Structure, routine and anxiety

[studentofthegame]

Hi all.

I’m in my mid 30’s and at the point where a proper nights sleep is pretty much essential to my mental wellbeing.

If my sleep is significantly disrupted then i am prone to anxiety all day the following day. Such as today. Was at a wedding yesterday, catching up with family i’ve not seen in a while, a few beers and a poor night sleep wise.

Not only is sleep important but the structure and routine of my days and weeks are also something i’m working on tightening up. Because once again, disruption causes me anxiety.  

I do believe in balance and being able to do something a bit different at the weekends, if Monday-Fridays stays relatively predictable. However, even in these cirumstances, there are certain ‘anchors’ that i need to be able to manage anxiety.

If anyone has any similar dependence on routine/structure or any thoughts i’d like to hear them.

As a sidenote, i dislike constantly referring to ‘anxiety’. In my case, I am referring to over-thinking, catastrophising, feeling tired and on edge.

[Sahil Pandit]

@studentofthegame can you impliment some "do nothing" meditation in your routine or some mindfulness practice? Slowing down your life may help as well... 

You're perfectly fine just where you are at, if you can see it! 

[studentofthegame]

2 minutes ago, Sahil Pandit said:

@studentofthegame can you impliment some "do nothing" meditation in your routine or some mindfulness practice? Slowing down your life may help as well... 

You're perfectly fine just where you are at, if you can see it! 

Hi Sahil.

well. I am interested in taking up some meditation practice into my routine. I have read up on it, watched yt vids and done some research, but i’m still not sure what to do. I think a mantra might be a good idea. I don’t like the idea of focusing on breathing and following my breath.

What are you experiences with it?

Thanks for the reply

[Sahil Pandit]

@studentofthegame Well anxiety in my experience is located partially in the mind and partially in the body, so both of these need to be worked on and purified.

Have you checked out the Kriya Yoga Mega Thread? That's a great place to start, and it will help a ton with your anxiety. 

[studentofthegame]

12 minutes ago, Sahil Pandit said:

@studentofthegame Well anxiety in my experience is located partially in the mind and partially in the body, so both of these need to be worked on and purified.

Have you checked out the Kriya Yoga Mega Thread? That's a great place to start, and it will help a ton with your anxiety. 

I haven’t, but i’ll take a look right now. Thank you

[Commodent]

I think what you're experiencing is simply a natural consequense of getting older. When you are young you are to a much larger extent capable of ignoring your body's signals and do unhealthy things, like not getting enough sleep, without much consequense. I have also noticed that older people become much less adaptable and tend to be more dependent on structure and routine in order to function normally.

If sufficient sleep and good routines helps you stay well-balanced, then that's maybe a sign you should keep doing it?

[studentofthegame]

@Commodent Yeah, for sure. It’s a good point, age is a factor. I can’t get away now with what i did in my 20’s or early 30’s physiologically.

That explains sleep dependence. Routine and structure is slightly different. As you say, some people need it as they get older, but many don’t to the same extent. I’m wary of where to settle for a rigid structure to my day and week and where to challenge it. I read Ralf Potts book ‘vagabonding’. What an incredible experience to be able to have. What a challenge, too.

 

 

Edited April 19, 2019 by studentofthegame

[Commodent]

@studentofthegame  Yeah. Our brains are quite plastic ("moldable" that is), and are thus able to adapt to new situations and ways of living. However, as we get older our brains become less and less plastic, and thus we become less and less adaptable. Of course, our brains will always be somewhat plastic, but it will nevertheless be much harder for a 60 year old to learn a new language compared to a 20 year old. The same goes for life in general. It can be done, but it definitely becomes harder to adapt as you get older. The anxiety you're experiencing could very likely be due to the fact that you feel less able to handle new situations. If you were to challenge your routines, I would recommend you to do it gradually and never to the point where the anxiety gets overwhelming.

Funny thing is, sufficient sleep enhances neuroplasticity and thus your ability to adapt to new situations, so maintain that habit for sure!

[mandyjw]

7 hours ago, studentofthegame said:

I think a mantra might be a good idea. I don’t like the idea of focusing on breathing and following my breath.

 

A lot of people like myself have trouble focusing on breath. It's pretty easy to start hyperventilating at first. I found it really helpful to focus on a low hum in the room, fan, air conditioner, background noise, etc. There are also teachers who teach to feel the inner body, it's easiest to start with your hands and feel the aliveness in them and let that spread throughout your body. I also like to focus on the colors that appear and change when I close my eyes. I just wanted to let you know that there are many other ways to go about it. Try just 5 minutes, it can feel pretty wonderful if you don't make it into a chore. 

[Gadasaa]

@studentofthegame Man, i've been suffering from anxiety almost my whole life. It all started when i was thirteen and now, I'm 30. The biggest reason why my anxiety has  persisted for so long, is that i was trying to stop my anxious mind using thoughts, which will never work. It's like you're trying to heal a broken leg by running more and more. Something very traumatic triggers the anxiety in the first place and the anxiety begins to feed the mind with anxious thoughts, and that's the birth of the vicious cycle that so many people are unaware and become unable to get out of. The main thing you can do to relieve your anxiety is, to take away all of your attention from thinking and focus it on something else, it can be a noise, an object, feeling or space and keep focusing at it, even if it start to feel very uncomfortable and irritating. After a while, you'll suddenly start to feel different in good way because, now your mind had a little bit of rest from thinking and no longer thinking as much. I think you have to do it thousands and thousands of times before you're completely free of anxiety.   

