Left College, Now A Critical Juncture

[Jcent]

About 6 months ago I decided to leave college. Since then I have been working hard at home to build a solid routine. There has been a lot of growth such as permanently overcoming a pornography addiction and having sex for the first time. I've also made some successful small bets in trying to find out my LP. I've essentially discovered it but still have several positive-shadow issues to resolve around it. 

I'm now at a critical juncture. I'm 19 years old, almost 20. The question is this: do I start a business and evolve up Maslow's hierarchy of needs (move out, get a relationship, become financially independent), or go straight for enlightenment at an ashram or monastery?

I already have a solid business opportunity; I essentially just have to restart a business that was succeeding last year. I had to shut it down to go to college. I've also done a lot of purification work cleaning up my diet, getting rid of a video game addiction several years ago, and now getting rid of this pornography addiction. The last gross addiction is YouTube and the internet which I can spend anywhere from 2-4 hours on per day. 

I've made massive strides in these last 6 months. Though there's been quite a bit of ego backlash, I've managed to build a really solid routine. But recently it's gotten to the point where I can work 10-14 days at full capacity, and then the ego will relent and take 5-7 days off. This is a recent development as I'm facing bigger and bigger emotional obstacles. Bigger Kriya breakthroughs, overcoming artistic doubts, seeing my full potential. 

Again I'm sort of at this point where I could go either way. I see the validity of Maslow's hierarchy. But at the same time I can't seem to reconcile this question: why would you do anything in life before becoming unconditionally happy?

I've given myself until June 1st to decide. I know that I can do the business but it probably will be a 3-5 year endeavor. My dream business, which might be the second or third business, is a video game company. My LP is this: I use my creativity to elevate human consciousness. And the medium, which I have just discovered, is writing tactile, high consciousness stories, and bringing them to life (in this case, through video games).

So I would love your advice. I'm at a point where I've spent the last 6 months doing small bets, building habits, garnering theory, etc.. But the time for building these strategic resources is reaching its end. It's time to move on to bigger and better things. What would you do in my position? I'm not sure if going to a monastery is a self-deception or exactly the thing I must do. There is still some laziness and inconsistency within me. Any feedback would be a huge help, as it's hard to ask layman for advice regarding these critical junctures. 

[Salvijus]

The only thing that makes sense to me is working on your growth, growing and evolving as a being and that's all. If I do a job it's only to make money and pay for my growth like travelling to ashram or paying for programs etc.. If I had a relationship it would be also just for growth. Whatever it is, only thing that matters is blossoming. If a thing has nothing to do with development i have no interest in it. LP and maslow's phyramid makes no sense to me. I have no time for it, just go for what matters in life.

Just my 2cent.

This video could spark some thoughts into you.

 

Edited April 25, 2019 by Salvijus

[Jcent]

@Salvijus Thanks for sharing. And yeah, both things are meaningful to me. In The Anatomy Of Story, John Truby writes that all great heroes choose not between a positive and a negative outcome, but between two positive outcomes (or rarely, two negative outcomes). I feel like I'm choosing between two positive things. Both are important and will get done eventually, it's just a matter of order and priority. Becoming financially independent is important to me. 

[Jonson]

@Jcent Holy fuck, I resonate with you a lot. I'm 18, finishing high school. When I think of business and spirituality, I try to integrate both, on a day to day basis. I want to discover my true nature through work, through the daily process of my routine, through meeting new people and of course meditation. I'm just theorizing. I myself am confused about a lot of things. Just thought I would share some thoughts ??

[Sahil Pandit]

@Jcent I'm 21 and taking a semester off of college was great for my spiritual growth. Of course there was often backslides, but the Enlightenment work you can do if you go "all in" is just remarkable.

Whatever you do, keep your eyes focused on improving and growing as a person.

This forum will not give you the answers you are truly looking for. You must go inward and discover for yourself what the right thing is to do.

All we can do is support your decision. 

 

[Jcent]

@Jonson Well let me know if you need any help or advice. I spent probably 200 hours contemplating the decision and considering different outcomes.

@Sahil Pandit Could you tell me a bit more? Did you go to an ashram or something? If so, how did you find it? And I know the answer is mine to make alone, and my intuition is alive and well. I'm just trying to get as many perspectives as possible so I can see if I'm missing something or deluding myself.

[Sahil Pandit]

@Jcent I moved in with my grandpa, who lives alone.. and i would meditate about 3 hours a day, everyday for a 2 months. I had some psychedelic trips in there as well, which deepened things. 

It was easily the most growth i've ever had in that short period of time. Probably the best time of my life, actually. 

[kieranperez]

@Jcent all of this depends on you, what you want, etc. I'm about to be 24 in a couple weeks and I still have to remember to give myself time. There's no rush to awaken. 

This comes down to options but also more importantly... priorities. If you're not in a position internally and externally, you're not going to really awaken.

Understand that depending on how deep you're actually willing and capable of going with this can take literally decades before you reach any sort of "end". What are you going to do during those decades? Have you built up enough discipline and willpower to handle that much work? If you're asking this question I would say probably not (and I'm not talking down because I'm the same way.)

If you haven't really satisfied your inner desires enough it's going to be hard to drop that altogether. You can do both though. I don't think you have to separate the 2. 

Also, what about after awakening? What happens when you're enlightened as fuck (if that even happens) but then you don't have business skills and then technology advancements and the evolution of the world completely wipes you out of any chance of even starting a life purpose? Enlightenment doesn't give you survival skills. It actually can degrade them (quite significantly). 

Enlightenment can be hard to be patient with as far as when to pursue it hard because it is very emotionally tantalizing when you start hearing about God, immortality, "this is what life is about", Infinite Intelligence, becoming a sage, etc. In a sense that becomes an emotional hook that reals you and distracts you because it's so easy to get lost in some fantasy of wanting to be some super enlightened Ramana Maharshi, Jesus, Buddha-like person that can elevate mankind or achieve crazy God-like degrees of self-mastery and freedom from suffering or whatever. That's extremely hard to drop if you get sucked into that. I'm personally still unwiring because I got caught in that. It's hard to reground yourself and then focus on other things.So really check yourself on that if that may be a reason you're so motivated and make sure to be honest with yourself with why you're really motivated towards enlightenment. 

In the end though, this is your path. You're 19. You got time but just make practical moves to get clear but also moves that train you in such a way that now you can subsist in the world. 

[Jcent]

@kieranperez Thanks for such a detailed response. Upon analysis, there is a desire to become an extraordinary human being. I don't know about Buddha-level, but extraordinary. My intention was always to integrate art, business, and teaching into my life purpose. For me, I have no intent of living in a cave for the rest of my life. The only reason I would go off and do something like a year-long-retreat is to learn how to properly use the machine that is myself. I would go in with the intention of getting out of my own way, so I can actualize my business and artistic dreams, and thus serve the world with my unique talents. I've also done quite a lot of work on myself over the last 3 years, so I feel like I could breakthrough, especially after an extremely successful Vipassana retreat last year where I activated Kundalini for the first time. 

In this regard, my desire for enlightenment may be impure. Not a yearning for truth itself, but rather in a utilitarian way. In this sense, maybe the ego is co-opting enlightenment. There also is a magic-pill feel to it which I still haven't eradicated. Discipline must be built separately, I feel. I'm interested if @Leo Gura has any insight to this, for a young chap.

Edit: My biggest concern is also brain chemistry and awakening young while the brain is malleable. Is this a valid concern, or is it just blind belief in materialism and the brain? 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Jcent