Sacred space

[tsuki]

Today I 'became' unconscious.

I woke up with a neck pain and started to move the neck in circular motions. I rested my back against the wall and moved the head left and right.
And... something snapped. It definitely should not make a sound like that and it started to hurt even more. I sat on my bed and the discontinuity happened.

Next thing, I'm on the floor next to my wife and she's calling the ambulance, very alarmed. The colors were vivid and shapes were blurred. My body felt heavy, but I did not use strength and strain to move it. I couldn't make myself move faster than I did, nor did I have the incentive to. The inner experience was nausea and shakiness. My wife said that I was lying on the floor with my eyes pointing upwards. She told me that I was out half a minute.

There were three paramedics dressed up in red, they were kind but focused. Two of them were a little older than me and the third one was much older. He calmly asked questions while the other two were running tests on me. They checked my blood pressure, glucose level and ran EKG. Apparently the tests said that everything is fine with me and the diagnosis is that I lost consciousness because of pain. That's difficult to accept because I don't remember the exact moment when I lost it and the pain before that was not unbearable.

The whole experience was very surreal, but the most touching part was when my wife started second-guessing herself whether she did the right thing to call the ambulance. We all told her that she did a wonderful job. I don't deserve her.

I contacted my work and my manager picked up the phone. I told him that I need a day of because of what happened.  His reaction was that he's fucked because the other programmer is at a funeral and he needs a program to do something. While that's cold, I did not hold it against him because I know the pressure he's putting on himself. Actually, he called me later this morning and started asking what happened, if I was sick or something haha. He was still very alarmed about his own needs, but acknowledged that something serious happened when I repeated what I told him in the morning. I love that man.

So, what is this journal all about?

It is a place where I explore chaos magic.
If death is like what I went through today, then I can't wait to see the real deal.
I was always afraid of regret and releasing attachments just before I pass away, but the universe has shown me that it is merciful.
It did not give me the opportunity to wallow in self-pity and I'm thankful for it.

[tsuki]

https://nathanieljharris.wordpress.com/category/chaos-magic/

Edited April 26, 2019 by tsuki

[tsuki]

The doctor said that I must have constricted the nerves connected to the bony labyrinth when I moved my head about.
I was instructed to consult a neurologist and take an x-ray image of my neck. 
When I was taking it, I thought about how ridiculous the idea of shooting deadly radiation at my head is. Just to learn what's wrong with it.
Willhelm Roentgen, I salute you for convincing people that it's a reasonable thing to do. 
Your life must have been hell for you to come up with such an idea.

I really appreciate how badly my head hurts today.
It's like the body is the older brother to the mind and it is saying:
You know, I know that you're smart, but you're stupid and I'm going to make you feel hurt so that you don't hurt yourself, okay?
I got a prescription for painkillers, but I don't think I will be taking them.

----------

Yesterday I practiced stilling the mind and observed a candle flame burning.
I haphazardly decided to wait until it burns down, but before I started I checked that it would last 4 hours.
I decided to stick with one hour and settled for measly 15 minutes.

The session was successful. 
The body was very still but it took willpower to extinguish thoughts and I know that it's not what I'm supposed to do.
Strangely enough, when I was practicing SDS few months ago I could still myself to the point where my vision would turn white.
It's like only contours of objects would remain, but the whole contrast is gone. This is what happened this time, after around 1-2 minutes.
The only thing that remained was the flame.

Edited April 26, 2019 by tsuki

[mandyjw]

@tsuki I'm really sorry that that happened.  Hope you are feeling better.

This just got me wondering, have you done kriya yoga or played around with moving energy around in meditation? I think one of the catalysts yesterday of my terrible mood was meditating and I was messing around with moving energy up and down my spine. I ended up with an awful headache and it lasted the entire day. 

It and some other events that day resulted in my wanting to throw spiritual work out completely, and I still haven't sat to mediate since. I'm going running, my stomach hurts really bad again today but I need to do a type of meditation that I trust and have a long history with. 

PS. Am I allowed to post 80's songs in a journal titled "Sacred Space" ?

[tsuki]

46 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

This just got me wondering, have you done kriya yoga or played around with moving energy around in meditation?

Moving my energy has been my primary way of meditation for several months now.
I did kriya yoga for a few weeks at some point, but It didn't stick with me at the time.
It may be a good time to invest in learning the techniques now that I bought the booklist.

52 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

I think one of the catalysts yesterday of my terrible mood was meditating and I was messing around with moving energy up and down my spine. I ended up with an awful headache and it lasted the entire day. 

It and some other events that day resulted in my wanting to throw spiritual work out completely, and I still haven't sat to mediate since. I'm going running, my stomach hurts really bad again today but I need to do a type of meditation that I trust and have a long history with. 

