My relationship plan ! What do people think? feel free to use it or criticise it :)

[Tom T]

So im new to romantic relationships (iv never been in one before) and over the past year or two iv been compiling a list of things from many different sources on how to create an awesome romantic relationship and i want to ask people who are experienced in long term relationships what they think of this plan etc  iv created, and also if anyone wants to add something iv missed or thinks i should subtract something then please let me know below Iv also posted this because other people who are learning relationships could also take ideas from it and use it in their own lives but its mainly for my devilish egoic purposes?  but anyway im NOT a relationship expert im more a romantic relationship theratition i haven't put an of this stuff into practice yet so i don't even know its a good plan but from all the stuff iv researched it seems pretty good. But yeah any suggestions or edits would be awesome if anyone has any experience  

Sooo... The relationship plan is this

Before you get into a relationship make sure you...

Love your-self fully so you are not desperate for love from your partner

Have an abundance mindset with the opposite sex and date a lot so you develop an abundance mindset with the opposite sex. This will prevent neediness.

Have sex 20x to 50x times with your new girlfriend or whoever your dating then spend 1 month or 3 months contemplating "sex dose not equal happiness or fulfilment" this should reduce your neediness for sex. That dose not mean you wont have sex ever again it just means you wont be desperate and become need for sex off your girlfriend.

This is optional but have other friends who you occasionally hangout with so you are not needy off your girlfriend for friendship or  companionship.

once you have got all the above sorted I feel you are ready for a relationship. now im going to talk about how to manage the actual relationship its self to keep it interesting

The first rule of the relationship plan is you never tell your girlfriend  you actually have a relationship plan !!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol

make sure your in a relationship with someone your compatible with. 

the second part of the plan is to only see each other once or twice a week to keep the spark fresh !!!

the third part of the plan is tip that originated from Alpha Male Stratagies (which is a highly unconscious stage red/orange dating channel on youtube) even though hes super low consciousness he dose have a few good points about attracting women he says don't text a girl back for 1hour to  2hours to 5hrs or even 24hrs etc.. Now I personally don't like the idea of seeing a text and purposely not texting back. especially if its your girlfriend so I have developed a habit of only checking my phone for an hour or two daily in the evenings at a specific time daily So I am authentically not on my phone all the time and replying back straight away all the time because im genuinely not on my phone all the time. plus if your selfactualizing you shouldn't be on your phone 24.anyway if you can !!!

only call her once or twice a week to ask her about her day but do not call her everyday !!! 

don't be to physically clinging with her. Don't be physically clingy. Don't hug her all night long in bed, don't constantly try to kiss her in bed,  don't try to hug or hold her hand while on the couch all the time, this can look needy from her perspective if you are to physically clinginy. is this right? or is that abit over the top? what do people who are experienced in reltioships think of this rule?

 

go on 2x dates per month (but never tell her were we are going make it a mystery date every time) and the other two times I see her per month just chill at home.  

by the way if anyone wants a giant list of date ideas I have compiled a giant master list and will post below this post !!!  

 

spontaneously give her a gift once a month or once every two months etc

Flowers.

Surprise her with a takeaway of some sort 

A love letter through her door or a naughty kinky letter through the door.

Surprise her with her favourite chocolate and drink.

A gift card to her favourite shop.

Have a bubble bath with her.

Gift card to a spa place .

etc... but only give her a gift once a month or once every two months otherwise shell take it for granted after a while.

 

Do a once a week 30mins eye to eye meditation if she likes it

 

how to deal with her emotional bad moods.

I have read David Deidas work on this subject and im not sure if I agree. im sure it works with practice but what your doing when you try to bring her out of her bad mood with humour is your rbasically denying her feelings and telling her the way she is feeling is wrong. heres what id rather do..

(this advice is from teal swan) I know many people hate her on here but weather shes a cult leader or not she dose have amazing content regardless !!!

step 1: see her negative emotion as valid and important

step 2: listen empathetically to her negative emotion in an attempt to understand how she feels.

step 3: validate her feelings and let her know it as a valid thing to feel the way she is feeling etc "I can see why you would feel like that id feel the same if I were you" etc. 

step 4: just be there for her and support her with out trying to fix her negative emotion or what ever problem shes having. Offer no advice and just be there for her!!!

what do people think of that in comparison to David Deidas advice on using humor to change her mood? I probably will experiment with both but what do other people think about this??

