I think relationships with people are MUST-have for mental health

[Nivsch]

Meditation and enlightment are HUGH things. I am doing meditation for 2.5 years so far and it one of the most important things i have in life. and i know i have long way to go and I know that I am still very far from the level of enlightened people.

But, we also have brain which is planned to survive. and this brain includes within all its experience from millions of years.

And no matter how enlightened you will be - if you dont have connections and relationships with people, you will feel emotional pain, which its goal is to push you back to your tribe in order to not get eaten by a tiger...

so even if people are surrounding you, but you are overthinking and you live too much in your head - your sub-consiouse brain will suspect you are alone, and it will turn itself into "alone" mode, and pour cortizol into your bloodstream.

You can say "but meditation can change the brain".

yes, but you cannot change the core-stracture of it - the essence of its stracture that is planned to keep you alive.

In other words - you CAN be enlightened and you can also know that you are NOT your brain.

true...

but you still HAVE brain, and if it doesnt get its needs - it will hurt you.

Excactly in the same way that you can be enlightened and still have strong abdominal pain.

its not different.

I started to realized lately that everytime i have strong interesting in something (even very positive issue) and im SO into that issue and it lasts several days (and i'm live in my head almost completely) - after few days i get much more anxious about topics that are completely different from the issue i was doing in that week. its just happeing because the reason above. the topic of the anxiety is just an excuse for the brain to show you that you are anxious.

so it made me think that no matter how much insights i will have and how much meditation i'll practice - I allways have to feel connected to people in order to feel good.

[d0ornokey]

Yes, I strongly agree with this 

 

[Andreas]

I still don't know about this topic. Some people say you need people, some people say you don't need anyone. 

[Salvijus]

"I must have friends otherwise i can't be happy"

"I can only be happy if I'm in a relationship with an opposite sex"

"I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU" famous most romantic thing you could say to somebody.

But... "I can't live without holding onto a stick". "I can't be happy unless I tie myself to a tree" isn't it a big bondage? A huge restrictrion and limitation upon you? Don't you want to be happy no matter what ? Either you're alone or with people it dosn't matter, you're complete life by itself, don't you want that? But no. People are celebrating their bondages. They call it rommance but it's actually a bondage. If you celebrate your bondages, if you think bondages are the best thing in life, you're finished. You won't go very far in life.

It's okey, you feel this compulsion overriding you and you can't stay alone or you'll go crazy, it's okey. It is what it is. But don't make phylosophies that being in bondage is good, being in bondage is fantastic, being in bondage is a MUST otherwise you CAN'T be happy.

Do what you have to do now, but move towards freedom slowly at your own pace, don't start celebrating your bondages

Edited April 19, 2019 by Salvijus

[SunnyNewDay]

You absolutely need people. You can't just cut them out or try to cheat at the hierarchy of needs. Living some sort of semi renunciation lifestyle is going to end in failure for the majority of people that do it. It is all about integration. It's like thinking you can avoid food or water. Your body and mind need certain environments in order for certain things to occur. 

[Leo Gura]

13 hours ago, Nivsch said:

I allways have to feel connected to people in order to feel good.

This is not true, but at your level of consciousness and development it is true for you.

Nothing about enlightenment work suggests you should not have relationships. If anything, your relationships will deepen. But at the same time you will not need them to be happy. So you'll get the best of both.

What you're not realizing yet is that you ARE always alone, existentially speaking. Self/other is a conceptual distinction you are creating. All those "others" you think you're relating to are actually projections of your Self. No amount of relating will resolve your existential aloneness. That's something you must face head-on.

Don't worry, aloneness is not a problem. But if you feel like you need to connect with people, do so. What I'm talking about is more advanced than that. Many people here first just need to learn how to create relationships.

[ivory]

11 hours ago, Nivsch said:

I allways have to feel connected to people in order to feel good

Without people in your life you can become depressed. I think they are absolutely necessary to be healthy.

[7thLetter]

Personally these days I've been leaning away the whole idea of a social life and family, I often feel that it makes me happier in a sense when its this way.

Now that I think of it I've always had phases of a great social life as a kid, to loner in school, to great social life after high school, and now back to being alone. Although these days I choose to be alone, while in school I've always felt like I needed friends.

It just really depends on the person and their level of development. And I don't think enlightenment fixes everything, there's also the psychological side to things.

Obvious example: A baby needs their mother's attention basically 24/7, while an adult has grown enough to move out, live on his own and start a family.

It's just a difference in growth

[Hellspeed]

If the people you are in relationship with are still dormant, than is a cancer for you, literally. But if your group is beyond the social boundaries and healthy then yes, a mental stabillity. What people don't realize yet is that more thanb 95% of the population jas some type of mental disorder. So for a better mental health will be transcendence, otherwise is a desease disguised in social norms.

[Andreas]

18 minutes ago, Hellspeed said:

If the people you are in relationship with are still dormant, than is a cancer for you, literally. But if your group is beyond the social boundaries and healthy then yes, a mental stabillity. What people don't realize yet is that more thanb 95% of the population jas some type of mental disorder. So for a better mental health will be transcendence, otherwise is a desease disguised in social norms.

100% of the population have emotions. 0% of the population have a disease of the mind. Most people are just emotionally unhealthy. 

[CreamCat]

On 4/20/2019 at 5:01 AM, Leo Gura said:

Don't worry, aloneness is not a problem. But if you feel like you need to connect with people, do so. What I'm talking about is more advanced than that. Many people here first just need to learn how to create relationships.

Practically speaking, good relationships are a good infrastructure and reduce neuroticism.

