100(ALMOST) Psychological Practices

[Arnold666]

Name:

Forgiveness Meditation

Purpose/Effects

Forgiving others and ourselves is an important healing practice. We can often be unaware of how much we are affected by the burden, negative thoughts, and difficult memories we carry from not forgiving others. While forgiveness can be difficult it has been linked to improved physical and mental health. Benefits include decreased stress levels, blood pressure, and symptoms of chronic pain, depression and anxiety.

Method Summary

While you are sitting in meditation, ask for forgiveness first from others, then yourself, and finally forgive others.

Long Version

Begin by sitting in a comfortable position and settling your attention on your breath.

Step 1) Asking forgiveness from others

When you are ready, recall someone you have hurt in some way and feel into whatever emotions, such as pain, guilt, or remorse, you may have for what happened.

Allow yourself to compassionately be with these feelings and reflect on the causes of your actions.

This is not to vindicate yourself but instead help understand the fear, confusion or hurt that may have caused your actions.

When you are ready, offer your genuine apologies and ask this person for forgiveness.

Perhaps saying, “I am sorry for whatever hurt I have caused you knowingly or unknowingly, I ask for your forgiveness.”

Feel into what sensations, images and feelings arise.

Step 2) Forgiveness of self

Now, recall any ways that you have hurt or mistreated yourself in the past.

Become aware of how it feels when you acknowledge the pain you may have caused yourself and gently and compassionately be with it.

See if you can forgive yourself for the ways you may have caused harm, perhaps saying:

“For the ways I have knowingly or unknowingly harmed myself, I forgive myself.”

Be aware of any emotions that may arise as you say these words and hold yourself with deep compassion.

Step 3) Forgiving others

Next, bring to mind someone who has harmed or wronged you in the past.

Acknowledge what feelings are present and allow yourself to feel the sorrow or hurt from their actions.

Contemplate the possible causes for their actions. Again, this is not to excuse their behavior but to cultivate greater compassion and understanding.

Feel any heaviness from carrying this burden of hurt and grudge towards this person.

To whatever degree you are ready, offer that person your forgiveness.

Perhaps say: For the harm and hurt you have caused me, intentionally or unintentionally, I forgive you.”

Don’t feel bad if you are not ready to forgive. Even opening to the possibility of forgiving someone can be healing.

If you have trouble with forgiving someone, you can try to imagine them as a young child who is perhaps confused and frightened.

Repeat these steps if it feels right and allow yourself to feel the lightness or relief that can arise from forgiveness.

History

Forgiveness practices can be found throughout the world in both religious and secular contexts. The method here was adapted from guided forgiveness meditations by Buddhist teachers Jack Kornfield and James Baraz.

For more information about Jack Kornfield and James Baraz visit their websites:

http://www.jackkornfield.org/
http://www.jamesbaraz.com/

Cautions

Forgiveness meditation can sometimes be challenging and painful. Please be kind to yourself if you do not feel forgiving. Forgiveness takes time and we are only inclining the heart towards forgiveness in this practice and not forcing anything.

Also, it is critical to remember self-compassion when recalling past grievances towards yourself and others and remind yourself that all humans are imperfect.

[Arnold666]

Name

Acting with Intention

Purpose/Effects

Setting an intention before beginning a task or activity can help guide your actions so that they are in line with your values. Doing this can support personal growth and positively influence your actions, work, and relationships.

Method Summary:
Before your start an activity, set an intention for what you would like to embody and cultivate. Carry your intention with you throughout the day and change it as necessary.

Long Version

Before beginning a task or activity, ask yourself what you wish to embody or cultivate during your work.

You can set an intention for any activity, such as meditating, going to a meeting, having dinner with your family, or having a conversation with a coworker.

Intentions can include practicing more self-compassion, deep listening, gratitude, and cultivating supportive relationships.

When setting your intention, try to clarify what is most needed in that moment.

Try to mindfully carry this intention with you as you proceed, checking in periodically to re-align yourself if you forget.

At the end of the day reflect on whether you remembered your intention(s) and how often you followed them.

Look for specific instances and congratulate yourself for any times, however few or brief, that you embodied your intention and then congratulate yourself!

Optional:

In addition to specific intentions for a certain activity, you can also set a more general intention for your day when you wake up each morning.

History

Setting an intention for your day or before an activity is a common practice in various cultures. In the Buddhist tradition, Right Intention is the second teaching in the Noble Eightfold Path. It includes committing oneself to personal growth and ethical behavior, resisting unhealthy desire, and not causing harm to oneself or others.

Cautions

Be careful not to confuse intentions with goals. Goals occur in the future, while intentions can be embodied in each moment.

Also, remember that acting according to your intentions takes time and practice. Please be kind to yourself if you do not remember your intentions. It is common for people to forget their intention shortly after forming it, and even remembering it once throughout the day is worthy of celebration.

[Arnold666]

Name

Activating the Parasympathetic Wing of Your Nervous System

Purpose/Effects

These exercises stimulate the part of your nervous system that creates positive feeling, thus reducing stress, enhancing positive emotion, and strengthening the body's defenses. This part, the parasympathetic wing, evolved along with the sympathetic wing (the part that responds to threats and excitement) to relax you once anxiety-inducing situations have passed. By purposefully activating the parasympathetic wing of your nervous system (or PNS), you can take advantage of its natural cool-down effects and stop the cycle of chronic stress.

Method Summary
Eight different methods activate the PNS, increasing relaxation and providing a number of benefits.

Long Version

Exercise #1: Take deep breaths. When inhaling, completely fill the lungs, hold for a second, and then exhale slowly. Try doing this for a whole minute. This relaxed method of breathing expand the branches in your airways called bronchioles, activating the PNS that controls them, causing them (and the rest of the body and mind) to relax.

Exercise #2: Relax your body.  You can use progressive relaxation techniques or a basic relaxation meditation.  You could do a comfortable yoga stretch or just close your eyes and imagine yourself in a comfortable setting, whether its a favorite armchair or a sunny beach.  The parasympathetic nervous system causes you to relax, but by “actively” relaxing, you activate it, causing you to relax even more.  Call it a non-vicious circle.

Exercise #3: Breathe so that your inhalation and exhalation last the same amount of time; for example, you might count slowly to five for each.  While doing this, imagine this breath coming in and out of your heart center in your chest, radiating love, gratitude, and peace.  Integrate this positive emotion into your own brain.  This exercise is called “increasing heart rate variability”; it increases and harmonizing the variation in heart beats, activating the PNS to enhance physical and mental well-being.

Exercise #4: Become mindful of physical sensation.  Listen to your body and feel with clarity and relaxed concentration–to your breath, to the feeling of your chest or your feet or your tongue in your mouth.  By becoming mindful of the body, you are also activating the PNS.

Exercise #5: Yawning activates the PNS.  Scientists are not sure why.

Exercise #6: Meditation also activates the PNS by pulling the attention away from stress and threats.  Meditating even for a small amount every day is one of the most powerful ways to work with your PNS.  Learn more about meditation by reading What Is Meditation?

