Frustrated with my constant autopilot

[PaulK]

I constantly catch myself that everything I do is on autopilot. Even if I force myself to "wake up", be in the present moment, watch every move of my body, I still fall as sleep again and again. It gets worse when people are around, or If I have to talk to someone, I completely forget and just fall asleep. If I'm alone, it's easier, I can kind of get myself focused and stay focused on my moves and control thoughts for a while.

How do I stop falling asleep? This makes me crazy because I forget a lot of stuff because of that. This autopilot makes me daydream and I sometimes I don't remember or don't try to remember normal conversations or stuff that doesn't have any interest to me. Someone might say something to me, I might hear it, and then a few minutes later I ask about it and look like an idiot since I was already been told that.

I read that 90% of people are sleeping when they are awake. But I feel like I'm more as sleep than everyone else around me. I feel like I have nothing but wind inside my head.

I meditate every day when I'm driving or anywhere when I'm alone by forcing myself to stay focused and not let my mind fly away. I even put a vibration alarm on my watch to vibrate every 5 minutes so It can remind me to wake the hell up and pay attention to what you are doing!!!! 

Any suggestions would be appreciated!

Thanks!

 

[Nahm]

@PaulK How’s your overthinking on a scale from 1 -10? How many mornings in a row have you meditated (stomach breath focus & letting all thought pass)?  How long is each meditation?

[Forestluv]

I was thinking about this yesterday as I walked in the woods. I estimated that I’ve become aware of going into auto-pilot over 100,000 times in my life. It takes a while to recondition the mind. I don’t know of any hacks. My mind was highly conditioned for autopilot and it’s perhaps the hardest habit I’ve ever tried to break. I’ve found with continual awareness arising, the gaps between autopilot get longer and longer. And catching autopilot becomes easier and less dramatic. Like noticing an ant crawling on one’s arm and gently brushing it off.

[Paul92]

@Nahm @Serotoninluv  I think I could second the OP's concerns. Nahm, maybe you can relate to this as a guitar player, I find that when I try and gfocus on playing guitar, I can't actually play as well. I played a gig a couple of months ago and was trying to stay focused on the present moment at all times and I played shocking.. I find I play better when I just don't think?When I actually go on autopilot haha

[Nahm]

@Paul92 I agree.   There is an autopilot of ‘sleep’, living life conceptually, via unaddressed overthinking, perpetuated by unaddressed emotional suppression (fragmentation).  Learning an instrument well, and singing, is the best practice ime to transition from overthinking / conceptual life, to direct experience of life now, or ‘flow’.  I suspect the  ‘auto pilot’ you are referring to is no-mind. I think what the OP refers to is overthinking, but is not yet acknowledged as such. 

The difficulty, respectfully, in leaving overthinking / conceptual life, is of course, the identification of the false, “separate self” will be discarded for the real ‘thing’. It is not a light subject, especially to men - this “letting go of how important I am because of how much I know, and how awesome my conceptualizing is compared to other people”. 

Further so, when the conceptualization has “included” (not actually, just falsely) the emotions - that is a very deep trap, and I would not wish it upon anyone. 

[Paul92]

@Nahm So it's not actually about forcing yourself to stay focused on every absolute moment, but rather just being involved in something to the point where you are actually lost in doing what you are doing and not pondering tomorrow's dinner?

[Nahm]

@Paul92 Lost in direct experience, truly, what is a problem? What is a concern? It does not even arise. The separate self is made of thoughts patterns / habit. Separate self = overthinking = suffering. It was created in the spirit of protection, but it was created via identification with the body. This is how we each create fear / delusion. Therapy, meditation, creative expression, a sense of purpose and a worthwhile future - the separate self hates this stuff. A mind in motion tends to desire no change. It perpetuates “itself”.  

A thought can not feel. 

Void of feeling, thought creates weird things, like fear. 

Allowing thought & emotion unification, will purge & purify us. This is going through our fear, seeing what we really are. 

Then what need arises for focus?

[Forestluv]

@Paul92 @Nahm

More guitar ?. Less cowbell. . .  ? 

[Nahm]

@Serotoninluv ?.  

[Paul92]

@Serotoninluv I've seen you on about the cowbell before but genuinely got no idea what you are on about Is it an American thing? haha

[Forestluv]

@Paul92 It is a reference to a SNL skit. In the skit, Will Ferrell and his cowbell represent an overthinking mind. Christopher Walken represents an ego demanding more cowbell (more thinking). The ego thrives on overthinking. . . . The rest of the band members represent “beingness”. 

 

[Nahm]

@Serotoninluv ?

[mandyjw]

@Serotoninluv Christopher Walken represents God. That's why he created ego. More cowbell. So we all can laugh at the joke. 

[Forestluv]

“I’d be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t play the hell out of this cowbell”. 

The egoic mindset in a nutshell. . . 

[Forestluv]

@mandyjw Yes, a cosmic joke ? 

[mandyjw]

2 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

“I’d be doing myself a disservice if I didn’t play the hell out of this cowbell”. 

The egoic mindset in a nutshell. . . 

 Aww. That's God too though!  Live life to the fullest. 

[Forestluv]

12 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

 Aww. That's God too though!  Live life to the fullest. 

In one context the cowbell is overthinking - which can be uncomfortable to the mind-body. Yet if a mind is gonna overthink, ya might as well overthink the hell out of it and then laugh at one’s self. Trying to repress it can be counter-productive ? 

I never would have imagined a SNL skit to open existential contemplations. ?

[Paul92]

@Serotoninluv haha that's the first time I've seen that. Pretty funny. I think this is getting too complicated for me today haha. The ego is God etc whaaaaat haha

[mandyjw]

13 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

In one context the cowbell is overthinking - which can be uncomfortable to the mind-body. Yet if a mind is gonna overthink, ya might as well overthink the hell out of it and then laugh at one’s self. Trying to repress it can be counter-productive ? 

I never would have imagined a SNL skit to open existential contemplations. ?

I'm telling you, God and realizations are EVERYWHERE. Humor is a great place to look. When I was a kid I was obsessed with Calvin and Hobbes. I learned so many spiritual lessons from those comics. 

Can you imagine though, in the time of Jesus, what a stir he caused? A disruption to the well known "song" of thinking and religion in his time? His message must have seemed very jarring and disruptive to the Pharisees. 

[PaulK]

11 hours ago, Nahm said:

@PaulK How’s your overthinking on a scale from 1 -10? How many mornings in a row have you meditated (stomach breath focus & letting all thought pass)?  How long is each meditation?

Some things I overthink too much and some not enough so I cant tell exactly. I’m not doing sitting meditation anymore. I learned that in order to meditate you dont have to sit and watch your breath. So, currently my meditation is when I stay aware of where I’m, what am I doing, feeling etc. That’s pretty much all day. I try to force myself to be more aware.

Maybe I should try and go back to breath meditations.