punctuality - how to be responsible with time

[now is forever]

recently i realized that i have this really bad habit of always  being too late to most of my appointments. even if i schedule it right i always think of some things i still have to do before leaving the house and then i forget something and have to run back and before i even had time to look at the watch i’m already 15 minutes late sometimes even more because the subway connection then fails. i had this rule of calculating 45 minutes for every trip i make throughout the city but now it doesn’t work anymore.   every time it happens i think: wow, next time you really need to prepare earlier but then it happens again. if i remember it never was much different it just got worse, it’s a family thing. i’d appreciate any advice on how to change that, i’d prefere some habitual training more than a mindset, but am open to mindsets, too.

i mean you can tell me how irresponsible i am towards others and then i would feel really bad maybe, but it won’t change the situation - i already feel really bad about it every time.

also wonder who has or had the same problem and what works for you best.

Edited April 18, 2019 by now is forever

[Truth Addict]

@now is forever

I have this friend, the laziest guy on earth. He's never on time, always at least 15 mins late, once 2 hours late.

These people are treasure for learning how to become patient and understanding. So, there's a positive side to this issue.

As for the solution:

There is no how. Just do it.

[now is forever]

@Truth Addict that sounds like a good idea... i‘ll try.

thank you!

although it’s really not laziness its more a lack of being organized. it’s more distraction and getting nervous because when i‘m under stress my mind shows up with a lot of ideas what to think about. i‘d be happy if it would do that earlier on but it just doesn’t work that way. there is always something i missed or i could still squeeze in. i didn’t care for some time, 5 mins where not the world. 

it‘s really like being in a rollercoaster loop - i sometimes think i need the stress for me to work like i should. i get most creative under pressure.

so maybe the whole issue runs deeper.

Edited April 18, 2019 by now is forever

[Truth Addict]

@now is forever

Well, he's not actually lazy because he's lazy, he's just confused about what he wants, so he finds everything pointless.

Here's a little description of my friend:

Perfectionist, skeptical, stage Yellow thinker, so unmotivated, detached, easy, funny, pragmatic open-minded but not extremely, a little bit obsessive, humble, always up in his head, kind of shy but not too much, no goals, secretive about his desires.

Maybe some of his qualities match with yours, try to cross off what you think is the root issue.

Good luck!

Edited April 18, 2019 by Truth Addict

[now is forever]

@Truth Addict most of them don’t match - but i guess it‘s about standing in the way of oneself. so maybe i‘ll try to make a list like this for myself.

for him i think the most problematic issues are: perfectionism, scepticism, lack of motivation, detachment, obsessiveness, lack of goals.

he has a lot of desirable values, too. 

mhh maybe to a degree they would also fit into my list. i‘ll have to see first how that accounts for myself. thank you a lot!

also these words are so plakative, they don’t really say much about what they are pointing to. for example detached from what?

Edited April 18, 2019 by now is forever

[DrewNows]

@now is forevermy mother has this problem or had it a lot while I was growing up. It’s  almost like it becomes a subconscious habit, she was quite disorganized herself. 

So one of the biggest things I notice about her is her inability to relax, she always felt like she needed to be doing something. Anyways I think this time management is a skill to develop that involves setting your priorities 

[Commodent]

Tell yourself you will be there a quarter before the appointment and schedule thereafter?  A 15 min buffer is always nice anyway.

[now is forever]

@Commodent your profile pic is awesome ?

thanks, i‘ll try that!

i also thought about trying to set myself some regular appointments where i will meet myself somewhere. trying to show up for myself on time, well 15mins earlier. maybe that could help, too.

there was a time when my clock showed always the future in 15 mins. i lived 15 mins ahead of everyone. that’s really good because my inner clock is 15mins late... so i always saved half an hour.

@DrewNows yes, thats a big problem... so yeah responsibility and punctuality are certainly top of the list. mind knows but does not know as there is a lot of important stuff to do and think of.  

Edited April 19, 2019 by now is forever

[JohnnyBravo]

You need to respect time. It was invented for a reason.

Study the Dutch culture and their views of time and punctuality. It makes sense to me.

The way to be on time is to just be on time.

Practise.

Another thing you can do is to be 20 minutes early for yourself for a few months. That way its INEVITABLE you are on time.

Bruce Lee was asked how he kicked fast, or someone would ask him how they could kick faster. Bruce Lee responded "Just kick faster."

In Spiderman 2 with Tobey Maguire, Parker missed a college class. The college lecturer informed him he missed it and Parker said "Im sorry I want to be on time for these classes and be here I really do "

"Well then BE HERE."

If you want to be on time then just be on time. There are no tricks. Stop half assing it and change.

[DrewNows]

@now is foreverHonestly i actually think my mom used cleaning and staying busy as a way to bypass her thoughts/ emotions (problems) and/or suppress them, because she would end up having random nasty outbursts as she couldn't ask the family to help out, like it seemed to be against her nature

[now is forever]

2 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

@now is foreverHonestly i actually think my mom used cleaning and staying busy as a way to bypass her thoughts/ emotions (problems) and/or suppress them, because she would end up having random nasty outbursts as she couldn't ask the family to help out, like it seemed to be against her nature

you mean it could have been a problem of generally having to handle too many things at the same time? or do you mean it is more about the high pressure, of wanting to handle everything sufficiently perfect. 

i’m sure it has to do with organizing things in my world, too. as it’s often about gathering things in my case... or having still to do this or that.

[DrewNows]

7 minutes ago, now is forever said:

you mean it could have been a problem of generally having to handle too many things at the same time? or do you mean it is more about the high pressure, of wanting to handle everything sufficiently perfect. 

i’m sure it has to do with organizing things in my world, too. as it’s often about gathering things in my case... or having still to do this or that.

I am not sure what it's like for you but for her everything became her responsibility, she wanted to control whatever she could as she had always been a big worrier. Possibly a chronic need to see and spot things that needed to be done (this seems most accurate actually), she just couldn't stop to set priorities. Later i encouraged her to delegate more and she seems to have let go of much worry

[now is forever]

18 minutes ago, DrewNows said:

I am not sure what it's like for you but for her everything became her responsibility, she wanted to control whatever she could as she had always been a big worrier. Possibly a chronic need to see and spot things that needed to be done (this seems most accurate actually), she just couldn't stop to set priorities. Later i encouraged her to delegate more and she seems to have let go of much worry

mhh, it’s a little bit of a women’s thing i guess. some women really try to even open and close doors with the feet even if their hands are already full 

[now is forever]

1 hour ago, Shiva said:

If It's important everybody can arrive on time.

If you're struggling, maybe the things you're doing aren't important enough to you.

If the things you're doing aren't important enough to you, well maybe you're doing the wrong things.

no that’s not it. it’s really not a mindset problem in that classical way. that’s what most people maybe think. you know i live in the country where punctuality is still a legend. everything here is supposed to be really on time. except for the train.

maybe i developed it out of boredom. because everything is so regulated and in order, i created chaos for the kicks. and now i can’t get rid of it anymore.

although it‘s a family thing. (actually if it’s important it’s really sometimes worse)

mostly i guess at the moment it’s really a lack of being organized sufficiently. still not focused enough. so it’s more about building habits.

Edited April 19, 2019 by now is forever