What is the purpose of Jealousy or Envy?

[bflare]

I will try to explain this as well as I can so please bear with me. I have been broken up with my ex now for 6 months & it was a toxic relationship. I had to leave for my own mental health although I still love & care for her or at least I think I do. I believe she is dating or interested in this other dude & this has made me contemplate a few things that I am trying to get my head round & wondered if anyone could help me out?

Basically, it’s about jealousy & how jealousy actually affects us. Jealousy is an emotion & can cause emotional pain if we allow it to. Let’s look at what I am actually jealous of. Well I am jealous that this guy is better looking than me. He lifts & is in better shape than I am. I worry that he is better in bed than I am. So, if we say that he is all these things then how does it actually affect me? My ex could be with this guy now complimenting him on his body & how better in bed he is than I was but I am still alive, I am not feeling any physical pain from this idea that he is better than me so why does jealousy cause so much emotional pain. What is the real source of it? Is it just the Ego that feels damaged because of it? I just cannot get my head around what purpose this negative emotion of jealousy is for? Why does it cause so much hurt & problems when it doesn’t actually kill or hurt us? So what if she is drooling over his body, I think about this & I feel upset but why? Men actually kill because of this emotion but it serves no purpose in my eyes.

Could anyone expand on this? Why do we feel so hurt over things that do not physically hurt us?

[Forestluv]

I've found at deeper levels, there is an essence of "I'm not good enough". This can manifest in various sensations and perceptions -  including the one you described above. I've found this dynamic to be important to observe and deconstruct so it is no longer a distraction and block to awakenings and development. For example, how can I develop higher level intuitive abilities if my mind-body is immersed in feelings and thought stories about how I'm not good enough at "xyz". And I've definitely been immersed in this dynamic before. . . To me, it looks like you are asking questions that dig into the deeper underlying psychological dynamics fueling these feelings and thought stories. It is very tempting to focus externally on the behavior of others and wanting to control external dynamics - yet for me, an an inside dynamic I need to deconstruct. 

[DrewNows]

 

[bflare]

42 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

 

Ah Teal Swan i shall watch that thanks!

[bflare]

59 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

I've found at deeper levels, there is an essence of "I'm not good enough". This can manifest in various sensations and perceptions -  including the one you described above. I've found this dynamic to be important to observe and deconstruct so it is no longer a distraction and block to awakenings and development. For example, how can I develop higher level intuitive abilities if my mind-body is immersed in feelings and thought stories about how I'm not good enough at "xyz". And I've definitely been immersed in this dynamic before. . . To me, it looks like you are asking questions that dig into the deeper underlying psychological dynamics fueling these feelings and thought stories. It is very tempting to focus externally on the behavior of others and wanting to control external dynamics - yet for me, an an inside dynamic I need to deconstruct. 

Yeah I'm not good enough is exactly what I'm thinking actually. I suppose it validates what I think all ready. So basically I need to look at where this feeling of not been good enough comes from and work on that instead of attaching an external event to it? 

[dinone]

1 hour ago, bflare said:

Is it just the Ego that feels damaged because of it?

Yes, Ego is all about surviving or better chance of surviving. Guy is better looking than you. Better in bed than you. Have more money...etc

More power=high chance of surviving=bigger Ego

Less power=low chance of surviving="damaged" Ego=jealousy, envy....

That is just how we think. Default position. Our selfish mechanism of surviving.

 

[DrewNows]

1 hour ago, bflare said:

Ah Teal Swan i shall watch that thanks!

Feel free to share your revelations afterwards! Cheers man 

[bflare]

14 hours ago, dinone said:

Yes, Ego is all about surviving or better chance of surviving. Guy is better looking than you. Better in bed than you. Have more money...etc

More power=high chance of surviving=bigger Ego

Less power=low chance of surviving="damaged" Ego=jealousy, envy....

That is just how we think. Default position. Our selfish mechanism of surviving.

 

How do we overcome this? It's strange because I know I am actually better than this guy in some cases. I am currently in AA & following the 12 step program which helps deflate the Ego so maybe I just need to concentrate on that journey?

[Forestluv]

19 hours ago, bflare said:

So basically I need to look at where this feeling of not been good enough comes from and work on that instead of attaching an external event to it? 

