Sacred space

[tsuki]

3 minutes ago, Bill W said:

So is your caffeine consumption virtually nil now? @tsuki

Zero. I haven't got a cup ever since I decided to drop it and noted it in the journal.
The withdrawal symptoms are gone (headaches, sleepiness etc) and I don't crave it anymore.

I still get occasional sleepiness during the day, especially after meals but I'm probably eating too much.

[Bill W]

1 hour ago, tsuki said:

Zero. I haven't got a cup ever since I decided to drop it and noted it in the journal.
The withdrawal symptoms are gone (headaches, sleepiness etc) and I don't crave it anymore.

I still get occasional sleepiness during the day, especially after meals but I'm probably eating too much.

Feeling better for it? Clear cut benefits to nil caffeine for you, or jury still out? Sorry if you've covered this somewhere in the journal. 

[tsuki]

19 minutes ago, Bill W said:

Feeling better for it? Clear cut benefits to nil caffeine for you, or jury still out? Sorry if you've covered this somewhere in the journal. 

I decided to quit it because I was seeing the difference in the quality of my mindfulness practice in the morning.
I felt as if it diminished my sensitivity by overstimulating my nervous system. I also suspected that it decreased the quality of my sleep.

Also, I have a "less is more" policy when it comes to organizing my life.
If I can do without coffee, then I feel that it is better than relying on it. 

After quitting, I feel a lot calmer and I don't need coffee to get back to my baseline. I feel less groggy after waking up and a few hours into the morning.
When it comes to my sleep, I started having dreams again, but I think that it is related to meditation rather than coffee, but who knows? I can definitely release micro-fears much more easily.

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

I think I finally got the lesson that life has been kicking my ass for.
I need to let go of my compassion, just like I have let go of my humility.

[Bill W]

3 hours ago, tsuki said:

I think I finally got the lesson that life has been kicking my ass for.
I need to let go of my compassion, just like I have let go of my humility.

I await some further details on this! Would love to know more...

[DrewNows]

6 hours ago, tsuki said:

 

Excellent video, creates a whole new understanding for “knowing” gravity at an embodied level 

[tsuki]

Damn, this guy is so good. Five sheaths, consciousness in dead objects, reincarnation.

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

[tsuki]

It just struck me what the popular notion of death is. It is the world collapsing the bounded self into a conscious point-like singularity that has sight, but cannot see, has touch, but cannot feel etc. It is the total collapse.

The more I understand, the more I get that the ego is such a sophisticated tool that it takes many lifetimes to master.

Edited October 2, 2019 by tsuki

[tsuki]

I started going to the gym, today was the second time.
I bought four sessions with a personal trainer and described the goal of the training as health, endurance and mobility.
Today's session was about stretching the torso and stomach muscles and it was an awesome mindfulness practice.
During the training, I realized that what I've been doing in my breathing practices is a muscle relaxation technique.
At home, when I started breathing into my neck muscles, I had an emotional release and cried.

We also bought a sofa and an armchair. They are so comfortable that sitting feels like I'm floating mid-air.
They are not too soft so that you sink into them, and yet - not too firm to have a sore back.
I'm a master at ignoring discomfort. No wonder that my body accumulated so many traumas/tensions.

Edited October 3, 2019 by tsuki

[tsuki]

 

[mandyjw]

@tsuki I'm curious, did you ever read the recipe section at the back of Dr.Pomroy's book?

[tsuki]

@mandyjw Nope, but now I'm curious.

[tsuki]

Today I tried sleeping without a pillow and it wasn't bad at all. I mean, my neck loved it, but sleep was all jittery.
I dreamed of being chased by a grizzly bear through a ladder and couldn't fit through the window at the top. My wife was in the room and I was yelling "let me in!" but she couldn't hear me. When the bear almost got me, my wife woke me up because my body was shaking lol.

I also started a onenote journal so I will probably write here even less.

[tsuki]

The extents of my misogyny are astronomical. I'm in the process of healing that. Everyone, I'm sorry for being such a tool for the whole time and thank you for your patience with me.

@remember @mandyjw @Zweistein

[remember]

@tsuki  it´s ok tsuki i sometimes hate males, too.

[mandyjw]

@tsuki 

[tsuki]

1 hour ago, remember said:

@tsuki  it´s ok tsuki i sometimes hate males, too.

No, it's not ok! I was traumatizing my wife by playing out my childhood traumas unconsciously!
WHAT THE FUCK!