the impossible dream - getting perfect grades in my final exams

[LoveandPurpose]

Hello everyone!

 

I'm not quite happy with my effort this year in school, especially in the past two weeks where I just procrastinated.

After hitting my lowest point I realized that I need to change something.

Although my grades where good this year and I invested the leftover time in my self-actualizing path, I want to finish my school career showing myself that I still got what it takes to kill it. 

I want to leave school confident and those grades could also become important in my future when wanting to get a job.

So I'm aiming for the highest conceivable star: Getting perfect grades.

 

I still got over 5 weeks left. 37 days. Starting today I will study about 5 hours a day. The details, when to rest, etc. I will figure out in the process.

If anyone of you has tips that could help me on this journey, please tell me!

 

Attack.

 

                                                                                                            

 

[LoveandPurpose]

@Theta This was very helpful, thank you so much! 

[flowboy]

What a great goal! Good idea journaling on this. And 5 weeks is a very clearly bounded time. You can totally do this.

I can't speak on how to study, but @Theta 's tips seem amazing to me.

My two cents:

1. There's going to be some ups and downs. Some days you'll wake up and not feel the motivation you feel right now. I would prepare for that situation, by writing down a very clear why, a mission statement/vision, and making a habit of revisiting that every morning. For me it works best not to just read it but also edit it a little bit every day. This will help get through the hard days.
   Anyone who has a why, can bear almost any how - Nietsche
   "kill it", "future" and getting a job may be too vague. If you can form a more detailed story, that would be better
2. Clearly define what "Perfect grades" means. What do those exact grades look like? If you can visualize clearly those exact numbers on your final report, that will help a lot. Scott Adams has a crazy story about grades on this podcast: https://tim.blog/2015/09/22/scott-adams-the-man-behind-dilbert/
   
   This will also help getting out of the "impossible" mindset. I personally have set goals of getting perfect grades in college in the past. I did pretty good, but in hindsight the impossible, perfect aspect of it was just me punishing myself for something, by setting myself up for failure. A goal has to feel possible.
3. Keep posting about it here. Just report progress or lack thereof. Daily would be best. I find that in my direct environment it's hard to find people who want to work as hard on something, and it's easy to get infected with their excuses. That in itself is a bit of a victim mindset, but to keep it constructive, sharing with a community like this helps!

I wish you the best of luck on this mission!

[LoveandPurpose]

Very good points! Especially with the "why" behind it. Will think about that. Thank you @flowboy ! 

[LoveandPurpose]

Day 1 out of 37

Study Time: 4h 10min

What I did well:

- I'm content with my study time

- during the breaks I didn't think about school

- although I wanted to quit at the end I pushed through the last 25 minutes

 

What I will improve tomorrow:

- be less stressed when studying: I noticed a while ago that I study the best when I'm really calm, almost meditating. Today I was really neurotic. Maybe start meditating again

- raise the study time to about 5 hours

- be more disciplined with my breaks (I took a longer break than I should)

- think more about the "why" behind this project and create a motivating vision out of that + figure out a specific goal

 

I am happy with today. I would call it a success. Tomorrow I will do even better. Let's get this bread 

Edited April 20, 2019 by LoveandPurpose

[LoveandPurpose]

Day 2 out of 37

Study Time: 3h 10min

                                          (Time for School in total: 3h 50min , had to organize material for 40min)

 

(I'm writing this a day later)

What went well:

- reading my 'Mindset' posts in my journal where I wrote down things that I learned to be relevant, e.g. "Memento Mori, always see the bigger picture, patience, minding perfectionism, always doing my best then trusting the process, gratitude...), felt good, will do that the following days

- listening to Eckhart Tolle for 10 minutes really calmed my mind down and made me feel better

- although I didn't push through at the last hour of the day, I still, although it's hard (perfectionsim), accept that ~4 hours spent on school are alright

 

What I will improve tomorrow:

- I had a little ego backlash at the end of the day. I ate not so healthy, fat food and wasted an hour on my phone. I saw that backlash coming, considering that a few days ago all I did was that, only a few times worse. So: watch out for the ego backlash.

- I was stressed the entire fucking day. Tense body. Feeling physically really bad. Mentally not in a good place. I noticed that my motivation for this project is really neurotic. Here are a few things that motivate me right now to get ""p e r f e c t g r a d e s"":

• fear: not being able to do what I really want later in life because I can't show the required grades (although unlikely, because for studying I can to another country where grades don't matter to go into university and when I go my own way it doesn't matter either, yet it's still in the back of my mind)
• regret: connected to the point above. Regretting that I didn't use this opportunity and gave it my all.
• reaction to my procrastinating ass: I procrastinated 1 1/2 weeks. To make up for it I set myself this goal. 

These negative motivations really effected my mental and even physical health. I'm not feeling good right now. I can't keep this up for the next 5 weeks. It would break me. I'm feeling bad and I make some people around me feel bad. I knew I had to make changes. So I more or less decided to strategize the next day, reconsidering my motivations and reconnecting with my authentic desires.

 

 

Day 3 out of 37

Study Time: /

 

Today I slept an hour extra and went into nature with two friends and my brother to meditate. Putting myself first, taking care of myself. I tend to neglect that. Two major things I realized:

1. I need to be more conscious. More present. Being more conscious dissolves many of my neurotic tendencies.
2. This whole "perfect grades"-thing might be hindering me. I don't need that. I just have to be conscious and have the goal to study that day. The rest is just fiction creating problems. When I'm doing my best every second, the best that could happen will follow. I can't do more than do my best. And when doing my best doesn't align with my expectations, I'll still be disappointed although I did all that I can do. So I think that I'll let all that shit go. Just study study study while being present. Doing it like a dance (as Alan Watts would say). Enjoying it. Enjoying life. A few weeks ago I studied while being completly present and not only was it extremly pleasant, I also felt like I could think about and remember the material better.

 

Presence & Action

That'll be my purpose for the remaining 34 days. I think.

[flowboy]

3 minutes ago, LoveandPurpose said:

This whole "perfect grades"-thing might be hindering me. I don't need that.

I'm very impressed with your progress and insights so far. Good on you for going into nature and course-correcting so quickly by doing something like that.

[LoveandPurpose]

@flowboy Calms me down to hear some approval, thank you! So you think that this (letting it go) is the right choice? 

[flowboy]

On 22-4-2019 at 11:53 PM, LoveandPurpose said:

So you think that this (letting it go) is the right choice?

I'd say redefine it in the way I mentioned. "perfect" is almost by definition setting yourself up for failure. One has to wonder why to choose an impossible target. If it were me, it would be because I'd be mad at myself for slacking off and thinking that I deserve to feel some pain and stress, and also because telling myself that I'm aiming at perfection allows me to avoid having to accept that I won't reach perfection.