If you have good friends and a good family, you are much less likely to encounter situations that reduce your awareness. For example, when all your friends are criminals, it's hard to raise consciousness.

Also, you have direct experience of what loneliness does to you, especially when you were less developed.

I'm not into forming relationships. But, I can see the value in good relationships.

Edited April 21, 2019 by CreamCat

[CreamCat]

13 hours ago, Andreas said:

100% of the population have emotions. 0% of the population have a disease of the mind. Most people are just emotionally unhealthy. 

What is dementia? Is it a disease of the mind? Is it a physical illness in the brain?

[chromis]

48 minutes ago, CreamCat said:

What is dementia? Is it a disease of the mind? Is it a physical illness in the brain?

It is that illness that causes you to have new friends every single day?

Anyway,

What I believed to have discovered is that a significant subset of people - therefore also certain friends, family, co-workers - like to project their image of you onto you, as if you are that image, and these images (in certain people's mind) seem very static.

The topic about Leo's graduation picture (when he had more weight) actually reminded me of that because, physically, I pulled off something similar, and eventually I 'mutated' at various other (and unexpected!) levels as well. In the end I alienated certain people, people that haven't seen me for >3 years don't know what/who they see (and, sometimes, they are uncomfortable with that).

Any form of work that implies some mode of 'progress' or 'growth' e.g. personal development work and spiritual work seems to have quite an impact on your relationship circle. I think it is at least very beneficial to understand how that works, at most understand how you to depend on that (if you do);

So many people continuously remind you who they think you are [or: were!], in their own way, or even how they like you to be (social norms included). They act like mirrors (or reflective marbles) though many are distorted in all kinds of interesting ways. If you are/become somehow dependent on this process - I suspect that our society wants this - then that may be the source and cause of loneliness?

Becoming aware of this reality and dealing with the consequences can be fun though; I sometimes tend to make myself easy in that regard, being alone avoids all that and you end up with a situation that only your (distorted?) mirror of yourself remains. Shattering that may be the next step?

Is that good for your mental health?...

[Commodent]

Relationships are definitely important. However, I'd rather be alone than spend time with unhealthy people.

[Shadowraix]

 Become enlightened and see if it's true. I imagine some are more predisposed to needing social contact and others not so much. 

You can use theory to justify most scenarios. Direct experience will prove it. 

[Joseph Maynor]

Anybody interested in relationships should get this audiobook and listen to it very carefully:

"The Thriving Self: Expressing Self-Esteem in Work and Love" by Nathaniel Branden

https://www.amazon.com/Thriving-Self-Expressing-Self-Esteem-Work/dp/B00RVRFI8Y

[whoareyou]

On 4/19/2019 at 11:01 PM, Leo Gura said:

This is not true, but at your level of consciousness and development it is true for you.

Nothing about enlightenment work suggests you should not have relationships. If anything, your relationships will deepen. But at the same time you will not need them to be happy. So you'll get the best of both.

What you're not realizing yet is that you ARE always alone, existentially speaking. Self/other is a conceptual distinction you are creating. All those "others" you think you're relating to are actually projections of your Self. No amount of relating will resolve your existential aloneness. That's something you must face head-on.

Don't worry, aloneness is not a problem. But if you feel like you need to connect with people, do so. What I'm talking about is more advanced than that. Many people here first just need to learn how to create relationships.

Does it play a difference if you are naturally more of an extrovert than an introvert? And don't you think human beings are social species, than on the form level - relationships are crucial to a fulfilling life?

[Andreas]

8 hours ago, CreamCat said:

What is dementia? Is it a disease of the mind? Is it a physical illness in the brain?

A disease from the field of neurology. 

[Andreas]

How about this?

https://www.google.no/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/self/comments/4pnl3u/i_dont_get_attached_to_people_at_all_can_anyone/

 

It’s like either choosing an emotional roller coaster or choosing stability and peace. The benefit of the second choice is that you could focus more on goals, exploring and your LP. The hard part is if you want to start a family and the constant feeling of boredom or loneliness in life. 

There is probably not a right or wrong answer. There are probably people on both sides who look down on each other. Choose your path wisely. 

Edited April 21, 2019 by Andreas

[Nivsch]

On 19.4.2019 at 11:01 PM, Leo Gura said:

This is not true, but at your level of consciousness and development it is true for you.

Nothing about enlightenment work suggests you should not have relationships. If anything, your relationships will deepen. But at the same time you will not need them to be happy. So you'll get the best of both.

What you're not realizing yet is that you ARE always alone, existentially speaking. Self/other is a conceptual distinction you are creating. All those "others" you think you're relating to are actually projections of your Self. No amount of relating will resolve your existential aloneness. That's something you must face head-on.

Don't worry, aloneness is not a problem. But if you feel like you need to connect with people, do so. What I'm talking about is more advanced than that. Many people here first just need to learn how to create relationships.

I can say that i'm alone but in the same time i am one with everything? 

Which means that the "alone" you mean is different in its meaning from the "alone" which i think of? Like we use the same word but not exactly the same meaning?

Because it seems to me that it is impossible to be alone (in the original naive meaning of the word) without triggering the survival mechanisms of our brain.

Maybe you right and we are all one thing and this is the reality (its becase every cause has infinite effects and every effect has infinite causes?) But the brain doesnt think like that.

It may help you emotionally but from biologically point of view we cannot cheat our brain all the time. Sooner or later it will need physical and psychological interaction with other brains, in order to not send you painful signals (excactly like your stomach that would send you "starving" signals if you wouldnt eat for several hours and more). ?

Thats what i think.

 

Edited April 23, 2019 by Nivsch