Exercise #7: Focus on the positive.  Positive feelings like gratitude, lovingkindness, contentment, and tranquility arouse the PNS.  It’s sometimes hard to make yourself think positive on demand.  Some techniques for arousing positive emotion include Community Service / Charity, Gratitude Practice, and Lovingkindness.  You can also try Taking In the Good and the Three Good Things Exercise.

Exercise #8: It may seem silly, but fiddling with your upper lip has been shown in anecdotal evidence to increase PNS activity.  If nothing else, it sure is fun.

History

The parasympathetic wing of the nervous system has been with us long before we were even human; it's a crucial part of every animal's brain. However, it wasn't until very recently with modern advances in neuroimaging that we could see how the PNS works for us.

Notes

If the parasympathetic system goes into overdrive, the individual may freeze up completely, unable to act at all. As in all things, care must be taken to balance neurological responses. Remember that stress and anxiety are natural and important.

[Arnold666]

Name

Affirmations, autosuggestion

Purpose/Effects

Affirmations help us to develop a positive mindset and thus break down the barriers that negative thinking puts up in our day-to-day lives. Positive affirmations remind us of the joy of life and affect our subconscious mind in order to grow our capacity to create our own successes and mold our own reality.

Method Summary

Create a positive statement addressing a desire for change and repeat it daily.

Long Version

Begin by making a list of the areas of your life in need of improvement; nearly any arena can be positively affected by the use of affirmations, but for demonstrative purposes, we will create affirmations for anxiety and stress reduction.

Now create a list of positive statements that reflect this goal: “I am intelligent” instead of “I’m not dumb.”

The statements should be in the present tense; remember, you are trying to change your present situation, not the future. In our example, it is better to say “I am a calm person, free from worry” than “I will be a calm person, free from worry.”

You can choose to speak your affirmations. Repeat them throughout the day until they begin to take hold…and continue after that! Like an antibiotic, you shouldn’t stop at the first sign of improvement. Some people choose to speak their affirmations in the mirror while looking themselves in the eye because it magnifies the importance of the message. You can even sing your affirmations! Just be sure to say them like you really believe them.

You can choose to write down your affirmations. You can write them over and over to imprint them on your mind, or you can write them on a card which you take out and look at throughout the day.

This video has some helpful basic affirmations to get you started:

History

Affirmations have a long history in the self-help movement, originating in the work of French psychotherapist Émile Coué. His affirmation "Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better" repeated at the beginning and ending of each day was intended to change the unconscious thought of his patients. This method of autosuggestion was credited with curing a bevy of mental, emotional, and even physical problems. Napoleon Hill's famous book Think and Grow Rich also relies on autosuggestion, as does contemporary thinking on the Law of Attraction.

Cautions

Though affirmations are quite powerful, do not be tempted to use them as the only form of therapy for severe emotional or mental issues. An injured brain will have a hard time curing itself.

Notes

Affirmations are a crucial part of Self-Hypnosis.  If you want to supercharge your affirmations, try using them alongside a hypnosis technique.

External Links

Hypnosis Downloads: Over 500 MP3s for self-hypnosis http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/

[Arnold666]

Name

Art therapy

Purpose/Effects

Immersing into the art process allows us to enter a meditative state where relaxation and unconscious expression can thrive. Whether the artwork is a light-hearted reflection or a deep focused exploration, the benefits can be significant. Releasing emotions and thoughts through a creative force can relieve stress; encourage problem solving; and heighten our senses; though it can also bring up some rough memories. Art is a safe, controlled way to manage our life experiences, which we may not get to do in other ways.

Method Summary

Select an art form and use it to express yourself however you see fit. Keep in mind that your primary intention should be for exploration and experimentation free from a sense of what it “should” look like. A lot of our anxiety about expressing ourselves has to do with this desire for approval that may go back as far as wondering why our parents never put our artwork on the fridge door. Try to separate how you think of the art in museums versus the art we create every day in order to express ourselves.

Follow your own intuition about how to proceed, when to add to your work and when to stop.

Also, try to avoid overanalyzing the meaning of your work if it feels forced, inorganic, or if it’s causing you more stress than before you began. This may be an opportunity to seek guidance from a professional, though sometimes the art doesn’t “have” to have a meaning.

Long Version

Do something you like. If you find painting appealing, you can explore with various colors or applications of paints to your canvas. If you are a very tactile person, you may enjoy working with clay in order to express your emotions. Scrapbooking and collage can be an effective way to enhance or deepen a connection to a memory, since you can use universal materials such as magazines to make a personal creation.

Think about colors. What colors make you think about yourself and your life? Which colors reflect your moods and your emotions? You could use a body outline and depict feelings and sensations abstractly.

Think about shapes and objects. Does a certain image stick in your head; for example, do you feel like part of a broken circle of trust, or perhaps do you find the light of a candle in the dark inspiring? Use these images to express your feelings through your art; they can be as abstract or as concrete as you like.

Often the symbols in our dreams can be rich fodder for our creative impulses.

Try a random scribble for a few seconds and see if any images develop for you.

History

Art has long been a form of expression to validate existence and make sense of the world. Every generation in every culture offers clues into how art is crucial to document, communicate, and make sense of shared values, experiences, and norms.

To go the extra mile, art making is the lynchpin process in a particular field of mental health. Art Therapy is a world recognized profession that developed and flourished in both Europe and the United States during the early and mid 1900s. Many artists recognized the value in the creative process and began volunteering and working in hospitals to encourage patients to be active participants in their own treatment. Art Therapy has gained exponential recognition worldwide as being a holistic and alternative treatment in light of global tragedies, such as Hurricane Katrina, the earthquake in Haiti, and with our returning veterans suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Cautions

Remember, art making isn't about being the next Da Vinci or Picasso. The point is to express yourself; worrying about your skills will only hold you back.

Also, if you feel you need additional guidance in overcoming life struggles, it is important to seek professional assistance that best fits your needs.

[Arnold666]

Name

Autogenic training, Autogenics

Purpose/Effects

Autogenic training teaches the body to respond to visualizations or verbal commands that lead it to relax. This relaxation promotes stress relief. It can be used either in or after stressful situations for immediate relief, or be part of a self-care regimen to avoid the ramifications of chronic stress. The six different exercises, when mastered, have measurable effects on the body and mind, helping with anxiety, chronic pain, insomnia, asthma, gastrointestinal problems, ulcers, and high blood pressure.

Method Summary

Learn to relax and calm your muscles, heart, breath, stomach, and head.

Long Version

Autogenic training takes about three months to learn because of the extreme discipline required for the technique to be effective. DO NOT try to skip ahead to the end; you’ll only cheat yourself.

Start alone in a quiet place. Wear comfortable, loose clothing. You may want to begin by lying on the floor for the first session.

Warm up with a breathing exercise, exhaling for twice as many counts as you inhale. Start by inhaling for one count and exhaling for two, then inhaling for two and exhaling for four, all the way up to inhaling for six and exhaling for twelve. Then reverse, going back down until you once again come to one count in, two counts out.

