My relationship with food / has anyone on here recovered from binge eating?

[fryingLotus]

I've been obsessed with food for about 15 years which has taken up a huge amount of time, focus energy etc.

 

It all started when I hit puberty and wanted a certain body type. Along the way I developed an unhealthy obsession with food and a negative eating pattern which varies from not eating at all to binge eating myself into oblivion. One particular incident which occurred several times was the result of gorging on huge bowls of oats covered in sugar and jam. The result left me needing to lie down to grasp onto my life - I started sweating and my heart was beating rapidly; I couldn't move. The only other time I've had this was from my drug days where I did a rather large line of a particular stimulant where it felt as though I was about to have a heart attack.  

 

This may sound extreme and a little comical - it actually still makes me laugh but in all honesty, it has consumed my life for far too long. Everything revolves around this.

 

I'm 5 7" and the lightest I've been is 128lb with the heaviest at 165lb (heavyweight was intentional as I was bodybuilding). I now sit at around 150lb but ideally want to be about 138lb.

 

Things I've tried:

• Fasting
• Low carb
• Balanced (adequate protein, fat carbs)
• Vegan
• Vegetarian
• Multiple meals throughout the day
• One meal a day
• Two meals a day
• No sugar or treats, chocolate etc
• Cheat day
• One treat a day
• Sitting and being aware of the urges/sensations until they pass

 

You get the idea...

 

Currently I have no foods off limits - I eat what I want and do so in moderation. This is until the urges come. I can sit with them and feel them but somehow they catch me off guard and then I go straight for the all or nothing mentality and I just annihilate every food in sight. Sure, this is normally high-calorie sugary foods but there's nothing stopping me from shovelling down double or triple dinners filled with nutrient-dense foods, balancing all food groups.

 

I'm aware that I'm trying to fill the bottomless pit of void. I can feel it in my stomach before and after the binge. I've always wondered what's beyond the binge, where the path will take me once I'm past giving into it. I've even been there many times and it feels great but somehow this is all part of the cycle as at some point it creeps back, I'm aware, then I feel myself moving towards the cupboard, I'm aware once more and laugh, returning to just feeling the sensations. All is well again. An hour passes and then I realise I've done it again. I feel tricked by something. How did I not notice it this time? Next time I'll get it.

 

Anyone that has any kind of negative pattern will probably notice this cycle and I really feel as though I'm about to break through it all but I look at my recent behaviours and it feels like I'm way more aware of what I'm doing but I can't stop it.

 

I watched Leo's video on addiction recently and read the entry on the actualized website about his own story which was really inspiring. I then made some bullet points based on this as well as some of my own thoughts which I read through daily as a kind of positive brainwashing exercise:

 

I give up for life:

• Overeating.
• Eating for reasons other than hunger (depression, boredom, because someone else is, time I would usually eat etc).
• Guilt.
• Fear of hunger.
• Fear of small meals.
• All or nothing mentality.

 

Quotes (both from actualized and some of my own thoughts:

"I either do not react to the urge now, or I die feeling this way"

"Would you rather have 5 seconds of pleasure eating or would you rather have the pleasure of looking fit?"

"Just imagine you've already eaten it. The 5 seconds have passed. Now be at peace."

"If I stop now, I will never progress."

"Food gets wasted either way. Throw food away rather than cost my health."

"I trust 100% the feeling of hunger in my body."

"I eat until I'm 75% full, leaving a small feeling of hunger. It takes 20 minutes for fullness signals to reach the brain."

"Start leaving some food on the plate, bit by bit."

"Get used to being slightly hungry all the time, even after a meal."

"Be aware of ego tricks, and do not react."

"I am completely responsible for where and who I am, as well as my actions."

"Food is not the enemy. Binge/overeating is separate from intentional conscious eating."

 

Plan

• Eat slowly and mindfully.
• Enjoy each mouthful.
• Don't limit, only moderate (removing negative/positive connotations associated with different foods - tell a child they cannot go into your top drawer and see what happens).
• Balanced, nutritious overall diet (slightly contradicting to the above but essentially this means incorporating all food groups, meaning moderation).
• Pause during meals and ask questions (taste, texture, fullness etc).
• Visualize and journal.
• Commit 100%.
• Sit and be aware - 'do nothing' meditation.
• Refer to other notes/affirmations above.

