Question on Fear During Questioning & Samadhi

[kieranperez]

Fear: With the help of armodafinil (by the way this is just ridiculous... no pounding heart and so clear... this isn’t even fair) I’ve been taking my meditation through the roof today. To the point that I’m getting into such a deep state of absorption in my meditation (I found that meditating on the present moment really works well for me - it grounds me and my mindfulness so well that I can completely detach from thoughts, emotions, etc.). To the point where I’m starting to get “ego survival reactions” that I feel clearly is coming from fear. I’ll detach from it and it still abuses. There’s like couple a threads left of identification. 

I’ll detach from fear and have it arise and not be effected but then a emotion of sadness from feeling like I’m neglecting my self as a manipulation comes up. I’ll feel some anxiety then and so on and so on.  It’s a matter of not getting caught in it but I’m noticing that this is survival. I understand that this is what’s trying to survive in yet I’m struggling to get past it towards the Truth. 

I’ll take any advice... although I think I know what I’m in for. 

It really does feel like you’re saying goodbye to a good friend.

Samadhi: Can I get the closest description for Samadhi? I’ve been dropping more and more into deeper and deeper absorption  in yet, I come across some many very different description of Samadhi that I don’t know if this is what I’m dropping into. Terms like jhanas and Samadhi throw me off as to the difference in yet... Yogic school seems to distinguish Samadhi very differently and some of them make Samadhi sound like it’s just abiding in realization/enlightenment/awakening but as a state....? 

Edited April 25, 2019 by kieranperez

[cetus]

48 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

Can I get the closest description for Samadhi?

 From my experience (so far) samadhi is when manifest reality falls away and a non-manifest reality is revealed. I wouldn't call it a "state" exactly b-c states are more the property of the manifest. 

[Nahm]

@kieranperez Keep up the good work.     Not skipping a day & experiencing the emotions more and more will make sense of the thought loops/cycles. The reason the overthinking keeps going is because in a way, thinking lost access to emotions. You’re healing this.       Reactional thinking, knee jerk sensations & emotions, triggered expressions, etc, all stop. It’s very very tranquil & quit ‘inside’. Instead of ‘thoughts’, you have insights. Instead of separating from and returning to your source, you’re home for the duration. Keep doing everything you’re doing. Do not beat up on yourself. I don’t mean that just to be encouraging. Seriously, you have to be aware of cutting down yourself, and anyone else or you be taking two steps forward, one step back. 

Allow for the natural conceptual reinterpretation as you go this deep. How you think about things matters very much. Let the emotions melt your heart and change your views and ways of thinking. This requires a flat out internal Trust fall, remaining as ever-present awareness.

Welcome that fear, embrace it - thank it. It inspired and motivated a lot in your life. It got you this far. See that it served you well. It is like saying goodbye to an old friend indeed. It served it’s purpose very well imo. 

Take even more comfort in the present moment, in that there is no “done”. Letting go is an art, always refining. 

And the sadness you mentioned, that is the fulcrum. The deep end of the pool for sure. Allow the water works man. Let that shit out.