Heaviness practice: Begin with your right arm if you are right-handed, your left arm if you are left-handed. Breath deeply and evenly and repeat the following formula silently to yourself:

My right arm is getting limp and heavy. (6-8x)

My right arm is getting heavier and heavier. (6-8x)

My right arm is completely heavy. (6-8x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

Do this two or three times a day for three days. Then, two or three times a day for the next three days, begin with the warm-up breathing exercise and repeat the same formula as above but this time with your left arm (or your right if you are left-handed). Repeat this the next three day cycle but with both arms. The next three, your right leg (left if you’re left-handed), then your left leg (right if you’re left-handed), then both legs, and the final set of three days, both your arms and your legs. This will end up being 2-3 exercises a day for three days, with seven exercises in all, meaning 21 days will have passed by the end of the heaviness practice. At the end of this practice period, the final routine you learned (both arms and legs) will be what you use from now on.

Warmth practice: Start with the same warm-up breathing exercise and then do the both-arms-and-legs heaviness routine. This will relax your muscles. Next, you will breathe deeply and evenly and repeat the following formula silently to yourself (again, begin with your left arm if you are left-handed):

My right arm is getting limp and warm. (6-8x)

My right arm is getting warmer and warmer. (6-8x)

My right arm is completely warm. (6-8x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

The warmth practice cycle will follow the model of the heaviness practice cycle, going through the limbs in the same way on the same schedule of 21 days. Remember always to begin with the warm-up breathing exercise and then the final iteration of the heaviness routine. The final warmth practice, you will say:

Both my arms and my legs are getting limp and heavy and warm. (6-8x)

Both my arms and my legs are getting heavier and warmer. (6-8x)

Both my arms and my legs are completely heavy and warm. (6-8x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

This routine will be what you use from now on, fusing both the heaviness and warmth practices. Do the breathing exercises and then this final heavy/warm routine two or three times a day for a week.

Calm heart practice: Start with the warm-up breathing exercise. Next, with deep and even breaths repeat the following formula silently to yourself:

Both my arms and my legs are getting limp and heavy and warm. (1-2x)

Both my arms and my legs are getting heavier and warmer. (1-2x)

Both my arms and my legs are completely heavy and warm. (1-2x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

My chest feels warm and pleasant. (6-8x)

My heartbeat is calm and steady. (6-8x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

Practice this routine two or three times a day for two weeks. After this, you will have achieved a calm heart and will be able to drop the line “My chest is warm and pleasant,” as you will see in the next exercise.

Breathing practice: Start with the warm-up breathing exercise. Next, with deep and even breaths repeat the following formula silently to yourself:

Both my arms and my legs are getting limp and heavy and warm. (1-2x)

Both my arms and my legs are getting heavier and warmer. (1-2x)

Both my arms and my legs are completely heavy and warm. (1-2x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

My heartbeat is calm and steady. (1-2x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

My breathing is supremely calm. (6-8x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

Practice this routine two or three times a day for two weeks. By this time, you will probably notice real results, but stick with the training through the final two exercises.

Warm stomach practice: Start with the warm-up breathing exercise. Next, with deep and even breaths repeat the following formula silently to yourself:

Both my arms and my legs are getting limp and heavy and warm. (1-2x)

Both my arms and my legs are getting heavier and warmer. (1-2x)

Both my arms and my legs are completely heavy and warm. (1-2x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

My heartbeat is calm and steady. (1-2x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

My breathing is supremely calm. (1-2x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

My stomach is getting soft and warm. (6-8x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

Practice this routine two or three times a day for two weeks.

Cool forehead practice: Start with the warm-up breathing exercise. Next, with deep and even breaths repeat the following formula silently to yourself:

Both my arms and my legs are getting limp and heavy and warm. (1-2x)

Both my arms and my legs are getting heavier and warmer. (1-2x)

Both my arms and my legs are completely heavy and warm. (1-2x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

My heartbeat is calm and steady. (1-2x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

My breathing is supremely calm. (1-2x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

My stomach is getting soft and warm. (1-2x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

My forehead is cool. (6-8x)

I feel supremely calm. (1x)

Practice this routine two or three times a day for two weeks.

Final formula: At this point, three months later, you should be adept at AT. The final formula will be a condensed version of the one you learned. You should continue to do it at least once a day, if not more, for optimum results. The final formula is as follows:

My arms and my legs are heavy and warm. (1-2x)

My heartbeat and breathing are calm and steady. (1-2x)

My stomach is soft and warm. (1-2x)

My forehead is cool. (1-2x)

I feel supremely calm. (1-2x)

History

Autosuggestion and self-hypnosis techniques have been a part of the self-help movement since its inception through people like Émile Coué. German psychologist Johannes Schultz worked with self-hypnosis techniques in the 1920s and 1930s, and began developing the concept of autogenic training, publishing his first book on AT in 1932. Since then, psychologists have thoroughly tested the technique and established it as one of the most powerful relaxation skills available.

Cautions

Because AT can affect blood pressure, consult with a doctor before doing AT if you have a serious illness like diabetes or heart disease, and do not attempt to use it to regulate severe mental illness.

If you have problems with learning AT on your own but are still interested in its possible benefits, consider seeking out a certified AT instructor who can help you.

Notes

Autogenic training is similar to Progressive Relaxation in many ways; some people suggest learning PR first and then moving to autogenics.

[Arnold666]

Name

Clarifying Emotions

Purpose/Effects

Many people find it hard to know what they are feeling. This practice is a simple, effective way to learn to know which emotions you are experiencing.

Because the technique encourages you to notice the body sensations associated with the emotion, it will build up a deep familiarity with your emotional states.

Method Summary

Scan your body and label and emotions that you notice.

Long Version

Settle into a comfortable meditation posture.

Breathing normally, bring your attention to your emotions. Notice if you are feeling any emotions, no matter how faintly.

Once you detect an emotion, see if you can label which emotion it is. Here is a short, partial list of some of the possibilities:

Joy

Anger

Interest

Fear

Sadness

Love

Shame

Embarrassment

Pride

Guilt

Try to stay simple and basic with these emotional labels. It is OK to guess, if you are not sure which exact emotion you are feeling.

Once you feel you know which emotion you are feeling, label it mentally. Keep making the label every 5 seconds or so, and then feeling the emotion in your body. So for example, if you are feeling sadness, you would label it like this “Sadness… Sadness… Sadness” in a gentle, matter-of-fact way every few seconds. With each label, you feel with your body the sensations of that emotion.

If you notice more than one emotion happening at the same time, you can either just focus on one, or you can “stack” the labels. So for example, if you were feeling both joy and love, you could label them as “Joy and Love.” And so on.

Continue labeling the emotions for as long as you wish.

History

Meditating on emotions is a traditional part of Vipassana practice in Buddhism. It is, for example, one of the four main techniques covered in the Vissudhimagga (The Path to Purity), an important Buddhist text.

The version presented here is a summary of a practice given by American Buddhist teacher Shinzen Young.

Notes

Do not get caught up in every nuance of differences in labeling the emotions. For example, in common English, there is a big difference between anxiety and terror. However, for the purposes of this exercise, they are both simply labeled as “Fear.”