 

Now this is my plan and I do commit 100% when I can remember. But that's the problem here for me, consistency.

 

As above, I've read Leo's move away from an unhealthy lifestyle but does anyone else here relate or have a success story of their own?

 

Again, my issue is consistency. I've written that I commit 100% but that cannot be true if I'm still doing the thing. I still haven't given up the 5 seconds of enjoyment and I still follow through binging like there's no tomorrow.

 

If anyone can share anything that might help me to stop feeling like a victim and give this up once and for all I would love to hear your ideas.

[thesmileyone]

I recovered from binge eating by being strict and windowing my food, ie currently I have a 2 hour window which I split 6 hours apart, so I eat all my food in an 8 hour window of sorts, and fast the other 16 hours.

In this 2 hour window I only eat meals.

This stops me binging completely.

As for the urge to binge, it's just thoughts, so you don't need to act on them.

[lostmedstudent]

wow

thank you for sharing. i think you've already done the most that you can and it is incredible. i think you know yourself the best and all you have to do is to believe in yourself and stick to your plans.

i have had minor issues with food but it wasn't severe enough that contemplation and meditation was able to tame it. 

i think you are on the right track . i would suggest starting one thing at a time, instead of everything at the same time. for example, start by just mindful eating, once you are able to do that with ease, start with the next thing on your plan. it will take time, but dont rush it. one step at a time. youve already come a long way so dont give up !

 

[Andreas]

You might be trying to solve the problem from the wrong angle. Try checking if the problem is psychological, not physiological. What is driving you towards distraction? What are you escaping? 

Edited April 24, 2019 by Andreas

[Salvijus]

Try to travel without money. Or minimal amount of money.

Try solo meditation retreats. Try vippassana retreat, 10days and you'll be free from these cravings.

Leave your house for some time, a week or two maybe.

Edited April 24, 2019 by Salvijus

[studentofthegame]

 

8 hours ago, Andreas said:

You might be trying to solve the problem from the wrong angle. Try checking if the problem is psychological, not physiological. What is driving you towards distraction? What are you escaping? 

this is a good point.

Your relationship with food is likely to be the symptom, the effect rather than the cause.

 

 

[vibrate]

Do you identify as male or female...? If you are female, I suggest Geneen Roths book "women, food and god" (also applies to men though) or "when you eat at the refrigerator, pull up a chair".

I've overcome several addictions in my life, also my food addictions, but cleaning up my diet is still an ongoing process, like Leo also mentioned in a video not so long ago. I rarely binge anymore (it's probably more overeating anyway), but when I do so, I do it with open eyes and I'm extrakind and accepting with myself (no punishing thoughts). It does take a lot of time (years and decades) and all you can do is take it step by step.

From my experience it is best to shift the focus away from eating (technically, you know everything there you need to know, you just need to apply it) and take up practices that bring you into your body, whatever that is. Personally, I'm a Kundalini Yogi and I would not be where I am in life -pretty much addiction- free- without it, so I always recommend it. But whatever works for you is fine. You need to get out of your head into your body, where you will feel the things you want to stuff down or suppress with bingeing.

[fryingLotus]

On 23/04/2019 at 11:43 PM, thesmileyone said:

 

 

 

On 23/04/2019 at 11:43 PM, thesmileyone said:

As for the urge to binge, it's just thoughts, so you don't need to act on them.

Precisely - I've been aware of this for years but I think my commitment just wasn't there. I left room for myself to act on the urges.

 

On 24/04/2019 at 1:46 AM, lostmedstudent said:

wow

thank you for sharing. i think you've already done the most that you can and it is incredible. i think you know yourself the best and all you have to do is to believe in yourself and stick to your plans.

i have had minor issues with food but it wasn't severe enough that contemplation and meditation was able to tame it. 

i think you are on the right track . i would suggest starting one thing at a time, instead of everything at the same time. for example, start by just mindful eating, once you are able to do that with ease, start with the next thing on your plan. it will take time, but dont rush it. one step at a time. youve already come a long way so dont give up !

