feel insecure if you're not physically fit. 

Sadhguru on martial arts and transcending fear.

 

 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Salvijus

[Devi Shanti]

I used to feel a little like this too. Maybe it would help if you try to relate your behavior to something that happened to you in the past, like your relationship with your parents, if you have some trauma of being betrayed or had watched a situation of betrayal or violence. I believe we kinda project in the world what we live in our private lifes. Once you get conscious of any emotional trauma, its easier to get rid of it.

You can also focus on being a reliable person. Pay attention to your feelings when you are talking to someone. Are you present in this moment? are you being honest? would you feel embarrassed if that person could listen to your thoughts right now? Be transparent, have nothing to hide.
(This is the exercise I've been doing with myself everyday and it really helps me).

Good luck!

[Viking]

16 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

You don't know how to be in total abandonment

Are you kidding me, I dont trust myself to do whatever pops into my mind. I would start insulting and offending people left and right. I dont think a person should be in a state of total abandonment, thats how you get all those hippies who run around naked and spit on people. I know personally a few people like that, they're hurting themselves and others, I dont want to be like that. At least not yet, while im so young and lack wisdom.

24 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

I think if a person is dishonest, devious person then he tend to think that everyone is like that. When you're kind and honest and loving person you tend to assume that everyone is like that. Idk but i think there's some truth in this. Maybe it applies to you in same way.

I think even if I'd be mother teresa I would see other people as evil, because they're mostly all devils, all selfish, its obvious. most people I interact with, who I wouldnt consider awful people, in fact very high quality, are completely absorbed in their own devil bubble. dont usually care about what others have to say, they only care what they have to say. they only care about their life, they dont give a shit what happens to other people, even if their "public opinion" is to be a good loving person that cares, thats just devil bullshit. From all the people I know only 1 person truly cares about other people, and that's because he had quite a few enlightenment experiences. even he though, with that quality, has tons of other devilish qualities.

39 minutes ago, OctagonOctopus said:

Do some martial arts, you won't worry as much about people possibly "wanting to hurt you" 

i learned some in the past, and i felt like it was a huge waste of time. In order for it to actually be effective you have to attend lessons weekly for decades, otherwise when it comes to real situations you reflexes wont be built well enough.

56 minutes ago, Aeris said:

People that are really "bad" are mainly just more insecure/surviving and so you don't need to be bothered by those, skip them

The problem is that i cant skip them, im afraid of them, i dont know what theyre going to do and my emotional reaction to hostility from others is very intense so im even afraid i might cry during a confrontation.

[Salvijus]

17 minutes ago, Viking said:

I think even if I'd be mother teresa I would see other people as evil, because they're mostly all devils, all selfish, its obvious. most people I interact with, who I wouldnt consider awful people, in fact very high quality, are completely absorbed in their own devil bubble. dont usually care about what others have to say, they only care what they have to say. they only care about their life, they dont give a shit what happens to other people, even if their "public opinion" is to be a good loving person that cares, thats just devil bullshit. From all the people I know only 1 person truly cares about other people, and that's because he had quite a few enlightenment experiences. even he though, with that quality, has tons of other devilish qualities.

Hmmm... You really are of a bad opinion about the world, i think I can see that in here

But it's hard to disagree with what i sayed. If a loving person and a terrorist would sit together, a loving person would be very trusting and in peace. A terrorist would sit in paranoia everyday thinking somebody is fallowing him or someone wants to misuse him. The more crooked you're the more you project your fear that others are also like that. How can you disagree it makes perfect sense to me well... I may be wrong who knows.

 

 

 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Salvijus

[Viking]

2 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

But it's hard to disagree with what i sayed. A loving person would be very trusting and in peace. A terrorist would sit in paranoia everyday thinking somebody is fallowing him or someone wants to misuse him. The more crooked you're the more you project your fear that others also like that. How can you disagree it makes perfect sense to me well... I may be wrong who knows.

im not disagreeing with what you said. i think its true that if youre a good person you will notice more good in people. but the good and also the bad exist in people, cant deny that. what i said is true too. i may not see the good because to the human mind negative always overpowers the positive. im always seeing the good i guess when i make myself less conscious, when i dont care.

[Salvijus]

22 minutes ago, Viking said:

I think even if I'd be mother teresa I would see other people as evil, because they're mostly all devils, all selfish, its obvious. most people I interact with, who I wouldnt consider awful people, in fact very high quality, are completely absorbed in their own devil bubble. dont usually care about what others have to say, they only care what they have to say. they only care about their life, they dont give a shit what happens to other people, even if their "public opinion" is to be a good loving person that cares, thats just devil bullshit. From all the people I know only 1 person truly cares about other people, and that's because he had quite a few enlightenment experiences. even he though, with that quality, has tons of other devilish qualities.

I didn't say be a jerk who doesn't care about how others feel I sayed forget yourself. It means no self-importence or no anxiety about how you look or what you do. It's a sagely quality not a jackass quality

3 minutes ago, Viking said:

im not disagreeing with what you said. i think its true that if youre a good person you will notice more good in people. but the good and also the bad exist in people, cant deny that. what i said is true too. i may not see the good because to the human mind negative always overpowers the positive. im always seeing the good i guess when i make myself less conscious, when i dont care.

That's true

Edited April 27, 2019 by Salvijus

[Girzo]

1 hour ago, Viking said:

I cant handle the notion of initiating a conversation with a stranger, but if for example someone starts speaking with me, ill be able to go along.

You have NPC energy 

1 hour ago, Viking said:

I also dont believe in people's goodness. anytime I see people, any kind of person, do anything "good" I would start doubting him as to why did he do it and what are his true intentions.

Maybe people do it because doing good feels good? If you don't have that reaction built-in within you then I understand why it might be hard to grasp.

 

[Viking]

2 minutes ago, Girzo said:

Maybe people do it because doing good feels good? If you don't have that reaction built-in within you then I understand why it might be hard to grasp.

but then theyre not doing something good for someone genuinely, but just to feel good, for them. makes me feel even more alienated from them.

there are some people that do good not for the emotions or for their own sake, but from the understanding of their unimportance and of understanding of the struggle of others, being humble. that is very rare in people though.

5 minutes ago, Girzo said:

You have NPC energy 

lmao yeah im an NPC, did you mean anything deeper behind that remark?

[Girzo]

6 minutes ago, Viking said:

but then theyre not doing something good for someone genuinely, but just to feel good, for them.

But why the hell would you expect something else from people? If you think you are that genuinely good person and others should b like you, then think twice. Your ego might be playing games with you.

7 minutes ago, Viking said:

there are some people that do good not for the emotions or for their own sake, but from the understanding of their unimportance and of understanding of the struggle of others, being humble. that is very rare in people though.

That doesn't seem like a description of a happy person. I don't know who would it apply to. I think that even the most Enlightened people help others purely for fun because there's nothing better to stuff their time with.

Quote

Why am I so afraid of people?

Because you have a skewed worldview. Travel to other countries, get therapy or just force yourself to meet new people if you have enough will power. Or work directly on your hidden traumas, there are techniques for that like psychedelics or shamanic breathing.

[d0ornokey]

http://prntscr.com/nhqcnk

[Shadowraix]

It might be because when people approach you you think they want to talk to you but when you approach them there is that uncertainty on if they do or don't. 

We humans often crave knowledge it makes us feel powerful so uncertainty and confusion is equivalent to navigating the unknown. Trying to embrace the unknown is a good first step. To face it and accept any outcome instead of just the egos desired outcome. 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Shadowraix