Second Vipassana Report

[MsNobody]

ACOMMODATIONS 

Here I go again in my egoless trip.. This time I was able to go much deeper because I was in a room, with own bathroom and everything, my first time I was sleep deprived because I was camping, it was too hot during the day, too cold at night, animals crawling around the tent, many external difficulties, so once I felt safe with my surroundings I dove within myself.

GONG RINGER 

First day comes, the coordinator asks if any old student can volunteer to be the gong ringer and my higher self, who got there earlier than my ego, lifted its hand, this was awesome because in the first retreat instead of waking up at 4am I was sleeping till breakfast at 6:30am, very sloppy, so this time I was waking up 3:50am and I had the chance to do things differently and make better use of my time there.

VIPASSANA 1 AND 2 

It's been almost two years and OMG I grew so so so much from this last post. I'm much more mature but at the same time that first Vipassana brought so much madness into my life, it broke me up in such a way that I really found my real deepest self, in terms of personality, I went through a hedonic phase of exploration that brought me a lot of new perspectives and experiences. Fascinating!

This time I won't mention details cause I want to go deeper in this report, but you can check out my first Vipassana here:

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/12559-vipassana-retreat-loving-trump-unconditionally-and-meeting-an-escort/#comment-130590

ADDICTIONS

It was waaay different than the previous one, in the last 4 months I've been cleaning up my mind and body, so I cut out:

• Weed/ CBD
• Caffeine
• Meat
• Sex
• Party/ Dancing
• Alcohol
• Buying stuff
• Watching brainless shows

As you see not  much was left for my ego, sugar is my only addiction currently and I'm struggling hard to quit, might try Ibogaine in the future  or maybe if I keep doing the work it's gonna naturally happen like it did with meat and the other stuff.

EQUILIBRIUM

It's such a weird sensation because I'm overall happy with how my life is unfolding, I'm not having many ups and downs like I used to, things happen and they don't impact me so much, those days I was listening to music and I thought how much music used to make me happy and now when I listen I don't get that ecstasy from before because the silence also has a value and sometimes can be just like music, so I got to the conclusion I've found balance in my life, for the first time in years, real raw equilibrium I remember going to therapy 3 years ago and telling her in my first session that I had too much ups and downs in my life and I was either super high energy or really down rock bottom level, there was no in between, even the retreat didn't mess up my mind like I though it would.

EGO CHALLENGES and ADHD 

Differently from first time, in this one I followed step by step the whole technique (maybe 70% of the time), in my first vipassana my ego convinced me that the teachings of Buddha were inefficient  and I ended up doing the do nothing technique for the whole period, which is a lesson I learned with my own mistake, since I was a child I've had problems listening to people, even religion, in pre school my memories are from the teacher running after me to keep me in class, or literally putting pilled tables in front of the door so I wouldn't be able to get out, I would grab in the gates and my mom would take half hour to untangle my fingers and drag me to class, in my mind the thought "who are they to keep me in a cage?" was predominant. Reminds me Steve Jobs biography where he talks about schools:  It also became clear that Jobs, by both nature and nurture, was not disposed to accept authority. "I encountered authority of a different kind than I had encountered before, and I did not like it. And they really almost got me. They came close to really beating any curiosity out of me."

Thinking now I clearly had and probably still have ADHD but thankfully I was poor and my mom had never brought me to a doctor so I didn’t grow up on methamphetamines, nowadays if I take Adderall my day is amazing and productive but I can’t give myself the luxury of relying on drugs to improve myself, the only way out is through it, so even tho my improvements are happening in a much slower pace at least I know it's my own effort and this gives me strength to keep going, I also see attention deficit as a blessing, it's because of ADHD that I was a wild child, that I had problems listening to others, listening to their ideologies, I was religious but I never really swallowed the pill of the man on the clouds ready to punish me, it's a two edged sword, thanks to not being able to focus in one thing and go all the way in I was able to zoom out, zoom out, and see the big picture, I was able to see things differently, for being weird and doing weird things this enabled and allowed me to be different than others, gave me freedom to explore myself, I see ADHD not as a disease but a sign of evolution of next generations, ok my mind can be up in the sky some of the time because of this "deficit" but it's when I travel up there that I get my nuggets from life. So many friends of mine that have ADHD are the wise ones, they might all be struggling like me to figure out the maze but at least they are not chasing cheese, they know there is more to life than this reality, it can be my impression but ADHD might seem to be one symptom you get when you try to escape the matrix, it's like glimpses of awareness that don't let you live in automatic mode, that wake you up from deep sleep, its too much alertness. The negative sides are many but I try to make gold out of my misery and since I have this I might as well "wear it" the way I want.