The point of the practice is not to get perfectly accurate labels, but rather to get a handle on what emotions are currently occurring for you, and how they express in the body.

This practice should be repeated daily for at least 10 minutes over the course of at least a month to really gain the benefit.

 

[Arnold666]

Name

Common Errors in Thinking

Purpose/Effects

When we are feeling down, it can be helpful to remember that bad moods often trigger errors in our thinking that make our thoughts overly negative and inaccurate. Learning these common errors in thinking can help us recognize when our thoughts are untrue. It also encourages us not to automatically believe our thoughts. When we are in a low mood, we can identify which errors in thinking are present and then more effectively challenge our thoughts.

Method Summary

Below is a list of common errors in thinking and some examples. After familiarizing yourself with these errors, practice recognizing them in your thoughts.

Long Version

Common Errors in Thinking:

All-or-nothing thinking

Viewing things in black or white. If something is not perfect, we think of it as a failure or waste of time.

EXAMPLE: If someone misses one problem on a test, he or she equates that with failing.

Mental filter

Picking out and dwelling on a single negative event or aspect and focusing solely on it, while ignoring the whole picture. Applying a mental filter is similar to “tunnel vision,” where someone only focuses on and sees the negative parts of a situation.

EXAMPLE: If someone receives feedback about his or her work that is very positive, except for one criticism, he or she only focuses on the critical remark.

Discounting the positive

Rejecting all positive aspects of an experience and generating reasons why they don’t count or are not important.

EXAMPLE: “I got just lucky,” or “Anyone could have done what I did.”

Emotional reasoning

Thinking that because a certain feeling is present, it must be true and a direct reflection of reality, regardless of any contrary evidence.

EXAMPLE: Someone may tell himself or herself that because their situation feels hopeless, it really must be hopeless. Or, if someone feels very anxious and scared about something, it is proof that he or she is in danger.

Overgeneralization

Overgeneralization is the process of taking one negative outcome or event and applying it to all areas of one’s life.

It often involves phrases such as, “This (negative event) always happens to me,” or “I’ll never feel better.”

EXAMPLE: If a man asks a woman out on a date and she declines, he may think to himself, “This always happens when I try to find a girlfriend. I’ll always be alone and never find someone.”

Jumping to conclusions

This includes Mind Reading and Fortune Telling.

Mind reading happens when we attribute intentions, attitudes, beliefs, or other mental activity to another person and simply assume that these are the case. EXAMPLE Assume that someone is thinking negative thoughts about you.

Fortune telling involves predicting that the outcome will be negative. EXAMPLE: “I know that you won’t like what I am about to say, but __________ .”

Personalization and blame

Personalization occurs when someone thinks they are solely responsible for the outcome of an event and ignores other contributing factors. The opposite of personalization is blame. This happens when someone holds another person fully responsible for something without examining his or her own impact.

Labeling

Labeling is applying a fixed, broad label to oneself or others that then shapes our experience and view of reality.

EXAMPLE: “I’m worthless,” or “He is a selfish person.”

Denial of Change

Denial of change occurs when we become upset, indignant, or deny the reality that our lives are in a constant state of flux, and that situations and people are also constantly changing.

EXAMPLE: Becoming very upset when our bodies age and we can no longer do all of the activities we once did.

History

The theory behind common errors in thinking (or cognitive distortions) was first developed by psychologist Aaron Beck, and then further popularized by others, including Dr. David Burns in his book The Feeling Good Handbook. Most of the errors in thinking presented in this method come from Dr. Burns’ book.

Cautions

It is important to note that EVERYONE has these errors in their thinking. Please be careful to not judge or beat up on yourself when you notice your thoughts contain some of these errors. Becoming aware of these negative thinking patterns can provide an opportunity to identify times when we are not thinking accurately, and then compassionately notice and correct them.

[Arnold666]

Name

Concentration, One-Pointedness, Focus

Purpose/Effects

One of the hallmarks of modern life is the proliferation of distractions. As media become more pervasive, and media connections more ubiquitous, time away from distractions becomes ever harder to find. Previously, people were content to sit in restaurants, or stand in line, without a television screen to stare at. Now these have become standard. The result of all this, and many other causes, is that people find it increasingly difficult to focus their minds.

Concentration is a necessary human skill. It makes proper thinking possible, increases intelligence, and allows a person to calm down and achieve their goals more effectively. A concentrated mind is like a laser beam, able to use all its powers in a single direction to great effect.

Concentration is critical to many human endeavors. Being able to listen to another person, for example, in a compassionate and connected manner requires being able to shut out distractions. The experience of making love can be greatly enhanced when one is not, for example, thinking about other things.

Concentration allows a person to stop being a "reaction machine" or "robot," simply responding to stimuli, and instead to become more thoughtful, self-directed, and confident.

Method Summary

Think about one thing. Every time you get distracted, return to that one thing.

Long Version

Find an object on which to concentrate. This can be a physical object, like a pebble or a feather. Or it can be a mental object like a particular idea. It could even be, say, your homework.

Cut off any sources of distraction. These include, but are not limited to, telephones, emails, computers, music, television, and so forth. Turn all of these off during your concentration practice.

Begin your period of concentration by mentally reminding yourself what you are concentrating on.

Now begin to concentrate. If your concentration object is an external object, this may mean looking at it. If it is a mental object, then think about it. If it is your homework, then do it now.

Each time your mind (or eyes) wander from your concentration object, bring it back to the object. It is important to do this very gently and without judgment.

Repeat this process of coming back to the concentration object for as long as you wish, or until your homework is done.

History

Cultures worldwide have developed concentration practices for both spiritual and practical reasons.

Concentration is called dharana in Hinduism, and samadhi or shamatha in Buddhism. It is considered to be a key skill for meditation.

Cautions

Concentration can at first seem to trigger a lot of anxiety. This is, however, not the fault of the concentration practice. Rather, it happens because many people use distraction to avoid feeling emotions. Then when the distractions are removed, a tremendous amount of ambient, unprocessed emotions (i.e. emotions you are feeling but were unaware of feeling) are present. So it is not the practice of concentration that is causing anxiety, but instead it is the habit of distracting ourselves from our emotions. This may be the root cause of much inability to focus and concentrate. If that is the case, try meditating on emotions (insert link).

Notes

Concentration is an interesting thing. It is a very general ability. That means developing concentration in one area will help you concentrate in ALL areas. So, for example, if you learn to concentrate on a particular idea, it not only helps you think about that idea (which would be very limited), but actually helps you to concentrate on anything, which is very generally useful for everything! It's like lifting weights. It doesn't just make you strong for lifting weights, but strong for anything else you want to do!

Concentration and meditation are not the same thing, although they are related. Meditation (usually) requires concentration, but also requires relaxation or equanimity.

[Arnold666]

Name

Confidence Building

Purpose/Effects

This is an NLP exercise for building up confidence.

Many people have low self esteem. Often this manifests as lack of confidence, even about activities in which they are highly competent. Low self esteem can lead to non-optimal outcomes.

By building up self confidence, we can improve the outcomes of our activities. Business deals, work, love relationships, friendships, etc., can all be enhanced by building up our confidence.

