How do I stop feeling bad about being behind in life?

[Roch]

I feel behind in life and I feel like shit about it. None of the things people say to cheer me or anyone else up about this make me feel any better. They actually make me feel worse. The only thing that helps with this feeling is to distract myself. Like go for a nice walk, listen to some music I enjoy or study some Hebrew. I’m studying alone and mostly secretly. I find it an embarrassing language to study. I wrote a whole bunch of shit about studying Hebrew, but I erased it. I bet no one here really cares. The point is, Hebrew is a huge distraction for me. I was supposed to be writing about how behind I feel in life  

1. “Everyone goes at their own pace.” This makes me feel like I’ll be behind forever and it doesn’t do anything to address how shitty I feel about being behind. 

2. “Everyone does things their own way.” Again it doesn’t help one bit. As someone labeled with autism this just makes me feel like an autistic failure. 

3. “You’ll find your own niche.” Ugh. This makes me feel like such an autistic failure again. No one who’s successful or normal ever hears this. I just want to have a normal job and eventually be successful and well paid. Not have some idiots feel good about themselves for finding some “niche” for me. 

[Salvijus]

4. "All i care about is to be happy and blossom into my full potential, and I wish the same to others" 

If you think I can only be happy if I stand on top of everybody, then you're a sick person. It means you're enjoying other people's failure

 

 

Edited April 14, 2019 by Salvijus

[David Hammond]

@Roch Work on your self esteem. Nothing anybody says will be effective at the moment . 

[Roch]

13 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

4. "All i care is to be happy and blossom into my full potential, and I wish the same to others" 

What do you think?

Not quite resonating with me. 

Another thing that bothers me is “Everyone has their own path.” So far my own path is not graduating high school and living with parents. Not liking where this is going. Doesn’t cheer me up one bit. 

Edited April 14, 2019 by Roch

[Salvijus]

 

1 hour ago, Roch said:

Another thing that bothers me is “Everyone has their own path.” So far my own path is not graduating high school and living with parents. Not liking where this is going. Doesn’t cheer me up one bit. 

You're suffering from a poor self-image, you're afraid to look like a fool. Rather then trying to create a good self-image, focus on doing great things. Exploring the world. Being happy. Having adventures. Breaking your limitations. Blossoming into your full potential etc. This is exciting by itself. You won't have time to think about how anybody else is doing. All that matters is that you have a profound and intense experience of life. Focus on yourself, focus on growing more and more relentlessly. That's all that matters in life.

P.s. if you're afraid of looking like a fool the answer is not self-acceptence but self-abandonment. 

Please don't fall for this self-esteem crap.

 

 

Edited April 14, 2019 by Salvijus

[Shadowraix]

@Salvijus self acceptance = self abandonment. 

No resistance. 

[Salvijus]

Lol sadhguru's quotes always find me when I need them the most.

51 minutes ago, Shadowraix said:

@Salvijus self acceptance = self abandonment. 

No resistance. 

i agree 

Self-abandonment means dropping attachment to your self-image, meaning you can look like a total fool and still be okey because self-image means nothing to you. That's the only way to truly accept yourself. Then you trully don't care about other people's opinions anymore.

All the other methods like love yourself, believe in yourself, respect yourself, is all nonsense that reinforces your attachment to your self-image and causes more anxiety, more stress, more obssesiveness about your self-image.

The simple way to put it: self-abandonment leads to freedom from other people's opinions. Could be interpreted that self-abandonment leads to self-acceptence also but it's too misleading so i avoid that word. Actually self-abandonment doesn't lead to self-acceptence, it leads to being okey always no matter how you look. 

It's a subtle difference.

Self-acceptence is more like: "I don't like myself but I've accepted it" 

Self-abandonment is more like: "who the hell cares how I look"

Later is true freedom.