MEDITATION TECHNIQUES 

DHAMMA - It was so exhausting to be doing doing doing doing 10 hours per day, the whole technique is about bringing awareness to every little part of the body, scanning the body from head to toe, toe to head and do this over and over again, with the intention of going through the traumas to which Buddah called Samkaras, it's very complex to explain the whole thing here and you guys probably know more than me (feel free to correct me if I misinterpreted something), he says when you pass the awareness through your body parts, and put it in every part you tap into your subconscious, where old habits and traumas are located, we unconsciously sometimes repress those sensations, or when we experience it, if pleasant sensation we want more, generating CRAVINGS if unpleasant we want to stop, creating AVERSION, the more you go through those sensations without reacting they start dissolving and you can liberate yourself from misery, with the awareness that whatever arises it's gonna come and go, this too shall pass, it' the law of impermanence, called anicca, it's such a fascinating teaching, like our egos are capes around our souls, that are full of traumas and the more we go through them without reacting they dissolve and we are able to feel the whole universe, basically an ego washer haha which reminds me of Leo's Rumi's quote, "Be melting snow, wash yourself from yourself" 

DO NOTHING TECHNIQUE - So this is my practice, it's probably a mix of things but it's the way I intuitively learned to reach deep states of meditation, I watch my thoughts come and go, come an go, until they slow down, and I'm able to find a gap between the two thoughts, in this gap stillness rests, it's emptiness, but it's also everything, my whole body is relaxed, and I keep hitting this empty space between two thoughts and the more I hit it the bigger it gets, then I start feeling the silence entering my ears, and I feel as if raw energy from the universe passes through my crown chakra and is distributed to my body, being discharged back to earth and washing my body from all the clogged stuff, traumas, etc. Most of my sittings I feel the feeling of expansion, sometimes unconditional love and gratitude. It seems to me that this meditation is much more easier and less busy because I'm allowing myself to stop doing, it's kind of a feminine approach of receiving from the universe, which is the contrary of the masculine energy that is all about action, doing, rationality, in the mind instead of heart. 

So here I would like to know about what you guys think, I want to have my one hour daily practice and want to dive in in only one technique, so I avoid being sloppy and create more discipline and consistency. I found Dhamma to be very rational and in the mind, a lots of business for my brain that is already running fast in the fast paced world.

PSYCHEDELICS AND NOOTROPICS 

I microdosed LSD and it turned out to be very challenging, example the technique of scanning my body was very challening when I passed by my right side of brain (I've been having migraines and cluster headaches for the past year, I'm not sure why) also my heart and throat were where most of my gross sensations were, my "samkaras", of course in other parts of my body too but those parts were a work of its own, on LSD even tho I could not feel anything cause microdose is very subtle I felt too many gross sensations throughout, it's like there were more wounds than I was able to take care of, so I switched to modafinil, I took two days, it's very powerful but I just had problem putting my awareness in small areas, like I could feel my head as a whole but not my ear, it would take me a couple minutes to feel the small location precisely, but one day on Modafinil I penetrated my body and the scan was deep, Goenka says that since we just started we should only pass the awareness on the surface of the body, later we could penetrate and go within the body too, but the second day I took modafinil by scan was as if it was doing it by itself, and the awareness was deep within my body, penetrating all my entrails, also when I took modafinil and sat for meditation I could feel the substance being absorbed by my brain and spreading all around my body, super interesting, it might work amazing for other people because normally modafinil doesn’t do much for me.

LIFE PURPOSE and THE DIVINE FEMININE

It's so interesting that the first time my mind was in creation mode and I was having many ideas about my life, but it seems like right now I'm in a very logical phase, I kind of know exactly what to do from now on, and things are unfolding slowly and in an organic way, in the last month I decided to create my website for Life coaching because I'm almost done with my certification, but my job as an architect is so convenient and comfortable, gives me good money, that is taking me a long time to take the big leap into my real life purpose, my initial idea was to work with mindset, system thinking, but now I just realized that the divine feminine has been in my life for a while and it’s calling my attention, it expresses itself in so many different forms, through my art, the way I dress, the pictures I take, the way I am, the people I attract to my life, I went through a traumatic relationship that hurt me really deep, and I was forced to visit those deep darks part of myself in order to heal, and from this came a flow of intense energy, that I call divine feminine but is also darkness, creation, the mystery of life, the place where we came from, mother's earth energy, gaia etc.. it's been present in my life for the past three years, it's also sexual energy, not necessarily expressed through sex, but through dance, art, drawing, poetry, nature.

