Sacred space

[tsuki]

9 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

@tsuki I'm not sure my comment is welcomed, but I want to say that I like the video. I noticed how you got more comfortable talking towards the end, which is a great sign of getting in touch with your heart.

It's alright. Would you mind writing something more about what it means to you to be in touch with your heart?

9 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

Thank you, I'll watch the Annihilation movie ?

I just watched Leo's latest video about survival and I think that the movie can be treated as an artistic expression of what he was saying.

 

For the past day my heart chakra was hyper active and I feel much more in touch with my body. 
If the mind speaks in words, the heart speaks in movement. My own facial expressions and gestures are like a second stream of understanding that goes unnoticed because I don't know how to read the language from the first person perspective. I need to read myself from these videos and expand my awareness to accommodate this stream.

Edited May 27, 2019 by tsuki

[Truth Addict]

@tsuki

Heart = Authentic = Spontaneous = Relaxed = Comfortable = Confident = Connected = Easy = Simple

The mind gives a blurry image of you, which doesn't represent who you are. The heart speaks the truth.

Edited May 27, 2019 by Truth Addict

[tsuki]

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

"Even me" - you immediately caught it and laughed. I immediately became you at that moment.

[tsuki]

 

[jbram2002]

I watched through your four videos today. I think, especially with that last video, you might be getting some insights into how difficult it can be to be open in front of a camera that exposes you to the world. You have an interesting take on the journaling aspect of it. I think I would struggle immensely to do this.

Which is partly why I want to challenge myself to do it. At least once. Not sure when or how or even why at this point. But it was quite inspiring.

Thanks.

[tsuki]

No video today since I'm on a business trip. I'll post one tomorrow if I get home at a reasonable time.

I'll address your comment in the video @jbram2002 .

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

6 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

@DrewNows  The quote and perspective I pasted came to mind after watching @tsuki's  last video. I found the similarities to be an affirmation of this truth. A while back I had considered a homemade practice I called 'sweeping the stage of the mind' and so this post allowed for an expression of that idea.

[tsuki]

 

"My camera broke" and instead of spending 20 minutes reshooting this thing, I spent 3 hours trying to edit it to synch audio with video...

[mandyjw]

Theme for the day, cycles. 

[tsuki]

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

"It is what it is,,,,,,,,, even if it's not helpful" -  That describes both essence and personality. Lunar willfulness and ability to focus offset by Venusian relaxed openness.  We can change things about the personality but not about essence.

Morris is willing to hold space for Doyle and tells him "you're just showing your true Aries color now".  To which Doyle replies, "Stay out of my godamn face you fuckin buzzard." To endure the unpleasant manifestations of others is said to be one thing which grows essence the most. A form of 'turning the other cheek. 

Aries Personality aspects can be worked with. 

Im not associating you with Doyle but Just giving an example of a source which would seem to effect personality traits in addition to conditioning from parents.  Changeable things.

 

Ive struggled with cynicism for a long time. My of sense of humor for many years was really polluted with cynicism. If that names what you were referring to in part. All cynicism is tinged with at least a little bit of negativity. I'm not completly free of it but I realized that cynicism dirties my inner world.

From Wikipedia 

Schadenfreude (/ˈʃɑːdənfrɔɪdə/; German: [ˈʃaːdn̩ˌfʁɔʏ̯də] (listen); lit. 'harm-joy') is the experience of pleasure, joy, or self-satisfaction that comes from learning of or witnessing the troubles, failures, or humiliation of another.

Schadenfreude is a complex emotion, where rather than feeling sympathy towards someone's misfortune, schadenfreude evokes joyful feelings that take pleasure from watching someone fail. This emotion is displayed more in children than adults; however, adults also experience schadenfreude, but they are just better at concealing their expressions.[1]

In my own work on cynicism and sources of unconscious negativity I uncovered Schadenfreude in myself at deeper more subtle layers after having observed it before in some of my everyday 'I's'. It was a painful thing to observe in myself. 

[tsuki]

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

In the response to your last video I'm not sure if I'm upset by your "asshole qualities" (most of the time). We all have patterns like that I suppose, and I've learned to appreciate them in people. They can limit how much someone can connect with others, so it's great to be aware of them. What are my patterns? I've always though that you were pretty committed to encouraging people, that's how our conversation started in that thread you gave me a compliment/thing to ponder in one comment. 

