Sacred space

[tsuki]

I needed to read your message, like, 10 times before I could hear it. Despite the fact that you gave as much as two paragraphs of apologies in advance, my fragility made me skim the parts of the text to hear it as a bunch of insults. This is amazing.

On 7.02.2019 at 8:00 PM, tsuki said:

@Mikael89 Came here to agree with you.
You are completely worthless piece of human trash and this thread is a brilliant display of your worst qualities as a human being.
In fact, I'm glad that you're single because I would be worried if you were to actually reproduce. Keep up the good work, not polluting the gene pool!

I believe this is what you're referring to @Bill W .
I don't know if that's a mitigating circumstance, or not, but I wrote this post to be deliberately over-the-top nasty. It was not an outburst.
Mikael posted a topic about his unhelpful self-image and got about 10 pages worth of compliments and reassurances. His reaction was to argue with people that tried to make him feel good and convince them that he truly is hideous. My intention was to make him reflect on that fact, so I had to go so much over the top that he would try to defend himself. I think that he saw through the ploy.

I find this post to be juvenile because I should have known better how low self-esteem works. He does not need to hear such things from me, he probably has those insults on repeat in his mind all the time and he internalizes them. This is why I find helping people so difficult. I don't know what makes people gain distance from their own minds. I was never able to figure it out, the only think I know to work is suffering.

This reply actually haunted me for days and ultimately slipped into my LSD trip. I apologized afterwards to make peace with myself.

What I referred to as being an asshole in the video was more subtle. It's about witty remarks that slip through in everyday life.
They mostly go unnoticed both by me and the recipient, but it still affects my relationships.

Edited June 4, 2019 by tsuki

[Bill W]

Ah! This makes sense now. I remember the thread. Yes this was the post I was referring to. I can see the context of your post now. Not sure I agree with your tactic there but it does reinforce what I've learned from all this (keep an openmind and try to stay in not-knowing mind). Thanks for explaining in a non defensive way. 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@tsuki In addition to cynical I should have used the word sarcastic to describe my old persistent negative mindset that would never go away. Hyperbole has always flowed naturally for me thanks in part to my grandmother having this tendency which was a part of my conditioning.

I observed Schadenfreude in myself a long time before I was able to admit it. It's bizzare to have this towards family members and even people I genuinely liked being around. 

@Bill W I always enjoy reading your thoughts on different topics.

[tsuki]

 

[mandyjw]

Whoa. 

[DrewNows]

@tsuki another app-laudable video mate. Im uncertain what point you were getting at at the end. You said it was meant for you, but didn't specify whether it was for the truth teller or the subconscious mind of the other person. Maybe you mean them getting triggered was for the truth teller's subconscious mind? 

btw i loved inception too and it had been forever since ive seen it so bringing up the projections is a pleasant reminiscence    

[tsuki]

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@tsuki  You're describing synchronicity @7:00 . (Video -- Projections)

When we see into someone's blindspot and then give them the news or "the medicine" Their reaction is fear based. I've been on each end of this situation. Some argue that telling people directly will create a block which makes it even more difficult for them to get past. 

The above was left in my browser from last night in an unfinished, unsent reply.

 

What I just heard in the last video sounds like when I have half realized projections that come to light when seen in and communicated about with others. This becomes complicated at times for me because often new realizations about my shadow often reveal a small cluster of issues around this new insight. The other person in whom the phenomena was observed may or may not have the other issues in the cluster. If I'm not careful, I'll project one of the peripheral issues from this cluster onto the one I'm communicating with, when it might not be an issue for them although we may share the central issue of one particular shadow projection coming to light and being healed.

I have the Inception DVD and have watched it at least 15 times. It's been a while,,, I could watch it again,,,,

[tsuki]

2 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

@tsuki  You're describing synchronicity @7:00 . (Video -- Projections)

Ah! You're right! Thank you!

2 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

When we see into someone's blindspot and then give them the news or "the medicine" Their reaction is fear based. I've been on each end of this situation. Some argue that telling people directly will create a block which makes it even more difficult for them to get past. 

Is there a proper way of dealing with such situations? Is it just about saying an inner No?
I find that sometimes it's enough to be mindful of the other person's blind spot and continue conversing despite of it until the other person becomes aware of it him/herself. There has to be a certain sense of trust present in this for it to work. Forcing it is impossible, it just makes me teach another person something at my own expense (being a punchbag).

2 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

What I just heard in the last video sounds like when I have half realized projections that come to light when seen in and communicated about with others. This becomes complicated at times for me because often new realizations about my shadow often reveal a small cluster of issues around this new insight. The other person in whom the phenomena was observed may or may not have the other issues in the cluster. If I'm not careful, I'll project one of the peripheral issues from this cluster onto the one I'm communicating with, when it might not be an issue for them although we may share the central issue of one particular shadow projection coming to light and being healed.

Hmmm, I'll have to ponder this.
I'm trying to think this through holistically, without assigning ownership of projections. It's very difficult to communicate because I habitually assign certain meanings to phrases and it makes me slip back to old thought patterns. 