I tend to stick with techniques that I developed organically as well.

54 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

PS. Am I allowed to post 80's songs in a journal titled "Sacred Space" ?

Absolutely not.

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

Today's meditation - 25 minutes, focusing on candle flame.
I was able to enter the white space very quickly.

I started mixing this technique with meditation on energy.
My eyes starting moving uncontrollably after some time. I got scared there for a little bit.

When I meditate on the flame, I experience something like half-formed thoughts, or whispers.
It's strange because stilling the micro eye movements seem to stop the subliminal inner talk.

[tsuki]

Today's meditation - 35 minutes, aimed for 45. Sightless gaze on the flame.
I can dive into the flame, but once I shake out of it and check the timer - I'm done.
I just don't appreciate how violent life is. When I'm lost in the gaze, even blinking or breathing feels like rape.
I get accustomed to the stillness and I forget just how disturbing movement is.

One of the deep fears I experience when I'm lost is that once the mind becomes still I will not be able to turn back.
That is because there is nobody within silence to think that it's enough meditation for today.
On the other hand, there is no silence within the battery of thoughts to hear the violence of what is happening.
There is no such thing as empty experience.

Again, the whiteout arrived very quickly and it started to turn to blackout.
As strange as it sounds, it was difficult to tell whether it was black or white.
Yesterday's uncontrolled eye movements turned out to be defocusing.
As I relaxed my body, the eyes stopped pointing at the flame and I saw two candles.
The animal got scared of that and it took a few trials and errors to stabilize it.
If the candles were too far apart, the eyes would refocus forcibly.

[tsuki]

Quote

ENCHANTMENT

  Magical will may exert its effects directly on the universe, or it may use symbols or sigils as intermediaries. The creation of direct effects, like prescience in divination, represents a high point in the art and is just as elusive. Making things happen by either method is referred to as the art of enchanting or the casting of enchantments.
  From a magical point of view, it is axiomatic that we have created the world in which we exist. Looking about himself, the magician can say “thus have I willed,” or “thus do I perceive,” or more accurately, “thus does my Kia manifest.”
  It may seen strange to have willed such limiting circumstances, but any form of dualistic manifestation or existence implies limits. If the Kia had willed a different set of limitations, it would have incarnated elsewhere. The tendency of things to continue to exist, even when unobserved, is due to their having their being in Chaos. The magician can only change something if he can “match” the Chaos which is upholding the normal event. This is the same as becoming one with the source of the event. His will becomes the will of the universe in some particular aspect. It is for this reason that people who witness real magical happenings at close range are sometimes overcome with nausea and may even die. The part of their Kia or life force which was upholding the normal reality is forcibly altered when the abnormal occurs. If this type of magic is attempted with a number of people working in perfect synchronization, it works much better. Conversely, it is even more difficult to perform in front of many persons, all of whom are upholding the ordinary course of events.

In trying to develop the will, the most fatal pitfall is to confuse will with the chauvinism of the ego. Will is not willpower, virility, obstinancy, or hardness. Will is unity of desire. Will expresses itself best against no resistance when its action passes unnoticed. Only when the mind is in a state of multiple desire do we witness the idiot agonizations of will-power. Pitting oneself against various oaths, abstentions, and tests is merely to set up conflicts in the mind. The will always manifests as the victory of the strongest desire, yet the ego reacts with disgust if its chosen desire fails. The magician therefore seeks unity of desire before he attempts to act. Desires are re-arranged before an act, not during it. In all things he must live like this. As reorganization of belief is the key to liberation, so is reorganization of desire the key to will.

Carroll, Peter  J.. Liber Null & Psychonaut: An Introduction to Chaos Magic (p. 55). Red Wheel Weiser. Kindle Edition. 

[mandyjw]

This is the place he explores chaos magic. But he titles it "Sacred Space" and wants it keep it an orderly journal!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh it took me a while, but I got the joke eventually. 

[tsuki]

[mandyjw]

 

[tsuki]

Yesterday I went to a physiotherapist. I never knew that my head could move like that .
It was very painful, but I caught myself smiling in response to it.

The biggest revelation was when I noticed that I tense up the muscles of my neck in anticipation of pain.
This is how fear is incarnated.

Edited April 30, 2019 by tsuki

[tsuki]

Quote

Sulfur

Sulfur is a harmony of the Air and Fire elements. In that way, it is movable, penetrating, hot, and diffusive. Within the human body, the Sulfur principle is reflected as our soul. The soul under this definition is our own unique expression of the life force. It is our individuality, our true essential nature, our essence. It is the flame of our awareness. The correlation with Air is that our soul is not limited to our body, it has the ability to leave the body through astral projection, dream travel, and visionary journeying.