Around 11:00 you said that it's always not good to put others above yourself, that who thing seemed incredibly masculine to me. I think back to being pregnant and how the first part of pregnancy it's like having the flu for 8 weeks. There's very little that can top the misery of those 8 weeks and you don't have any choice, your body has been co-opted by a new life. After that experience it seems very second nature or at least no big deal at all to put others especially your kids above yourself. 

You're very concerned with how you appear to others in the video. I appreciate how outright you are about that, where I try to hide or ignore it.

Your voice is very kind. 

I'll get back to you @mandyjw, I need to run some errands for now and I need some time to ponder this.
Thank you for your comments @Zigzag Idiot @mandyjw.

[tsuki]

4 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

"It is what it is,,,,,,,,, even if it's not helpful" -  That describes both essence and personality. Lunar willfulness and ability to focus offset by Venusian relaxed openness.  We can change things about the personality but not about essence.

"Lunar willfulness and ability to focus offset by Venusian relaxed openness." is that part about personality, or about essence?
I've been reading this to make sense of what essence is and I think that it's what I referred to when I said that I don't exist. It may not be a good way to phrase it, but I intend to shoot a video on that topic soon. For now, I think that personality is what is pieced together to make sense of the world, while the essence is what is left after we've deconstructed the personality enough to see it (or lack of it).

5 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Morris is willing to hold space for Doyle and tells him "you're just showing your true Aries color now".  To which Doyle replies, "Stay out of my godamn face you fuckin buzzard." To endure the unpleasant manifestations of others is said to be one thing which grows essence the most. A form of 'turning the other cheek. 

Aries Personality aspects can be worked with. 

Im not associating you with Doyle but Just giving an example of a source which would seem to effect personality traits in addition to conditioning from parents.  Changeable things.

Thankfully I was spared such violent outbursts, but I'm prone to yelling when I'm angry. It usually happens when I'm turning the other cheek for too long and the other person does not get the clue, or, when I'm being an asshole habitually (see below).

5 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Ive struggled with cynicism for a long time. My of sense of humor for many years was really polluted with cynicism. If that names what you were referring to in part. All cynicism is tinged with at least a little bit of negativity. I'm not completly free of it but I realized that cynicism dirties my inner world.

Me being an asshole mostly comes off when I stab people unconsciously after I've seen that they say something pointless/obvious. Sometimes I even poke fun at them for that, it feels like beating a dead horse. I don't do that on the forum too often (I hope!). It's much more difficult in organic situations where it's instinctive and requires reflex. Staying in the heart space seems to mitigate that.

It may be a form of expressed Schadenfreude.

4 hours ago, mandyjw said:

I've always though that you were pretty committed to encouraging people, that's how our conversation started in that thread you gave me a compliment/thing to ponder in one comment. 

It was probably the first time I gave an explicit compliment on this forum.
I'm mostly challenging and ridiculing people to encourage them. It only effective for the healthy people that don't need to hear it.

4 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Around 11:00 you said that it's always not good to put others above yourself, that who thing seemed incredibly masculine to me. I think back to being pregnant and how the first part of pregnancy it's like having the flu for 8 weeks. There's very little that can top the misery of those 8 weeks and you don't have any choice, your body has been co-opted by a new life. After that experience it seems very second nature or at least no big deal at all to put others especially your kids above yourself. 

I also said the same for the opposite case, putting myself above others.
I've never been a mother, but I am a son and I know what it does to a child when a mother is entitled because she sacrificed so much for him. I feel that my mother was reasonable in this regard, but she still has trouble respecting my boundaries and using her feelings as a paper shield when I need some space. I imagine that a lot of grown ass men have problems with severing the umbilical cord if they haven't developed their violent side.

4 hours ago, mandyjw said:

You're very concerned with how you appear to others in the video. I appreciate how outright you are about that, where I try to hide or ignore it.

Making those videos primarily for myself helps me being honest with that. Practicing vulnerability is useful for relationships.
I know that relationships are an end in itself for you.

4 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Your voice is very kind. 

Thank you. When are you going to post a new video?