Now I feel whole to have embraced this side of mine, I used to be afraid of this energy but now I honor it and am in the process of learning how to embody it, my family was always very judgmental because of how I am, they still judge me a lot, some people in Brazil think I'm a prostitute here in US, I'm judged but a lot of women also ask me how to embrace their feminine side, how to honor their bodies instead of being ashamed.

I'm passionate about women, about their insides and out, our vulnerability, our capability of love, our kindness, our sentimentality, but not only that, I love the shape of the women's body, for me it's like a piece of art, it's as natural as looking at mountains and nowadays I'm very comfortable within my carcass, I sound lesbian but I'm actually straight I will post some of my work below and you guys will understand, so what I'm thinking is in working with women, not to help raise feminists cause that would be level green, but more like opening the space for them to be whoever they want to be, I feel like society nowadays praises a lot the masculine energy, which is the one action, production, efficiency, fastness, etc, while women approach if more wholly, holly, sacred, emotional, caring more about ones surroundings, about the environment and I feel like capitalism and the whole patriarchy is leaving it's first position and becoming less predominant, we can see more women in politics now, and I believe that there has to be a balance of masculine and feminine, but most of this chaos is because of the prevalence of the masculine energy in the world, and I would like to be part of this awareness towards the subject, in opening up the space for women to be more feminine, and even men, or sometimes women who want to resolve their acceptance of the masculine too, we are both masculine and feminine, feminists for example think they are better than men, without seeing that one compliments the other and we need both to be whole.

Many women right now are in rational mode repressing their feminine side because it's not valuable to society, and this breaks my heart, even in men, some men have repressed feelings and emotions because our culture don’t allow them to express that side. So my work would be learning to play out the female and male energies within humans.

I also have a professional camera so besides my art, the life coach I'm gonna start photographing naked women in nature, many of my friends asked and said they will pay me.

This is my website if you guys want to stalk, judge, comment

https://maverickmind.org

If you go to art gallery it talks a little more about the work I will be doing in the future.

That's it. Thanks if you made it to the end, I'm extremely grateful for this community, sometimes I think I'm in a cult cause many of my friends are from here.. Haha I just feel very lucky to be treading this path and have access to all your minds and all the tools we talk about here.

Much love

Miss Nobody

Edited April 26, 2019 by MsNobody
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[MsNobody]

And here the style of pictures I will be taking, I'm so excited!

 

 

[Rinne]

Oh wow ?

[Esoteric]

That's awesome. Beautiful to read and nice art too.

[Mirror of Confusion]

I am blown away. You have the abilty to give people a huge motivation boost and I like the way you express yourself.

[Salvijus]

Nice report. 

But your ideas about feminine are weird to me  

I like this kind of feminine tho.

 

"The feminine is ultimate willingness. Without willingness, there would be no love, no care, nothing gentle in this world." - Sadhguru

 

 

It's also weird but very feminine.

Edited April 26, 2019 by Salvijus

[noselfnofun]

Awesome, I'm doing a Vipassana retreat in 6 weeks. Whats most inspiring is that you cut out a lot of your addictions before the course and started to gain balance in your life. What sort of spiritual practices do you do when not on retreat? 

[Forestluv]

@MsNobody Beautiful insights, artwork and photos. Thank you for sharing it with us ♥️ ? 

[MsNobody]

@Esoteric @Mirror of Confusion @Serotoninluv Thaaank you! ??

@noselfnofun uh that’s exciting, it’s hoing to be an interesting experience! I do the do nothing technique

@Salvijus ohhh this is so beautiful, thanks for sharing! Indeed dance is one of the forms of expression of the divine feminine ? what do you mean by weird? ?

[Salvijus]

1 hour ago, MsNobody said:

@Salvijus ohhh this is so beautiful, thanks for sharing! Indeed dance is one of the forms of expression of the divine feminine ? what do you mean by weird? ?

I mean your association with faminine that it's about a femele body, or nakedness or sexual arausal. That's what's weird to me. Tho yes it's also a part of feminine but idk... Something doesn't smell right.

Feminine is more about willningness to include, no self-importence, gentelness, care, devotion, offering yourself etc..

Flowers are feminine

This is feminine.

It really has little to do with what you wear or not wear

[Barna]

@Salvijus We continuously hide the body in clothes and we see someone naked only when we're making love to them. So we associate nakedness with sexuality. Do you see that this is only a conditioning of the mind?