This can be better understood when looking at the Sulfur principle within plants, which is reflected in its volatile (essential) oils. The essential oil of a plant is a reflection of its essence. It is that plant’s unique flavor. When one smells an essential oil of Frankincense for example, you are connecting with that plant’s unique identity; there is no other smell on the face of the planet that smells like it. It is the dynamic expression of the life force within that particular plant. Like Fire and Air, the essential oils of a plant volatilize very easily (they disperse through the air) and they are often very heating and intense.

Chemical Sulfur, as most people know, smells very strong and tends to permeate the surrounding space and penetrate sharply (think rotten eggs). It ignites very easily, and puts our a very hot, bright flame.

Mercury

The Mercury principle is composed of the Water and Air elements, and as such, is a mediator between the volatile or etheric elements, and the fixed elements. In traditional Greek mythology, Mercury was the messenger of the gods, and was in constant movement between the above and the below. Within the human body, Mercury is the spirit, or the animating life force. Whereas Sulfur is the soul, or the consciousness of the individual, Mercury is the life force that move through the soul and gives it life. As the mediator, it is the vehicle that brings the soul down into the physical world.

Within the botanical kingdom, Mercury is reflected in the alcohol and water soluble constituents of the plant, called secondary metabolites in pharmacognosy. If you take any plant on the face of the planet and ferment it, which in alchemy is considered a death (it putrefies or rots), you yield ethyl alcohol. You put a plant through a sort of death experience, and what is released is alcohol, which is the same in every plant. The spirit is released. This is why alcohol is commonly called spirits. So the spirit of the plant is the alcohol and water components of the plant. This is highly Mercurial in nature because alcohol tends to extract more volatile (Air) constituents (resins, essential oils) and water tends to extract more fixed (Water) constituents (polysaccharides, glycosides, alkaloids). Thus, the spirit, or Mercury of a plant brings together or harmonizes the two sides of the spectrum of botanical constituents.

Chemical Mercury is an interesting substance. It is the only liquid metal and is highly movable, changeable, and volatile- turns to vapor (Air) very quickly. It is somehow solid, yet liquid at the same time, and also moves into a gas.

Salt

So we have the soul (Sulfur) and the spirit (Mercury), and finally we come to salt- the crystallization, the manifestation, the vehicle through which the more subtle principles work through. Each principle progressed through various levels of density, with salt being the most dense. It is composed of the Water and Earth elements.

Salt in the human is reflected as the physical body, and is thus very, very complex. Infinitely complex. Millions of chemical reactions occurring each second, most of which we know nothing about. The human body is one of the most beautiful mysteries we may ever come to know, a microcosm of the universe. It is the anchor for our soul and spirit, the temple in which they reside.

In botanical kingdom, the Salt principle is reflected in the mineral matrix of the plant. These are obtained through certain extraction methods using the Fire and Water elements to crystallize pure mineral salts. As with the human, these minerals are the vehicle through which the Sulfur (essential oil) and the Mercury (alcohol/water solubles) principles work through.

As far as botanical extracts go, it is these three principles that are primarily worked with the their preparation. Each principle of a plant is separated and purified, and then the three are reunited. This is the principle behind spagyrics- to separate and recombine.

Most conventional herbal tinctures contain only the Mercury and Sulfur components of a plant. They macerate the herb in an alcohol and water menstruum for a period of time, filter the liquid material out and compost or throw away the solid plant material. Thus, majority of tinctures are missing 1/3 of a plant’s constituents, the mineral body through which the other constituents work through. It is disembodied medicine.

This is not to say that herbal tinctures do not work, they absolutely work and have provided an amazing service to the world by providing a natural means to palliate symptoms and heal their bodies. But in a sense, they are not able to work as well on our physical bodies as they could because they themselves are missing their physical bodies. The addition of the Salt principle to a tincture greatly enhances its effectiveness and potency and thus lower doses are often needed.

 

Three alchemical principles from: 

http://www.organic-unity.com/top-menu/the-three-philosophical-principles/

The hermetic principles:

https://medium.com/the-mission/the-hermetic-revival-7-ancient-principles-for-self-mastery-9399e523648d

Edited April 30, 2019 by tsuki

[tsuki]

 

 

[tsuki]

I've been exploring black magic for some time now, especially the alphabet of desire.
Black magic is the path of non-existence, emptiness. I found it very strange that the alphabet of desire would be placed there, but I'm finally starting to piece together what it actually means. This is the art of spiritual alchemy, transformation of emotions. Its purpose is to expose the underlying oneness of experience and uniting it in its meaninglessness. It seems to be the bodily counterpart of random belief.

It has beautiful geometry, but I'm not too interested in copying it here.