 

Thank you!

 

One thing at a time is a very useful point. It's very easy to think 'I want to do everything now and change right this second'. My past is a lesson to myself that this is not always possible, if ever. 

 

On 24/04/2019 at 5:30 AM, Andreas said:

You might be trying to solve the problem from the wrong angle. Try checking if the problem is psychological, not physiological. What is driving you towards distraction? What are you escaping? 

I think it's both, or more so that I identify the empty feeling with food, or that I've just always tackled that feeling by stuffing my face.

My brain makes up all kinds of excuses to eat. I keep trying to remember to write down all of my thoughts to see what's there. Do nothing meditation feels as though it's helping. 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

On 24/04/2019 at 9:59 AM, Salvijus said:

 

Try to travel without money. Or minimal amount of money.

Try solo meditation retreats. Try vippassana retreat, 10days and you'll be free from these cravings.

Leave your house for some time, a week or two maybe.

I've actually just left my job and have months of travel ahead of me. I completed a vipassana retreat recently and meditate daily, anywhere from 30-60 minutes depending on how much time I have and how tired I am. With no job and travel coming up I will be integrating this into my life much more.

 

On 24/04/2019 at 2:11 PM, studentofthegame said:

 

 

 

On 24/04/2019 at 2:11 PM, studentofthegame said:

this is a good point.

Your relationship with food is likely to be the symptom, the effect rather than the cause.

Exactly! It doesn't matter what the food is - I have always overeaten/binged.

 

On 24/04/2019 at 3:16 PM, vibrate said:

Do you identify as male or female...? If you are female, I suggest Geneen Roths book "women, food and god" (also applies to men though) or "when you eat at the refrigerator, pull up a chair".

I've overcome several addictions in my life, also my food addictions, but cleaning up my diet is still an ongoing process, like Leo also mentioned in a video not so long ago. I rarely binge anymore (it's probably more overeating anyway), but when I do so, I do it with open eyes and I'm extrakind and accepting with myself (no punishing thoughts). It does take a lot of time (years and decades) and all you can do is take it step by step.

From my experience it is best to shift the focus away from eating (technically, you know everything there you need to know, you just need to apply it) and take up practices that bring you into your body, whatever that is. Personally, I'm a Kundalini Yogi and I would not be where I am in life -pretty much addiction- free- without it, so I always recommend it. But whatever works for you is fine. You need to get out of your head into your body, where you will feel the things you want to stuff down or suppress with bingeing.

I am male. Thank you, I was practising yoga daily for about 20-30 minutes but that time is now taken up with meditation. It's more so 2 sessions per week rather than every day but I understand what you mean. Sometimes just some pressups help but sooner or later the urges return so I'm looking to get past just giving into them.

 

Thanks for all of your responses guys.

Edited April 25, 2019 by fryingLotus

[Arcangelo]

One day i ate 36 chocolate mint cookies in a row.

Today i ate a bag of potato chips, a piece of chocolate cake, 3 chocolate cookies, 1 little twix, i also watched 2 hours of violence on TV. It didn't feel good.

I was escaping reality, self deceiving myself thinking i was having a good time, watching a movie and eating in one go, the amount of sugar i should be taking in one week.

I can so relate to eating out of boredom, is not even funny.

 

All we can do is forgive ourselves and stay vigilant. Tomorrow is another day.

 

[pluto]

Here's a universal secret.

The more you eat, the faster you will age.

Edited April 26, 2019 by pluto

[okulele]

I can really relate to this. For a long time this has been my escape also. In the past 2 years it became really bad. I was binging almost every night and my physical health really took the blows.

I tried it all. Fasting, dieting, mindful eating, praying, journaling.... oh man... I was suffering so much, I didn't even know it.

For about 6 months now, I stopped. How? I don't know, I guess all my effort finally culminated and enough was enough. Also I was always very much into consciousness work and it seems that at some point the ego that was fed by the binging died. The thoughts of binging still habitually come up every now and then, but there is no place inside of me for them to stick to. The person that was attached to these thoughts is gone.