Method Summary

Picture yourself with very positive attributes, while a large crowd of people applaud you.

Long Version

Begin by getting grounded. In a nutshell, this means letting go of concepts and worries, and getting in touch with your body, your senses, and the present moment.

Now close your eyes, and imagine yourself standing in front of you, looking back at you.

Bit by bit, create a new you in your imagination that has all the characteristics that would give you incredible confidence. If what you want is a thin you, picture yourself thin. If you also want different hair, give the imaginary you the hair you desire. It can be anything, including non-visual characteristics. You may want a powerful voice, a brilliant mind, a super-sexy ability to make love, and so forth. Imagine yourself with all the characteristics and qualities that would give you the super confidence you desire.

Watch the image of yourself change before your mind’s eye. Make sure that the image is big, bright, bold, and powerful.

Imagine the feeling of confidence coursing through the veins of the imaginary you. Feel the rush of power, control, and fearlessness that comes with this confidence. Notice how the imaginary image even stands with the stance of great confidence, and holds its head in leonine way.

Next, when you are ready, walk around behind this imaginary image and step inside of it. Become it. Feel yourself experiencing all the sensations of having amazing confidence. Notice how your body changes, your stance shifts, even your gaze subtly alters to express this volcano of confidence within you.

Now imagine that this new you is standing in front of a large audience of admirers. They are cheering and clapping, and swooning with adulation and devotion to you.

Pay particular attention to where the positive feelings you are having are located in your body. This spot is the center, the physical source point of your confidence. Feel into it deeply with your body awareness.

Continue alternating between the visualization and the feelings of confidence in your body for as long as you wish. This exercise should feel very good.

[Arnold666]

Name

Controlled Breathing

Purpose/Effects

Many people do not breathe normally when they are anxious; this is particularly true if they feel especially afraid or panicked. Learning to deliberately return your breathing to more normal rhythms when anxious can help reduce the physical, embodied aspects of anxiety – which can feel better in its own right, as well as reduce feedback loops coming from the body that intensify anxiety.

Method Summary:

Inhale for four seconds and exhale for at least four seconds. Try to do this for at least four minutes.

Long Version

§  Sit or lie down, placing one hand on your belly and one on your chest.

§  Inhale through your mouth or nose for 4 seconds, then exhale through your mouth or nose for at least 4 seconds (longer exhalations are okay).

§  Feel your belly gently expand during the inhalation and return to normal during the exhalation.

§  Inhale and exhale smoothly and try to avoid gulping or gasping for air.

§  Repeat this practice for at least 4 minutes. (4 minutes is the amount of time needed to restore normal carbon dioxide and oxygen levels in the body.) Practicing for longer than four minutes is also good and can help increase your relaxation.

§  At first it can be hard to do this practice when you are very anxious. Therefore it can be helpful to practice 2-3 times a day – when you are not especially anxious – for a few days to get used to it and be able to effectively use this practice when highly anxious.

History

Controlled breathing is a method used to treat anxiety commonly used in cognitive behavioral therapy. The method presented here was adapted from a controlled breathing exercise created by psychologists Christine Padesky and Dennis Greenberger found in their book, Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think.

Cautions

If you begin to feel lightheaded or dizzy, stop this breathing exercise.

Some people find awareness of the body – and in particular, awareness of the breath – disturbing, even alarming. If you find that awareness of breathing is so uncomfortable that you cannot do this method, explore other methods for managing and reducing anxiety.

If you struggle with panic or anxiety attacks, seek professional help and do not rely on this method solely to reduce your anxiety.

[Arnold666]

Name

Breath of Fire, Bhastrika Pranayama, Bellows Breathing

Purpose/Effects

Breath of Fire is a type of intense breathing exercise that has many effects. It calms the mind and stimulates the body, increasing oxygen and decreasing carbon dioxide in the blood. It is excellent to do before meditation.

Classically, there are many other benefits to Breath of Fire. Various yoga scriptures claim that it will increase digestive power, eliminate diseases, clease the nadis (energy pathways) in the body, awaken the Kundalini, and so forth. It is also claimed to be a powerful weight loss method.

Method Summary

Breathe in and out through your nose very quickly and forcefully.

Long Version

1.    Sit in “lotus” posture. That is, on the floor with your back and neck straight and aligned.

2.    Keep your mouth closed. BOF is done through the nose. Make sure there is no mucus blocking the nostrils. Breathing should be free and clear.

3.    Now breathe in and out as quickly and forcefully as possible. Use your stomach muscles to power the breath. The stomach muscles should expand and contract like a blacksmith’s bellows.

4.    After a certain number of breaths (try 10 to start) or number of seconds (or minutes), end by taking a long, full, deep inhale.

5.    Rest while breathing normally.

6.    End here, or do another round.

History

Bhastrika is a traditional Kundalini yoga pranayama method from India.

Cautions

Breath of Fire, like any pranayama, comes with a lot of warnings. First and foremost, only do this if both nostrils are open. Do not practice Breath of Fire with one nostril plugged. Furthermore, if you have high blood pressure, have any heart condition, or are pregnant, you should not do this practice. Pranayama is intense, physical exercise, and should only be practiced when completely healthy.

Breath of Fire may make you feel quite dizzy.

Notes

Focus your mind on your breathing or your third eye during this practice. You can also mentally repeat the mantra "Om."

You may find several variations on this practice, some of them involving arm motions.

[Arnold666]

Name

Developing an Inner Guide

Purpose/Effects

An inner guide can be a great ally for your emotional and spiritual wellbeing. Developing an internal nurturing and encouraging figure reminds you of your abilities and good qualities, while providing counsel in difficult times. An inner guide combines the benefits of a good friend (a shoulder to lean on) with self-inquiry and introspection, allowing us to make better decisions and improving our self-esteem and self-image when we need it most.

Method Summary

Find a figure and allow it to help sustain you.

Long Version

1.    Choosing a guide may seem like a difficult task. There are many options to choose from. Your selection should be informed by your own personal needs: if you are hard on yourself, choose a figure you think will offer unconditional love; if you need steeling and unsparing encouragement, choose a figure that you respect as a caring but tough hero.

2.    You might choose a real person, alive or dead, whom you have known. Perhaps you had a grandmother who was always a source of intense love and affection, or perhaps your father always knew how to sternly but lovingly snap you out of lazy spells. These guides don’t have to be accurate representations of the people they represent; think of them as archetypes put in easy-to-recognize forms.

3.    You might choose a guardian angel-type figure, one that seems detached from this world but that nonetheless has a powerful investment in you. A divinity also can be a great guide, whether Christ or a bodhisattva. Figures from mythology that attract and inspire us can also be great guides, nurturers, and protectors.

4.    You might pick a person or animal that appears in your dreams, if she/he/it seems to be a repository of love and useful wisdom. For more on dreams as a source of real guidance and inspiration, see DREAM TENDING LINK HERE.

5.    Of course, there is a long tradition of animal spirit guides. Don’t try to adhere to traditional indigenous totem traditions; if a hedgehog or a walrus seems appropriate, by all means let it be your guide.