[tsuki]

 

[tsuki]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pseudo-Dionysius_the_Areopagite

https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/pseudo-dionysius-areopagite/

Edited May 3, 2019 by tsuki

[tsuki]

Quote

One of Dionysius’ favorite sources of symbols is a verse from the 78th psalm: “the Lord awoke, like a strong man, powerful but reeling with wine.” Taken literally, the verse indicates that God sleeps and gets drunk on wine, two activities that properly apply only to embodied, visible beings. Only an embodied being can manifest the activities to which the names “sleep” and “drunkenness” literally refer. If we are to apply such terms to God, they must be attached to a foreign, intelligible content that will be able to lead the interpreter of the symbolic name to the contemplation of an intelligible name. In “sleep,” for example, Dionysius finds a meaning common to both intelligible and visible things: withdrawal from the world. He concludes that God’s sleep is his “removal from and lack of communication with the objects of his providence.” In drunkenness, Dionysius sees a kind of over-filling, and so he explains that God’s drunkenness is “the overloaded measurelessness of all goods in the one who is their cause.” From the easily comprehended literal meaning of the term, the reader rises to the more difficult intelligible terrain of imparticipability and measurelessness.

Drunkenness and sleep are what Dionysius calls “dissimilar similarities.” They strike us as exceptionally unworthy of God, and so are “dissimilar,” yet they reveal an intelligible truth capable of leading us to him, and so are “similar.” Dionysius privileges such names over more appropriate names like “golden” and “luminous.” The more that the name seems appropriate, the more we are likely to be lulled into thinking that we have adequately comprehended the godhead in our use of the name. The very materiality and ignobility of the dissimilar similarities cry out that the names do not literally describe the godhead, and compel the reader to seek the intelligible truth behind the name.

Quote

When Dionysius praises “dissimilar similarities” over seemingly more appropriate symbolic names for God, he explains that at least some dissimilar names are negations, and negations are more proper to God than affirmations. The Mystical Theology has this last, most arcane form of theology as its subject. Negations are properly applied not only to the names of the symbolic theology. Any and all of the divine names must be negated, beginning with those of the symbolic theology, continuing with the intelligible names and concluding with the theological representations. The godhead is no more “spirit,” “sonship,” and “fatherhood” than it is “intellect” or “asleep.” These negations must be distinguished from privations. A privation is simply the absence of a given predicate that could just as easily be present. The absence of the predicate is opposed to its presence: “lifeless” is opposed to “living.” But when we say that the godhead is not “living,” we do not mean that it is “lifeless.” The godhead is beyond the lifeless as well as beyond the living. For this reason, Dionysius says that our affirmations of the godhead are not opposed to our negations, but that both must be transcended: even the negations must be negated.

Pseudo-Dionysius the Areopagite knew what's up. This is simply beautiful.
To think that I finally found him through a philosophical meme I stumbled upon on facebook.

Edited May 3, 2019 by tsuki

[tsuki]

I finally understood why the alchemical principles were so intriguing to me.
They are the shared factor between the Alphabet of Desire (AoD) and the Enneagram of personality (EoP).

Enneagram of personality explains how personality is formed as a coping mechanism that deals with suffering.
In this theory, suffering manifests in three basic forms towards which one of three responses may be formed.
EoP identifies these forms of suffering as Shame, Fear and Anger and it divides the theory into three sections: 3, 6 and 9.

These three forms of suffering link to the AoD sections called: Death, Fear and Hate.
Personality coping mechanisms correspond to alchemical principles: Sulphur, Mercury and Salt.

The three basic sections of EoP are 3, 6, 9 and they are governed by AoP's Death, Fear and Hate respectively.
These "pure" personality types are created through habitual application of Mercury: transcendence.
Type three is the Death of Death, called in AoP as Release.
Type six is the Fear of Fear, called in AoP as Terror (doubt is less extreme).
Type nine is the Hate of Hate, which is Anger in AoP's terms.
These three types are blind to their suffering through habitual turning it onto itself.

The next 6 types are created through projection of this suffering: internalization (Salt), or externalization (Sulfur).
The Sulfur types are: 2 (Destruction), 5 (Fright [?]), 8 (Aggression).
The Salt types are: 4 (Atrophy), 7 (Aversion) and 1 (Loathing).

Alphabet of desire is, however a tool for magic and not for mysticism and therefore it exposes both sides of the emotional duality.
Each of those categories have the positive counterpart that is omitted in EoP. The full spectrum is:

• Death <=> Sex (Creation)
• Fear <=> Desire
• Hate <=> Love

The inverted basic Enneagram types are: -3 (Dissolution), -6 (Joy), -9 (Rapture)
The internalized types are: -2 (Lust), -5 (Attraction), -8 (Passion)
The externalized types are: -4 (Frustration), -7 (Greed), -1 (Attachment).