Why raising awareness could make you feel so much fear?

[mathieu]

I am not sure if my question is correct but I feel like raising awareness (or maybe consciousness) was scary as f. I think it's because of some "bad" memories and flashbacks I had from a "bad trip" I had on an Ayahuasca journey 2 years ago. Since then, I had trouble getting back to long meditation times. Any thoughts?

 

Thank you.

[Rilles]

The fear is already there, you are just more aware of it. Find out where in the body fear resides, and go into it, feel what it is mindfully. Strong Determination Sitting could be useful. 

You can ask yourself some questions

Is the fear there all the time?

Who is aware of the fear?

Who is afraid of the fear?

etc 

Edited April 19, 2019 by Rilles

[Arman]

2 minutes ago, Rilles said:

The fear is already there, you are just more aware of it. Find out where in the body fear resides, and go into it, feel what it is mindfully. Strong Determination Sitting could be useful. 

Nailed it, well said. 

The fear isn't new, it's not being 'created'

To avoid reflexive victim mentality when processing the fear, it can be of use to remind yourself of the following: "I have carried this fear for a long time, even if I haven't always been aware of it's effects. Now is the opportunity to address it"

Note on letting go of fear: All the techniques to release fear, such as the suggested questions above, are designed to bring up the fear and recontextualize it. 

Fear is released by not resisting it, which is done by dropping the story and being with it as it is.

Your mind will attempt to weave stories, narrative and meaning. The fear is meaningless, and once the fear comes up, any attempt to think about it or understand it is your mind attemping to sedate the fear through mentalization. It is a defense mechanism. Let go of the thoughts and return awareness to the feeling. 

There's nothing to be understood, the work is to be with what if and allow the energy to process. 

The emotions coming up is a sign of progress, well done!

[Sahil Pandit]

@mathieu Raising awareness = turning darkness into light.

^ this puts the ego on edge. 

[mathieu]

6 hours ago, Rilles said:

The fear is already there, you are just more aware of it. Find out where in the body fear resides, and go into it, feel what it is mindfully.

should I take this advice physically, like literally a part of my body? also, does fear just hide and come back? I somehow feel like killing fear is almost like killing myself. Like dying. I feel fear of never coming back to "sanity."

How do you make yourself prepared?

6 hours ago, Arman said:

reflexive victim mentality

hi Arman, thanks. It sounds new to me. how is it reflexive? 

6 hours ago, Arman said:

remind yourself of the following: "I have carried this fear for a long time, even if I haven't always been aware of it's effects. Now is the opportunity to address it"

Thanks for the reminding, but I think that's easier said than done.

 

6 hours ago, Arman said:

Your mind will attempt to weave stories, narrative and meaning. The fear is meaningless, and once the fear comes up, any attempt to think about it or understand it is your mind attemping to sedate the fear through mentalization. It is a defense mechanism. Let go of the thoughts and return awareness to the feeling

This sounds hard to grasp for me right now. I will take this advice. Maybe I just feel things deeper than other people that's why they thought I was crazy after that trip. 

[Rilles]

15 hours ago, mathieu said:

should I take this advice physically, like literally a part of my body? also, does fear just hide and come back? I somehow feel like killing fear is almost like killing myself. Like dying. I feel fear of never coming back to "sanity."

How do you make yourself prepared?

Fear is a sensation. Sensations appear in the body. Feel the sensations mindfully. 

Who says that ”you” will go insane? What does insanity really mean? Investigate that. Heres a thread I made when I went through something similar. 

might help 

[mathieu]

2 hours ago, Rilles said:

Fear is a sensation. Sensations appear in the body. Feel the sensations mindfully.

@Rilles thanks for this gem. I will watch out how I respond to those sensations.

2 hours ago, Rilles said:

Who says that ”you” will go insane? What does insanity really mean? Investigate that. Heres a thread I made when I went through something similar. 

I just used the word "insane" because it made me feel like I couldn't handle my mind. It was insane because it scared the shit out of me, like a mindfuck. It took me a few months to fully recover from the "trauma". Anyways, thanks for sharing your thread. I will check it out.

[Rilles]

11 minutes ago, mathieu said:

@Rilles thanks for this gem. I will watch out how I respond to those sensations.

I just used the word "insane" because it made me feel like I couldn't handle my mind. It was insane because it scared the shit out of me, like a mindfuck. It took me a few months to fully recover from the "trauma". Anyways, thanks for sharing your thread. I will check it out.

Youll be alright, youre going through a phase, impermanence is your best pal.