 

My advice:

• Hold on to your intention to stop! Whatever happens! It might take months or years to stop it completely, but don't give up! Have faith!
• Be loving to yourself. For me the most destructive part of this whole cycle was the guilt and shame I was indulging in. Love yourself. Check out Matt Kahn or start doing loving-kindness meditation.
• Do shadow work. These binges are hiding one big shadow. Find it, get to know it, love it to death. I recommend Byron Katies work. It will help you see how you judge others when they overeat and how that relates directly to your problem.
• Mindful eating. Eat mindfully and lovingly. Be gentle on yourself, not too strict but aware. Really, love is the key here. Check out Shinzen's guide to mindful eating.

As you see, from my point of view, as corny as it might sound, love is the key here. That is what you are truly hungry for

Patience and faith, @fryingLotus !

[Joseph Maynor]

Make sure you weigh yourself every morning and keep a log of your weight by date.  Install this habit -- it will keep your awareness higher.

Edited April 26, 2019 by Joseph Maynor

[nathalie4444]

Hi flying lotus,

So I signed up just to share my story and findings so far on this topic. i'll try to keep it short. Or at least i'll try.

I started binge eating around 18/19 because my poor diet gave me no energy, but it did make me gain weight. Not Ideal and i decided that i had to lose some weight. The first thing that pops up on the internet is basically: move more and eat less, just count your calories.. Well, that turned out to be the perfect way to start an eating disorder... (binge eating disorder it was). So to fast forward, i learned a lot about nutrition and figured how i can lose weight without having to gain it all back and without being hungry all the time. But i noticed this disorder was still there. Once developed the ego, never broke it down. 

My solution to binge eating:
So after struggling daily with either the feeling of extreme hunger or so bloated i could barely walk, i figured it out. I started watching all the video's on youtube i could possibly find on people recovering from binge eating. Not all really recovered, but some did. The thing in common was that all they did was to stop ALL restriction. I tried this too. After years of struggling daily most of the ego and thoughts that came along with it were gone.. Like really not there...  

Process i went thru:
- first preparing myself for the weight gain. Not having restrictions means full on binge eating, especially on the first couple of days. In this time i had no restrictions. Every time my ego tried to tell me what to do, i ignored it completely or did the opposite. This is not easy.
- After a while of no restrictions, i noticed that my binging became less. Almost as if my mind went like: I can have food whenever i want, no need to binge.
- So now, one year later, i never had a binge or any related thoughts. It is gone

What is left is an addiction:
I learned that the way to deal with childhood trauma was eating... So the first thing for me was to try to solve my trauma.
Months of crying, unlearning certain habits, reading, talking, changing everything in my life situation (building a tiny house) and ayahuasca later. Trauma became less and my addiction was way better as a result. As were so many other things in life.
But still, if i have stress, i eat. It's like i control what i do for the most part, but this.. it is like someone grabbing the weel, running people over and giving the weel back plus all the consequences. So i found the video of Leo helpful and making my addiction weaker by just sitting there and staring at it. Sometimes it does not work, but the small wins help me. It is actually getting better.

I'm now in a place where i can really enjoy my day, i am a girl, i look and feel healthy size 34/36 Europe and quite easy to maintain. 

Much more ayahuasca and reading, meditation yet to come. But I've come a LONG way. 

If anyone has tips on solving food addiction, please share

xx



 

[fryingLotus]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7

On 26/04/2019 at 4:41 AM, Arcangelo said:

One day i ate 36 chocolate mint cookies in a row.

Today i ate a bag of potato chips, a piece of chocolate cake, 3 chocolate cookies, 1 little twix, i also watched 2 hours of violence on TV. It didn't feel good.

I was escaping reality, self deceiving myself thinking i was having a good time, watching a movie and eating in one go, the amount of sugar i should be taking in one week.

I can so relate to eating out of boredom, is not even funny.

All we can do is forgive ourselves and stay vigilant. Tomorrow is another day.

I hear you on that one. Someone in this forum mentioned the book 'never binge again' it's free for kindle if you have one. I highly recommend it, I've been making a lot of progress since reading only about 25% of it.

 

On 26/04/2019 at 5:44 AM, pluto said:

Here's a universal secret.

The more you eat, the faster you will age.