[Zigzag Idiot]

25 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Lunar willfulness and ability to focus offset by Venusian relaxed openness." is that part about personality, or about essence?

Essence as translated through endocrine type. The mixed essence qualities compliment each other. In your case it occurred to me that the Aries in your birth chart may fulfill assertive qualities and complement your social side. 

 

I like your Essence link.? Most of my Gurdjieff is funneled through or tweaked by Almaas in some way.

 

Ive shared this quote in the Typology Discusions Topic thread but it specifically applies to this conversation.

When we are able to recognize types and predict the characteristic reactions, we find that this information is liberating, both as it applies to ourselves and as it helps us to understand others. Once we know that virtually all limitations, weakness and shortcomings are not things for which we can be blamed, most of us feel the lifting of guilt that we have carried for most of our lives. If we are Lunars we cannot be outgoing and emotionally demonstrative, no matter how much others urge us to be and how much we may want to please them. If we are Saturns we cannot stop trying to control others--- always for their own good--- no matter how strenuously they object. If we are Venusians we cannot be aggressively ambitious no matter how much our mothers want us to be and how much we may love our mothers. If we are an emotionally centered mercurial and find it impossible to engage in repetitive tasks day after day, word processing in an isolated cubicle, or putting shingles on roofs, then we should begin to understand how hard it is for a moving centered Martial to experience his own emotions, much less express them effectively. ,,,,,

Note: To learn this system, the different elements need to be held lightly.

[tsuki]

40 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Essence as translated through endocrine type. The mixed essence qualities compliment each other.

So, various typologies are based on expressions of essence through different means? Endocrine type being the 'body type'?
I can now clearly see myself as lunar-venusian and how these qualities are indeed complimentary. They seem like a irreconcilable paradox though, impossibility.

40 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

In your case it occurred to me that the Aries in your birth chart may fulfill assertive qualities and complement your social side. 

It took me solid 20 minutes to decrypt this sentence, but I'm not open enough to dive into Astrology yet. Do you find it to be accurate?
There's a lot of information on my birth chart that I just generated, but I'm not going to learn all of that now. Assertiveness was definitely a very strong theme in my life.

40 minutes ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

Ive shared this quote in the Typology Discusions Topic thread but it specifically applies to this conversation.

When we are able to recognize types and predict the characteristic reactions, we find that this information is liberating, both as it applies to ourselves and as it helps us to understand others. Once we know that virtually all limitations, weakness and shortcomings are not things for which we can be blamed, most of us feel the lifting of guilt that we have carried for most of our lives. If we are Lunars we cannot be outgoing and emotionally demonstrative, no matter how much others urge us to be and how much we may want to please them. If we are Saturns we cannot stop trying to control others--- always for their own good--- no matter how strenuously they object. If we are Venusians we cannot be aggressively ambitious no matter how much our mothers want us to be and how much we may love our mothers. If we are an emotionally centered mercurial and find it impossible to engage in repetitive tasks day after day, word processing in an isolated cubicle, or putting shingles on roofs, then we should begin to understand how hard it is for a moving centered Martial to experience his own emotions, much less express them effectively. ,,,,,

Note: To learn this system, the different elements need to be held lightly.

It's really difficult to find in-depth information about body types on the internet. Is there any specific name for this typology (like MBTI, or enneagram of personality)? I've seen the videos you posted and found a few websites, but it's very sparse.

I wish I had known this when I was a teenager. I bet I would dismiss it though 

Edited June 3, 2019 by tsuki

[Zigzag Idiot]

1 hour ago, tsuki said:

So, various typologies are based on expressions of essence through different means? Endocrine type being the 'body type'?
I can now clearly see myself as lunar-venusian and how these qualities are indeed complimentary. They seem like a irreconcilable paradox though, impossibility.

It took me solid 20 minutes to decrypt this sentence, but I'm not open enough to dive into Astrology yet. Do you find it to be accurate?
There's a lot of information on my birth chart that I just generated, but I'm not going to learn all of that now. Assertiveness was definitely a very strong theme in my life.

It's really difficult to find in-depth information about body types on the internet. Is there any specific name for this typology (like MBTI, or enneagram of personality)? I've seen the videos you posted and found a few websites, but it's very sparse.