I would say that the external event is revealing an internal mind-body dynamic. I would put the focus on what this internal dynamic is and what is fueling it. So yea, where is it coming from. Yet I would be careful not to get into an orientation of blaming others. And also to be mindful of jealous tendencies to manipulate situations. I think the best mindset is to what’s happening without attachment or identification - for me this allows a better chance for insights to arise and the underlying source of the jealousy to dissolve.

[Commodent]

Seeing her with someone else seems to flare up self-doubt in you. What is it's purpose? There likely is no higher purpose, but why then is it there? Chances are you grew up being compared to others by the people closest to you. And now you are living with the consequenses. You weren't made aware of your innate value, but you were taught to see your value in relation to someone else. It's quite sad, and unfortunately quite common.

[Truth Addict]

@bflare

There's no envy nor jealousy, they're illusions created by you, to help you stay alive.

[Spiritual_Seeker]

Envy and jealousy are emotions, not states of mind. Emotions have a lot of power over how we react and feel about things to happen to us. Your feelings about your ex and her new guy are clearly having a huge impact on your quality of life.

We have no control over what happens to us, but we can control our reactions and by that, we gain some control over the situation.

Sometimes there’s a process to go through to figure out why we feel certain emotions, but going through those steps can be the key to learning about your feelings and coping with them. Take a look at this to get those steps. They’re very helpful!

https://newfieldnetwork.com/demystifying-emotions/

[dinone]

On 4/26/2019 at 10:45 AM, bflare said:

How do we overcome this?

Emotions are fuel for everything we do. Human minds are playground of emotions. Depends on what games are you playing in that playground you can became creator of your own bullshits (illusions). We humans are full of that. How to overcome this?
Well, with creating another "bullshits" like meditation, yoga, religion, new age, self-help books, spiritual teachers, 12 steps....etc. Fight fire with fire. Good luck man!

[Flatworld Crusades]

So, I'm probably going to say this but just in a different way. It's your self esteem. You feel less than him and it just bites, plus  break ups always sting for a while. If you would prefer to look better you'll have to go to the gym etc. Your self esteem might be caused by something completely different, someone mentioned possible childhood trauma. A few psychological sessions should help you get to the bottom of it 

[Angelo John Gage]

I believe jealousy 'evolved' in order to secure your mate. If an animal didn't care what its mate was doing, it could wonder off getting pregnant by another partner, and then that animal would have to raise the offspring of another without knowing. 

Since we have awareness, we can actually notice this emotion more than any animal could and contemplate about it. In your case, you feel that this monkey who now has your gf is a stronger and better looking monkey than you (if you were monkeys). If you had to fight this monkey in the monkey would, he probably would kick your ass and take your monkey gf, and you'd feel like crap. Your emotions are essentially agreeing with your insecurities on a primal level.

As humans, we still have our animal instincts and they are designed no different than every other animal which has to compete for a sexual partner; we are just able to feel worse about it because we have a concept of 'self'.

So realize that jealousy is a natural emotion, but realize it stems from your animal nature rather than you spiritual nature, and move forward with that.

 

Edited April 28, 2019 by Angelo John Gage

[Flatworld Crusades]

With all respect I disagree that jealousy is a natural emotion. Jealousy is a toxic, negative emotion that Spurs the person suffering to incidences of bad, spiteful and damaging behaviour.  All of these would decrease awareness and slow up enlightenment 

[Angelo John Gage]

And yet it exists naturally. Natural doesn't presume good or bad. Cancer is also natural.

[Leo Gura]

The purpose of any emotion is to create behaviors necessary for the ego's survival. Mind you, I said ego's survival, not the body's survival.

It's a preemptive defense mechanism, so that you end up getting what you want.

[CreamCat]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The purpose of any emotion is to create behaviors necessary for the ego's survival. Mind you, I said ego's survival, not the body's survival.

It's a preemptive defense mechanism, so that you end up getting what you want.

Emotions often go against long-term ego survival. Laziness leads to job loss which hurts ego a lot.

Edited April 29, 2019 by CreamCat

[dinone]

9 hours ago, Flatworld Crusades said:

All of these would decrease awareness and slow up enlightenment

Ask yourself why do you want enlightenment without suffering.

jealousy vs enlightenment, two ends of the stick.

There are infinitive examples of dualism, you need two to be aware of one.