 

the last 3 rules of mine are...

when the relationship gets more seious tell her you love her a lot in texts, on the phone, and in person and especially when your about to cum inside of her etc. (Leos tip)

use leos how to have amazing sex part 1 and part 2 video and master that !!! 

also when the relationship gets serious get your girlfriend to write out a massive big list of things that make her feel loved in a relationship and I do the same and then give each other our lists and work on meeting those needs for each other in the relationship (but only when the relationship gets super serious)  that exercise comes from teal swan and also it ties in with Leos video on counterintuivness when Leo talks about some counterintuitive insights into relationships. 

 

so if anyones experienced in relationships do you think this would work? or is it to much? is there anything iv missed that I should add or subtract? etc any advice on how I could edit it to make it better would be awesome !!! iv just been compiling this list in my mind and haven't shown it to anyone so to have some other opinions on it would be sweet !! thankyou  much peeps xxx

 

 

 

 

Edited April 26, 2019 by Tom T

[Tom T]

heres my list of cool dates if anyone is stuck on date ideas

 

Trampolining

Have a living room campout. Get a tent, forts, blow-up mattresses, and sleeping bags...

Ice skating

Play twister

Aquarium

Go to a cate cafe

Country dancing classes

Comedy shows

Wacky weird films at the Cinema

Go to a spa

Write a shared bucket together

A walk in the country side if possible depending on where you live

Sorna Yoga

Salsa dancing

Card against humanity

Badminton

Go to a city for a nice day out

Go to a quiet weekend festival together

Go watch the sun set somewhere nice

Star gazing somewhere !!!

Cooking classes

Lazer tag

Go see a play performance

Sex in fitting rooms

Go to an Improv show

An Mdma date

A psychadelic date

A climbing wall date

A night where we both bring photos of our selves and laugh at them and talk about us as kids etc.

Hot air baloon date

Etc.

[Omni]

Sounds more like expectations rather than a plan.

Way too much thinking here and this model would crumble upon use. You'd be more obsessed trying to fit all these details in, instead of actually you know - actually getting to know the person, you'd be forcing this silly thing on them.

[Devi Shanti]

There is a good part about your relationship plan and its that one about how to deal with her emotional bad moods.

All the rest, man, please, through it away. Its a perfect description of an average miserable relationship full of superficiality and empty of spontaneity. If you have a relationship plan that you hide from your girl, so your relationship is based on something that is not real love and honesty. One romantic relationship is made of two people learning how to enjoy being together for what they really are. You cant try to manipulate your partner's feelings, thoughts, desires like that. I would find it really rude if I found out such a thing of a boyfriend of mine. This is not a 'game', dude. You cant drive people in real life. You are much better than this. Just stop trying to control everything and let life be!

I wish you an amazing girlfriend totally outlier that helps you to understand how unique and special a person can be. So you will see how  incredible and wonderful life is without we trying to drive everything every time.

Peace.

Edited April 27, 2019 by Devi Shanti

[SFRL]

@Tom T

Overall not a bad plan. Just remember that you also have to be able to break a rule when needed. That goes for all of life, not just relationships. 

Some pointers considering relationships: 

1. You don't know ANYTHING about the other person until the 3 month mark. 

2. It takes at least 6 months to build a real 'deep' connection with the other person. 

3A. You don't know what your relationship is worth until you have had your first major fight. 

3B. You don't know what your relationship is worth until you have had your first major fight over money. 

4. It is very important that you can laugh with the other person. Even more important for the relationship is that you can fight with the other person. (Fight and make up). 

 

[Arcangelo]

I like it. No need to add or subtract anything.

On 4/26/2019 at 2:58 PM, Tom T said:

Do a once a week 30mins eye to eye meditation if she likes it

 

On 4/26/2019 at 3:14 PM, Tom T said:

Write a shared bucket together

Great ideas!

[Tom T]

Hello everyone and thankyou for the reply’s  it’s nice to get some more perspective of this  

@Omni yes  I do know what you mean. I read a quote by Osho on how love has to grow in a non demanding atmosphere and I think my plan dose not allow for that to happen. 

And yes !!! I know what you mean !!! I think I could still get to know her in the process of doing all this. I have actually thought about who I want which is a spiral dynamics stage green infj, infp, intp or enfp. 

But your other point on how I’d be worrying about getting all this into place I don’t think I’d struggle with that as I’m pretty organised but I think that plan lacks spontaneity which is a problem!!! 