I wish I had known this when I was a teenager. I bet I would dismiss it though 

The endocrine based Typology is from Gurdjieff or rather it is slowly being developed and articulated by students of his work. It is based on the inner flow of the Enneagram and is the flavor of our individual essence as opposed  the Enneagram of personality which is found on the outside of the Enneagram. So in the Enneagram there are 2 different typologies. One represents our essence and its fixture to instinctive nature which doesn't change and then the personality types based partly on conditioning and the false part of ourselves which can be altered with efforts.

Your right in that there is little to be found about endocrine-body-essence Typology. Add another book or two, what I,ve put in the Typology Discussions thread probably amounts to 50% of all published information on this specific Typology. It does have parallels to other body typologies like Dr. William H. Sheldons ectomorpgh, mesomorph, endomorph divisions and types. Learning Sheldons types actually helps to learn and understand the endocrine Typology.

Ive seen coorelations between Astrology types and Enneagram personality types.  Like libra often being a Perfectionist/anger type one or seeing Cancer Astrology type people commonly being a type Four Tragic Romantic as Helen Palmer calls them who suffer from the passion of envy. What's very interesting to me is the idea of the end result in working on the passions, which steer our mechanicalness, transforms into Virtues of a healed false personality. My cowardness becomes courage. Anger transforms into Serenity. Envy into Equanimity. Lust into Innocence. Etc.,,, The distortedness of false personality/ego transforms into embodied Virtues of a Personal Essence sometimes referred  to as the Pearl beyond Price. 

Oscar Ichazo and Claudio Naranjo are considered by some to have about equal status with Gurdjieff concerning Enneagram. Susan Zannos book is one of the best in my view. She is from the Gurdjieff lineage through the Robert Burton group which has been tarnished by some pathologies that manifested in that group in years past. Joel Friedlander put out a book the same time as Susan's which is also a good one but not quite as detailed. Rodney Collins is someone else as well who has written a good deal on body types in his comprehensive book The Theory of Celestial Influence. On second thought, this book is probably the most comprehensive. It intimidates me and I've only picked around in it despite having it sit around for the last 10 years.

 

[jbram2002]

On 6/1/2019 at 3:52 PM, tsuki said:

"My camera broke" and instead of spending 20 minutes reshooting this thing, I spent 3 hours trying to edit it to synch audio with video...

I have done this more times than I care to admit...

[Bill W]

I need to listen to the whole asshole video. I tried but I need headphones as even with my laptop at full volume I can't really hear you well enough. I listened to a few snippets before I gave up and decided it needs headphones which I don't have available right now. 

I wanted to share this with you. I've never interacted with you before. I think you can take it as you seem to be working hard on your development and you have a fair bit of support on here. If I didn't think you could take this, or I thought you were overly vulnerable I probably would just remain quiet and leave it alone. 

It's regards a nasty post you made. I can't even remember the thread or much of the wording, or exactly when it was. It wasn't a post toward me, or even a thread I was involved in (I think).

I don't think you post nastiness much, if at all, so I got a feeling you will remember what I'm talking about. You came back onto the thread and made some of kind of apology to the dude I think. I've seen loads of arguments on here and insults flying around, but this comment of yours I recall was nasty, hitting someone well below the belt. He seemed to be okay with it, but that's not the point really. 

I can't remember if I saw the post before I signed up here or when I was a lurker looking around. The post I saw of yours felt so extreme to me it made me always think of your post every time I saw your username and Avatar on here. All this time I have negatively associated your presence on this forum to that one post you made. Whenever I saw your name on here I thought you were some nasty, bullying internet keyboard warrior. 

The reason I'm posting this here is that it taught me a lesson about judging someone. I've seen loads of your posts now and you seem much more of a sensitive person than I ever imagined. In fact, I'm pretty sure you would have reflected on your outburst toward this guy. You also have more courage than me in terms of posting these video's and opening yourself up a bit. I respect that.

Also, what you did when you unloaded on this dude, I've done stuff like that when I was younger, so I have to realise how hypercritical it was of me to judge you like that. But it honestly did make me think "nasty bastard" every time I saw your name on here. I don't think like that anymore. 

I owe it to you and I owe it to myself in terms of accountability to make this post.

I am not being deliberately vague about your nasty post. I can't remember the specifics, I just know nasty when I see it. I've done it myself!