6.    When you have found your guide figure (when your guide figure has found you), you can proceed in many ways. You can allow its voice to come to you when in need, or you can actively engage with it.

7.    When dealing with a difficult situation, you might want to think to your inner guide figure. She/he/it might begin to offer encouragement, advice, or a pep talk. This doesn’t mean you’re crazy! The guiding figure is your subconscious’ way of helping you with what you need.

8.    You may also want to enter a meditative state through deep breathing and physical relaxation. In this state, you can engage actively with your inner guide and ask she/he/it for help. Record what you learn and use it in the future.

9.    Constantly engage with and build up your relationship with your inner guide, and its strength will increase.

History

Praying for guidance is a part of many traditions, and through the ages saints, bodhisattvas, and angels have acted as inner guides for many people in many different cultures. The stereotype of the indigenous American spirit animal comes from many different traditions: from the totemism of the Pacific Northwestern tribes to the nahualism of the Mesoamerican people, animals were often seen as embodying traits that influenced and guided humans. In the late 19th century, early new age groups known as Spiritualists and Theosophists began talking explicitly about "spirit guides," often channeled spirits of the dead.

Notes

Sometimes your best inner guide might come to you in a dream. The characters in our dreams, both those based upon people and things we know in waking world and the completely mentally fabricated, offer insight into what we might need in a guiding figure.

[Arnold666]

Name

Disputing Negative Thoughts

Purpose/Effects

By replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, it is possible to greatly enhance your mood and sense of wellbeing.

Human beings have a tendency to focus much more on negative thoughts than positive ones. Sometimes it is rational and necessary to think about negative things in order to improve them, or to avoid repeating mistakes. It is often the case, however, that people are thinking about negative things in an irrational manner. A simple, common example is a thought like, "I always screw everything up." Is it really the case the every time this person has ever attempted anything they have failed? Obviously not. They somehow have managed to make it this far, which means that they have succeeded much more often than not. So the thought "I always screw everything up" is actually an exaggeration.

You may not think this kind of exaggeration is a big deal, but actually thoughts of this kind can cause people to become unhappy, anxious, and depressed. Our thoughts affect our feelings, and negative thoughts that are exaggerated have exaggerated effects. Imagine the emotional effect of the same thought if it changed to something more accurate, such as "I sometimes screw things up." Even this slight change to a more correct assessment already makes the thought less negatively charged.

The idea behind the Disputing Negative Thoughts technique, then, is to "listen" to the thoughts in your head, and to evaluate their accuracy. If a thought is not accurate or rational, you replace it with one that is more positive. Over time, this will make your emotional state more positive in general. It also allows you to respond to situations in a more helpful manner.

Method Summary

Every time you notice a negative thought, check if it is accurate. If it is not, replace it with a positive thought.

Long Version

If you find that you are feeling angry, depressed, upset, or anxious, take this as a clue to examine your thinking. Make a habit of using your negative feelings as a cue to begin the Disputing Negative Thoughts practice.

1.    Reality Testing

Check the accuracy of the basic facts behind your thinking.
Ask yourself:

1.    What is my evidence for and against my thinking?

2.    Are my thoughts factual, or are they just my interpretations?

3.    Am I jumping to negative conclusions?

4.    How can I find out if my thoughts are actually true?

5.    If your thought is a core belief, write it out and ask yourself, “Is this thought 100% true ALL of the time?”. Begin creating a list of any and all instances you find that are not true.

2.    Look for Alternate Explanations

Ask yourself:

1.    Are there any other ways that I could look at this situation?

2.    What else could this mean?

3.    If I were being positive, how would I perceive this situation?

2.    Put Things in Perspective

When you are feeling upset, you are likely to think about things in a way that is much more extreme than the actual situation. This can make the negative feelings a lot worse. Putting things in perspective, can help you to reduce this extreme self-talk.
Ask yourself:

1.    Is this situation as bad as I am making out to be?

2.    What is the worst thing that could happen? How likely is it?

3.    What is the best thing that could happen?

4.    What is most likely to happen?

5.    Is there anything good about this situation?

6.    Will this matter in five years time?

2.    Use Goal-directed Thinking – Recognizing that your current way of thinking might be self-defeating (i.e. it doesn’t make you feel good or help you to get what you want) can sometimes motivate you to look at things from a different perspective.

Ask yourself:

1.    Is thinking this way helping me to feel good or to achieve my goals?

2.    What can I do that will help me solve the problem?

3.    Is there something I can learn from this situation, to help me do it better next time?

4.    Do a cost-benefit analysis of believing your thought. Ask yourself, “How will it help me to believe this thought?” and “How does it hurt me to believe this thought?”. Write down your answers and decide if believing this thought is more harmful than good. If so practice choosing to let it go, or opening to the possibility that your thought is not true.

History

This technique is one of the core practices of cognitive therapy. This direction in therapy was mainly pioneered by Aaron Beck, and popularized by David D. Burns with his book The Feeling Good Handbook.
The specific version presented here is a variation of the one created by Dr. Sarah Edelman and Louise Rémond at the Foundation for Life Sciences.  It also includes techniques from Dr. Burn's book, The Feeling Good Handbook, and from Dr. Christine Padesky and Dr. Dennis Greenberger’s book, Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think.

Notes

Disputing negative thoughts takes a substantial investment of time and energy in order to be effective. However, the results of long-term application of this practice are quite positive.

[Arnold666]

Name

Emotional journaling; writing therapy

Purpose/Effects

Getting your emotions down on paper can help you to process difficult times as well as help you with sorting out general emotional problems. A journal acts as a free talk therapist..."someone" you can spill all your feelings too, no matter what, without judgment. Using a journal to self-express can relieve anxiety, help you to understand negative emotional triggers, and resolve problems in your daily life.

Method Summary 
Write down your emotions every day as entirely as possible; re-read them later for insight.

Long Version

1.    Choose a journal. You can use a plain notebook or a fancy one. You might even want to write an anonymous blog. There are also guided journals like Writing to Heal, Writing for Emotional Balance, and Time to Write to Yourself; guided journals may be helpful if you don’t know where to start and feel uncomfortably overwhelmed just using the tips below.

2.    Before you begin, remember that this journal is personal. Don’t try to write masterful prose or try to analyze your feelings too much. Just spill out your emotions as fully and truthfully as possible without self-judgment. Try to write for ten or fifteen minutes straight daily. Afterwards, re-read your writing for possible insight.

3.    Start by describing a recent event. Answer all the basic details of who was there, what were they doing, where and when it occurred, and why things happened as they did. Write in detail, using all five senses to describe the moment. Remember, smells and tastes are as important triggers to emotional memory as sight and hearing. Now, express your feelings about this event – how all your sensory inputs and interactions with others made you feel. This exercise helps you to become comfortable with a full-spectrum emotional journaling experience.

4.    Now, instead of focusing on an exterior event, focus on an interior feeling. Using the emotional trigger linking techniques above, try to understand the “big picture” of your emotional response. If you are anxious, consider the situations in which your anxiety arises and try to identify its triggers. Express your anxiety in its fullness; do not be ashamed. Nobody will read your personal journal; you must bare your raw feelings as much as possible. You will often find thoughts rising up that you couldn’t have expressed otherwise. Follow these thoughts and feelings to their root and try to understand them.

