Curing/overcoming the core problems of pick up/dating/finding a relationship

[Joshuas]

Dear reader, thank you for paying attention to my post, 

Intro: For the past months i have been trying to pick up ways to learn how to get into the dating world. I am 22 years old and i have never had a girlfriend. So far this was a frustrating journey with ups and downs.

What have i been doing? 

• The challenge of picking up conversation with three girls in a month (me and a friend of mine figured how crazy it was that we wanted to pick up girls, date and get into a relationship, but we couldn't even start a conversation with a girl in public)
• The challenge of Picking up conversation with 10 strangers in a month
• Chatted up a girl at a vegan anti food waste initiative and went out on a date with her > she slept at my place.
• Got into a very confusing ride with a girl who is by now one of my best friends. It became messy and ugly and i did things i'm not proud of. (We're still good friends, but there are some scars between us)*
• Asked out a girl directly in the library and we went out once and that was it.
• I Started tindering. 

What did i get out of this?

• a few numbers,
• i cuddled a few times with the girl who became a good friend of mine and we kissed once (but this really wasn't a pretty ride, it was toxic on my side),
• i went on two dates
• i got one girl into my room and she stayed over (which is after one of the two dates)
• i got a few tinder matches. 
• My social circle changed and expanded and i have more girl friends.

So some things did happen and my life changed because of them. But right now nothing really changed when it comes to getting into the pick-up/dating/relationship area. I didn't grow when it comes to approaching girls and interacting with them (i did grow in interacting with them on the surface and i did grow in interacting with girls who i have no sexual intrest in, but i didn't become more authentic in the way i interact with girls i'm sexually interested in yet), i just became more obsessed with it.

So i really started thinking this over lately. how do i move further in this? how do i make progress? it feels like i have no footing and no way in.

So i brought it back down to these Four core problems. (This is what i am trying to achieve with learning to approach/pick up girls, getting into dating)

• Curing low self worth and all the nasty patterns that come from that
• Curing feeling unwanted by women
• Curing a lack of sexuality in my life.
• Ending the fear of never having a sexual partner

 

Does anyone have any advice in curing/approaching these? I have the suspicion that i'll have to overcome these before i'll be able to actually, authentically attract a girl into my life.

Conclusion I can see that overcoming these is a good move. However, i am also frightened  by it. To me it doesn't feel like overcoming yet, it feels like giving into not having a sex life/a sexual partner. I realise that if i actually overcame the fear of never having a sexual partner i would (in theory) be fine with not having sex for two years (for example), but right now giving in to the idea of not having sex for two years seems like never having sex ever in my life and that just shocks my ego. 

I feel like with those four points i get to the core of it. But i have no lively tangible experience of what it is like to overcome them and i don't know a practical way to work on these four points. Which is why i make this post.

So after reading this, here a concrete ways in which you could help me:

• By giving overall advice after reading my post
• Do you know a practical way to work on one or more of  the four points i listed as core problems? Please share it with me.
• By giving advice on handling the fear of never ever getting anywhere with pick up/dating/a relationship.

I realise that i have to keep going, but i don't know how right now, it feels like i would be doing the same stuff that doesn't work very well (which is part of what i will be doing). For the rest, i am reading psycho cybernetics and i am planning on applying it to this.

- Dear reader, thank you for reading the entire post, that is appreciated. I hope you'll be able to help me move forward so that i'll be able to help someone else move forward later on.

Any help is MUCH appreciated!

Edited April 27, 2019 by Joshuas

[SFRL]

Learn how to escalate. Physically. You ate getting girls to your place. That's good. That's half the battle. But once you are in that position more should be happening then a few cuddles. You got the skill to get dates and bring girls home. Now you got to get the skills to get the panties off. 

Edited April 27, 2019 by SFRL

[LordFall]

On 4/27/2019 at 5:46 PM, SFRL said:

Learn how to escalate. Physically. You ate getting girls to your place. That's good. That's half the battle. But once you are in that position more should be happening then a few cuddles. You got the skill to get dates and bring girls home. Now you got to get the skills to get the panties off. 

That's really all there is to it. You've cultivated your social side enough to the point that you can engage with and keep girls in your life in a platonic way. 

Now you gotta connect with your man side(or call it your deep biological desires) and sexually engage with these girls in a way that will polarize them to either fuck you or repel them away from you and be able to deal with both alternatives. 

[daniel695]

i dont have much to say but keep it up. you can also work by questioning your beliefs heres a link: questioning your beliefs  

[Javfly33]

Woah dude! Stop a second right there. I´ve been there, right where you are. This is a classic trap when starting to pick-up. The mind will always give away distractions and brutal self-discovery limitations to you when you start doing this kind of "out-of the comfort zone" practices. Do not fall into this trap of the mind:

1. Continue trying to grow up

2. Be proud, very proud of yourself and self-assured that you are in a better place than before starting.

This doesn´t mean that a lot of things that you are saying can be true and you have limitating beliefs/issues/fears, but if you pay too much attention to that it will be impossible to keep growing because the seeing of all those "Problems" will burn you out emotionally and it will seeem an unapproachble challenge.

 

[Joshuas]

@Javfly33 Thanks, i had the hunch that this was going on.

I had some succeses in the beginning of taking up pick up, but i came in a bit of a funk. I feel like i'm getting stuck in a good place. My social circle has become way more satisfying then it first was, but still no girl. 

@Javfly33 @daniel695 @LordFall @SFRL

So guys, guessing that you made some more progress then me, is getting better at pick up really just about picking up conversation, making them fun with some tension and then sealing a date? That is the basic gist of learning this right? 

I've been going through RSDMax's the natural and i am taking action on it. And i've been practicing body relaxation, which also helps a lot. Also i want to read Zan Perrion's book. On top of that i'm moving to a different city in about a year, it's up to me where to. I intent to choose an open, social city. I assume that having to socialise in a city where i know no one will learn me a lot and move me forward more. Right now i live in a small, somewhat closed of city, i don't want to use it as an excuse, but it does make things more difficult, especially starting out (that's what it feels like at least). 

I want to give pick-up/dating/sexuality a place in my life (obviously). What i need is motivation (some real life guidance might help as well) and to man up. I'm not a petty guy, my past is what it is, and in the coming years i'll find my way in this area of life. That said, i'm not sure where to go from here. How did you take action on becoming better with women, specifically, how did you/do you do day game?