On these photos I don't see sexuality, but I see natural beauty, and being one with nature. 

Would you rather dress up a flower before making a photo of it?

[MsNobody]

@Salvijus Yes I see your point, very interesting.. IMO there are many ways of expressing the feminine energy, my way is more sensual, some women express it through nurturing, taking care of their husbands and partners, taking care of their homes, some other woman through dancing or singing, some through painting or drawing, some through cooking, and of course when I say feminine energy I'm not excluding men, for me the most attractive men are the ones with their feminine side resolved and embodied, because they tend to see me for who I really am, when they look at me or my art or even my body they are able to see beyond it, not only get sexual aroused because that would be a shallow way of seeing the natural beauty of the human body,

Oscar Wilde describes it better than me:

"If a work of art is rich and vital and complete, those who have artistic instincts will see its beauty, and those to whom ethics appeal more strongly than aesthetics will see its moral lesson. It will fill the cowardly with terror, and the unclean will see in it their own shame."

so I invite you so analyze why my way of expressing the feminine energy seems weird. I hear that a lot, from my muslims coworkers, my repressed friends from Brazil, they say it's wrong, it's weird, it's ugly, but the way I see my body is as if I'm looking at a beautiful landscape, I also see the beauty in the male's body and have a lot of masculine energy within me, I think it's all about learning how to balance both energies because one compliments the other. 

Like Jung said, "You can hardly say your soul what sex is, but if you pay close attention the most masculine man has a feminine soul and the most Feminine woman has a masculine soul."

or Khalil Gibran when asked about clothes:

Your clothes conceal much of your beauty, yet they hide not the unbeautiful.
And though you seek in garments the freedom of privacy you may find in them a harness and a chain.
Would that you could meet the sun and the wind with more of your skin and less of your raiment,
For the breath of life is in the sunlight and the hand of life is in the wind.

Some of you say,"It is the north wind who has woven the clothes we wear."
And I say, Ay, it was the north wind,
But shame was his loom, and the softening of the sinews was his thread.
And when his work was done he laughed in the forest.
Forget not that modesty is for a shield against the eye of the unclean.

And when the unclean shall be no more, what were modesty but a fetter and a fouling of the mind?
And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.

 

[Salvijus]

4 hours ago, Barna said:

 Would you rather dress up a flower before making a photo of it?

Haha..good one

No I wouldn't. But being naked doesn't amount to being feminine. Feminine is about asthetics, art, love, inclusiveness etc. What you wear is of little difference.

3 hours ago, MsNobody said:

IMO there are many ways of expressing the feminine energy, my way is more sensual, some women express it through nurturing, taking care of their husbands and partners, taking care of their homes, some other woman through dancing or singing, some through painting or drawing, some through cooking

The activity that you do is not important. It's the quality of devotion and inclusiveness and a sense of offering that makes feminine quality.

You can cook to make money and display masculinity or you can cook with love and care with a sense of doing something for others. That's what creates feminine quality. How much clothes do you wear when you cook makes no difference

3 hours ago, MsNobody said:

when they look at me or my art or even my body they are able to see beyond it, not only get sexual aroused because that would be a shallow way of seeing the natural beauty of the human body,

There's really nothing special about the naked body. If you remove the sexual arousal it's just a piece of meat and bones. Would you find a corpse beutiful? No, because the beauty is not in the body but what is inside a body 

3 hours ago, MsNobody said:

I hear that a lot, from my muslims coworkers, my repressed friends from Brazil, they say it's wrong, it's weird, it's ugly 

Haha no that's not the reason i sayed it's weird. I'm not against being naked. I'm just saying putting labels of devine feminine on a body doesnt smell right to me. Of course it's one way of expressing feminine but it's hugely overrated. It's coming from somekind of repressed feelings or conditioning or smth. If everybody was walking naked, being naked would lose its value but now it's like a forbidden fruit or smth. It's just a piece of meat and bones. Feminine is much much more then just a body. Feminine has nothing to do at all with the body in fact. It's a quality not a sex organ

A man can display much more feminine then a women if he wants to.

19.45 boys displaying the feminine in it's totality.

 

P.S. just to make it clear, I didn't say your art is weird, I'm just saying your definition of "feminine" is weird.

Edited April 27, 2019 by Salvijus

[Barna]

6 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Haha..good one

No I wouldn't. But being naked doesn't amount to being feminine. Feminine is about asthetics, art, love, inclusiveness etc. What you wear is of little difference.