Edited April 20, 2019 by Gadasaa

[studentofthegame]

@mandyjw white noise is a good idea, thank you. Yeah I agree starting small initially is the way to go. I'm currently working on making good habits and meditation is one of them... for me it has to start as small and manageable as possible until the habit sticks

 

@Gadasaa that sounds an interesting technique. it doesn't sound a million miles away from mindfulness and meditation, observing the mind wander back to anxious thoughts then exercising the muscle and refocusing on something else. Other than this technique have you considered therapy to deal with the underlying issues? 

[studentofthegame]

@Commodent I think for myself, challenging structure and routines is a careful balancing act. At some point there is a line between a healthy structure and an excessively rigid structure driven by fear, and this is the aspect I want to challenge. There needs to be an anchor, a constant, and sleep is definitely one of them. As you say, sleep will enhance my ability to manage. 

What about yourself Commodent, is structure and routine (and anxiety) significant for you?

[Commodent]

@studentofthegame  Yes, I am certainly not a very spontaneous person, and all my life I've had somewhat avoidant tendencies. There was a time in my life where I would always push myself to attend every social event and never give in to anxiety. That did not go so well. It was terribly stressful, and when I actually ended up attending these events I was tense, couldn't think clearly, and wasn't really able to enjoy it. And I would frequently beat myself up for not being able to enjoy it.

Now my life is rather boring and predictable, and I love it. I wake up, walk my dog, eat breakfast, go to lecture, study, walk my dog, make dinner, relax, walk my dog, go to sleep. You get the gist. But the funny thing is, the few times where I actually attend something unplanned I am much more able to enjoy it, because I feel so much more relaxed and grounded. I think a key component to why my life feels so much more enjoyable is solitude. That is, time without input from other minds, whether it be on the Internet or IRL. Solitude is so, so underrated. I feel like I need several hours a day to function optimally. The only problem is that I'm not really meeting a lot of girls, as I'm not really going out drinking anymore, but maybe I'll join a yoga class or something.

It is a balancing act as you say. Listen to your gut instincts and spend some time on reflection, and I'm sure you will figure out what to do.

[studentofthegame]

@Commodent Good to hear you have found a balance. I think it was jocko willink who said ‘discipline is freedom’. Incorporating this into my week, having routine and structure throughout mon-fri and partially on weekends will let me enjoy ‘free time’ because it feels earned and i know i will be returning to business as usual afterwards.

You make a good point about solitude. I need that in abundance too. It is a slight concern. I have not yet moved in with a partner and after many years sleeping alone i know there will have to be adaptation and compromise if and when the time comes.

Walking the dog several times a day as you do sounds like a simple thing but i bet it’s one of the most satisfying things you do with your day. You are out, getting exercise, alone with your thoughts but still in company. 

[Commodent]

@studentofthegame  Yes, without structure work-time and free-time can very easily blend over each other, causing you to never really able to relax because you're always feeling like you should be doing something productive. With structure you become much more focused in whatever you're doing, whether it be relaxing or working.

When you move in with a partner I think you should aim for high-quality solitude, like walking in the woods with no distractions. Most people I know who live alone don't really spend any time in solitude even though they're technically alone. At home they're sitting on their computer or phone, when they're out they're still on their phones and/or wearing headphones. Whereas previously we were forced to spend some time in solitude, nowadays we have the technology to shut it entirely out. But it has dire consequenses. After the iPhone came out mental health disorders, especially anxiety disorders, have shot through the roof. Solitude deprivation is seriously harmful to any individual, whether it be extrovert or introvert. If you're interested in learning more I can recommend the book "Digital Minimalism" by Cal Newport. It also offers a very structured approach to dealing with tech addiction

Yes, having a dog is quite amazing for the reasons you mentioned. You always have a friend by your side, it forces you to get off your arse several times a day, you get to enjoy exercise and fresh air in the beautiful outdoors, you meet great people who also have dogs, and you get time for yourself to reflect. Definitely recommended to anyone who would like to increase their life quality by several notches, but only if you're up for the responsibility of course.

[bejapuskas]

@studentofthegame  I also have this problem, but I am ok with going to bed at like 10 pm and waking up at 6 am. (8 hours of sleep) What I noticed is, that when I go to sleep late, I usually end up doing stupid things, and also, when I oversleep, I end up doing stupid things  It might take some effort to realize that and find your balance, but I think it is ultimately worth it.

[studentofthegame]

@Commodent Thanks for that book recommendation. I'm going to take a look at that. 

'High-Quality Solitude'. I like that term. 

I have started making moves to cut back on tech. I am prone to hitting certain apps on my phone mindlessly and automatically. So the first task was to move these particular apps to the last page of the home screen. I will build up to spending time outside without the phone, eventually.

I haven't yet incorporated any mindfulness/meditation into my routine but I think I need periods of quality, tech-free solitude under my belt before I start a practice. 

[studentofthegame]

@bejapuskas well done on figuring out the sleep schedule that works for you. I think it's one of the most important things you can do at the beginning of any self-development, and throughout. It's one of the fundamentals isn't it

[bejapuskas]

@studentofthegame  Oh yes, high energy levels are absolutely essential  Everybody needs to have good basics to be able to build up.

[Commodent]

@studentofthegame Sounds like a good plan. You are certainly not the only one prone to mindless phone use, indeed most people are. Personally I ditched my smartphone and bought a $20 dumbphone. I still use my smartphone for Spotify, Audible and Podcast Go, but I made my own Android launcher so that I only have access to those three apps. And I never bring it outdoors.