Oh god this makes me feel stressed, but no worries, I'll chill out with an ounce of sugar and butter. Haha only joking but yeah I've read Dan Buettner's book on the blue zones, it's really eye-opening. 'hari hachi bu' eat until 80% full.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6

On 26/04/2019 at 7:04 AM, okulele said:

I can really relate to this. For a long time this has been my escape also. In the past 2 years it became really bad. I was binging almost every night and my physical health really took the blows.

I tried it all. Fasting, dieting, mindful eating, praying, journaling.... oh man... I was suffering so much, I didn't even know it.

For about 6 months now, I stopped. How? I don't know, I guess all my effort finally culminated and enough was enough. Also I was always very much into consciousness work and it seems that at some point the ego that was fed by the binging died. The thoughts of binging still habitually come up every now and then, but there is no place inside of me for them to stick to. The person that was attached to these thoughts is gone.

 

My advice:

• Hold on to your intention to stop! Whatever happens! It might take months or years to stop it completely, but don't give up! Have faith!
• Be loving to yourself. For me the most destructive part of this whole cycle was the guilt and shame I was indulging in. Love yourself. Check out Matt Kahn or start doing loving-kindness meditation.
• Do shadow work. These binges are hiding one big shadow. Find it, get to know it, love it to death. I recommend Byron Katies work. It will help you see how you judge others when they overeat and how that relates directly to your problem.
• Mindful eating. Eat mindfully and lovingly. Be gentle on yourself, not too strict but aware. Really, love is the key here. Check out Shinzen's guide to mindful eating.

As you see, from my point of view, as corny as it might sound, love is the key here. That is what you are truly hungry for

Patience and faith, @fryingLotus !

Wow thank you and I'm glad you got out of the trap. I've been doing the above and I have a 'normal eating' instruction list I wrote which I try to read as much as possible. Barring this I've just been trying to detach from the thoughts and ignore them - this seems to be the most powerful thing of all. It always seems that you can never reason with the thoughts, this just seems to empower them further. 

 

On 26/04/2019 at 1:33 PM, Joseph Maynor said:

Make sure you weigh yourself every morning and keep a log of your weight by date.  Install this habit -- it will keep your awareness higher.

I need to start doing this. I keep losing focus although I am making progress. Anything to keep the commitment in mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

29

On 26/04/2019 at 11:35 PM, nathalie4444 said:

Hi flying lotus,

So I signed up just to share my story and findings so far on this topic. i'll try to keep it short. Or at least i'll try.

I started binge eating around 18/19 because my poor diet gave me no energy, but it did make me gain weight. Not Ideal and i decided that i had to lose some weight. The first thing that pops up on the internet is basically: move more and eat less, just count your calories.. Well, that turned out to be the perfect way to start an eating disorder... (binge eating disorder it was). So to fast forward, i learned a lot about nutrition and figured how i can lose weight without having to gain it all back and without being hungry all the time. But i noticed this disorder was still there. Once developed the ego, never broke it down. 

My solution to binge eating:
So after struggling daily with either the feeling of extreme hunger or so bloated i could barely walk, i figured it out. I started watching all the video's on youtube i could possibly find on people recovering from binge eating. Not all really recovered, but some did. The thing in common was that all they did was to stop ALL restriction. I tried this too. After years of struggling daily most of the ego and thoughts that came along with it were gone.. Like really not there...  

Process i went thru:
- first preparing myself for the weight gain. Not having restrictions means full on binge eating, especially on the first couple of days. In this time i had no restrictions. Every time my ego tried to tell me what to do, i ignored it completely or did the opposite. This is not easy.
- After a while of no restrictions, i noticed that my binging became less. Almost as if my mind went like: I can have food whenever i want, no need to binge.
- So now, one year later, i never had a binge or any related thoughts. It is gone

What is left is an addiction:
I learned that the way to deal with childhood trauma was eating... So the first thing for me was to try to solve my trauma.
Months of crying, unlearning certain habits, reading, talking, changing everything in my life situation (building a tiny house) and ayahuasca later. Trauma became less and my addiction was way better as a result. As were so many other things in life.
But still, if i have stress, i eat. It's like i control what i do for the most part, but this.. it is like someone grabbing the weel, running people over and giving the weel back plus all the consequences. So i found the video of Leo helpful and making my addiction weaker by just sitting there and staring at it. Sometimes it does not work, but the small wins help me. It is actually getting better.

