You/I Can’t Have The Whole Menu

[kieranperez]

Hopefully I’m not just speaking for myself on here (I have a feeling I’m not) but if that is the case, maybe I’ll get some honest perspectives... I’m going to speak for myself here but hopefully this resonates with some of you.

I’m a total perfectionist that wants the whole damn menu and struggle making up my mind. I often have expectations that are just totally unrealistic because in the end, I want to be special. The more I introspect and really realize how out of touch with reality my goals and expectations, the more I realize why. 

What do I mean by “I want the whole menu”? I mean the idea (and I’m just being honest here. I’m better off being honest that I have these fantasies in my mind rather than just act and pretend like I don’t) that I want to be some great sage that helps people, that wants to really pursue athletics and actually master that along with spirituality, have a life purpose that impacts millions (and also not impact little to no one and have no recognition st all), be some grand enlightened master that’s “fully liberated” and also super wise knowledable and skillful in other things, have friends, see all the facets of God and embody that, etc.

Again, I say all this to be clear and honest (and I imagine I’m not the only one on here who might be dealing with this). You/I can’t really be free of this stuff until we’re actually honest and admit that, yeah, we got some really misguided notions. 

Not to mention, have completely wrong expectations for any and all the endeavors above. 

At the end of the day, you or I can’t have the whole fucking menu in terms of what you experience in this life. Much less guarantee (as though there is such a thing as a “guarantee” in life) you’d succeed in any of them in the first place. You’re probably not going to be some fully enlightened 3rd tier stage Buddha that’s a million/billionaire in tech, has a great body, can do all this stuff athletically, etc. You do have to pick and choose your battles.

I’m not saying all of those specific examples m is what my thing is but the point is, pick and choose and have the right expectations.

The more I meditate, the more I come face to face with having to acknowledge how misguided my expectations were as far as my initial capability is and reflect on questions like “who am I comparing myself to?” Again, simple stuff and simple question but it’s the simple questions that we don’t want to look at sometimes. 

For me, part of my whole character structure was built early on when I was like 4 on a vow that I wanted to be different, to be the best, to be better, to be unique, to be special. It took me up until probably less than a year ago (I’m 23 about to be 24 in 2 weeks) to realize that and now reflecting how this explains my entire life’s issue of having such unrealistic goals, why I put myself under so much pressure to perform because I thought I had to do something, why I leave other people to go be the hard worker that collapses from putting himself under a workload and pressure in something totally beyond him and then misses out on some cool stuff. 

If you have a REALLY big life purpose, though it is great if it is genuine, maybe give it some contemplation...

Like the title says, we can’t have the whole damn menu. You or I don’t need to Superman/woman (or Superthem for people who may use pronouns... though that does sound weird, sorry lol it does). Pick the domain of mastery you actually care about it. If you’re like me and you have struggled with the mistake and habit of being very impressionable, acknowledge that tendency and find a way to build up enough self-esteem and cultivate some genuine self-discovery through some psychedelics or enlightenment work about what you genuinely and authentically want and be okay with that... don’t underestimate that last part of being okay with that.  

I personally see a lot of people (myself included) on here acting and putting up a false front. I think instesd of just calling people out on their deceptions which never works, we can start by some of us on here taking the initiatiave to admit the delusions we ourselves have.

Hope this helps.

[NoSelfSelf]

You can have it but it will take you decades of work to get it...you cant be perfectionist(and have all this identity problems) and get it cuz you will sabotage yourself...i understand you cuz its similar to my experience...

[montecristo]

wow wow wow, glad somebody articulated this. Ive been circling around this idea for a while. All we have is each moment, I see something admirable, something I want in a given moment and I think, oh of course, that's it, that's what i should be doing with my life.

then in the next moment i see the next thing and think ahhh yes, that's it right, and on and on. It is so frustrating that I only ever get "perspectives" on what I should do instead of Truth. I get frustrated to the point of chronic indecision. 

I feel like I can never forsake everything else for the one thing. How could I possibly decide?

but then I realize that when I am focused looking at something (in the moment, bc that is all we ever get) that thing is only clear to me BECAUSE im not looking at literally every other possible thing there is to look at. and that i am already forsaking everything i could be doing.

[Omni]

 

[Hello from Russia]

You have plenty of life ahead of you. You  can commit the next 10-20 years of your life to become a world class runner (or whoever you want) and have a blast in society socially and career wise, doing it consciously and applying consciousness work to empower all that. And then, when you achieve it, you'd focus on transitioning to sage life. 
See how Peter Ralston has done it. He made it as a top notch martial artist and then transitioned into becoming a sage, teaching spiritual topics and martial arts for millions of dollars through his workshops
See how Leo's done it.
You're suffering from perfectionism and overthinking, it stops you from actually going and doing shit, my man

Edited April 27, 2019 by Hello from Russia

[Key Elements]

Questions: What's your first move? Do you dare to discover that and take that first step and continue and adjust for the rest of your life? This is how you go somewhere.

I think the biggest step missing here is, and it has not been discussed: going from job to self-employment to entrepreneurship, and making that more meaningful by adding more meaningful things in your life to it, and really making this combo your life purpose.

Well, I tried to narrow it down. Not easy to explain because we all have different interests and depth of non-duality.