Leo Please Help If You Can

[Ashlyn]

Hi Leo,

I came across you content about a month ago and have been watching your videos almost every day for the past couple weeks now. They have given me so much insight into the life I could lead and have really pushed me to start changing values and lifestyle habits I never thought were possible. I’m sure you already know this but it’s clear that your hard work has paid off, so thank you for sharing.

My name is Ashlyn and I’m 23 years old. I recently graduate college, moved to Arizona after living in ND my entire life, and am now venturing into the real world of trying to find my overall purpose while also reshaping myself into the person I want to become.

For most of my life I have dealt with generalized anxiety showing itself in many forms; low self esteem, comparing and placing myself below others, judgements of all kinds, and the basic feeling of being insecure with myself and the world around me.

I am writing this post because I have developed a bad habit of coupling my anxiety with sensorimotor obsessions. I have gone weeks and months not being able to switch my focus from sensations that irritate me: breathing in through my nose, the sensitivity of my mouth, uncomfortable feelings in my body, the tightness of my jaw and teeth, etc. While I have detached from many of my past judgements of others, I still seem to be judging myself.

This has caused me huge setbacks at work, in my relationships, daily tasks/conversations, and with my overall self development. I worry about how I look when I’m obsessing and how this is effecting others. I worry that in judging myself and focusing on these normal bodily functions in a negative way, I am causing others to do the same. I worry even when I’m alone that I won’t be able to stop obsessing. I am so tired of feeling uncomfortable and worrying about making others uncomfortable. 

I try every single day to detach myself by being mindful of other parts of my body, focusing on sensations and things around me, positive self talk, etc. I have made the decision to be in this journey of self actualization for the long haul and I am willing to work hard and be patient. However, resolving this issue comes first and I need your help. 

Are there any methods I should choose first over others? What videos should I start with? Is there a daily technique I can use while I work on the bigger picture? I am really hoping that I can overcome this anxiety without medication/expensive therapy but I will do what it takes. Please, if you have the time to read this and send some advice my way I would be so grateful. 

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

@Ashlyn I see. Sounds like you're resisting something.

Have you tried contemplating what the root issue is? As in: why do you feel the need to do that?

Ultimately what you want to do here is to become conscious that all the above is something that YOU ARE DOING. Right now you're not conscious that you are doing it, in the sense that it feels like something that is happening to you. To change this, you must take ownership of it. So step 1 is: "Okay, I suspect I am doing this, but I'm not sure how or why", and step 2 is: "Okay, now let me get to the rock bottom of why I am doing this. What does it get me? How is it serving me? What is it protecting me from? What bad thing would happen if I stopped doing it?"

Sit down with a journal, set aside a couple hours, and really bore into this. You want to get to the rock bottom of it so that you're clear and conscious of what it is and why it is. It's clearly serving your survival in some fashion. As you investigate this, the goal is not to go back into your past and find justifications or causes. It doesn't really matter what happened in the past. What matters is why you still feel the need to keep doing it today.

If you are able to reach the rock bottom, you should feel some release. But you have to actually reach the true source of this, not just some ideas or opinions. You need the actual source. And the source may not be what you think it is. It is often something counter-intuitive like a belief such as: I am fundamentally unlovable, or, I am afraid I will die, or, I am worthless, or, I am afraid that if I give my love freely it will kill me, or, I need money to be happy, etc.

If I were you I'd contemplate this deeply sober. Then I would take some mushrooms or LSD and contemplate it again during the trip until the issue because very clear. Psychedelics are perfect for this kind of self-reflective work.

Fundamentally what's happening here is that the ego is sabotaging itself because it has a deeply flawed understanding of itself and life. The ego is stuck in some sort of unconscious survival pattern which it feels it needs.

You could also try to address this issue from a somatic perspective. See my video: Shamanic Breathing and use that technique every day for a week and see what comes up. That should open up various blockages in your body.

Practices like Hatha yoga might be helpful for you. Also see my video on Body Awareness. It sounds like you live too much in your head and are disconnected from your body. Body awareness practices can reconnect you with your body.

[OctagonOctopus]

Do you have a meditation habit? Also trying to detach from something and attaching to something is actually the same process. You have to sit and be aware of all of these things without judging them or making stories about them. 

Edited April 27, 2019 by OctagonOctopus

[Girzo]

1 hour ago, OctagonOctopus said:

Do you have a meditation habit?

Meditation habit is a huge investment and is not directly aimed at the issue OP has.

I would suggest trying other, more direct solutions to anxiety first.

[Ashlyn]

@Leo Gura Thank you for the quick and thoughtful response. I will be trying the breathing exercise you mentioned for the next week. I tried it last night for about 20 minutes and experiences a very tingling and relaxed feeling throughout my entire body. This made me realize how shallow my breathing is and how powerful the breath can be.

 

I also took your advice about journaling for an hour or so to get to the root problem. I believe it has a lot to do with my belief that I am unlovable or unworthy. I will be diving more into this on my own and continuing to research and grow. Since I have made the decision to fully dive into myself I have already experienced some crazy things that relate to the law of attraction with meeting certain people and life events.

 

If you have any advice for how to resolve feeling fundamentally unlovable let me know lol.  I’m excited for this journey I’m about to go on with my psyche!