Facing Loneliness

[Chumbimba]

I recently just broke up with my girlfriend of 1 year and 3 months on Thursday and it’s been really hard. My mind keeps trying to trick me into going back to her with various emotions and thoughts. It’s also telling me to talk to girls and do pick up, but I know my minds various tricks. I know the solution is to face the loneliness and face myself head on and get over the need to have women in my life. 

My strategy is to do my 10 day Vipassana retreat and then do a 10-day solo retreat by myself right after that within a day or two span. 

Should I give more time after my Vipassana retreat to integrate or should I just say fuck it and go with my original strategy ?

Thanks.

[Salvijus]

That's smart descision.

Vippassana is a really good choice for this kind of thing. 

Good for you!

 

[Bluebird]

@Chumbimba Play it by ear, don't be too hard on yourself either. Back to back like that would be intense.

[Rilles]

3 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

I recently just broke up with my girlfriend of 1 year and 3 months on Thursday and it’s been really hard. My mind keeps trying to trick me into going back to her with various emotions and thoughts. It’s also telling me to talk to girls and do pick up, but I know my minds various tricks. I know the solution is to face the loneliness and face myself head on and get over the need to have women in my life. 

My strategy is to do my 10 day Vipassana retreat and then do a 10-day solo retreat by myself right after that within a day or two span. 

Should I give more time after my Vipassana retreat to integrate or should I just say fuck it and go with my original strategy ?

Thanks.

Dont try to get over the need. You cant. Accept the feelings you have and realize thats all they are. Dont try to shoehorn some sort of detachment, ive tried that, it doesnt work, accept your desires. Go for a retreat but dont deny yourself the love you need either. 

[Nahm]

@Chumbimba  Sorry to hear man, that is rough.  Give this a try...sit and relax, breathe deeply. Let every muscle go, head to toe, a few times. Keep breathing from your stomach. And ask your higher self for clarity... Ask, is this bad feeling because I do need someone.... is this bad feeling caused by the thought that I need someone...then kind of just wait and listen for the clarity. Maybe ask the two questions a few times.  Be 1% asking, and 99% listening so to speak. I believe you will receive an answer, the clarity. Might bring some tears and release in either case. Hope this is helpful. 

Try to notice, each time a thought arises suggesting you need to go back with her....ask if the ‘bad’ feeling is because you need her.....or if it’s triggered by thinking you need someone to feel good.  I’m not suggesting you remain alone for life or anything, just that you are enough, just being you is enough. You’re an unexplainable miracle man. 

[ivory]

Sorry to hear man I went through some tough breakups over the last 5 years. You seem pretty self-aware and focused on your healing so your heart is in the right place. However, you're going about it with a brute force mentality. The way to work through these things is with radical gentleness. Healing takes time. Let it run its course. There are two things you want to watch out for: avoidance and control. You don't want to run away from any fear or pain, as you know, but you don't want to rush or try to force an outcome either. Take care of yourself and good luck.