I'm now in a place where i can really enjoy my day, i am a girl, i look and feel healthy size 34/36 Europe and quite easy to maintain. 

Much more ayahuasca and reading, meditation yet to come. But I've come a LONG way. 

If anyone has tips on solving food addiction, please share

xx

Thank you for the story - it sounds very similar to mine, as well as what you've done to tackle it. No restrictions was a big one, removing all of the labels from food in my head as well. I had no restrictions for a long time, but I still saw some foods as bad and some as good. (This seemed to create an urge to eat the bad foods more, as labelling them bad caused some kind of restricted food label).

Leo's addiction video was pretty good, the do nothing meditation was useful also. As mentioned, I've done a vipassana retreat so can sit there for an hour no problem, but there was something different having the eyes open, just sitting in reality without drifting off into body scans. 

I mentioned above but I'd highly recommend the book Never Binge Again.

[Hellspeed]

I did recovered from overeating after discovering how to properly  give nutrition to the body.

Staring with raw animal byproducts like cheese, milk, eggs, honey bee

My health, energy and binge eating skyrocket into bliss ane fluidity. Drinking 6 raw eggs at a meal, with some cheese and som milk, any rust feelings in the body Simply dissapeared.

[Aeris]

passion is more rewarding than eating.

you all need more passion, truly I tended to forget to eat because of music

Edited May 15, 2019 by Aeris

[Not me]

I stopped restricting food. Cured myself in two months. First I gained some weight but then it stopped and I had no more binging ever. Caloric deficit is the root cause of bingeing. Your body will look much better by eating more due to metabolism speeding up. Maybe you are still restricting on some level?

[nathalie4444]

@Not me
Had exactly the same. But it is difficult to recognize in how many ways you restrict yourself. But once you understand, it is easier then you think.

I wanted to give you guys an update on my addiction to food. I made a lot of progress since a couple weeks ago when i wrote the comment above.
I've followed Joe Dispenza his work and have been visualizing in detail habits i would do and have when not having an addiction to food.

So for example normally when i go to the supermarket i have a strong urge to buy large ammounts of chocolate. It feels like i have no control over that. So i start to imagine in detail how that scenerio will play out if i skipped that part of the supermarket. This is difficult by the way because the mind starts to wander and you have to bring it back all the time. But after laying down with my eyes closed and visualizing this over and over i became familiar with this ''new'' way of buying food. I went there and gone. It was gone, that strong urge.. gone. I never would dare to dream that this would happen. I thought maybe in a couple of years. But no, i did it already. Next day had to buy food again, strong urge but i could actually control it when i was there.

So for any of you interested i will give you an update in weeks. I actually had more wins by doing this but the supermarket was the biggest.

good luck everyone.

[ThermalTide]

I recovered from binge eating by attending some OA (over-eaters anon). They follow the 12 step system that all the other anon groups do, and they preach a lot about remaining abstinent from "trigger foods". For me, these foods were sweets. When I attended these meetings and had a support group to listen and relate to, keeping away from the foods that would trigger me into a binge episode was much easier. 

This snowballed into the realization that how I treat my body is directly related to how I feel, and therefore is related to how I see the entire world. When I hadn't binged after a few weeks and felt immensely better, I started going to the gym, I cleaned up my diet all the way around, I researched supplements, etc. I feel that my mindset is completely different now from where it was before I attended these meetings. OA was the conduit to a better life for me personally. 

It seems like you are on the right track, and I applaud your willingness to address the problem pragmatically. I think self-love is very important here; if you slip up, don't talk shit inside your head to yourself. Realize that humans are fallible and change happens over time. Good luck!

[solr]

I'm a past binger. I found that not letting myself get really hungry in the first place was key during my recovery. Eating healthy food often that kept me feeling full. Restriction and fasting just made my cravings worse. I'm currently vegan and do water fasts every now and then - But if I still was in recovery this would be a safe road towards a huge binge