Thank you

And I agree with you, being naked doesn't amount to being feminine. 

However, when the clothes don't separate us from the environment then we have a greater feeling oneness. Oneness and inclusion is a feminine act, as opposed to individuality, which is masculine. And being naked has a sense of vulnerability in it, which feels very feminine. 

Also, seeing a naked body is out of the ordinary, so it has an artistic feeling to it. And when we're not hiding ourselves it feels very sincere to me, and I associate sincerity with art. 

So for me a naked female body seems like a great way to express the feminine in an artistic way.

[kieranperez]

This post is fucking awesome. Love this!

On 4/26/2019 at 0:03 AM, MsNobody said:

ADDICTIONS

It was waaay different than the previous one, in the last 4 months I've been cleaning up my mind and body, so I cut out:

• Weed/ CBD
• Caffeine
• Meat
• Sex
• Party/ Dancing
• Alcohol
• Buying stuff
• Watching brainless shows

As someone who used to be a coffee nerd, I can relate to the caffeine part (it was more the coffee because I live in SF which pretty much translates to part-time hipster). 

The partying part is really hard to quit because it turns into a lifestyle. I used to be part of the Bay Area underground rave scene here since before EDM even went off (like I said - hipster) for several years and man does getting out of that whole party thing get hard. When you're out till late night/early morning (like 6am) and you go to sleep and wake up and then there's nothing to do but go to another one, it's hard to kick. Worth getting out though so good on you.

On 4/26/2019 at 0:03 AM, MsNobody said:

Thinking now I clearly had and probably still have ADHD but thankfully I was poor and my mom had never brought me to a doctor so I didn’t grow up on methamphetamines

LOL you are very lucky.

On 4/26/2019 at 0:03 AM, MsNobody said:

if I take Adderall my day is amazing and productive but I can’t give myself the luxury of relying on drugs to improve myself, the only way out is through it, so even tho my improvements are happening in a much slower pace at least I know it's my own effort and this gives me strength to keep going, I also see attention deficit as a blessing, it's because of ADHD that I was a wild child, that I had problems listening to others, listening to their ideologies, I was religious but I never really swallowed the pill of the man on the clouds ready to punish me, it's a two edged sword, thanks to not being able to focus in one thing and go all the way in I was able to zoom out, zoom out, and see the big picture, I was able to see things differently, for being weird and doing weird things this enabled and allowed me to be different than others, gave me freedom to explore myself, I see ADHD not as a disease but a sign of evolution of next generations, ok my mind can be up in the sky some of the time because of this "deficit" but it's when I travel up there that I get my nuggets from life. So many friends of mine that have ADHD are the wise ones, they might all be struggling like me to figure out the maze but at least they are not chasing cheese, they know there is more to life than this reality, it can be my impression but ADHD might seem to be one symptom you get when you try to escape the matrix, it's like glimpses of awareness that don't let you live in automatic mode, that wake you up from deep sleep, its too much alertness. The negative sides are many but I try to make gold out of my misery and since I have this I might as well "wear it" the way I want.

As someone who has ADHD and has taken Adderall (and Ritalin, Concerta, Stratera, etc.) for 17 years I thought I'd share a couple things here...

• You have an awesome fucking attitude on how you're viewing it. So let's get that out there. 
• ADHD meds work insanely well... in the short-term. I can't stress that enough. Short-term can mean first few months of consistent use to maybe the first few years. For me I was in the first few months category. You do adapt to it physiologically. I got to the point when I was trying to get off where if I say got up at 7am and I didn't take adderall... I'd be back in bed 2 hours later until like noon and would wake up of course more tired and groggy and less functional and would go into my car forgetting my glasses and phone in the house... I got off it in January 2018 and now have been experimenting with Modafinil and Armodafinil and even with those and the amount of time I've been off all pharmaceuticals (including SSRIs, mood-stabilizers, etc.) I'm still adapting to those 2 substances in a matter of days. 
• Although it's hard for me to grateful for ADHD when I'm sitting in meditation (LOL) I will say one of the common things I see with others that have it is that we are REALLY fucking good at connecting dots and seeing the big picture. It's not linear at all. I cannot for the life of me think linearly and in this cold rational step-by-step approach. So people in school could out-do me in that. However, I and people l've met that have ADHD seem to have a common ability of being able to connect dots in a way that most people absolutely cannot and we can see a much more total picture. Which would explain why some notable people in history are seen to be very ADD/ADHD in their discoveries, contributions, and especially creative output. We have a unique way of holding different perspectives and being able to go back and forth in ways most people can't. 