Edited April 14, 2019 by Salvijus

[Mu_]

11 hours ago, Roch said:

I feel behind in life and I feel like shit about it. None of the things people say to cheer me or anyone else up about this make me feel any better. They actually make me feel worse. The only thing that helps with this feeling is to distract myself. Like go for a nice walk, listen to some music I enjoy or study some Hebrew. I’m studying alone and mostly secretly. I find it an embarrassing language to study. I wrote a whole bunch of shit about studying Hebrew, but I erased it. I bet no one here really cares. The point is, Hebrew is a huge distraction for me. I was supposed to be writing about how behind I feel in life  

1. “Everyone goes at their own pace.” This makes me feel like I’ll be behind forever and it doesn’t do anything to address how shitty I feel about being behind. 

2. “Everyone does things their own way.” Again it doesn’t help one bit. As someone labeled with autism this just makes me feel like an autistic failure. 

3. “You’ll find your own niche.” Ugh. This makes me feel like such an autistic failure again. No one who’s successful or normal ever hears this. I just want to have a normal job and eventually be successful and well paid. Not have some idiots feel good about themselves for finding some “niche” for me. 

How old are you?  Sounds like to me you may benifit from just getting some life shit done. 

Ya your at home. Anything you have a small desire to do?  If so do it. You don’t want pity you don’t seem to want perspective, you want to be normal as you see it. So do it.  

Edited April 14, 2019 by Mu_

[SgtPepper]

why do you care so much?

[Mu_]

@Roch just wanted to expand on my response. If your bitching about your circumstances and not acting to improve them your just wasting your time and probably others if this becomes chronic. Instead when complaints come up in your head just just go ok what can I do about this and take steps towards it. Keep doing this till your at what you want. 

[Roch]

7 hours ago, Mu_ said:

@Roch just wanted to expand on my response. If your bitching about your circumstances and not acting to improve them your just wasting your time and probably others if this becomes chronic. Instead when complaints come up in your head just just go ok what can I do about this and take steps towards it. Keep doing this till your at what you want. 

I am working on my circumstances, but I still feel like shit at times. 

[Mu_]

10 hours ago, Roch said:

I am working on my circumstances, but I still feel like shit at times. 

Well if you look deeper into why you feel like shit, you may find how your creating a lot of this with your own idea's about yourself based upon your situation.  The situation isn't causing you to feel like shit, your causing yourself to feel like shit about your situation. 

Does any of that make sense?

[Truth Addict]

@Roch

It will pass...

It always does...

I know exactly what you are experiencing, you feel stranded with nothing and stuck in life, it looks like there's no hope for you, but there actually is.

Use this time to rest and sort some things out, enjoy and don't resist anything, try to find out where you are going wrong about your thinking and behaviour, this is a great opportunity for you to grow, use it wisely, or even better, let go, let it be, and watch...

Good luck my friend.

[tenta]

Going at your own pace means you will out-pace some people even tho they're ahead now.

[Forestluv]

On 4/14/2019 at 3:25 AM, Roch said:

I feel behind in life and I feel like shit about it. None of the things people say to cheer me or anyone else up about this make me feel any better. They actually make me feel worse. The only thing that helps with this feeling is to distract myself. Like go for a nice walk, listen to some music

I don't have words to make you feel better. I just want to say that I know what this feels like. I've been in shitty places in which nothing anyone said could make me feel better and it often made me feel worse. The only thing that seemed to provide relief was through various forms of distractions. Yet the distractions are only temporary. The shitty feelings return. It's a really hard dynamic to live with.

[tenta]

I am chronically unmotivated and feel incredibly depressed about the future, but also the past, to where it dampens any motivation I have further.

Edited April 16, 2019 by tenta

[Roch]

10 hours ago, Truth Addict said:

@Roch

It will pass...

It always does...

I know exactly what you are experiencing, you feel stranded with nothing and stuck in life, it looks like there's no hope for you, but there actually is.

Use this time to rest and sort some things out, enjoy and don't resist anything, try to find out where you are going wrong about your thinking and behaviour, this is a great opportunity for you to grow, use it wisely, or even better, let go, let it be, and watch...

Good luck my friend.

