Questions on identity

[sausagehead]

I've always had problems concerning my identity due to the fact that if I don't feel superior to others in some way then I feel inferior and my existence feels pointless and invalidated. The crutch that I've always reached for since grade school is to try to look better than everyone else because that identity would always make me feel so empowered but as soon as I reached middle school I started comparing myself to others that looked better than me and my self esteem would go from 100 to 0 instantly because in my mind I became inferior and my identity wasn't holding up.

I'm 26 now and I'm still reaching for this illusive crutch of looking better than others and I can tell the universe wants me to change this about myself because this identity always eludes me in weird ways. My question is, how do you like and accept yourself if you don't feel superior to others in some way? Isn't that what self esteem is or is that a crutch to self esteem? The last question I have is should you drop identity all together and have no identity or try to construct some empowering identity based around character traits I have control over. Maybe my authentic self got shamed somewhere down the lines so I suppressed it and started reaching for superficial means to like myself. Something just doesn't seem right about all this, why can't I seem to like myself if I can't compare myself favorably? I don't even like the idea of people being better than or worse than because in reality we are all the same, maybe all I need to do is grasp this even though the ego tries to convince you otherwise.. 

[Leo Gura]

This issue is far deeper than you yet realize.

Your identity as a human is a false one, but you need it to survive in the social domain. So you play various manipulation games, trying to suit your identity to what has social survival value. This makes it impossible to ever be happy about yourself because all these social identities are pure fiction.

The ultimate solution is to awaken out of that false identity to your true identity -- as Nothing/God. For this enlightenment is required.

You can make your current identity more authentic and less pathological and less reactive. This will make your life better. But you will never be fully satisfied with that until you finally awaken to the fact that your true identity is Emptiness and formlessness.

You are literally not anything. Or pure consciousness without any properties or forms. You are also litterally the entire universe. So how could any human identity make you satisfied?

[DocHoliday]

This is exciting! It’s exciting because you’re on the right way, as you started to question and doubt everything a little bit. 

Here's the thing: Ego emerges due to a lack of -true- love, which is to say that someone cannot truly love something/someone if he only loves it/the person because it/he/she serves him. In other words: if someone/something needs to be a certain way for it/them to be loved, it’s not true love. 

What I’m trying to get at with all of this is that we have a massive, massive problem with OBJECTIFYING everything. If I’m making you @sausagehead, for example, an object of my evaluations, standards, or subjective judgments, for instance, then this is automatically implying that I do not/don’t really accept you as you are, and, in order to accept/love you, I first need you to change in a certain way. 

Needless to say that this objectification has been going on for our entire lives which has then, among other things, led us to develop our “Ego” - our sense of self (not -S- elf, but -s- elf ?). And, in order to uphold it, to keep it alive, and to feed it, we then go on to objectify ourselves just as much as we objectify others, so that we can make “ourselves” (our Ego) the best, most valued, and most appreciated object that there is. 

?BAM? There we have it!?

Edited April 22, 2019 by DocHoliday
Reason for Edit: Typos and Stuff

[zeroISinfinity]

But why the fuck this formless thing wants this perspective when this ego seen fraud and basicly killed it's subjectivity. No point in playing "self-game" since this ego doesn't trust it's toughts and feelings or any phenomena what so ever. 

[Nahm]

7 hours ago, sausagehead said:

Something just doesn't seem right about all this, why can't I seem to like myself if I can't compare myself favorably?

How could I like myself? See how there is a thought situation that there are two of you? 

You’re on the right track, in inspecting and questioning as you are. 

I don't even like the idea of people being better than or worse than because in reality we are all the same,

Yes. Contemplate on that. Realize the literal truth in it.  Ask yourself, what fuels this repeating of this view which does not feel good?   What is this feeling “does not feel good” telling me? What is the source of this which tells me this thinking is not True? 

maybe all I need to do is grasp this even though the ego tries to convince you otherwise.. 

Without thinking, there is no convincing, no thing needs be grasped. Don’t believe thoughts. 

It is indeed true - there have never been human beings in actuality. 

 

[Nahm]

33 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

But why the fuck this formless thing wants this perspective when this ego seen fraud and basicly killed it's subjectivity. No point in playing "self-game" since this ego doesn't trust it's toughts and feelings or any phenomena what so ever. 

Well first and foremost, “this formless thing” is you and is not a thing. The ego can’t “not trust it’s thought’s” because the ego is constructed of thoughts. 

It is a profound evidence of your true nature being that of a creator. You, formlessness, created you, “zerolSinfinity” with Mind (Nothing), and “zerolSinfinity” has created another “self” (“ego”), with mind (Something). All the while, there is no actual distinction of something and nothing in actuality. 

But this is just words, words, words. What is needed is practice, practice, practice. 

[zeroISinfinity]

Practise zombified me again. No that is not life. Not fun when "my creations" call me depressed and without life. But I Will continue no worries.