Edited June 5, 2019 by tsuki

[tsuki]

7 hours ago, Marc Schinkel said:

Hey tsuki, cool videos man! I enjoy them.

Hey, nice to meet you! Thanks!

7 hours ago, Marc Schinkel said:

I thought you might find this short video helpful with regards to aligning your conscious and unconscious processes. Have you ever tried to perceive people and communicate using your instinctive (unconscious, physical) process rather than you intuitive (mental, imagistic) processes?

Yes, I have! It's amazing that Adyashanti talked about this.
What I'm aiming at is to integrate the head-perception with a heart-perception and resting in this mode of awareness. In the quoted video I was trying to deepen my understanding of the mechanism of projection. When I'm coming from just one center, the other center works in reverse when the subconscious is triggered.

7 hours ago, Marc Schinkel said:

It seems to me like you are a pretty cerebral guy and you over-exert that power at the expense of your other capacities.
Edit: I just realized I gave a head before heart response to you 

Exactly! Can you see how your attitude influenced your perception of me being a cerebral guy?
This is what I'm trying to overcome by balancing my awareness between the heart and mind.

It's easy to confuse emotionally non-expressive people with ones that don't feel.
It always seems like everybody is screaming their heart expressions at me. I feel like a cat sometimes.

[tsuki]

1 hour ago, Marc Schinkel said:

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you don't feel, in fact it's very obvious that you have a powerful vulnerability/sensitivity operating in the background, but it seems like you shield it or channel it through your mind. That's what I mean by "cerebral".

No worries, I wasn't able to hear you out, so that response was meant more for me than it was for you. I haven't processed something from my childhood yet, apparently.

The cerebral thing may be an imbalance of skill that causes me to have this tendency to express emotions through the mind.
When I was pondering your response, I remembered that during some of my early awakenings I had samadhi-like experiences when I merged emotionally with animals and passersby on the street. I wonder if that's what you mean by instinctive communication?
I remember taking dancing classes and it was a blast.

I feel like the perceptive sensitivity that I posses somehow ties to the way I express my emotions.
It's like I don't want to overburden other people with my outbursts. My wife is very sensitive as well, so as much as an angry look may get magnified out of proportion sometimes .

Edited June 6, 2019 by tsuki

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

This became relevant again:

On 27.06.2018 at 8:24 AM, tsuki said:

This journal will be a discussion of the above graph. The graph summarizes my experience of the world from the non-dual perspective.

I would call the morphisms differently today.

[tsuki]

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

@tsuki I was going to comment last week on how you seem to take care in choosing your words and the possible significance of it. You've taken it to a whole new level here. Although learning to speak a second language would make everyone seem this way I intuit that in speaking your native language, you could be described as someone who communicated in this way. That, at times, you may pause in speaking for a moment or two to bring up the needed word for a more exacting communication. 

If you feel like it. Let's make it fun. Read this to your wife and let her give a thumbs up or thumbs down.

? = you are someone who more than others, will choose your words carefully.

? = you don't have this tendency to any exaggerated extent.

 

Words are dualistic by their nature. Using visual impressions to communicate is open to broader interpretations as well as subtleties. I just rewatched it and think maybe I caught a glimmer of understanding. But maybe not. I can really be dense at times.

I also intuit your wife is a mars or partial mars essence type. This could be a projection though.

Is there a new state of consciousness or a new stage with this latest realization? Can it be applied to second tier of SD? I realize that I'm possibly mixing onions with oranges and apples and possibly your experience can't be put in these frames of references.

 

 

 

 

[tsuki]

@Zigzag Idiot My wife said that I'm deliberate in my choice of words when I'm in the company of new people, or when I'm explaining something difficult. When I'm with her, I'm much more flowing.

[Zigzag Idiot]

7 hours ago, tsuki said:

@Zigzag Idiot My wife said that I'm deliberate in my choice of words when I'm in the company of new people, or when I'm explaining something difficult. When I'm with her, I'm much more flowing.

That makes sense. Relating to the playing card symbolism of Alchemy, deliberateness in speech and movement is a sign of being in the center of gravity of the Kings of Spades and Diamonds.

  

 

When I'm in Witness Consciousness and well rested my posture is a lot straighter, shoulders layed back, breathing belly breaths. Not just me,,, anybody,, or most people experience this slight change in posture. I thought of this when you told the story of the guys who were triggered somehow when you walked by. Also you being in a balanced and relaxed state set you apart from other people on the street, possibly. Oh, I forgot you said you looked at them also. I pictured their painbodies recoiling from seeing a smile and then lashing out. Angry suffering people have to keep finding new things to feed on and projecting something onto someone else happens mechanically, it seems.

I was verbally assaulted in a similar way while doing a slow meditative walk on the grounds of a big hospital a few years ago.

You we're trying to remember Abraham Maslow's name I think. From green to yellow in the shift from first tier to second tier it seems that the capacity to Witness becomes a lot more pronounced here,,,

Edited June 13, 2019 by Zigzag Idiot