It seems like these thoughts about being behind in life always pop up when there’s general negativity going on. So oftentimes something annoying like the bus being late or not being left alone while shopping will bring up those thoughts. Those things have nothing to do with being behind in life except for being under the big umbrella of negativity. So it’s often not even seeing people ahead of me that makes me feel this way, just having an annoying day. 

[Roch]

10 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

I don't have words to make you feel better. I just want to say that I know what this feels like. I've been in shitty places in which nothing anyone said could make me feel better and it often made me feel worse. The only thing that seemed to provide relief was through various forms of distractions. Yet the distractions are only temporary. The shitty feelings return. It's a really hard dynamic to live with.

Do you think spending time outside is a distraction or will genuinely improve my situation? I’m also wondering about the Hebrew stuff. I think studying Hebrew is a distraction, but it seems to give me more skills and motivation for life. Since I have a lot of junk thoughts I think some distractions would be healthy. 

[Truth Addict]

@Roch

This is good, it means you are conscious of what causes you feeling bad about yourself.

Now, dive in there instead of running away. Get head on with your emotions.

Don't fight, just question and observe, then let go.

[JohnnyBravo]

@Roch

Im here to help. My intent is care and I believe in what I write for you here.

I live by this, I don't just talk about it. Here it is:

The way to become more happy and feel better, is to PRACTISE feeling happy and better.

The way to feel more confident is to PRACTISE feeling confident.

The way to feel optimistic and strong, is to PRACTISE feeling optimistic and strong.

-

It is that simple. And because something is simple, there are two traps one falls into:

1. It goes right over your head

2. Knowing something is simple does not equate to DOING it or living it.

--

If you are sincerely wanting to feel happier about feel better about yourself and your life, I must emphasis you have to actually DO something different.

Not just talk about doing it,

Not think about doing it,

But actually DO IT.

--

Knowing what to do and the thing you need to do is not the same as execution of that thing.

You must become an executer of whatever you feel.

Stop SKILL AQUISTION- like everyone on this forum ("Which meditation technique do I use?" "Hey Leo how much LSD should I take?" "Im not sure if I should sit still can I do this instead?" "How di I get enlightened some other way?"

Stop the skill acquisition addictive, sweaty search.

Execute.

So here is 3 things where if you execute on them consistently over one month at least, and you do them every single day without skipping a single day, you will FEEL happier. And a happy life and mood is what most people want in life, even though they think they want 'things' or there situation to change. That is a false narrative, and if people knew all they needed to do was practise feeling better then sadly you would very easily have a miracle life.

Here goes:

1. Meditating for 15 minutes in the morning, shortly after waking up (pick any style and just stick with the style. Trust yourself and trust you are meditating well).

2. Having a cold shower at least once a day for three minutes (Look up the Wim Hof method)

3. Looking at yourself in the mirror, for two minutes straight, say to yourself "I respect myself. I am a good human. I am worthy. I have a reason for being here even if I don't know it. Existence needs me. My journey isn't over yet. It aint over till I say it's over. I am going to be happy as I can allow myself. I am a good person." (similar things like this).

4. (Bonus). Practise daily utilising your will and INTENT. A good area to apply this is in your Hebrew. For example you can do, "Today I will learn one new Hebrew phrase and memorise it." Or you can say, "For the next 30 minutes I am only doing Hebrew." Or use your intent in another area. Your intent is already being worked with the previous 3 ideas, but pick something of your own, and something different every day, and practise using your WILL and INTENTION. Another example could be, "As soon as I wake up, I will make my bed just for today only." And then the next day you can say, "I will tell a funny joke to my parents today and do my best to make them laugh." Or the next day, "I am going to smile at that beautiful woman and project my intent that she is hot and I like her." Whatever works.

--

Because those three things are so simple, and cheap to do, probably only 3 people on the planet will actually do it CONSISTENTLY and on blind faith.

Don't get lost in the addiction for the SEARCH. Apply something. Ignore me if you wish, but EXECUTE on at least something.

Talking about getting happier and fixing a problem, is not the same as just fixing a problem.