This sounds like it was an awesome growth point for you! Congrats! By the way, were those photos in SoCal? I feel like I've been to that beach before hahaha

 

[Salvijus]

3 hours ago, Barna said:

Thank you

And I agree with you, being naked doesn't amount to being feminine. 

However, when the clothes don't separate us from the environment then we have a greater feeling oneness. Oneness and inclusion is a feminine act, as opposed to individuality, which is masculine. And being naked has a sense of vulnerability in it, which feels very feminine. 

Also, seeing a naked body is out of the ordinary, so it has an artistic feeling to it. And when we're not hiding ourselves it feels very sincere to me, and I associate sincerity with art. 

So for me a naked female body seems like a great way to express the feminine in an artistic way.

True. I agree with this.

I'd say just be honest with yourself and why you do this and why you like this form of expression. Mind is very deceptive. It can make you believe all kinds of things, but it's mostly just your harmones talking.

P.S. naked body has nothing to do with vulnurability, it's just your mental projection. For someone else naked body would associate with dirt or smth it's just mental conditioning.

True vulnurability is when you offer yourself totally to everything and not expect anything in return. It's when you're willing to include the whole universe as a part of yourself, this is when you're trully vulnurable because you may include a devil also, anyone may missuse you. There's no sefety for you at all because you're not concerned about yourself, you're total offering to everything. Offering to everything around you. It takes great strenght to do that. Being naked dosn't really require much strenght thus it's not true vulnurability. Tho it can be shown as symbolism i guess.

Edited April 27, 2019 by Salvijus

[Barna]

@Salvijus We wear clothes because it protects us from the cold. So when we're naked, we're vulnerable to cold. Flowers are also vulnerable to cold, that's why you don't see them in the winter. Just like you don't see a lot of naked female bodies surrounded by snow.

Maybe I like these photos because of my hormones, I don't know. Usually I don't question my likes because it's a positive feeling to like something. I question a lot more my dislikes because those usually come from my ego. 

So why are we having this argument here? Why is it that you don't like it when someone shares the true, unhidden beauty of their bodies? 

[Salvijus]

Just to make it clear I have nothing against nudity. I was talking about what is feminine in general. I don't like when people use concepts like sacred or devine just to decorate their compulsive animal tendencies.

33 minutes ago, Barna said:

@Salvijus We wear clothes because it protects us from the cold. So when we're naked, we're vulnerable to cold. Flowers are also vulnerable to cold, that's why you don't see them in the winter. Just like you don't see a lot of naked female bodies surrounded by snow.

That's why i said it could be used as symbolism at most.

But in reality to be naked you only need to be cauragious and strong to ignore outside opinions. This kind of  caurage and strenght and revolutional behavior is more of a masculine quality then feminine. 

Vulnurability comes only when you are willing to include the whole universe. Not when you stand in snow naked freezing your balls. That's just idiocy

 

 

 

 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Salvijus

[Barna]

"But in reality to be a female you only need to be courageous and strong to ignore outside threats. This kind of courage and strength and revolutionary behavior is more of a masculine quality than feminine."

[noselfnofun]

3 hours ago, Salvijus said:

True. I agree with this.

I'd say just be honest with yourself and why you do this and why you like this form of expression. Mind is very deceptive. It can make you believe all kinds of things, but it's mostly just your harmones talking.

P.S. naked body has nothing to do with vulnurability, it's just your mental projection. For someone else naked body would associate with dirt or smth it's just mental conditioning.

True vulnurability is when you offer yourself totally to everything and not expect anything in return. It's when you're willing to include the whole universe as a part of yourself, this is when you're trully vulnurable because you may include a devil also, anyone may missuse you. There's no sefety for you at all because you're not concerned about yourself, you're total offering to everything. Offering to everything around you. It takes great strenght to do that. Being naked dosn't really require much strenght thus it's not true vulnurability. Tho it can be shown as symbolism i guess.

I know what you are trying to get at. Its more to do with the fact that there are a lot of unconscious people out there so if you every share anything even remotely provocative, even if that is not your intention it can unlock the lower parts of there desires and make them suffer more because of it. Imagine a world with no porn, would be beautiful. In some ways hiding physical beauty like a monk would hide his attainment could be seen as the highest form of compassion to others. Its a tricky one cos also you should not supress it either. 

however the OP has shared this on a forum about conciseness and spiritual development, is on an amazing joruney and is really inspiring to see her art and going after it. Work it girl ! .... <)