I have a girlfriend but I love my friend

[nikolay]

One year ago I met the most amazing girl I've ever met and I instantly liked her but it turned out she was already taken so we've been close friends since then. 

I dated many other girls during that year and eventually found a girlfriend, we've been together for 5 months but our relationship is not as stable as it should be, I'm considering breaking up with her. 

Last week I learned that my friend that I have a crush on had broken up with her boyfriend and this is finally my chance to be with her. There are many reasons we'd be a good couple: 

- we have extremely much in common

- many people have seen us together and thought we are a couple

- our hobbies and many of our interests and beliefs overlap

- we have very good laughs together

- and I'm almost 100% certain she also has feelings towards me

 

The thing is she doesn't know about the problems my girlfriend and I have and she also doesn't know about my intentions. So my questions are: 

1. Should I break up with my girlfriend and then try my luck with my friend? 

2. Should I kiss my friend or tell her my feelings towards her and if that succeeds then break up with my girlfriend? 

3. She broke up with her boyfriend a little over a week ago. Should I wait for her wound to heal? Even though she says she is already looking for another guy. 

4. If she rejects me, how do I keep my friendship with her (because it's a strong one and I certainly want to keep her in my life)?

 

What would you guys do in a situation like this? ? 

[Emerald]

Break up with your girlfriend asap and ask your friend out asap. This window of opportunity may not be open for long.

Obviously, you feel very strongly for your friend and you want to start out on a good foot. So, don't cheat on your current girlfriend, but do break it off with her and do it quickly. Your heart is obviously not in that relationship, so it's doing her a favor in the long run. 

Then, let your friend know your feelings for her.

If it doesn't work out, that's okay. You shouldn't use your current gf as a placeholder anyway. So, be sure to let that relationship go either way.

Also, when you tell her, let her know that you've always felt that way, so that nothing has changed. And let her know your fears about confessing that and messing up the friendship, and that you want to be her friend either way and promise not to make things strange.

 

[Marinus]

Yolo. Following your intuition. You known what you really want deep inside. 

[whoareyou]

Regardless of your friend, you shouldn't be in your current relationship. You are doing a huge disservice to yourself and to your current girlfriend, because your heart is clearly not in there and you are just there for comfort. 

After breaking up with your girlfriend, proceed to ask your friend out, and be okay with losing your friendship or that friendship not being the same as it was. 

This is what men do, and boys don't.

[Shadowraix]

5 hours ago, whoareyou said:

Regardless of your friend, you shouldn't be in your current relationship. You are doing a huge disservice to yourself and to your current girlfriend, because your heart is clearly not in there and you are just there for comfort. 

After breaking up with your girlfriend, proceed to ask your friend out, and be okay with losing your friendship or that friendship not being the same as it was. 

This is what men do, and boys don't.

Solid advice

[outlandish]

You're not married

22 hours ago, nikolay said:

1. Should I break up with my girlfriend and then try my luck with my friend? 

2. Should I kiss my friend or tell her my feelings towards her and if that succeeds then break up with my girlfriend? 

3. She broke up with her boyfriend a little over a week ago. Should I wait for her wound to heal? Even though she says she is already looking for another guy. 

4. If she rejects me, how do I keep my friendship with her (because it's a strong one and I certainly want to keep her in my life)?

 

What would you guys do in a situation like this? ? 

1. Yes definitely.

2. You could, it's not like you're married to your GF. You should still break up with your GF either way because you're not going to be happy settling for a backup plan, and neither will she.

3. Don't wait. She told you she's looking for another guy, her communication is clear.

4. If she rejects you and your friendship is real, it shouldn't break your friendship. It might even make it stronger, what could be more endearing? It can be awkward to have the cards on the table, but only if you make it so. 

[NoSelfSelf]

 

[JohnnyBravo]

Unless you are a narcissist psychopath, in which case youll ignore my advise and everyones advise anyways.

Break up with current girlfriend.

Try with your crush.

Assume she wont return your love.

Now what you going to do?

If this were the case youd stick with your current girlfriend at which point safe to say you are living a lie because you dont wish to be with her.

The fact you are only considering dumping her to be with your crush BECAUSE YOUR CRUSH JUST BROKE UP reveals to me that your crush probably wont like you and will unconsciously remember the fact you dumped another woman to be with her. Big turn off to any human girl or guy.

I dont know.

I think you need to be more honest with yourself and other humans and stop manipulating and playing them just for your satisfaction.

If you dont like your current girlfriend break up with her.

If you like your crush then go for it.

But as I said. What makes you think she will like you back?

[nikolay]

Here is what happened. Since my girlfriend was out of town I was unable to break up with her (I didn't want to do it on the phone) so I went out with my friend because I didn't want to wait, I tried to kiss her and she rejected me saying she didn't have the same feelings towards me but wants to remain friends. @JohnnyBravo You were right, turns out I've misinterpreted her signs that she likes me. A couple of days later I broke up with my girlfriend. 

I felt bad for getting rejected for some time but I'm moving on.

Thank you all for your answers!

[NoSelfSelf]

@nikolay mybe she liked you but because it took you so long to make a move she lost interest (that could be one of the options)...

[nikolay]

@NoSelfSelf I couldn't have made a move earlier. She had a boyfriend up until recently. 

[outlandish]

Sounds like you did the right thing, good for you. It's a good feeling knowing that you're living true to yourself and not hiding.

[FredFred]

@nikolay I stand with @outlandish, sounds like you followed the path that was authentic to you, that's great!