@Devi Shanti yes that is some good advice of teal swan and also really? Even the dates and sex and the meeting each other’s needs exercise? Would you chuck all that away to? And if so why do you think that? 

Aldo Devi shanti I have to agree with you on the lack of spontaneity !!!!! It’s a MECHANICAL way to go about relationships !!! Would feel like a robot ? id really like to add more spontaneity to it some how while still managing the relationship effectively !!!

 

and yes I also a agree that hiding the relationship plan from your partner is based on not true love but at the same time I feel like she’d get instantlyyyyy turn off  if she knew I had a freakin plan lol !!! And might freak her outtttt !!! 

And to be honest I don’t think I’m ready for a true spiritual relationship that’s based on true love !!! I have to much devilry within me !!! To many needs and selfish desires !!! The relationship I have with a patenter in the near future will not be true love becuase i have to much ego for a relationship based on true love and non manipulation. I  have read a book by osho called being in love and it’s about terquoise level non manipulative romantic relationships and that is something I aspire to in the future but right now in my sexual and romantic relationships development I’m probably at stage orange/green and literally incapable of true love I just need a basic ego fested relationship so I can work through my stage orange/green relationships needs over time etc.

And awww thankyou v much Devi shanti I wish you all the best too !!!

@SFRL

 Thankyou for the tips I will add that to my relationships insights list  

@Arcangelo 

And glad you like it  and yes I like those ideas two ! I think a 30minite eye to eye meditation would be awesome if she is into it !!! 

Thankyou vey much everyone I really appreciate your feedback  xxx much love to you all !!! Xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Omni]

3 hours ago, Tom T said:

Hello everyone and thankyou for the reply’s  it’s nice to get some more perspective of this  

@Omni yes  I do know what you mean. I read a quote by Osho on how love has to grow in a non demanding atmosphere and I think my plan dose not allow for that to happen. 

And yes !!! I know what you mean !!! I think I could still get to know her in the process of doing all this. I have actually thought about who I want which is a spiral dynamics stage green infj, infp, intp or enfp. 

But your other point on how I’d be worrying about getting all this into place I don’t think I’d struggle with that as I’m pretty organised but I think that plan lacks spontaneity which is a problem!!!

No amount of organization or pre-planning in the world will help you experience a happy relationship. There will always be something you didn't factor in - and that's okay.

If you plan on trying to determine where she is on the spiral as well as her personality traits it will be an interview, not a relationship. I suggest looking into masculine vs feminine energy. The two are highly different and you're approaching finding a woman with a logical brain, which will 9 times outta 10 blow up in your face.

Improvise and understand how to empathize.

[oMarcos]

all the strategies is just another way to ruin a relationship, the more you try to control it, the worse it gets. just sit back and enjoy, be free, let the others be free

[Devi Shanti]

@Tom T Hi, Im sorry, Im afraid I cannot answer each one of your questions because to me its too redundant. You dont need a sex schedule or  meeting each other's needs exercises. The entire romantic relationship is already a great exercise! And, from my own experience, its both about meeting the other person and meeting mainly yourself. Yeh, a relationship can be a powerful tool of self knowledge. But you will lose this amazing opportunity if you let your mind take control of everything and hide your true I. Why dont you try to look deep in her eyes and listen to her with all your heart rather than make her write a list of needs? this is a good thing to "plan" to do. Not everything in this world can be systematized or verbalized and we women are creatures extremely emotional and (many times) non verbal. Practice learning non verbal signs and dance in the flow of the unpredictable
I understand you are afraid of she taking notice of your relationship plan. That would be awkward. Thats why I say you to throw it away! Begin a relationship with transparency, honesty. Dont let anything between you two. Just you and her in your particular paradise of truth and companionship.
Furthermore, stop telling yourself this lie about "can't have a spiritual and true love relationship". True love is public and abundant and it is available to anyone who wants to know it! Nobody needs to be perfect to be in a good relationship. I also have my defects and "devilry" and "selfishness" etc, but none of them prevented me of marrying the nicest guy I have ever known <3 (and he swears I am the most angelic and lovely woman on Earth ). Have in mind that a romantic relationship is where you can develop yourself and learn how to be a better person to others and to yourself. I think its the most important thing. If you make this commitment with yourself (that you want to be in a relationship to actualize yourself and learn loving), you will recognize the same purpose in someone special and it will be amazing.

In

@Omni 's words, Improvise and understand how to empathize.

 

Edited April 29, 2019 by Devi Shanti