5.    You may want to use the event-describing techniques above to examine experiences in your past. Take a life-changing event (whether it is positive or negative) and try to describe it in its fullness. Find all the triggers for emotional response and explore them. You may find links you didn’t realize were there!

6.    If relationship troubles are part of your life, use your journal as a way to express your feelings and problems without hurting your partner’s feelings. You may be able to see the situation more objectively after letting off steam. It also may help you to better pinpoint the reasons behind your anger or sadness so that, when you converse with your partner, you’ll be able to resolve them.

7.    Notice the words that you use. Sometimes they are the key to deeper feelings within the subconscious. Highlight or underline words and feelings that seem to recur. Try to understand why these particular things are important to the unconscious mind.

History

Diaries and journals have existed for millennia; the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius' famous work Meditations began as a journal expressing his personal philosophy and shows remarkable emotional insight. However, the method of using a diary as a method of personal emotional exploration is mostly a 20th century phenomenon, seen in the journals of figures like Carl Jung. Later, psychologists such as James W. Pennebaker began exploring the very real benefits of emotional journaling with experiments demonstrating that journaling (especially expressing undisclosed or unexamined trauma) strengthened mental wellbeing and even improved physical health.

Cautions

Don't overthink while writing. Let your 10-15 minute writing period be stream-of-consciousness and nonstop. Later, after you've expressed all of your feelings, you can re-read what you wrote and analyze it. Do not, however, do it in the moment.

Notes

Many choose to write before bed as a way to process the events of the day and to release any tension that might impede sleep.

Did you have a diary when you were a teenager? The emotional turmoil of adolescence leads many young people to journal.

If you choose to see a counselor and discuss your emotional progress, the journal can often act as a helpful jumping-off point.

See Also

Self-Affirmation to Reduce Self-Control Failure - another writing technique that can work synergistically with emotional journaling.

[Arnold666]

Name

Emotional Validation

Purpose/Effects

Validating our feelings and emotions is a simple yet effective method of managing highly intense emotions. Instead of repressing or invalidating how we feel, which can subsequently heighten our current emotions, validation can serve to soothe intense feelings and make them more manageable. Validation can be used on one’s own emotions or in relationships.

Method Summary

During times of intense distressing emotions or experiences, identify and acknowledge what you are feeling and try to accept and understand your emotions by identifying some causes and explanations for them.

Long Version

When experiencing intense emotion(s):

1.    Try to identify the emotion.

§  If you have trouble identifying the emotion- practice various mindfulness techniques including the Emotional Awareness Meditation.

§  If helping another person, you can say, “you seem to be saying that you feel (emotion), is that correct?”. Or, “You appear (emotion), is that correct?”.

§  If you are unable to identify the emotion and just know that you feel a muddier, more general upset feeling, that is okay as well.

2.    Once you have identified the emotion, work with acknowledging and accepting these emotions.

§  See if you can work with accepting whatever you are feeling as a part of your current experience and acknowledge that this emotion is what is present right now for you.

3.    Look for potential explanations and reasons why you or who you are communicating with is feeling that particular emotion.

§  Try to find the source of your emotion by thinking about what makes the most sense as to why you are feeling that way.

§  For example, if your child is upset and crying because their toy was taken by another child, you would validate their experience by reminding them that it is frustrating when a toy is taken and it is okay that they are feeling upset. Another example would be if you or a friend were very nervous before a presentation, simply reminding yourself or friend that it makes sense to feel nervous before public speaking and that the majority of people feel this way so you/your friend are not alone.

History

Emotional validation is widely used by many psychologists, social workers, caregivers and teachers. Some even consider it a natural component of interpersonal communication. Dr. Marsha Linehan, a leading psychologist and creator of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), uses emotional validation as a central tool for her treatment and has done significant work to promote and enhance it in the field of psychotherapy.

Notes

It is important to note that emotional validation does not mean you are agreeing with or supporting your own or another’s emotional response (especially if the emotions are very destructive or irrational). Validating means that we are acknowledging and working towards understanding why we (or another person) feel a certain way and accepting that that emotion is here and real for us right now.

One way to get a better idea of validation is to think of its opposite, which is invalidation. Invalidating someone else’s (or your own) emotions would include expressions such as, “Stop being a baby”, or “Get over it”. On the contrast, validating expressions convey understanding, such as, “It makes sense why you feel this way” or “Wow, that sounds really difficult”. Validation can also be conveyed to others through facial expressions and body language such as nodding.

[Arnold666]

Name

Establishing safety, reducing fear

Purpose/Effects

Research has demonstrated a link between situations fearful to the self (like being confronted with death) and a decrease in personal willpower. In order to optimize our mental and emotional capacity, we must feel safe. The following methods promote a sense of safety that allows our mental resources to stop fending off outer threats and instead focus on our inner wellbeing.

Method Summary

Relax, meditate, and continually affirm your safety, while seeking help from others when necessary.

Long Version

1.    Practice diaphragmatic breathing. By focusing your mental resources on your breath, you allow exterior threats to recede. Exercises that allow you to concentrate on the ebb and flow of your body often help to establish a sense of safety. This is because they center your attention on the internal and the personal rather than the external and interpersonal. You may want to try a full body awareness exercise if you find this helpful.

2.    Relax the body. When we feel afraid and vulnerable, we tense our muscles; you can think of it as trying to create a coat of armor or as preparing for a physical conflict. Our muscles hold this tension and promulgate a continued sense of insecurity. The decrease in muscle tension resulting from physical relaxation also helps move blood flow from the muscle to the heart and brain, promoting clear thinking and wellbeing. A progressive relaxation technique helps your body to “forget” the fear that your mind might have already cleared.

3.    Use a mantra or a statement that makes you feel peaceful and safe. You may want to select an affirmation using the method described here. One very powerful reminder comes from a folktale about King Solomon, in which this wise and great man is told that “this too shall pass.” Nothing in the human sphere is eternal. In the grand scheme of the universe, our minor fears and worries are ephemeral. If feeling threatened, remind yourself that “this too shall pass.”

4.    Meditate in a safe place. The Buddha received his enlightenment with the Bodhi tree at his back, guarding his vulnerable side. You don’t need a tree to sit under. When you meditate, become aware of your space and its consequences on your physical safety. If you’re indoors, consider the safety and seclusion that comes from doors and walls. If you’re outdoors on retreat, consider your isolation from the stresses of the “real world”. Treat your space as a sanctuary. You might want to use a basic relaxation meditation or posture meditation technique to enjoy the benefits of physical relaxation and meditative calm.

5.    Seek refuge in others. Whether you talk to a therapist or just talk to a trusted and understanding friend, we can’t live without expressing our fears. No man or woman is an island. If you feel ashamed of your fear, you might want to begin by journaling it and then using this insight to talk to another.

History

Much of the historical writing on meditation promotes establishing safety; Buddhist teachings often focus on helping the student separate her or his animal fear response from her or his mind, promoting a detached sense of impenetrability. Prayers in many different traditions act as a way of reducing fear by letting anxiety go into the hands of God.

Cautions

Don't take this too far. Though the fear response can be detrimental to mental and physical wellbeing, it serves an obvious evolutionary purpose. When we feel unsafe, sometimes it's because we are unsafe. If a threat actually puts us at risk of real harm, we should listen to this fear and seek refuge using more permanent means.

Notes

Frank Herbert's 1965 science fiction novel Dune contains a prayer called the Litany Against Fear, which is a powerful mantra against feelings of threat:
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

[Arnold666]

Name

Gottman's Marriage Tips

Purpose/Effects

Following these tips can help strengthen marriages and help them to better weather the inevitable problems all relationships face.

Method Summary

Marriage requires work, affection, conscious thought, and a positive environment.

Long Version

1.    Seek help early. Instead of waiting the average time of six years before looking for outside assistance, seek help as soon as a problem makes itself known.

2.    Edit yourself. Honesty is important, but making every single critical or negative thought known just hurts your partner.

3.    Soften your “start up.” When a problem comes up, instead of beginning with an angry confrontation, bring up your concerns gently and with care.

4.    Accept influence. Both parties need to be able to accept and change feelings and plans due to the influence of the other party, but this is especially important to remember in the case of the husband accepting his wife’s influence (as women are more likely to accept male influence due to the culture at large).

5.    Have high standards. Don’t tolerate bad behavior until it reaches a breaking point. Hold yourselves and one another to the highest reasonable standard.

6.    Learn to repair and/or exit the argument. If an argument isn’t getting anywhere, change the subject, make a humorous or caring remark to lighten the mood, establish a common ground, and back down when necessary. If an argument is especially heated, agree to take a 20-minute recess to cool down and then re-approach the situation with more level heads.

7.    Focus on the bright side. Cultivate a positive climate rather than a negative one in your marriage. Continually say kind and loving things to your partner and about your relationship…these affirmations will only become more true with time.

History

Dr. John Gottman has studied what makes marriages succeed or fail since 1973; using his insight he has been able to tell with over 90% accuracy the future of a marriage. These marriage tips have been gleaned from years of research.

Notes

You can take a relationship quiz on Dr. Gottman's website https://www.gottman.com/how-well-do-you-know-your-partner/ and test your own relationship's strength.

[Arnold666]

Name

Gratitude Letter

Purpose/Effects

Practicing gratitude can yield a variety of physical and emotional benefits, including increased happiness, optimism, and determination. Being grateful can also reduce stress and improve sleep and immune functioning. By writing someone a letter of gratitude and reading it aloud to him or her, you can experience firsthand the benefits of being grateful. Studies by positive psychologist Martin Seligman have even reported that the effects of doing this just once can last for weeks!

Method Summary:

Write a letter to someone you appreciate – typically, a person who has made a difference in your life, and to whom you feel grateful. Then if possible, meet with this person and read the letter to him or her.

Long Version:

§  Choose someone who has contributed to you in one way or another (e.g., emotionally, financially, with support) – perhaps a person you haven’t yet fully thanked.

§  Brainstorm ways that he or she has contributed to you, and had positive effects on your life.

§  Write down both general and specific things this person has done for you and how his or her actions have made you feel.

§  Take as long as you need to write this letter (some people take several weeks).

§  Compose a letter that is roughly one page in length, and then ask this person if you two can meet. Make sure not to tell him or her about the letter beforehand.

§  When you meet, read your letter to its recipient aloud and give this person time to let it sink in.

§  Pay attention to how reading this letter makes you feel.

§  Spend time reflecting with this person on the effects of the letter and what he or she has done for you.

History

This method was adapted from an exercise created by psychologist Martin Seligman called the Gratitude Visit.  Seligman describes this practice in further detail in his books Authentic Happiness – Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Happiness, and Flourish – A Visionary Understanding of Happiness and Well-being.  

For more information about Seligman’s work and positive psychology, please visit:

http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/default.aspx

Cautions

Try to do this practice with an open mind and withhold expectations about how you think the recipient will respond. Remember that you can feel and express gratitude to someone while also asserting yourself with this person; for example, you can be grateful to an intimate partner while also wanting more help with housework, or more lovemaking.

Notes

Reading the letter aloud to its recipient is an important part of this method. Try to make sure you choose someone with whom you can meet in person.

[Arnold666]

Name

Gratitude practice; being thankful 

Purpose/Effects

Gratitude practice is simply being thankful for the good in our lives. By focusing us on positive rather than negative thoughts, it helps us to see the cup of life as half-full rather than as half-empty. It reminds us not to be greedy and to find satisfaction in what we have, though we may strive for more. Gratitude requires no sacrifice but provides great rewards in compassion, happiness, and mindfulness.

Method Summary

Every day, acknowledge something for which you are grateful.

Long Version

1.    Keep a journal you can use for your gratitude practice.  This journal can be separate from the one which you use for Emotional Journaling, or you can use the same one if you wish.  Every day, write down five things for which you are grateful, no matter how simple or humble.  Be honestly appreciative, and don’t patronize yourself with gratitude for, say, “having food unlike all those starving kids in China.”

2.    If you don’t wish to journal, at the end of every day, say your five things to yourself before going to bed.

3.    See the giver behind the gift. When something nice happens, think about the person who made this pleasant experience happen. Did your partner bring you a cup of tea without asking? Did a friend call just to see how you were doing? Did the checkout girl at the grocery store notice a rotten piece of fruit in your bag and tell you so you could exchange it? It doesn’t matter if the experience was small. Express your genuine gratitude to this person and remind yourself that people are often surprisingly, overwhelmingly kind. Say thank-you to everyone.

4.    If you are a religious person, use your gratitude as an opportunity for praise. Always begin your prayers with thanks to God for your blessings, rather than supplications for favor. Saying grace before a meal is a type of gratitude practice that many of us have experienced; it can even be done by the non-religious.

5.    Use the emotional strength that gratitude practice brings you as a tool.  Recognizing the beauty of the world does not mean ignoring its flaws.  Do your best every day to earn your blessings; Community Service / Charity is a great way to manifest your gratitude

6.    Do this even when you don’t feel like it. When you’re angry or sad, gratitude is even more important than when you’re happy. These emotions are valid, of course, but by reminding yourself of what there is to be thankful for, you can take off their destructive edge.

History

Gratitude practice is part of many of the world's major faiths. The Psalms of the Hebrew Bible are full of thanks and praise to God for all his blessings. Christian worship centers on thanking Jesus for his sacrifice on behalf of the world. The prophet Muhammad, founder of Islam, said, "Gratitude for the abundance you have received is the best insurance that the abundance will continue." The Hindu ritual of puja expresses gratitude to its deities through offerings. And gratitude is an important part of Buddhist lovingkindness practice. The contemporary positive psychology movement recommends gratitude practice as one of the strongest tools for promoting a sense of general wellbeing in all.

Notes

It's been shown in clinical studies that people who write down their gratitude for ten weeks had their levels of happiness raised 25% from the control group. It's that simple: being thankful makes us happy.